Hate On Me Hater

hate on hater
You expect us to believe anyone would want to date you, kiss you, touch you, and god forbid want to be intimate with you — even if getting your cherry was a conquest to them, most men have some sort of standard. They can use anything with a hole so why would they want you — you are telling ridiculous lies!

I’m trying to be a more positive person, but I figured I would give myself a chance to respond to such a kind and sweet comment.

First, I would like to thank you for your lovely comment. I’m sure that the email that you provided is fake, which is why I’m not sending this via email. I appreciate your ability to respect a fellow human being, especially when said human being admits something that isn’t particularly fun to admit. Way to go on your magnificent display of humanity. You’re a real class act.

It amazes me that you took some time out of your busy day in the Burton-upon-Trent/Derby area. It looks like it’s probably a lovely area. Maybe you should spend more time enjoying it and less time sharing your lovely personality with me.

Maybe it’s been a while since you got some, but you seem to have a lot of pent up energy. Maybe you should do something about that? There are these things called sex toys and they might work wonders for whatever rage causes you to leave a hateful comment on the blog of a stranger. Or if masturbation isn’t your cup of tea, then maybe get a dartboard. If you want, you can print out a picture of me and throw darts at it. Whatever it is that would get the bug out of your ass, you should probably do it. Unless it’s illegal.

Secondly, I appreciate that you feel that you are a more attractive person than I am. You may be physically more beautiful, but I’m probably a nicer person–which can occasionally trump physical beauty. I would suggest you work on your personality so that the inside of you matches the outside.

As for my assessment of my own physical appearance, I don’t hate it anymore. Yeah, I’m trying to lose weight, but I’m doing that for my health. My self-esteem has gone up over the past few months1 and I’m not going to let some asshole on the internet change that. I’m especially not going to change it for some stranger who is promoting the idea that the only thing that can be attractive in another person is their appearance & that there is one standard of beauty. You may feel that way, but I’m working on not feeling that way.2

I could launch into a spiel about how fat people are fucking all over the world right now, but that might disturb you. I could say that some guys prefer a certain body type. I could even say that extra weight can make a girl feel “tighter” for a guy and that’s a big deal for a lot of guys.

Finally, I’m not lying about what happened..3 I actually get a lot of attention from guys.4 They seem to think something about me is worth checking out. Some are probably douches who are asking/saying inappropriate things. Some might lie to date me or have sex with me. Some might be genuine. And, while I would love for them to all be genuine and pretty respectful, I know that that’s all part of the dating experience.

13 unanswered messages on OkCupid because I'm so unattractive
13 unanswered messages on OkCupid because I’m so unattractive.

I’ve been stood up for a date and I wrote about it. I’ve unknowingly been “the other woman”. I’ve almost been “the other woman” another time. I’ve had guys ask me if I squirt. I’ve had them try to convince me that it’s totally okay to have unprotected sex with total strangers. I’ve been asked in various ways why I was still a virgin. I’ve encountered more people using “cherry” to refer to sexual inexperience than I have people who label any red, fruity food/drink item as “cherry” in the last few months.5 All of that’s not going to make me stop looking for someone. And neither are your rude comments.

I trusted a bad guy. That’s bound to happen. I live and I learn and I move on. That’s what grown ups do.

Now, I think we’re done here. Don’t you? Don’t let the spam filter hit you on the way out.

  1. I actually have some. 

  2. Therapy works wonders. Just saying. 

  3. It’s really offensive to me that you think I would lie about this sort of thing. If you think that I’m saying all of this for the attention, don’t you think I could have gotten more attention by continuing to say that I was a thirty year old unkissed “virgin”? We have a belief in our culture that anyone who hasn’t gone through these experiences after a certain age is somehow a freak. Freak status is more of an attraction for attention. 

  4. I would say that I’m not bragging, but, after 20+ years of thinking I was unattractive, I totally am bragging. I’ve earned it. 

