Well, that was fun. The entry posted before I had written anything. Oops. I guess that’s what happens when you write a blog entry at 2:30 AM.  Let’s see…what’s been going on lately?  I’ve completed 4 weeks of physical therapy. That’s all that will officially be done until after my next orthopedist visit. I’m supposed to work on weights & stuff at the Wellness Center. At my evaluation on Friday, my left hip had strengthened, but my right hip & my right knee had weakened.12 I also learned that my ankles are definitely weak.34 My left hip still has bursitis & weakness in the piriformis, and it’s still showing that there’s something wrong in the joint itself when they do the torturous impingement/labral tear test. And it just keeps on hurting & popping.5 I don’t know how the hip orthopedist will handle this news.  I got my hand/wrist checked out by the hand orthopedist6 almost two weeks ago. I have De Quervain’s Syndrome, which is basically tendinitis and tenosynovitis of the thumb/inner wrist. Typically it’s an overuse injury that moms and gamers get. Mine is from my dad’s anger outburst almost a year ago.78 The doctor put a steroid injection in the joint, which was especially unpleasant since the lidocaine shot was useless9 and he put the steroid injection through the nerve. So anytime I move my hand a certain way, I scream or flinch from the burning pain that shoots out my hand. If the tendinitis doesn’t respond to the steroid, I may have to have surgery on my wrist.  Oh, and I started a store on Etsy. Right now it just has barrettes, headbands, and hair elastics/ponytail holders. I’m planning on adding bracelets, necklaces, earrings, lanyards, and pacifier clips next. Eventually I want to add purses and my mom wants me to branch into doll clothes. I hope the stuff sells & eventually gives me a way to maintain an income off of SSDI/SSI. Fingers crossed, right? I also need it to succeed to prove my dad wrong. Twice in the last week he’s told my mom that he thinks it’ll fail. He’s hinted at the same to me multiple times. Of course he’s been on an anti-Janet rant for several weeks now.10 Anyways… It would really help if you bought something. If you can’t buy anything, I understand. Please considering sharing the link. Maybe someone will see something that they want. I guess that’s all for now.  I’ll try to not stay away as long next time.  My right knee started acting up during the warm ups for my hip’s physical therapy sessions. ↩I hope that this doesn’t mean that I will need surgery on my right knee. ↩This wasn’t really news to me. They hadn’t been checked since the 90s, but I never completed the strengthening exercises for them back then, so if they’d gotten stronger, it would be the result of a miracle. ↩I hope I don’t end up with an ankle orthopedist, too. ↩Part of the popping is because my SI joint is extremely unstable. ↩There are so many cooks in this fucking kitchen. ↩As the orthopedist put it as he dictated his notes, “The injury is a result of her deranged father” and his early onset dementia. ↩Did you know only 5-10% of dementia patients become violent? Dadada and dad have defied the odds. ↩Many Ehlers-Danlos patients don’t respond appropriately—or at all—to the drug. ↩If I cook, it’s the wrong thing. If I drive my car, I’m being selfish with his car; he doesn’t understand Nana gave it to me. If I don’t clean up the kitchen or living room on PT days or ask him to clean or move anything, I’m lazy. If I take my mom to a doctor visit or the grocery store, I’m stepping into his territory. Everything I do is wrong. ↩

Giving It All She’s Got   Recently updated!


I’m still annoyed about the appointment with the orthopedist. My mom was, too; so much so that she tried calling her orthopedist to see if he’d let me switch to his service. Since I’d already seen today’s doctor, mom’s doctor won’t see me. Now I’m worried about reprisals.  I’m also concerned that this doctor will continue this same standard of care. It’s incredibly disheartening to think that my hip could go untreated because he thinks less of me over my weight. And how does a doctor expect a person to lose weight if their movement is limited by an untreated joint problem? It doesn’t make sense. 

