Tag: Xander


I Don’t Know If You Can Hear Me or If You’re Even There

2
September

I was going to call the doctor on Thursday, but I apparently slept through quite a bit of it. I didn’t call the doctor today either. Somehow, it just slipped my mind. It seemed like I would do okay, but about an hour and half ago, my coughing fits seemed to get worse. I also noticed that I had started wheezing. So, I have to try to make it through the weekend, which is going to be fun since clinics and physicians’ offices will be closed Monday for Labor Day. If I get too wheezy or short of breath, then I will go to the ER. (Of course, the thought of doing that on a holiday weekend is a bit scary.)

Another scary thing will be happening this weekend, the beginning of college football. While I am okay with expressing adoration towards the Auburn football team when they aren’t playing, I am terrified during the games. My dad, the Auburn superfan, will possibly get angsty or even extremely angry. If the game doesn’t go well, then he will complain quite a bit. I hope it goes well. Last year’s season was relatively smooth for us, but that makes sense because Auburn ended up winning the National Championship. While it is possible for them to win again this year, I know that it is not something that I should just expect to happen.

Oh, in happier news, earlier this week TIME magazine asked their Twitter followers what their favorite non-fiction books were. I, of course, said that Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel was my favorite book. Since she has a Twitter account, I also mentioned her account in the response. Anyway, she thanked me. So, this is one of those moments that I am squeeing like an absolute fangirl. I’ve had celebrities add me on Twitter or respond to things that I say before, but I don’t think that I have ever gotten a response from someone I consider to be one of my absolute favorite writers. I know that she can be a controversial person and that some people think that she is whiny or self-involved or various other unfriendly descriptions, but this was the first woman (outside of my family) that I had seen go through some of the very same mental health issues that I had been going through. It helped me to feel like I wasn’t alone and that such intense bouts of depression and mood swings weren’t something that were just isolated to families in the southeastern United States. Her books inspired me to start talking even more openly about my problems, so I really admire her.

In non-health, non-sports, and non-Twitter related “news”, lately Xander (my 11-year old dachshund/golden retriever mix) has been super cuddly. He always liked to be cuddled when he was younger, but after we got Molly (and the other girls) he just kind of started hiding out. Now, he’s decided to get in any laps that he can get in. It is really nice, because I missed having him in my lap during his almost total boycott of lap-lounging. (He would get up in my lap every once in a while, or he would get where he knew I would be sitting and guilt me into picking him up and holding him. The latter was a lot less common, because it took a lot out of me.) Anyway, him being in my lap so much has kind of lowered my stress and anger levels, which is pretty damn cool. Of course, I’m still a frustrated, angry girl sometimes, but I feel a lot calmer than I have in a very long time. And he actually calmed my dad down the other day, which was nice to see.  I just hope that this isn’t some sudden shift in mood that indicates something is wrong with him.  I’m hoping that it just means that he missed being cuddled.

Oh, last week, Nana called and said that my aunt (the one that still isn’t communicating with me) had laser eye surgery.  She apparently had a retinal detachment or tear.  Her normal eye doctor didn’t think anything major was wrong, but she started having floaters plus flashers in her vision so she went to a clinic in Birmingham and found out what was going on.  I’m glad that the Birmingham doctor figured it out.  Not treating retinal detachments/tears can cause very serious problems.

My mom has also had some (not-so-fun) health issues lately.  She’s always got health problems going on, but the past two days, she has woken up with a blood sugar reading under 65.  Last night, she lowered her nightly insulin dose a little, but her sugar was lower today than it was yesterday.  I really hope that she isn’t going to have another bout of hypoglycemia.  I had hoped that she might consider at least calling a nurse at the UAB Clinic to see if they had any ideas for how she could keep her blood sugar high enough so that she didn’t risk going back into a low blood sugar state.  I guess she wants to give it time.  I shouldn’t critique that decision, since I’ve put off getting help for my own issues so many times.

