Weird


3
I like Zayn.1 I hate his “Pillow Talk” video & don’t really like the song. He looks bored and the video is just 100% tacky.2 Who thought it was a good idea to put flowers over her genitals and hearts3 on her nipples?456789 Whoever it was should be fired.10 And the random lesbian scenes, what’s that about? There are people who had LSD trips that weren’t as bizarre as this video.11 This was the music video equivalent of a MySpace profile with glitter graphics and auto-play songs. It’s just…a tacky vomitfest.      It’s obvious that he’s trying to prove he’s not just Zayn Malik of One Direction, but I feel like he’s trying too hard. The video looks like it was supposed to be artistic, but it was just kaleidoscopic, over saturated, exclusion/difference layer12 obsession weirdness.  Gigi Hadid is gorgeous, though.  No judging. ↩I’m being nice here. ↩These reminded me of some holographic heart stickers my mom used to order from Oriental Trading Company. I would stick them on my Valentines. ↩No, really. ↩  ↩ ↩    ↩   ↩I. TOLD. YOU. SO. ↩A floral pillowcase should cover their bosoms to mark them for this unforgivable sin. ↩I am still being kind here. ↩Actual Photoshop thing. ↩

Review: “Pillow Talk”


If you considering seven years a long time, then I’ve been using Twitter for a long time. Even if you don’t, that’s longer than most people have been on the site. It’s probably longer than the user @AdmForrestal has been using it, but he’s brought the weirdness in a major way. I would applaud his weirdness or laugh at it if it wasn’t so ridiculous and, to some degree, frightening. This racist human being1 has decided that I defend the opinions that I have so vehemently because I’m working for someone. That’s right. I have a particular opinion because I’m a shill for some company or government agency. Yes, just what any contrarian would do with their life: conform to a particular idea to make money. Because contrarians are all about the Benjamins and not about the whole thinking-for-themselves thing. Uh-huh. But really this guy claimed I’m a shill. @janersm You clearly have been told to ind this post on the internet and make shit up who do you work for? — JamesForrestal (@AdmForrestal) November 9, 2015 And why did he do this? Because he’s nuts. No, I shouldn’t say that, especially since I would chide anyone else who promoted stigma when they were encountering someone who behaved in a difficult manner. His reason was that he believed that I lied about my experiences in hospital emergency rooms. He said that patients don’t get visitors until they’ve been stabilized. That’s not always true. One of my examples of that not being true was back in July of 2012 when a mound of fire ants decided to make me their bitch. I was at the park with my mom and my dad waiting between doctor appointments. We sat under a shady tree because it was hot as hell outside and we happened to sit next to a fire ant mound. We didn’t know that my predisposed-to-atopy2 body had decided that fire ants were just so out of style and that it wanted nothing more to do with them, so it just had to respond with anaphylaxis. Clearly, no other reaction would have been appropriate for that situation. My parents, as witnesses to my fall and the first people that I mentioned the ant bites to,3 were essential to my care that day and to keeping me alive. They were the ones who told the doctors about my medical history. And they were the ones who eventually told the doctors about the ant bites. Before that happened, they thought that my fall and my two fainting spells were a result of the heat4. But the fainting, the hospital visit, and everything associated with that day was all clearly a part of a conspiracy to upset @AdmForrestal. When I mentioned before I “fainted” that we were hanging out at the Park, I was clearly just setting up this ruse. Dad decided we could spend some time under a tree at the park; so did the birds http://t.co/ujNyLHij — Janet Morris (@janersm) July 24, 2012 The geese in the picture included with that tweet were clearly provided by PETA and were part of a liberal media conspiracy to upset this one random Twitter user over three years later. The original caption for that faked picture was “More lazy geese”, which, again, was all part of my clearly faked fall. No one in their right mind would ever insult geese by calling them lazy.5 My first tweet from the ER? Clearly, it was also a big old hoax. I know absolutely nothing about having anaphylaxis. Took 7 or so sticks to get IV started. Pulse being monitored. It was 139 at the park. — Janet Morris (@janersm) July 24, 2012 Obviously, I’ve never ever talked about being a hard stick over the last almost 15 years of having this website. And I’ve never mentioned that I have tachycardia. Those were all totally new occurrences and haven’t happened since. Except on that one day. That’s how you can totally tell that I’m a shill. Because that isn’t an ongoing issue for me. @janersm Idiot, the shock of hives and vomiting is not life threatening after stabilization them bringing them into a room after that haps — JamesForrestal (@AdmForrestal) November 9, 2015 If I did know anything about anaphylaxis, I would have vomited instead of just fainting, having my heart rate go up, developing hives, and being extremely dizzy. And my life wouldn’t have been in danger even when my parents were in the room with me. And when I mentioned that I hadn’t been tweeting during the rest of my visit? Clearly, that was me covering my ass. I must have needed some time to come up with the whole story. I wanted to update when I got discharged but my phone was completely dead, so it's been charging for a few hours. — Janet Morris (@janersm) July 25, 2012 When I talked that night about how hard my father took the trip, I was obviously continuing the hoax. When he had to be hospitalized the next day for stress that included that ER visit, I was also continuing the ruse on this poor Twitter user that I wouldn’t talk to for another three years. Other than that, I'm itchy, sore, have a headache, and have been trying to reassure my dad that it isn't his fault this happened. — Janet Morris (@janersm) July 25, 2012 When I talked about the people who helped me after I fainted, I must have been making that up, too. Oh, and when I fell the principals of Ed White & Hampton Cove did the first aid while Dad called 911. They also helped keep me from — Janet Morris (@janersm) July 25, 2012 getting up. I was stubborn enough that I kept thinking I was okay to get up. The four of them managed to keep me still. — Janet Morris (@janersm) July 25, 2012 I mentioned two random schools in Huntsville in my shout-out for shits and giggles. […]