Hip to be Square



My hip has been bothering me for a while now—it’s been subluxating for five years and in pretty bad pain for about six months. I finally worked up the courage to talk to a doctor about it & I got referred to the orthopedist. The orthopedist spent less than five minutes in the room.  During that time he would ask me questions, then interrupt my answers with other questions. He told me that my joints look normal & that he thinks that I might have muscle, tendon, or ligament problems because…fat people don’t exercise enough to keep their muscles & joints from being lax.  Yep.  My hip hurts during exercise because fat people don’t exercise. Also, all that hypermobility stuff1 is because I’m fat and don’t exercise. It has nothing to do with genetics. I’m just some dumbass fat girl who is in pain because she sits on her ass all day eating bon bons and watching soap operas. I don’t really exercise. I haven’t been working on my strength at all.  I have to go through six weeks of physical therapy before he will even consider an MRI. The referral for the physical therapy said I needed help with my right hip instead of my left. Apparently I’m so fat that I’m too stupid to know the difference between my left & right sides. He wants me to have a greater range of motion in my hip, which is laughable for a person with hypermobility. Six weeks of physical therapy will be twelve visits. Medicare only allows for twenty visits.2 I have six more weeks of intense pain without knowing what’s going on, and if it’s something that needs a different kind of rehab, I am screwed.  He also got cantankerous about how I filled out my allergy section. Well, if I don’t call NSAIDs an allergy, doctors there prescribe them for me & tell me that I’m imagining any adverse reaction. He was also mad that he couldn’t put me on narcotics.3 Basically, I’m still in pain & will be for the next month or two, and there’s nothing I can do about it. If I weighed less, I might have more answers or I might have a concrete plan to get those answers & the orthopedist would have actually listened to me about the pain. It’s bad enough that being fat makes me feel like I’m unlovable and unattractive & that it encourages assholes to harass me regularly, but when it keeps doctors from providing adequate care, I just feel lost & pissed off & like nothing will ever get better.  Joint laxity. ↩Oops. I guess Hollie will get pissed because I’m ranting about something government-related again. ↩That’s not my fault. ↩

Designated Fatty


Oddly enough, I was reminded of Rachel of Nottingham last week when I was awaiting a referral to an orthopedist for my five-year-long hip issue and for my year-old dad-inflicted (unintentionally) wrist injury. Dottie is still “working” at UAB, so I’m on week three (technically) of the waiting game. She delayed on a post-respiratory failure referral to a lung specialist for my mom for six weeks. Dottie should retire, but she’s never going to leave. I kinda wonder how many people will die or have permanent ailments (that should have only been temporary issues) because of her laziness.  My hip feels like someone is slamming a hammer into the joint. Occasionally it has a sharp twinge that lasts an hour or two; that can be breath-taking1 and frightening. It can also be nausea-inducing.  My wrist doesn’t hurt much. I just can’t hold things well since the incident; I drop almost everything I hold for more than a couple of minutes. It also pops every time that I move it.  But enough about those issues that everyone knows I’m lying about, what’s new with you?  In a bad way. ↩

