18
June

Inexcusable

We watch the news for a while, and the infamous Steubenville rape case flashes on the TV – two high school football players raped a drunk 16-year-old, while other students watched and texted details of the crime. Serena just shakes her head. “Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don’t take drinks from other people. She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously, I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.” from Serena Williams: The Great One in Rolling Stone

I don’t know if I should be more pissed at Serena for making her dumbass statement, or the people who are saying that the backlash aimed at her for it is because she’s black. With that one comment, I lost my respect for her. Now, while I can respect her talent as an athlete, I don’t respect her as a person. It has nothing to do with the color of the skin and everything to do with the words that came out of her mouth.

Serena isn’t the only person in the world who has shamed the victim in Steubenville, or in any other rape case. She also isn’t the only person who has faced a backlash for expressing the same or a similar attitude about rape, Steubenville, etc. If you remember Poppy Harlow said the following and was publicly shamed for it:

I’ve never experienced anything like it, Candy. It was incredibly emotional, incredibly difficult even for an outsider like me to watch what happened as these two young men that had such promising futures, star football players, very good students, literally watched as they believe their life fell apart.

After she made that comment, there were petitions that went up calling for CNN, who employs Harlow, to apologize for the comment and there were people who wanted Harlow fired for it. If you haven’t seen a picture of Poppy Harlow, I can assure you that she’s not a black woman. She’s a white woman with blonde hair. She sympathized with rapists and she will probably always be remembered for that. Chances are Serena’s comments will eventually be forgotten because she’s a celebrity.

Persons of color do face a lot of unfair criticisms and stereotypes in this world because of their race, but this is not a case of her being shamed because she’s a black woman. Public shaming of Steubenville rape victims is pretty much an equal opportunity thing. (Examples: 1, 2, 3, & 4.) And her race should not be an excuse for her to make comments like this. Your race, your gender, your religious beliefs, your orientation, etc. should not make it okay for you to blame a sexual assault victim for their assault. What she said was wrong.

Is it possible that she and other victim-blamers are right that the girl wouldn’t have been raped if she didn’t get drunk that night? Yeah. It’s also possible that she would have been raped anyway or that another girl would have been. Or maybe if it didn’t happen that night, maybe it would have happened another night. If these boys didn’t understand that it isn’t okay to stick your fingers up the vagina of a girl or woman who hasn’t consented or force someone to perform oral sex on you, then it probably wouldn’t have mattered what her state of mind was. I’m guessing there would still be blame involved no matter how the rape took place or who was involved. It doesn’t matter if she’s a sober virgin or a drunk “slut”, a good person or a bad person, gay or straight, sexual acts performed without consent are wrong. Too often people try to put some or all of the blame on the victim, and that isn’t right. The only person to blame for rape is the rapist. No, wait. The only people to blame for it are the rapist and any person who says that this kind of behavior is okay or acceptable in any way.

Any person who makes an excuse for rape should hold some of the blame for the rape. Serena Williams deserves this backlash. Maybe she could reach out to RAINN or other groups that work with rape victims to find out how to change her very, very wrong outlook on rape.

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18
June

Review: Blue Bloods

Blue Bloods
Blue Bloods by Melissa de la Cruz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Melissa De La Cruz has written an interesting novel with Blue Bloods, the first in the series of the same name. The book is basically a young adult vampire novel. The book has some major similarities to other books within the young adult world, which might be completely unintentional, but it was on the annoying side to be reminded of other stories. The big one is that it reminds me a lot of Gossip Girl, only instead of the characters just being filthy rich Upper East Side teenagers, they have the added benefit of being gorgeous, immortal, and powerful due to their vampire heritage. When I say vampire heritage, I mean actual heritage. These kids are born vampires, though they don’t find out until they reach their teens.