A Conspiracy of Ants



When I went to study for the driver permit exam over a week ago, I realized I was missing something very important: a pair of glasses. Thanks to myopia in both eyes with an astigmatism in one of them, I had a vision restriction the last time I tested for my my permit. I figured that I probably needed to get glasses if I wanted to get a new permit/license or ever use it to drive. I did the typical poor girl with bad eyes thing & ordered discount glasses from Zenni. Their glasses are typically pretty awesome.  This time? Not so much.  I’m not sure what happened. Maybe my prescription has changed? Maybe I typed in the wrong value for something? Maybe they screwed up when manufacturing them? Whatever happened led to a pair of glasses that have a totally screwy left lens. That lens causes my vision to double. Oddly, the right one was perfect.  When I talked to my family about the issue, I told them that it was almost time for an optometrist appointment & I would get a new scrip. A couple of hours later, I got an emai from the optometrist telling me that they’d scheduled an appointment for me on the 27th at 1pm. I had to reschedule it (to this coming Monday) since I already have physical therapy scheduled for that exact date & time. If I were a Canadian singer-songwriter with a poor understanding of irony, I could probably work it all into a song; and four versions of me (sort of Orphan Black-ish)1 could awkwardly act out the music video in a car. Alas, I’m just a weird American.23 Woe is me.  Oddly enough, Tatiana Maslany, of Orphan Black fame, is Canadian. Maybe acting like four different people at a time is a Canadian thing, like socialized medicine, being overly kind & apologetic, loving curling, or gravy on fries—what’s that about? ↩Yay, let’s have more pollution from fossil fuels because America. ↩That was a joke. Obviously an asthmatic with a fear of humanity being destroyed by tragedies of a scientific nature who finds the very idea of fossil fuels to be gross and has a penchant for run-on sentences is not pro-pollution or fossil fuels. Ew. ↩