Just Whinge-Ing It



Apparently Nottingham is a boring place at night because my number one stalker felt the need to comment on my blog again. As you can see, one of its residents, who claims to be named Roslin, is so bored that she felt the need to tell me: I will say something. All you do is take, take, take – you want money, you want people to come and do repairs for free. You and your parents do nothing but take and expect and whinge and moan. You are home all day, every day, do some repair work yourself because we all know you are not really sick! Interesting. It’s amazing that someone who lives across the globe from me knows not only my health status, but that of my parents. Apparently she missed a few weeks back when my mom was in the hospital with respiratory failure and kidney failure, or that her kidney failure has gotten worse; something I posted about rather regularly on Instagram. And she must have missed all the posts I’ve made on Twitter about my father having dementia and going through all the fun that that entails. A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 21, 2017 at 4:38pm PST A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 23, 2017 at 10:15am PST A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 25, 2017 at 11:26am PST Almost. A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 27, 2017 at 9:55am PST Signs at the hospital are confusing. A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 27, 2017 at 9:57am PST Apparently dad had a panic attack at the grocery store with mom, when she went to get something w/o tell him, today. #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) August 3, 2016 Now he thinks his phone is trying to keep him from saving appointments on it. #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) October 4, 2016 Dad’s EEG & Doppler are tomorrow/later today. #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) October 20, 2016 Anyone know if this also can involve anger & threats of violence? https://t.co/Aa1xviG2AY #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) January 16, 2017 The GP/FP said with his memory & behavioral issues and his family history (at least 4 blood relatives with #dementia) that it was needed. — Janet Morris (@janersm) March 7, 2017 Yeah, parents who have organ failure and parents who are put on dementia medication are so healthy. I really hope that Roslin is never responsible for the healthcare of anyone. Maybe she isn’t a doctor. If she is, then I bet her patients will all die very painful deaths because she’s clearly not good at this kind of thing. I know that Roslin has missed out on my health issues, which have also been discussed on various social media outlets and in private entries on here, but that’s not new. In fact, that’s kind of her shtick. She’s always wrong about my health. I know that Roslin of Nottingham once went by the name of Rachel Cooper. That time she was so wrong that she, in her rush to judgment, didn’t realize that I actually had something wrong with my knee that would require surgery and months of rehabilitation. In fact, bringing up Rachel’s failure at diagnosing me became a bit of an ongoing joke. I tend to laugh at pathetic little trolls like Roslin/Rachel. That’s all you really can do with them. Well, that and pity them. Poor little sociopathic babies. I think that she may also go by “Rachel Clarkson”, the person from the United Kingdom who decided to send me a snarky tweet last week within a day or so of my posting the link to GoFundMe. Who knows what her real name is? I bet that her internet provider does. In fact, I’m hoping that they get back to me on my inquiry into it. I hope Roslin/Rachel realizes that people who are chronically ill and who are caregivers of people who are chronically ill have a tendency to whine and moan about their lives because having health issues sucks. Not only does it make your life painful and stressful, it drains your finances and any little bit of energy that you might have. People like me complain because life is not something anywhere near pleasant, and part of that is because I have to regularly deal with people like her. Roslin/Rachel isn’t the only person who acts like this. People that I know offline do it. Distant cousins have done it, including the ones who submitted my name and video to a comedy show so that I could be mocked. Total strangers, ones who aren’t sick enough to stalk my blog for two years so that they can harass me, do it on Twitter; at least 3 times a week lately, I get an unkind message from someone. Their favorite thing to tell me is that I’m selfish or spoiled or that I suck somehow. Oh, or that I need to get a job or that I deserve to die or that my grandmother deserves to die. There are a lot of little variants of deplorable messages that people send. And you know what? I have a right to complain about that part of my life, too. I don’t have to keep it all bottled up because some random asshole on the internet can’t deal with the things I say. If they’re that chickenshit, then they need to find a hobby or get some therapy because clearly they have too much time on their hands and have something going on that’s ‘causing them to be inhuman assholes. I pity them and their fucked up existences. I may be poor and disabled, and I may end up going to jail and being homeless for having a dilapidated house, but at least I’m not a horrible human being who gets off on trying to make other people as miserable as them.

And I’d Be Like, “Why Are You So Obsessed With ...


I’m still trying to raise money to fix my house, but the situation has gotten a little more dire. The city of Huntsville is giving me four months to get the repairs done, at which time they can inflict their wrath by sending me to court for the issue. The violations include rotted exterior siding and trim, holes in the eave, and chipped/flaking paint on the siding, fascia, eaves, and trim. We’ve tried contacting the Community Development people multiple times this week, but when we call, no one is in the office. I’m really concerned after looking at the code itself. From section 7-351: Where the literal application of the requirements of this article would appear to cause undue hardship on an owner or tenant or when it is claimed that the true intent and meaning of this article or any of the regulations in this article have been misconstrued or wrongly interpreted, the owner of such building or structure, or his duly authorized agent, may appeal the decision of the housing official to the housing board of adjustments and appeals, as set forth in section 7-354. That doesn’t sound so bad until you look at 7-354, which is the ordinance that makes it okay to prohibit occupancy in a residence. Prohibiting occupancy means eviction and condemning of the property. As I’ve said on Twitter and on my GoFundMe, without the repairs, people who violate the municipal ordinances that Community Development enforces can be punished. I could go to jail for up to 6 months, be fined up to $500, and my house could be condemned. My family would then be homeless. Honestly, that’s making me worry about what the city of Huntsville will do if we tell them that we can’t afford to do the repairs that they want done. Ways to help directly: GoFundMe: gofundme.com/helpmorrisfam PayPal: paypal.me/janersm Square: cash.me/$janersm Ways to help indirectly:1 Ebates: ebates.com/r/JANETM1804?eeid=28187 Ibotta: ibotta.com/register?friend=xkdrqhe I’ve been lucky enough to have several people donate and other suggest organizations that I should try contacting, and I am so thankful for what they’ve given, but it’s still not enough to get things fixed and in working order. If you can’t afford to donate, please consider passing the links along. If you know of an organization or an agency that can help, please let me know about them. If you feel the need to say something hateful about this post, my family, my house, or me, please see yourself out of my life right now. Thanks. Click to Donate Now! These are through referral fees. Ibotta gives a $5 and ebates gives a $25 referral. ↩