  5. The hymen is not a cherry. It does not get popped. In a lot of cases, there is no tearing whatsoever. And virginity is a social construct that is used to oppress women. 

o-WHY-MEN-CHEAT-facebook (1)

You Underestimated Just Who You Were Dealing With

There was a story last night on the news about Oktoberfest. There was some line about different types of beer. I remembered that the guy I went on that date with a few weeks ago was really into craft beers. Somehow that led to me checking out his Facebook profile. I saw that he had a new cover photo than he had had before our “date”. I saw that there was an interaction with a girl who had, as her profile picture, him kissing her on the cheek. That profile picture was from this past week. I ended up being extra weird and checking through her past profile pictures and saw that there was another past profile pic featuring them together being couple-y from a month ago.

From two or three weeks before the date.

I had already figured out that he wasn’t going to go out with me again, but more stuff from that date started clicking into place. The need to do laundry as soon as we were finished. Why he went from saying things that sounded like we were definitely going to see each other again to saying things that sounded like that was going to be a stretch. Why everything felt like it was choreographed–like there was nothing really personal about what was going on.

I was a bit pissed at being lied to, but I felt so bad for this other girl. I know I messed up by trusting someone that I didn’t know and by not asking enough questions beforehand, but this girl? This girl is with him. He means something to her, but I’m not sure that she means as much as to him. It just sucks for her. And if he fucked one girl behind her back, then he’s probably fucked others. That’s just really, really bad. I wish this was just me jumping to stupid conclusions, but I don’t think it is.

And this isn’t the first guy that I’ve encountered who wanted to hook up despite his being in a committed relationship. There was a married guy who lives about a half a mile from my house. I didn’t know he was married at first, but I did the whole Internet-stalk job on him. I found dating profiles for him on different sites. I also found his Facebook profile where he had a picture with his wife as his profile picture; his wife had a picture with him as his profile picture. I asked him and he claimed it was an open-marriage. It could have been, but I didn’t really trust when he said that it was. I eventually was able to tell him that I just couldn’t be with him because it made me feel uncomfortable. I told him that he seemed like he was a nice guy1 and I felt bad that I was saying no2 and I got this response:

it sucks, always wanted to be with a virgin

He wasn’t disappointed about my turning him down. He was disappointed that my vagina was no longer open for his business.

I have issues with the idea that I am as deserving of respect as other people. I have a tendency to let people treat me like crap and use me. I also have a tendency to get hella pissed when I realize that that’s what a person has been doing. When I read that email, I was hella pissed. When I saw that profile picture of the other guy with his girlfriend, I was hella pissed. What is up with all the schmuck-iness, people? Why do you think it’s okay to cheat on someone you’re in a relationship with? Why do you think it’s okay to totally objectify another person? And if you’re going to cheat on someone else, maybe you should make sure that your stupid Facebook profile3 doesn’t have a picture of you with them.

I wasn’t expecting romance and flowers with the situation, but I did expect some level of human decency. I don’t blame myself for any part of it other than being too naïve to anticipate the douchebaggery tendencies. I have got to stop trusting people I shouldn’t be trusting.4 But that’s not really a new issue for me. I’m just thankful for condoms and that this experience will keep me from leaping into things too quickly with another person.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, I’m going to use these experiences, as well as the one where I was stood up, in my writing. I will basically be turning my annoyance at these guys into book-form. I will totally “Taylor Swift” them for their behavior.

Oh, and in case someone from my family or my offline life is reading this and is now judging me, just stop. Everyone does something that another person won’t approve of–chances are there are stupid things you’ve done and wouldn’t want to be criticized for, so the same applies to me.

  1. other than the possible cheating 

  2. because I hate to upset people 

  3. or the profile of your significant other 

  4. I also need to trust the ones that I should trust. 

I’m Totally Going to Swifty You

Not to worry. I’m going to let this experience + the experience of having the “openly married” dude try to convince me to fuck him to inspire some work of literature that will hopefully make me lots of money. And the dedication shall read:

This book is dedicated to all the people who have cheated or tried to cheat on their significant others. Who’s the peasant now, bitch?

Or something like that.

via Tumblr

Review: Beneath This Man

Beneath This Man
Beneath This Man by Jodi Ellen Malpas
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

What. Did. I. Just. Read?