Myopia Dystopia 


My designer drug came today.1 It’s actually called Pennsaid2 and has the same active ingredient as Voltaren, which the orthopedist didn’t tell me when he prescribed it. Actually, he didn’t even tell me the name of the drug. I have been twiddling my fingers3 since the appointment wondering what this miraculous anti-inflammatory that he assured wouldn’t put my can’t-take-NSAIDs body at risk of going batshit when it encountered the drug. I knew when I saw the name that this was definitely an NSAID.4 And guess what? It has the same big boxed “fyi-this-could-kill-you” warning that all other NSAIDs have. It even says that if you have asthma5 or have issues with NSAIDs6 that the drug might not be safe to take. It goes on to say that despite being a topical drug and having absolutely nothing to do with the digestive tract at all, it can cause ulcers. Well, that’s just grand. I was so proud of the orthopedist for finding something that I could take that might help my leg.7 Clearly that pride was misplaced. I know that I’m more prone to adverse reactions than most people.8 I know that it says that it’s not likely to happen, but that doesn’t mean that it is safe to give it to a patient who has clearly told you9 she CANNOT take NSAIDs. When I tell a doctor I can’t take something, I mean that I cannot fucking take it. I’m not playing around. There are some drugs that I don’t like the side effects of, but will take anyway. NSAIDs are not one of those. I list them with my allergies because I know that they are not just unpleasant, they are contraindicated given my history of stomach issues1011 and the gastric bypass surgery. So now I’m on alert. I’ll try the stuff a couple more times to see if it’s actually safe. If I don’t react, I’ll keep using it, but I will always be on watch. I don’t think that I’ll be taking it long, though, since I’m already having some nausea, acid-filled burps, and some of the most intense upper abdominal pain that I have ever felt.12 I’m hoping that maybe the pain was me psyching myself out and that the nausea/HCl burps were a result of a little too much of my turkey tacos. If it happens again tomorrow13 then I will know that it isn’t the food. I don’t want to stop taking it and realize a long way down the line that it wasn’t actually making me sick. I also don’t want to end up with a perforated ulcer like Jenn, so I’ll be cautious about taking it. Anyway, I guess I could start blogging more at night. Some of the other medicine I’m on for the knee issue and for other issues has been keeping me up to 4 AM lately. If I’m up, I could do something sort of productive. Of course I’d have to be careful because the meds do make me a little more loopy-brained than I usually am. Oh, btw, I want to apologize to anyone14 who got annoyed by all of my tweets today. Over the weekend, I saw that #DefundPP supporters were planning a tweetfest to promote their hatred of Planned Parenthood and their related ignorance of abortion, birth control, etc. I decided to join in, except I would post facts, quotes, personal stories, etc. Basically, I was trying to help give people on Twitter some legit information instead of some bullshit propaganda. I also wanted to piss off the #DefundPP supporters. Considering the tweets that they sent me, I’d say it worked. Between being called evil, being compared to Nazis, being compared to Jim Jones/Jonestown, having my head called fat and ugly,15 and some other pleasant remarks, I’d say that the mission to piss them off was one that I clearly accomplished. There were some real assholes who decided that because I support access to abortions that I must hate babies and that I must have had an abortion. I think people who jump to that conclusion are like homophobic individuals16 who think that if you’re pro-LGBTQ rights that you must be in the LGBTQ community. Anyway, they determined that I was a baby-killer and that they would encourage their followers to harass me for killing this child that I don’t ever remember conceiving let alone aborting. That was the only tweet that I reported to Twitter because people in that movement can go a bit above-and-beyond on that scary, dangerous behavior. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. I’m sorry for flooding some of your Twitter feeds with my #DefundPP tweets. It was for a good cause, but if it was annoying to you, and I don’t think that you’re a horrible human being, then I am sorry for my behavior. If I think you suck: Who the fuck cares what you think about my tweets? I certainly don’t. I guess that’s all. ‘Night, y’all.17 My dad got me started on calling it a designer drug. ↩I see what you did there, pharmacology people. ↩Or, you know, something else that’s fidgety. ↩If it hadn’t been, then I would give the company major props for their attempt at trolling. ↩Check. ↩Double check. ↩It doesn’t work well either. ↩Yay genetics! ↩As I typed this I thought of Willy Wonka–of the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory film version–in his office at the end of the movie saying, “It’s all there, black and white, clear as crystal!” ↩My father also cannot take NSAIDs without having his acid issues flare up. He’s where I get the 80 mg Protonix + maxed out Gaviscon = still bubbling with hydrochloric acid stomach from. He also passed along his caffeine allergy. ↩Though it’s worth noting that Nana, mom’s mom, goes into anaphylaxis with anything, including skin creams, containing aspirin. ↩Considering that I’ve had GERD for around 20 years, gastric bypass surgery, and gallbladder failure that led to gallbladder surgery, I have plenty of experience with upper abdominal pain. Hell, it even ranks up […]

Mystifying Contraindications



Seriously, this comment was left on my review of For Such a Time by Kate Breslin: It’s not an easy read, dealing with a dark and hellish time in history, the Nazi occupation of Germany, but it’s a worthwhile and powerful read. Hadassah Benjamin is half-Jewish and believed she’d be protected by her Aryan-like looks; SS Kommandant Colonel Aric von Schmidt is head of the transit concentration camp Theresienstadt in Czechoslovakia. Getting spam related to the book only makes the book seem more disgusting. And it tarnishes my opinion of spam quite a bit, too. (Not that I was a fan of it either.) When did spam switch to Christian Inspiration fiction set during the Holocaust? I thought they stuck to drugs and sexual dysfunction. via Tumblr