Oh, if you aren’t living in the southeastern part of the United States, then you might not know that there is a Tropical Storm in the Gulf of Mexico.  Tropical Storm Lee is right under Mobile, and it is practically sitting there, not moving much at all.  That might not seem major to those of you who saw how stalling out basically weakened Hurricane Irene, but in the Gulf of Mexico there is a lot warmer water.  The storm can probably sit just off the coast for 72-hours and still get stronger, then come inland and cause major damage.  So, I’m hoping that it isn’t too bad.  On the other hand, it would be nice to have some rain around here.  I just hope it isn’t enough to cause flooding, which is probably an unrealistic hope for me to have.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Comment » | Confessions, Family, Geekery, Internet, Mental Health, Sickness and Health, Twitter

10 Day Challenge: Day 2

27
April

So, today (yesterday actually) was day number 2 of the 10 Day Challenge.  The topic for Day 2 is:

Day 2: Nine Things You Can’t Live Without

I could go all materialistic and say nine things that (truth is) I could probably do without.  I’ll try not to do that.

  1. My parents: Even when we don’t get along, I still love them so much that it is hard to envision a time when they wouldn’t be in my life.
  2. My puppy babies: I always thought that I was a cat person, but it has become quite evident over the past 10 years that I’m quite good at being part of “a pack”.
  3. The ability to read: I know that the possibility to go blind or to have some kind of life-altering brain injury could happen, but I can’t imagine being me and being unable to read.
  4. The ability to listen to and appreciate music: For the love of God, I’m not referring to the teenage thing known as the Bieber. I’m talking real soulful or beautiful or life-altering music.  Music that touches the depths of a person either by its message or by the musician’s talent/skill.
  5. My sense of humor: Some people might not think of me as being funny.  I think, though, that they just cannot appreciate my type of wit.  ;)
  6. The friends and family that I have that care as much for me as I do for them:This group of people should know who they are, but I don’t know that they know just how much they mean to me.  Whether it’s checking on me when they notice I haven’t been online for a while (for some that’s a day and others a few weeks) or send me a birthday wish or telling a joke on one of those days when I’m just completely blue.  These people are important.  These people matter.  They (you) should know that.
  7. Therapy: The first time I went to therapy, I was 8.  I’m 27 now.  I’m still crazy, and I can’t imagine a time happening where I won’t need therapy in order to make it from day to day.
  8. My fear of slugs: This fear will never go away.  I figure that if it ceases to affect me, then I will cease to be the Janet that most people know and love or, for some, know and loathe.
  9. My fangirl tendencies:I’ve got to be a fangirl.  That’s just who I am.  It’s how I roll.  Like it or lump it, folks!

 

Comment » | 10 Day Challenge, 10 Years of Madness, Family, Friends, Geekery, General, memes, Mental Health, Music Stuff

Keeps Gettin’ Better

24
February

My weekend was pretty good. My mom bought me new shoes–actual Birkenstocks. Then, Kate Winslet and Heath Ledger won for their categories at the Oscars. Then, it all went to crap on Monday morning.

As I was walking Xander, I took a step and my ankle turned. I sprained it pretty bad, and now have trouble walking on it. I had to miss my classes yesterday morning because I was in so much pain and couldn’t walk.

As if that wasn’t enough, I went in for my recheck on the rheumatologist visit about my fibromyalgia. He was happy to hear that I was doing so much better, but was sad to report that I have tested “mildly positive” for Lupus and Sjogren’s Syndrome, which means my body hates itself. Actually, it means that (with Lupus) my cells are being attacked by my body. For Sjogren’s, it means I won’t produce enough tears and saliva and will eventually, possibly, go blind. It can kill me, too. (I know a little more about it because my paternal grandmother had it.)

So, I’m a bit sad right now. I mean, there’s no definite yes on having either, but I don’t doubt that it’s possible for me to get them. And if I get them, then unless a cure comes along, I’m not in good shape…Lupus can go into remission, but Sjogren’s cannot.