This book was not good. No, that’s an understatement. This book was very bad. It wasn’t the absolute worst book I’ve ever read, but it’s pretty high up on the list of sucktastic books. There is a lot about this series that I just hate. I was hoping this book would be better than the first, but it really wasn’t. The quality of writing was a bit better, but the story quality is still crap.

Ava needs to get new friends. Seriously. This is a woman whose best friend is totally cool with a guy stalking her, forcing her to move in with him, and being an abusive and manipulative jerk. Kate knows that Jesse treats Ava horribly, but she’s basically cheering him on with the abuse, stalking, and manipulation. I don’t know why Kate hates Ava so much, but it is very clear that she does.

Jesse blames his “not an alcoholic” behavior on Ava. She drives him to drink. Her leaving him drives him to spend four days downing shot after shot of vodka, so that’s her fault. His sex with other women during that time period is also his fault. He’s never felt like drinking so much in his life, but being with her makes him want to drink. He tells her this. His friends basically tell her this, too. This is not okay. He can’t take responsibility for his self-destructive behavior, so he puts it on her. And she seems to be okay with taking the blame. It sort of makes sense, since she’s also the one who is responsible for his forcible and coercive sexual actions on her. This kind of thinking is so horrifying that I just wanted to scream as I read it. That’s probably why it took seven days to read this book. It isn’t a hard read style-wise, it just sends the kind of message that victims of domestic violence and rape are responsible for the abuse that they face. You know, the despicable kind of thinking that we should be way past in the twenty-first century.

Remember when I said the writing quality was a bit better than it was in the first book? That’s true, but the writing quality is still pretty bad. There was a lot of repetitiveness. If you say that a character is dressed smartly in the first part of a paragraph, you don’t have to say it again two or three sentences later. The same goes for talking about a character being in tight white boxers. It doesn’t need to be repeated right away. The brand dropping was also pretty common in this book, which was very annoying. I get that she wanted to convey that Jesse lives a rather luxurious lifestyle, but mentioning all the brands was just so tacky. And the high fashion that was mentioned didn’t sound very fashionable. It definitely didn’t sound like the brands that were being described.

The whole book was a serious disappointment. Between the tacky writing, the god-awful story, and the heavy use of tropes, the book was just not worth reading. Unless you were really into the first book, I really wouldn’t recommend tackling this book. The only reason that I’m going to read the last book in the series is that I want to find out what things this group of social weirdos is going to do next. I’m guessing whatever they do, it will be horrible.

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Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re Horny

As someone who hasn’t ever received much attention from guys, the flock of guys that seem to have appeared over the past couple of months is a bit overwhelming by itself. What’s even more overwhelming is that some of them seem to have me on speed-dial or speed-IM when they’re horny. And since I sort of encouraged1 that behavior at the beginning of the whole charade, I’m living with the inundation that has resulted from it.

I get that the idea of being one of the first people to “boldly go where no man has gone before” was exciting for them. I understand that it made me sort of like a unicorn for some guys. But when that’s the only reason that the guys are contacting me, it starts feeling like I’m less of a person and more of a receptacle for their dicks. And I don’t particularly enjoy that feeling, so while I like the idea that they actually find me attractive in some way, shape, or form, I don’t like being treated like I’m just alive for one purpose.

Basically, I want to be treated like a human being. I deserve to be treated as such. I’m not saying that I won’t have sex or that I want the sexual dialogue to go away completely. I just want to be treated like a person, too. I want to talk about my day with someone and hear about theirs. I want to know what makes them tick and what makes them happy, and I want them to want to know those things about me, too.

I need to set boundaries with them. I need to set them with myself. This is my first step toward that.

To the “open marriage” guys, the single dads, and most of the other guys who I have talked to: start treating me like an actual person or go away.2 I deserve better and I’m going to demand better.

  1. This means that I would quickly allow conversations to turn sexual, but I would shut down most guys who attempted to only talk about sex with me. 

  2. Also, to the “open marriage” guys, I really would need a permission slip from your wife. I need to know that you aren’t just lying to me about your relationship. 

Random blog posts since 2001. Other randomness since 1984.