In July, I was having serious issues with Synchrony Bank, which is the company that administers the Walmart store card. As I mentioned in my complaint to Walmart, I had set up payments before the due date to make sure that I didn’t miss any payments. Synchrony is a little odd compared to other credit card companies that I have dealt with in that it, as I found out later at https://thecatalogueguide.co.uk/home/washing-machines-rent/, takes 1-2 months for automatic payments to be set-up,1 so they expect that the first two months will be paid manually.2 If I’d realized this, I would have done that. When I made manual payments, after complaining that I didn’t know about this 1-2 month thing, they didn’t tell me at first that the payments weren’t being applied because of some issue with the information I gave them.3 I had to find this out through their rebuttal to the Better Business Bureau. And they said in their rebuttal that they actually don’t inform the customer of this until they get their next statement. The funny thing about that is that after learning of the payments not going through, I sent one that did get processed. Before their statement would get to me, I had already fixed the problem. But, by the next time their statement would be available, they had closed my account. I had an account with them for about three months. The first month was a free month. The second had a payment issue, but we fixed it, and I offered to make up this payment to them. The third the payment was paid on time, but the account got closed. So that’s why I finally sent Walmart this complaint:4 In July, I made a complaint to the BBB because of an issue with Synchrony Bank’s billing practices on the Walmart Card. I had set up automatic payments weeks before the due date, but the payment did not get processed. I was then charged a late fee. I had tried to sort it out through the messaging system on the card’s website, but was confused and off-put by the messages I was receiving from their customer service people. I also attempted 2 manual payments. I found out in late July, through the BBB complaint, that there had been some issue with my bank account information that I had provided for the manual payments, something I thought was ridiculous because the account information came directly from my bank statement, so I reentered the information and it time it worked. When I mentioned that I hadn’t been told about the account info issues, Synchrony Bank’s employee said that that was because they don’t inform consumers of this issue until their next statement. I thought that once the payment had gone through that everything had worked out, but received a letter that stated my account was being closed because I’d had too many “dishonored” payments. To me, it seems very odd that an account would be canceled over an issue that was the cause of a BBB complaint. It also seems odd that it would be closed over a week after a successful payment went through, one that proved that I wasn’t trying to skip paying my bill. I submitted a photograph of the letter that Synchrony sent over the account being closed to the BBB. It would be nice if my account wasn’t closed, but I won’t lose sleep over it if it never reopens. I probably won’t be able to shop from Walmart’s website anymore, though. I could call a phone number Synchrony has for account closures, but I probably won’t because phone calls are still too hard with my anxiety issues.5 As I mentioned in my complaint to Walmart, I sent a photograph of the letter to the Better Business Bureau. I also mentioned that I felt that it was a “punishment” over the issues mentioned within the complaint. I guess I’ll just be a Target girl from now on. Like I said, no other company has ever taken that long. ↩This isn’t covered in the credit agreement. ↩This was odd since the information literally came right from my bank statement. ↩This was a complaint that their Twitter account suggested I make last month. I really should have done it then, but I didn’t anticipate the account closure. ↩This is especially true for calls that involve financial issues. ↩

My Complaint to Walmart



I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t nervous about taking the Keflex the Infectious Disease specialist prescribed. I was. I think everyone was, including the doctor. It’s only natural when you have multiple drug allergies1 to be cautious with this sort of thing.  I started joking about how I was noticing red splotches pop up within a few hours every time I took it. I was, but gingers and anxiety patients can sometimes end up with rashes and hives for little or no reason. So I just kept an eye on them and tried not to worry.  Until last night.  Last night, about 60-120 minutes after taking the Keflex, I noticed my throat was itching and that I could actually feel my uvula. I thought that I was probably just being nutso. Even when I realized breathing was starting to get especially hard–and I’d used my rescue inhaler. Even when I noticed that my lips were slightly puffy last night. Even when all of those things lessened after using Benadryl.  You know how people have suggested in the past that I might be a hypochondriac or have another sort of factitious disorder? I always understood that sort of thinking because I tend to think my problems are no big deal–if it’s “physical”, I think it’s in my head; if it’s “mental”, I think I’m just being ridiculous.2  Anyway, I figured that maybe I really was nuts and that I should just ignore it.  This morning I took the Keflex again. About the same length of time passed before I noticed the same symptoms popping up. This time I casually mentioned it to my mom.3 She didn’t take long to call the ID to find out what we should do. The doctor’s office called back. I was to immediately discontinue the Keflex. If the swelling got worse, I was to report to the ER. She was going to figure out what to do next. She apparently didn’t figure it out today.  So, yay. I have now flummoxed an infectious disease specialist. I am a statistical anomaly in the medical profession.45 It’s so fun being a freak for the medical community. I just love being the person whose charts allow them to learn all about weird shit. I love how it leads to unnecessary tests and stress. It’s just so fun.6 Now I wait for an absolution that will never come.7  including two related to Keflex ↩Discounting one’s own suffering & health issues can actually be a sign of things like PTSD. ↩Imagine casually mentioning to another person that you were showing signs of anaphylaxis. ↩Even when allergic to other cephalosporins or penicillins, at least 90% of people can still take Keflex. Those who can’t aren’t usually allergic to most other antibiotics. ↩The rapid strep test & culture from last week coming back positive and negative is another example of my anomaly-ness. Of all the people who have inconsistent rapid test/throat culture results, only three in one study had results like mine. And there is no known reason why that sort of thing happened. ↩If you can’t detect the sarcasm, I’m sorry. ↩It’s a Titanic reference, dude. ↩

Anaphylaxis and You