23
April

The Ultimate Insult

ck_ctrlfl decides to call me fatDid you know that I’m fat? Not only that, but did you know that my being fat makes me ignorant and ugly? In what is becoming an all-too-common thing, an über-conservative has decided that he can totally discount my argument because I happen to be fat.

I decided to take a look at who this douchenugget follows on Twitter. Aside from about 100 porn accounts, he seems to follow athletes, comedians, and a lot of RWNJ pundits/politicians. Among other , he follows Glenn Beck, Darrell Issa, Tucker Carlson, the Duck Dynasty family, Ted Cruz, Jimmy Kimmel, Ron Paul, & Rush Limbaugh. Now, his definition of beauty probably differs from mine, but none of those guys does a thing for me–except make me very, very nauseated. Even the female pundits that he follows don’t really spark my interest. Maybe it’s that I think they’re ugly, but I think it’s more that I just think that these are people who I find morally repugnant. Some of them may meet societal standards for beauty, but I’m not attracted to them because I think that things they have said or done in the past suck. Appearance has never been a thing that has made me think more or less of someone’s political opinions. Most Democratic politicians and pundits aren’t all that hot to me either, but I support them because their policies are more in line with my beliefs.

ck_ctrlflFor some reason, though, people have started doing this whole “If you’re fat, you must be stupid” thing regularly. Or they’ll make other weird appearance-related comments. Earlier this week, a guy said he didn’t have to credit me for a graphic I made that he reposted because I post too many selfies and pictures from McDonald’s on my Instagram account.12 His other argument was that I hadn’t watermarked it and that it wasn’t a good graphic to begin with.3 He said that he regularly did that with accounts that he felt didn’t have much substance. He was equating a person’s images with their worth as a person. Even if I posted hundreds of pictures of myself on there every single day, it still would not diminish my intelligence or my dignity. It would not make me less deserving of respect or of credit, but he didn’t see things that way. I did eventually get him to agree to take the picture down, but the incident was disturbing.

The focus on appearance has just gotten really out of control. I don’t get it. My weight is not somehow connected to my ability to use my brain or to formulate an argument, and I think that people who use this kind of argument know this. I have a feeling the Twitter user is a man who would have no problem supporting Chris Christie, so I have to wonder if the weight=dumb thing is really a thing with him. (For the record, I think Christie is horrible, but that has nothing to do with his waist size.) If it is a thing, is it only a thing for any person who disagrees with him? Or maybe he just dislikes fat women. Who knows? And I have a feeling that the person on Instagram would have no problem voting for a candidate to takes selfies, but they somehow find that kind of behavior abhorrent in the general public. It’s a bit of a double standard to say that we can respect some people who happen to look a certain way or do these things we don’t necessarily like, but that it is okay to denigrate others for those same things.

What I do know is that I don’t appreciate people throwing my weight in my face to avoid debating. I don’t like that people feel that somehow I should be treated like less of a human being because there happens to be more weight on my body. I don’t like that I have battled my own issues with self-esteem and body image because of my weight, and some of the issues that have contributed to it, and that I’m finally learning how to try to treat myself with some level of respect and idiots come along and try to mess up all that progress. Well, I’m not going to let him. Eventually, I will get used to this kind of crap from assholes like him.

ck_ctrlfl I miss the good old days on Twitter when a person could have an actual discussion with someone over politics and other things without having their personal appearance become the focus of the discussion. I guess that having presence on social media accounts now means that I get to deal with the bullies and jerks of the world. I know that there have always been bad folks online, but it seems like their numbers are growing. It really bugs me because the internet used to be my place to get away from this sort of behavior and now it’s becoming so commonplace that I really feel uncomfortable at times.

After the January thing, I haven’t felt like being as outspoken on Twitter and other sites. I haven’t automatically jumped on as many topics as I used to jump on. I worry that when I say something, it will be noticed by people who will start things. I also try not to respond to people that post things that I don’t agree with. Today, I made the mistake of doing that, and that ended up introducing me to this guy. I hate having to be more wary, but c’est la vie, right?


  1. Of the hundreds of posts I’ve made on there, one has been a McDonald’s gift card. 

  2. The majority of pictures on there have been of Amy. 

  3. Why did he repost it if he thought that? 

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21
April

Fighting for Coal? Know Your Audience, Guys.

Well, I guess that it’s a good thing that I’ve never labelled myself as a true conservative or a lying conservative or any type of conservative. I love how politicians in this state just expect every person to be conservative. Even if I weren’t a liberal or a believer of climate change, I still can’t see myself supporting coal. I’ve had asthma for years. I don’t particularly like the idea of promoting an industry whose product could kill me. And before anyone wants to argue the idea of clean coal, I will tell you my thoughts on that: it. is. bullshit. 

So, thanks, but no thanks, Alabama Coal Association, Senator Richard Shelby, Governor Robert Bentley, and Congressman Mo Brooks, I’m not going to support a cause that is bad for the health and safety of the public. If you want to have well-paying jobs come to the state, you might try being a bit more progressive. We aren’t winning any popularity contests by only being better than Mississippi at pretty much everything. If you want low-cost energy, you might want to encourage scientists and inventors to come up with healthier forms of it, especially you, Doctor Bentley. Or, hey, here’s a nifty idea?! How about better educating students? If you do that, the next big science innovation might come from some person who grew up in Alabama. Also, investing in the state’s children will improve the economy in other ways. That’s something you would know if you did something like pay attention to things like the news and facts.