There are several main characters within the story, each with his or her own personality, agenda, and background. The main characters appear to be Schuyler, Oliver, Bliss, Mimi, and Jack. Bliss, Mimi, and Jack are full-blooded vampires, while Schuyler is a half-blood and her best friend Oliver is sort of like her trusted sidekick that was assigned to her as an infant. All of the main characters are easy to empathize with, with the exception of Mimi who comes off as the stereotypical popular, vapid, rich girl. Her character could possibly improve in future books, and I hope she does, because I don’t want to root for her to die or anything. It kind of sucks when you have to do that with a protagonist.

Although the book is interesting and could even be considered good, I don’t think it’s all that remarkable. In some parts of the book, it was extremely easy to read and fun, but other parts just seemed to fall a bit flat. I think that the struggle between some of the protagonists and the Wardens/Conclave (vampires in power) over the issue of Silver Bloods (the Big Bad) was intriguing, though some of it was almost predictable. I found it a little hard to believe that Jack didn’t realize his own “father”‘s origins. I know that he hasn’t looked into his past life memories as much as his twin/bondmate, but it seems like he would have known who he was. I have to wonder if Mimi knows, since she acts like she knows everything.

I was irked by the idea of twins, even of a different species, being attracted to one another and being in romantic relationships with one another. Even when explained, it irked me out, but I guess I will never get the appeal of incest in fantasy stories. (Or other stories.) Maybe if the explanation had been given earlier in the book, when the first hints at incest were made, then it wouldn’t have been quite as hard to swallow, but since it wasn’t, it was more irksome. I’m just glad that other characters, who didn’t know that it was considered the norm for the species, were just as disgusted by it.

The interesting might be worth reading, and I think I’ll stick with it for a while to see if it gets better. I hope that it does because it could be great if it actually gets better. Otherwise, it may just be the beginning of some sort of literary trainwreck.

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17
June

Review: Being Me

Being Me
Being Me by Lisa Renee Jones
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Being Me leaves off right where If I Were You left off, so if it’s been a while since you read the first book, you might want to read it again to understand the first few chapters. This book is better than the first, though. Of course, there are still aspects to it that need improvement. It seemed like the best parts of the book were right toward the end and that the series will end on a much better note than it began.

The characters actually developed throughout this story, which was cool to see. (Sometimes that doesn’t happen within a series, so I always do an inner happy dance when it does.) Chris and Sara are finally opening up more and more to one another, but I feel a bit annoyed at how Sara gets judgmental about Chris not opening up to her quickly enough. It takes her a long time to disclose things to him, so it seems like an unfair/hypocritical thing to judge him for his reticence. There are some character developments that are bit out of left field, and I guess that’s to be expected with a book under the banner of the mystery genre, but it’s still frustrating.

While the books seem to be set up with the idea that Sara has to find out what happens to Rebecca, it ends up feeling like it’s more about what happened to the two leads in their past and what might happen in their future, as well as figuring out what might have happened to Sara’s friend, Ella. Basically, in this book, you’re going to figure out what probably happened to Rebecca, but you don’t get all the answers to the rest of the questions that you might have. I’m going with probably instead of definitely because it’s always possible that the reveal of Rebecca’s fate is a bit of misdirection. I’m hoping that it isn’t, though misdirection wouldn’t shock me at this point.

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16
June

Review: If I Were You

If I Were You
If I Were You by Lisa Renee Jones
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I’m probably overrating this book when I give it four stars. There is a lot left to be desired with the book, but I still found it enjoyable because of its premise. The plot is a lot like several other stories out there (dreamy rich guy with control issues has hot sexual chemistry with a damaged pretty girl) with the exception that this one is also partly a mystery. I say partly because the mystery that the main character Sara is investigating is often being forgotten. It almost makes me wonder why include it to begin with, except that it is used as a catalyst to change Sara’s life.

