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My mom has it in her head that whenever I bring up ANYTHING that she should bring up my friends from YSA. You know, the great and wonderful people who I haven’t seen since February and who haven’t talked to me since the same time. Yeah, the ones who don’t check to see what’s going on in my life and see why I dropped off the planet. The people who made my mom’s near death experience in November sound like a little 24-hour bug. The people who made me walk in the rain and the dark by myself while in pain and crying. Oh, and the people who laughed at my extreme pain in February. Yes, those wonderful people who I am supposed to drop everything and go hang out with because we all happen to go to the same church. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like they actually want me around when I’m there. My sense of humor is not appreciated. I can’t speak my opinion at all. I have to go to whatever they want to do, and when I ask if we can do something that I like, I get ignored. Or, even better, we make plans to do said thing, and then they cancel on me at the last minute. These are the people I’m expected to hang out with all the time? These people who make me want to kill myself because I feel so alone when I’m around them? I think not.

Well, I don’t think my sleep study later this month (happy July, btw) is going to be very accurate. Now that I’m on the Lyrica, I sleep at least 14 hours a day. I’ll go to bed for seven or eight hours, then wake up and stay awake for a few hours, then go back to bed for six hours, and then wake up for a few more hours. It’s absolutely crazy making. (Like I need anything else to drive me crazy.)

Well, according to the results from the lovely MRI, I do not have anything wrong with my cervical spine. Actually, the exact words were “within normal limits”. I’m sure the nurse considered this to be comforting news when she wrote it on the card and sent it through the mail, but when dealing with potential spinal cord injury, it is not comforting to read “within normal limits”. You would rather know that things are just NORMAL. Not within the limits of being normal. What does within normal limits even tell me? What if it’s on the bad end of normal? I mean, what if there is something that’s almost a problem but it just needs to be a fraction worse? I don’t want to sound like I’m freaking out, but in a way, I kind of am. This is kind of an important body part to me. I like being able to feel things south of my head…even if I do mostly feel pain from those areas.

I must announce a sad, sad death in the family. My printer, a beloved HP Deskjet 880C, which was given to me by my cousin Eric when he upgraded to a new printer about 6 or 7 years ago has gone to the great printing room in the sky. I noticed yesterday when I was trying to print something that it wouldn’t print, so I actually looked at it and saw the light wasn’t on. After testing various cords, I find that the printer, which has survived so many horrifyingly long papers (an almost 20 page one for Social Work once) and printouts, has passed on. Let’s all take a moment of silence to remember this great machine.

Columbia House has supposedly canceled my two accounts with them. Of course, I’m still getting mail from one of the clubs. :/ This is not good. They caused me to overdraft one account by $85 ($44 of that was for the product and $41 was the fee) because I logged in to say no to a Director’s Selection 1 day too late. I apparently logged in too late by 2 days on the other account and overdrew by $50. I wrote them a curt email explaining this and they said I could return the DVDs (how nice), but I would not be getting my overdraft fees back. Personally, I think that’s wrong. They shouldn’t just send you things that you don’t order. Maybe instead of automatically sending Director’s Selections, they should automatically understand that you might have a life and don’t want the damn DVDs. Of course, that would require a brain, and I seriously doubt that whoever thought of the whole Director’s Selection BS at CH has a brain.

This is the first part to my June 2009 playlist.
Be OK (Live) – Ingrid Michaelson
Dance, Dance – Fall Out Boy
America’s Suitehearts – Fall Out Boy
Let Me Let Go – Faith Hill
Dancing With Myself – The Donnas
Fall Behind Me – The Donnas
Friends Like Mine – The Donnas
Take It Off – The Donnas
Not Ready to Make Nice [...]

Sorry I disappeared. I tend to do that when I’m depressed or manic or something really crappy, but I’m neither. I can’t really explain the feelings I’ve had lately, I guess they’re just run of the mill human ones that people go through on a daily basis. My mood has only been [...]

I found out a gem of a comment that my (former) psychiatrist wrote in my chart after my first visit with him. Apparently, in that one session where he was supposed to do a quite long and intensive psychiatric evaluation, he spent 5 minutes with me and determined I had anger issues and severe [...]