The Poor House



I’m not sure how many posts this will take, but I thought it was worth documenting. @brettwestny @DonnaVishio “Uneducated dicks with guns” is practically the slogan of the state of Mississippi. Perhaps we should disarm MS. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 23, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio I’m not. Have you ever looked at how Mississippi ranks in education? Plenty of people in “the hood” are educated. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio Being impoverished doesn’t mean you are less intelligent. It just means you’re poor. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @Olivianuzzi I’m disabled, bro. If Trump wants to improve my circumstances he could give SSI recipients more than $750/month. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @Olivianuzzi There isn’t a damn thing wrong with my attitude. Yours needs work. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio Right. Anything that can disprove your claim that people “in the hood” are uneducated isn’t worth sharing. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio It’s not unfair to expect all children receive the same quality education. In fact, that’s the opposite of unfair. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017

Porn Star by Laurelin Paige My rating: 3 of 5 stars This is another book where the authors have good intentions, but don’t really execute them that well. I think it’s wonderful that Laurelin Paige and Sierra Simone wanted to write a book that includes the very real issues within the adult entertainment industry, including rapes and sexual assaults. I think that if they had done a little more to, no pun intended, flesh things out, then the book would have been excellent. I loved the comparison of Devi/Logan to mythology and astronomy, but I think that sometimes it wasn’t as developed as it could have been. Of course, neither were the characters. Each felt a little flat, which was disappointing because I could tell that they were aiming to build these really strong characters. Instead, Logan becomes the epitome of a NiceGuy stereotype and really isn’t as in touch with respecting women as he thinks he is, while Devi comes off as whiny and immature. Even the villains/antagonists in the story aren’t fully-formed. When I finished reading the story, I felt almost like I had wasted hours of time on reading this book. I hate feeling like reading a book was a waste of time, especially when it is a book that could have been excellent. The sex scenes were okay. They weren’t over-the-top or even all that racy like you might expect with a book on porn stars falling in love. They were just okay. I couldn’t understand how the characters were having mind-blowing sex when the writing wasn’t really all that mind-blowing. Some of it was gross, but a lot of it just seemed blah. I know it was meant to shock and titillate, but it was, like porn, too over-the-top. It didn’t seem like realistic behavior, and all seemed like it was a performance. A lot of it was also grossly coercive, which doesn’t promote the sex-positive message that the writers were intending to share via the story. There were some elements that were a bit racially insensitive and a little bit off on how bisexuality works. The idea that Devi is “exotic” fetishizes her for displaying traits associated with the Persian ancestry on her father’s side. I’m sure that Paige and Simone didn’t mean to say anything racially insensitive, but they did make statements that were cringe-inducing. The descriptions of bisexuality really dumbed down the research. While I appreciate the attempt to address the research that shows women are rarely heterosexual when it comes to arousal, saying all women are bisexual based on arousal is untrue; most are bisexual, followed by homosexual, and then heterosexual, but that doesn’t define their sexuality. Yes, most women can be turned on by other women, but sexual orientation isn’t just about arousal. The same studies that determined that women are rarely heterosexual also say that most men are either heterosexual or homosexual in their arousal, which effectively erases bisexual men. They also show that women can become aroused by watching animals having sex, which could be used to suggest that women are into bestiality, and that’s just interpreting the study in the most literal way possible. It dehumanizes women and bisexuals. It also engaged in bi-erasure by suggesting that if a person is more attracted to one gender than another, that they cannot be bisexual. Devi enjoyed sex with women and fooling around with women, but she preferred men, especially Logan more. In fact, she based her identity as heterosexual solely on the attraction to Logan. Enjoying sex or preferring sex with a particular person or with a particular gender does not make someone not-a-bisexual. Dating one person exclusively or marrying them does not change their sexual orientation. Bisexuality is hard enough for most who identify that way without encountering these stereotypes & common misconceptions. It was mentioned toward the end of the story that the romance developed over the course of two months, but it seemed like it was closer to three weeks. Maybe there was more going on that wasn’t included in the story, but I think I might have found the story more believable or realistic if there was more of a sense that they were doing more than just having sex and talking about astronomy. It was also a little weird that the one who was more wealthy was Logan. Porn is one of the few industries where women out-earn men; top female talent make $2000-2500 per scene, whereas the most well-known male stars make $1500 per scene. To live the lifestyle he lived, he would need to be working more often and investing a good deal of his check. The only reason Devi would be making less is (1) the refusal to work in heterosexual porn and (2) the lack of experience. Otherwise, she would be out-earning him. I think the book had an interesting premise and I might recommend it if you just want to read something a bit smutty, but I wouldn’t tell anyone to have high expectations for it. Maybe it won’t disappoint you if you don’t go in expecting too much. View all my reviews