There are quite a few editing issues, and sometimes the wording/phrasing seems, for lack of a better term, clunky. Sometimes it seemed like there was just too much description going on, and I would almost have to smack myself to keep from zoning out. I hope in the sequels that the editor does a better job. If this becomes a major issue within the trilogy, I can see myself enjoying the next two books less than I might if they were properly edited.

And there was an overuse of the term “aye” within the book. I’ve never seen so many characters use that phrase in a novel set in contemporary America. Its overuse was as laughable as it was cringe-worthy. It reminded me of E.L. James’ overuse of “my sex” or Stephenie Meyer’s of “chagrin”. I don’t know if the author thought it would be cute or funny or whatever, but I can tell you that it was certainly very annoying.

So, why did I give this book four stars? Like I said, I found it enjoyable because of the premise. I like the idea that the main character is possibly hunting down a bad guy. I think that’s pretty damn cool. I just wish that she would spend more time doing that than lamenting on the smell of roses and the drama from her engagement to Michael five years prior to the events of the book.

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14
June

Hostile (Group) Takeover

There’s a new person in group. And she has really changed things up for the group. Or she did for this last session. She decided that the only person who could be discussed during the session is her. We got to hear about her past, many times. We got to hear about her living situation, many times. And we got to hear how every person who she ever talks to sees her as a victim who can get away with whatever she’s done because of her past. She wasn’t just talking about her family with that. Apparently, even the State DHR thinks that it’s all cool that she hit her own kid because she’s a good person and she has PTSD. And she was apparently told that her illness is the second worst mental illness in the world, only behind schizophrenia, so she deserves all the cookies and gold stars.

I wanted to scream, “For fuck’s sake, girl. We’ve all got shit going on that sucks. You’re not the most special snowflake at this party.” Of course, I’ve heard the histories of the other members of the group. (Even if I don’t pay attention to the therapy part, I do try to pay attention when the other patients are talking.)

Before anyone says that I’m being unfeeling or cruel about this girl and her pain, I will point out that her entire pity party/sob story time was not done in a pity party/sob story tone. It was done in a bragging tone. If we tried to get off the topic of her sorrow-filled life, it wouldn’t be long before she maneuvered the whole session back onto her. I know that she’s new to the group and she wants us to be familiar with her, but you don’t just take over group therapy. It’s just not proper group therapy etiquette. Group is about the group and the problems that impact all of the members of the group, it isn’t about a single member. Sorry, it’s just not.

And her comment about DHR? That’s utter bullshit. DHR is a state agency, filled with a lot of underpaid and overworked social workers who are about ten seconds away from quitting their jobs and going back to school for a different degree, so that they can have another career. And while someone at the agency may have taken pity on her situation, they would not have patted her on the head and told her that her past made it okay to hit her kid. They wouldn’t make excuses for her behavior. Social workers aren’t like that. I’ve met some people with sadder stories than her who have had their parental rights terminated even after DHR knew about their pasts; and sometimes they were terminated, in part, due to their pasts.

As for her claim that a therapist told her PTSD is more serious than any other mental health problem, except schizophrenia, I highly doubt that any therapist ever said that. Therapists don’t generally try to pit one psychiatric ailment against another. Admittedly, we all know that schizophrenia is the überscary, but therapists get very hostile if you try to make a competition about which problem is the baddest of them all. This is typically when they go into their speech about how mental illness is a very individualized thing, and that one person may not struggle with their bipolar disorder as another person with that same disorder or with any other disorder. Every person’s mind is different. Every person’s experience is different. And therapists are not shy about reminding their patients of that.

Oh, and she seems to think she’s morally superior to everyone else. Honestly, it feels like a narcissist has taken over the group. It’s just all fucked up. Maybe next time, she won’t be there or she’ll get her ego in check. Otherwise, I’m going to have to figure out a better way to zone out so that the borderline in me doesn’t smack the shit out of this girl.