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21
April

Dear Authors, Writers, and other Creative People

We need to talk about a little thing called rape culture. I know you’re probably thinking that it isn’t really a thing because RAINN told the White House that rape culture doesn’t actually cause rapes. Yeah, well, even if it doesn’t cause them, it normalizes them. And rape isn’t exactly something that we should desensitize ourselves to. After reading books, seeing movies, listening to songs, and experiencing television episodes where there are gratuitous rape scenes and descriptions, I think it’s actually past time for talking.

I know what some of you are thinking: There is no such thing as a gratuitous rape scene. Sadly, that is untrue. Anytime that a writer or a director or an anyone decides to take something like rape and throw it into a story because they need it to fill time or because they can’t get away with an explicit sex scene or because they don’t think that torture scenes are appropriate. Let’s take some time and think about what that means, shall we?

  • If rape is being used to fill time, then that means that we don’t take it seriously. We trivialize it. We are taking one of the most degrading things that can ever happen in someone’s life and we’re using it to kill time. What does that say about us? If we can do that, then what does that say about our entire culture?
  • If rape is being used to fill in for an explicit sex scene, then we are equating rape with sex and that isn’t the case. Rape is not a sexual act. Rape is an abusive act. If it is so horrible to see a consensual sex scene, then shouldn’t be even worse to see a non-consensual act? Shouldn’t it appall us? Again, what does it say about us and about our culture if it doesn’t make us feel sickened or uncomfortable?
  • And, finally, if it is being used to fill in for “more horrific” idea, i.e. torture. This also trivializes rape. Rape is a method of torture. It is an abusive act. It is something that changes a person. Just. Like. Torture.

Basically, we’re showing how fucked up we are if we’re using rape in stories where it doesn’t belong. We need to stop doing that because it’s not just bad from a creative standpoint, it is disgusting from a human one. It is making our species disgusting.

I’m not going to advocate completely removing rape from creative works because, sometimes, it is necessary for a plot. When it isn’t gratuitous and is therefore necessary for the plot to move forward, then putting rape in the story is acceptable. It is not normalizing it. It is not trivializing it. It is not desensitizing the public to the idea of what rape is and what it does to a person. It is, instead, showing us the realities of rape and the trauma that it can cause. It is enlightening us and allowing us to experience a level of empathy with a character that we might not otherwise get. When it is doing that, then a rape scene is acceptable. But when rape serves no purpose in a story?

Well, let’s shut that down.

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18
April

Kind of a Regular Thing For Us

For the past few months, I have had weekly Seeking Safety therapy sessions. Or, at least, I am supposed to. They are actually about once every month or once every three weeks. It’s uncommon that we end up having two in a row. Three in a row? Unless I’ve forgotten some sessions, that hasn’t happened yet.

I understand why it happens. Sometimes I’m actually even grateful that it happens because it is such an emotionally draining experience. Still, it’s frustrating that it happens so much. I know that even if I don’t want to go to therapy regularly that I need to go to it. And this is the one group that I typically feel I can express myself more openly in.

Yesterday, it was cancelled. The week before? Yep. That one was cancelled, too.

I know that the therapist sometimes will be sick or have something come up. I also know that we can only come when we have enough people. I know that this is difficult when there are so few people in the group to begin with. And I know that part of what makes me comfortable about the group is knowing that it will never be a big one.

I’m afraid that the infrequence will start making me less comfortable.

First of all, I don’t leave my house most days. I don’t even go out the front door. I need to do that. This group is one of the few times that I will allow myself to do that. With it not happening, I find that I’m becoming more and more accepting of isolation. This group is supposed to help me get out of the isolating patterns, not reinforce them.

My second issue is that I wonder if the infrequence will somehow train my brain to not trust these people as much. I don’t see them as often as I should be seeing them, so should I really trust them with the kind of details that come out in this type of group? Can I trust them? Can I feel comfortable near them?

The big thing is that it makes me wonder if I can actually rely on the therapist. I’ve had therapists bail on me before. The lack of meetings makes me feel like she’s sort of bailing on the group. I know that some things are beyond her control, but I can’t help but feel that this is a type of bailing/abandonment. I doubt that the other people feel that way because I’m the only one with this particular bent.

I just really hope that we stop having these weeks off soon.

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18
April

Scar Tissue That I Wish You Saw (Less Of)

My scars from having shingles are becoming less and less visible, which is good. The only one that doesn’t seem to be less visible is the huge one that’s in the edge of my armpit. It’s bad that they’ve become yet another body issue for me to be self-conscious about. (In addition to the oddly-shaped nose, pointy chin, thin lips, and, of course, being fat.)

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18
April

Selfie while I’m waiting for my hair to dry

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1qVyu32

I let it dry naturally, but that means that I have to wait at least a couple of hours for it to get dry. If I decide I want to take a selfie during that time, then it means my hair will be wet for the picture.

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18
April

Snoring next to my ear

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1gOGlwr

I think Amy thinks snoring next to my ear will convince me to go to sleep.

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