Review: Porn Star



Firsts by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn My rating: 2 of 5 stars This book was good, but it wasn’t. That may not be obvious since I rated it so low. Firsts tackled some tough subjects, but it didn’t really do so in a great or helpful way. I honestly wonder if it may have done more harm than good. The intention of the author, much like the intention of the main character Mercedes Ayres, was probably a good one at heart, but, as the proverb goes, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Good intentions cannot fix what is truly wrong with this book. I understand the attempt to soften the approach people take to cheating and slut-shaming, but it doesn’t actually achieve that. Instead, it pushes those stereotypes even further and dismisses criminal behavior as seduction and bad parenting. Luke is portrayed as the former boyfriend, while the behavior described is clearly sexually abusive. He groomed Mercedes before forcing her to perform oral sex on him and before eventually raping her. Charlie’s actions are not really any better. Filming a person having sex without their consent is illegal. Trying to physically force someone to have sex with you is illegal. Attempting to blackmail someone over their sex life is, you guessed it, illegal. But the author chooses to say that Charlie was trying to “seduce” Mercedes. No, that’s not seduction. Those are acts of sexual violence. Kim is an emotionally abusive and emotionally & physically neglectful mother, and Mercedes’ absentee father who decided to punish Mercedes for her mom’s decisions isn’t much better. Kim is portrayed as a slut and a bimbo who only cares about spending the ill-gotten gains of her ex-husband. It’s the kind of storyline that you might get from websites run by “men’s rights activists” and MGTOW. Faye is the supposed-to-be-subtle-but-really-isn’t cautionary tale. Zach is the night-in-shining armor. Angela is the good girl, the girl with the patience of a saint and who is let back into Mercy’s life too easily. Mercedes is the fallen girl/girl gone bad who takes on the sins of all those involved & is nearly ruined in the process. She is constantly obsessing over what side she should show others, which is something that a lot of people feel, but it was never really addressed in the book. Yes, there’s the whole, her mom screwed up how she thinks about sex, beauty, weight, etc., but that’s not enough to explain why she is so hyper-critical and why she is convinced that she is unlovable. And if you’re going to spend a whole book tearing down the main character’s self-esteem, then you need to spend more than a couple of pages making her act like she’s all-better all of a sudden. Sometimes it came across as preachy. No, wait, it always came across as preachy. The sex lives of most of the characters in the book are regularly criticized. Angela, Mercy’s BFF, is super-religious and pushes her faith onto everyone. (There are even Bible verses that are quoted and referenced.) Her sex-negative attitude only pushes Mercy to hide her actions. Kim’s antics seem to push the idea that adultery leads women to even more vice-filled lives. Mercy’s internal dialogue about how many guys she’s had sex with pushed the idea that girls & women who have ‘too much’ sex might be seen as used up goods. The outcome at school for Mercedes pushes the idea that women and girls have to be punished for being sexual. When Mercedes describes how she feels about sex and intimacy, even when she sometimes thinks she’s attracted to Faye, it’s almost like reading a pamphlet on sex addiction. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed by the way that her pseudo-attraction to Faye was handled. I know that with sex addiction, a person might engage in sex with people that they aren’t really attracted to, but the whole “is she going to kiss me” thing that existed through most of their interactions was just shrugged away toward the end. I didn’t know if Mercedes was only thinking about Faye that way because she really doesn’t understand relationship boundaries or if she might not be as heterosexual as she eventually felt the need to declare she was. Sex addiction or figuring out that you’re LGBTQ might be an interesting topic to cover in a novel, but it needs to be addressed in a better way. Come to think of it: all of the issues that are described within the book need to be addressed properly. In attempting to counter the sex-negativity that people, especially women and girls, encounter in their lives, the book actually pushed an even more sex-negative outlook. The book essentially normalized sexual violence, parental neglect, and shaming young women for being interested in sex. That’s why I don’t think I could ever truly love this book. It almost seemed like a book I could like until it became clear that it was just another in a long line of anti-sex books with ambiguous attitudes toward abuse and sexual assault. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. View all my reviews

Review: Firsts