3 comments » | General, Sickness and Health

Irritation

17
May

Guess who has the wonderful luck of having a hammer toe? Yes, that would be me. Apparently, I have someone “up there” in a bit of tiff to let this happen. No, I don’t really believe that. It came about last night after I got out of the shower. I sat down and my toe just kept curling up and hurting. I had no clue what was wrong, so I kept trying to straighten it. Finally, my mom got home and I asked her what was going on. She said that it sounded like a hammer toe. She said something about how it can be treated with surgery, which freaked me out, so I looked it up and it said that it can be fixed by wearing looser shoes. It can be caused by tight shoes or by arthritis. My shoes that I’ve been wearing aren’t tight, though. The other alternative is arthritis, and I hope that that isn’t true for me. Rheumatoid Arthritis and Osteoarthritis both run in my family, so it isn’t entirely impossible, but its just that I’m so young. I just hope its that the shoes were irritating it.

I absolutely cannot stand one of my neighbors. She’s about twelve. She doesn’t understand that when we say we have to go in the house with our dogs that that means that we have to go in the house. She assumes that when we’re out there, it’s okay for her to come across the street and stir them up. She gets them excited and then they won’t go in, which means she gets to play with them more. That means she gets to be a pain in my side a lot more. I try to avoid her, but this afternoon, she just had to come over and bring her dog, who is scared to death of other dogs, especially Xander. It’s so irritating.

I had therapy yesterday morning. It was interesting. I talked to Gulshan about my not liking to be touched. Her first question, “Were you sexually abused?” Okay, everytime I say anything to any person who is in a mental health/social services field about this problem, they want to know if I’ve been sexually abused. I understand that it is common for sexually abused and raped people to not want to be touched. I know it is pretty uncommon for non-sexually abused/raped people to not want to be touched, but obviously it happens. I told her about my theory about it being caused by Kristin C.’s torment of me. She said I was letting her have power over me and that I needed to not do that. She also said that in our sessions she’s going to touch my leg or arm to try and desensitize me. In a way, I hope that it works, but in another way, I don’t want it to work. I want the help, but I don’t want people to be able to touch me whenever they please. I know they do that anyway, but I don’t want them to have that kind of power. Gulshan told me that as long as I hold onto my fears of being touched, I won’t have intimate (friendships and romantic) relationships with anyone. In a way, I don’t mind that.

I was a bit upset after school ended this semester because I realized I had made friends. That might sound like a good thing to realize, but it upset me because I have tried so hard since Stephanie left to not get attached to anyone. When you get attached to people, they leave you and that hurts. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to lose another person I get close to.

I’ve been adding more content to the site lately. More about me, more rants, and more content (in the For You area) in general. I added 2 quizzes this afternoon–Which Buffy character are you? and Which Charmed One are you?. I want to make more quizzes, but I’m not quite sure what I want to do. So, if you have suggestions, feel free to let me know. :)

Oh, and on a happy note, it’s official that Charmed got renewed. Big yay. :)

15 comments » | General, Mental Health, Rants

Nerves set afire

2
August

Have you ever felt REALLY nervous when you’re about to start to a new school? Well, this is worse than any nervous experience in my whole life…that I can think of. All of my friends keep asking me if I’m excited about going to college, my answer is:

NO!!!!!!!

I’m not excited. I’m nervous! VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY nervous! Not that I’ll fail (well, not very nervous). Not that I’ll be late for classes. I’m nervous about seeing all those people. I mean, there are 8,000 people who go to the 3 campuses of Calhoun. I really don’t want to embarrass myself in front of a fraction of those people.

*sigh*

I also keep telling them that sometimes I wonder if I’m ready for this. Then, they ask if I think I made the wrong decision when I dropped out. I KNOW that I made the right decision. I mean, I feel it in my heart. I know that I couldn’t have stayed one more second. High school was not for me. But there are so many things that I wish I could’ve experienced:

More pep rallies
2 Junior/Senior Proms (I quit a few months before the first one I’d have gone to)
The ability to be nominated for homecoming court (If Coach Val had written down MY name instead of Megan’s, I would’ve been on the nominations list…and it wasn’t that I didn’t get the votes of my homeroom. They voted for Leigh and me, but Coach Val LOVED Megan…:oP)
Senior Skip Day
Graduation
Saying goodbye to all my friends

I’m never going to get those things…I mean, yeah, I’ll graduate and I’ll have the chance to say goodbye to my friends before they go to college, but I won’t get 175 more days to say how much they mean to me. I won’t get all those little things that you don’t realize how much you love until they’re gone.