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12
June

Review: Undead and Underwater

Undead and Underwater
Undead and Underwater by MaryJanice Davidson
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

If you look at the title of the book, you think that it’s going to be about the world of Betsy Taylor, vampire queen extraordinaire. Looks can be deceiving. Yes, I knew that it would have novellas, but I figured that since it’s an “Undead and…” book that the stories might actually fit within the Undead series. Just one of the three stories is, though. The final story does have a connection with the Undead series as well, with a cameo by the queen herself.

The stories themselves were somewhat okay. The final one was more enjoyable. It still wasn’t of the quality that I really expect from MJ. All of the stories come across more as writing exercises than actual developed novellas. I wish that they were all a little more developed, so that they all would have felt less like a waste of time.

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12
June

The Likely Cause

Since shortly after the endoscopy and colonoscopy, I’ve known that there were no significant results from the test. I was a bit disheartened by that fact until yesterday, when I saw my gastroenterologist. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a good thing that there wasn’t anything wrong, but I wanted to know what was causing the anemia. Because of yesterday’s visit, I may now have my official answer. It was the gastric bypass surgery, but not in the way you might think.

When you have gastric bypass surgery, the surgeon tells you to expect to take vitamins for the rest of your life due to the whole malabsorption thing. This means that you’re not absorbing enough, but that you still can absorb them. What they don’t tell you is that if they mess up, by just a tiny bit, they can make it impossible for you to absorb certain nutrients forever. Iron gets absorbed in the very beginning of the small intestine. If the surgeon bypasses it at the wrong spot, then the body no longer can absorb oral iron…in any form. This would explain why the pills didn’t work and why the liquid iron didn’t work. This would explain why it didn’t matter when I tried to increase my vitamin C (which helps iron absorption) and when I increased my overall iron-in-food consumption, it didn’t do a damn thing. The gastroenterologist told me that my iron and blood count would definitely need to be monitored 3-4 times a year to see when I would need my next iron infusion. These will definitely be a part of my life…for the rest of my life.

The doctor also said that it is possible that there is still something wrong in the bypassed part of my stomach, but (because of the surgery) it cannot be reached by his instruments. He basically said that to get the answers about if there’s an ulcer or something else in that part of my stomach that I would need to get an appointment with a surgeon to let me know. I think my mom sort of wants me to do that. And it would probably be smart to find out for sure, but I’m not certain that I feel entirely comfortable with the idea of going to a surgeon. Yeah, now I’ve finally gotten a little bit more squeamish than I had been. I’m afraid that seeing a surgeon will lead to some kind of surgery, which, to be quite honest, freaks me the fuck out.

So I guess I need to make the decision whether to be “smart” or to let my squeamish side win.

Oh, and my mom and I had sort of a blowout argument while waiting for the doctor. I made a comment about how I wished I could have individual therapy with Debbie again. She said that I might be able to find a therapist in this area that took both of my insurances, which is very, very unlikely. I tried to explain that it took years for me to trust Debbie enough to work up the courage to want to talk to her about what I want to talk to her about. (I’ve known Debbie since I right after I turned 15, even though she’s only been my therapist for a few years now.) She said that I only wanted to talk to Debbie about it because I “want to take all my toys to Debbie so that she can play with me because” I “know that she can’t play” with me anymore. And, yes, she phrased it exactly like that. She thinks that I want to talk about symptoms and shit related to my diagnoses and, while that might come up, that isn’t true. What I want is to talk about something that has been causing me issues for years. And I want to talk to Debbie because I trust her, because I feel comfortable with her. I want to talk to her because I feel like after over 20 years of therapy, I finally have a therapist that I can actually tell things like this to. And, what my mom doesn’t realize, is that I was planning on discussing this issue with Debbie before the Mental Health Center started requiring group sessions, instead of individual ones. This is an issue that, if I could finally deal with it, might help me with my anxiety, trust, eating, anger, and various other issues. So it’s kind of a big deal to me, and I don’t feel like it’s something I could just blurt out to some random stranger who happens to take my insurance.

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