21
April

Dear Authors, Writers, and other Creative People

We need to talk about a little thing called rape culture. I know you’re probably thinking that it isn’t really a thing because RAINN told the White House that rape culture doesn’t actually cause rapes. Yeah, well, even if it doesn’t cause them, it normalizes them. And rape isn’t exactly something that we should desensitize ourselves to. After reading books, seeing movies, listening to songs, and experiencing television episodes where there are gratuitous rape scenes and descriptions, I think it’s actually past time for talking.

I know what some of you are thinking: There is no such thing as a gratuitous rape scene. Sadly, that is untrue. Anytime that a writer or a director or an anyone decides to take something like rape and throw it into a story because they need it to fill time or because they can’t get away with an explicit sex scene or because they don’t think that torture scenes are appropriate. Let’s take some time and think about what that means, shall we?

  • If rape is being used to fill time, then that means that we don’t take it seriously. We trivialize it. We are taking one of the most degrading things that can ever happen in someone’s life and we’re using it to kill time. What does that say about us? If we can do that, then what does that say about our entire culture?
  • If rape is being used to fill in for an explicit sex scene, then we are equating rape with sex and that isn’t the case. Rape is not a sexual act. Rape is an abusive act. If it is so horrible to see a consensual sex scene, then shouldn’t be even worse to see a non-consensual act? Shouldn’t it appall us? Again, what does it say about us and about our culture if it doesn’t make us feel sickened or uncomfortable?
  • And, finally, if it is being used to fill in for “more horrific” idea, i.e. torture. This also trivializes rape. Rape is a method of torture. It is an abusive act. It is something that changes a person. Just. Like. Torture.

Basically, we’re showing how fucked up we are if we’re using rape in stories where it doesn’t belong. We need to stop doing that because it’s not just bad from a creative standpoint, it is disgusting from a human one. It is making our species disgusting.

I’m not going to advocate completely removing rape from creative works because, sometimes, it is necessary for a plot. When it isn’t gratuitous and is therefore necessary for the plot to move forward, then putting rape in the story is acceptable. It is not normalizing it. It is not trivializing it. It is not desensitizing the public to the idea of what rape is and what it does to a person. It is, instead, showing us the realities of rape and the trauma that it can cause. It is enlightening us and allowing us to experience a level of empathy with a character that we might not otherwise get. When it is doing that, then a rape scene is acceptable. But when rape serves no purpose in a story?

Well, let’s shut that down.

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18
April

Kind of a Regular Thing For Us

For the past few months, I have had weekly Seeking Safety therapy sessions. Or, at least, I am supposed to. They are actually about once every month or once every three weeks. It’s uncommon that we end up having two in a row. Three in a row? Unless I’ve forgotten some sessions, that hasn’t happened yet.

I understand why it happens. Sometimes I’m actually even grateful that it happens because it is such an emotionally draining experience. Still, it’s frustrating that it happens so much. I know that even if I don’t want to go to therapy regularly that I need to go to it. And this is the one group that I typically feel I can express myself more openly in.

Yesterday, it was cancelled. The week before? Yep. That one was cancelled, too.

I know that the therapist sometimes will be sick or have something come up. I also know that we can only come when we have enough people. I know that this is difficult when there are so few people in the group to begin with. And I know that part of what makes me comfortable about the group is knowing that it will never be a big one.

I’m afraid that the infrequence will start making me less comfortable.

First of all, I don’t leave my house most days. I don’t even go out the front door. I need to do that. This group is one of the few times that I will allow myself to do that. With it not happening, I find that I’m becoming more and more accepting of isolation. This group is supposed to help me get out of the isolating patterns, not reinforce them.

My second issue is that I wonder if the infrequence will somehow train my brain to not trust these people as much. I don’t see them as often as I should be seeing them, so should I really trust them with the kind of details that come out in this type of group? Can I trust them? Can I feel comfortable near them?

The big thing is that it makes me wonder if I can actually rely on the therapist. I’ve had therapists bail on me before. The lack of meetings makes me feel like she’s sort of bailing on the group. I know that some things are beyond her control, but I can’t help but feel that this is a type of bailing/abandonment. I doubt that the other people feel that way because I’m the only one with this particular bent.

I just really hope that we stop having these weeks off soon.

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18
April

Scar Tissue That I Wish You Saw (Less Of)

My scars from having shingles are becoming less and less visible, which is good. The only one that doesn’t seem to be less visible is the huge one that’s in the edge of my armpit. It’s bad that they’ve become yet another body issue for me to be self-conscious about. (In addition to the oddly-shaped nose, pointy chin, thin lips, and, of course, being fat.)

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18
April

Selfie while I’m waiting for my hair to dry

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1qVyu32

I let it dry naturally, but that means that I have to wait at least a couple of hours for it to get dry. If I decide I want to take a selfie during that time, then it means my hair will be wet for the picture.

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18
April

Snoring next to my ear

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1gOGlwr

I think Amy thinks snoring next to my ear will convince me to go to sleep.

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18
April

Quote of the Day :: April 18, 2014

Quote of the Day :: April 18, 2014

via Tumblr http://ift.tt/1mbKttV

Since this month’s theme for quotes of the day is to raise awareness of April being SAAM, or Sexual Assault Awareness Month, this quote may seem like it has absolutely nothing to do with sexual assault. Well, it does. Sexual assault is a form of oppression. It is a way to degrade its victims and to make the abuser/rapist feel more powerful. It gives the violator power, while taking it from the violated. That is an essential part of any type of oppression, so sexual assault, sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, etc. is a type of oppression.

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17
April

Amy must be feeling better

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1hRjHEs

Amy must be feeling better. She was very sick earlier this week.1 When I went to take this picture, she turned her face so that I couldn’t get the picture of her chewing on her beloved bone.

Oh, and this is a special appearance by my foot.


  1. She woke up the other morning and threw up fifteen times. The last time she threw up had blood in it. The doctor gave her some nausea medicine and Carafate. 

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