I have got to quit talking about this stuff, because I’m going to start crying. :*( I cry really easily.

You know, over the past few weeks, people have really only gotten to see the annoyed me. Well, from here on out, I’m going to try to focus more on me and my friends–online and off. :)

Oh, my mom has decided yet AGAIN that I can have a DIFFERENT time to take classes and this time, I’ll get them in Decatur. :o P She doesn’t want me to have to stay at school alone for two hours because she’ll have to drop me off at 2 so she can go to work…So, now I may have to go to school at 8 in the morning. That really doesn’t thrill me, because it’s about an hour from my house to the campus. NO FUN!!!!!

Aw…Xan looks so depressed. I don’t know if he’s really sad or if he just wants attention. (He is SOOOO good at manipulation.)

*yawn*

I slept for a little while longer this more after I took X-boy for his walk.

My butt hurts. I know, you didn’t need to know that, but…who cares? It’s my diary…it’s my butt, it hurts…I share. So…:oP

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I now have “Born to Make You Happy” by Pinky Spears in my head thanks to some stupid tv commercial.

Oh, that reminds me…I updated my AOL profile. It still looks stupid, but it’s mine so that makes sense. :) If you have AOL, just go to get a member profile and type in Jadimo. You’ll see my dorkiness.

Well, I guess I get to go check my faves. I want to thank those of you who’ve left nice notes over the past few weeks, because I don’t feel like I ever thank you guys enough. Nice notes really do touch my heart. :)

Comments Off | Calhoun, General, Sickness and Health

The truth remains you’re gone

27
July

I feel awful today. My mom thinks I have some kind of stomach virus. Ugh! I thought I had it the other night, but today it’s MUCH worse. I’m extremely nauseous and my stomach feels worse than usual. No fun at all.

I’m tired…as usual. I’ve noticed that I’m really irritable lately, too. That’s not exactly a good thing. I wonder what’s up. It’s funny…every other week I have therapy and I do great almost all the time except the days right AFTER I go to therapy. Crazy, isn’t it?

My dad thinks Xander is part cat. LOL. He acts like a cat part of the time. He lays around like a cat and does things like a cat. Heh. Of course, at least he’s isn’t pink and meows like a cat. I had a REALLY odd dream last night. Part of it included Xander on a bed. He was light pink and meowed like a cat. It was quite funny. I don’t think my dream book has anything in it on a pink dog that meows.

Oh, Rachel, if you’re reading this…I got the postcard! Thank you so much! I’ve never gotten a postcard from New York (quite a few from Jersey). It was cool. :)

I REALLY need to go to Wal-Mart and get some disks so that I can scan all my pics. Well, not ALL of my pictures. I’ll probably share so many that you guys will want to throw me up against the wall.

My mom and I thought about going to Super Target this morning, but we didn’t want to brave the grand opening crowd. (We both have anxiety problems.) She also didn’t want to take a chance on the psychos in the parking lot. We’ve always found very ODD people in the parking lot. (Once a guy almost beat up my dad for pulling into a parking space. Another time, my mom accidentally bumped the car next to her with her door and this woman jumped out of her car and told my mom she’d have to touch up the paint. Stephanie was with us and offered a bottle of nailpolish, since it was the same color.)

You know, it’s a very weird day when I have no idea what to really talk about. Usually, I’m full of ideas for writing. Today, though, my brain is on vacation.

Oh, I know. I’ve been looking for my non-driver’s id. I need it before I can take my placement test at Calhoun on the 13th. If you see it, let me know. ;) I’m quite worried about this whole going to college thing. Not academics-wise. I’m more worried about going to some place that I don’t know anyone or how to get around. I guess some normal anxiety?! I don’t know. It’s just frustrating. One good thing about it, my friends will go back to school the week before I start to college. YAY!

Oh well, I guess that’s all for now. I’ll answer notes and check some faves. :)

Comments Off | General, Sickness and Health

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