Weight


Firsts by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn My rating: 2 of 5 stars This book was good, but it wasn’t. That may not be obvious since I rated it so low. Firsts tackled some tough subjects, but it didn’t really do so in a great or helpful way. I honestly wonder if it may have done more harm than good. The intention of the author, much like the intention of the main character Mercedes Ayres, was probably a good one at heart, but, as the proverb goes, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Good intentions cannot fix what is truly wrong with this book. I understand the attempt to soften the approach people take to cheating and slut-shaming, but it doesn’t actually achieve that. Instead, it pushes those stereotypes even further and dismisses criminal behavior as seduction and bad parenting. Luke is portrayed as the former boyfriend, while the behavior described is clearly sexually abusive. He groomed Mercedes before forcing her to perform oral sex on him and before eventually raping her. Charlie’s actions are not really any better. Filming a person having sex without their consent is illegal. Trying to physically force someone to have sex with you is illegal. Attempting to blackmail someone over their sex life is, you guessed it, illegal. But the author chooses to say that Charlie was trying to “seduce” Mercedes. No, that’s not seduction. Those are acts of sexual violence. Kim is an emotionally abusive and emotionally & physically neglectful mother, and Mercedes’ absentee father who decided to punish Mercedes for her mom’s decisions isn’t much better. Kim is portrayed as a slut and a bimbo who only cares about spending the ill-gotten gains of her ex-husband. It’s the kind of storyline that you might get from websites run by “men’s rights activists” and MGTOW. Faye is the supposed-to-be-subtle-but-really-isn’t cautionary tale. Zach is the night-in-shining armor. Angela is the good girl, the girl with the patience of a saint and who is let back into Mercy’s life too easily. Mercedes is the fallen girl/girl gone bad who takes on the sins of all those involved & is nearly ruined in the process. She is constantly obsessing over what side she should show others, which is something that a lot of people feel, but it was never really addressed in the book. Yes, there’s the whole, her mom screwed up how she thinks about sex, beauty, weight, etc., but that’s not enough to explain why she is so hyper-critical and why she is convinced that she is unlovable. And if you’re going to spend a whole book tearing down the main character’s self-esteem, then you need to spend more than a couple of pages making her act like she’s all-better all of a sudden. Sometimes it came across as preachy. No, wait, it always came across as preachy. The sex lives of most of the characters in the book are regularly criticized. Angela, Mercy’s BFF, is super-religious and pushes her faith onto everyone. (There are even Bible verses that are quoted and referenced.) Her sex-negative attitude only pushes Mercy to hide her actions. Kim’s antics seem to push the idea that adultery leads women to even more vice-filled lives. Mercy’s internal dialogue about how many guys she’s had sex with pushed the idea that girls & women who have ‘too much’ sex might be seen as used up goods. The outcome at school for Mercedes pushes the idea that women and girls have to be punished for being sexual. When Mercedes describes how she feels about sex and intimacy, even when she sometimes thinks she’s attracted to Faye, it’s almost like reading a pamphlet on sex addiction. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed by the way that her pseudo-attraction to Faye was handled. I know that with sex addiction, a person might engage in sex with people that they aren’t really attracted to, but the whole “is she going to kiss me” thing that existed through most of their interactions was just shrugged away toward the end. I didn’t know if Mercedes was only thinking about Faye that way because she really doesn’t understand relationship boundaries or if she might not be as heterosexual as she eventually felt the need to declare she was. Sex addiction or figuring out that you’re LGBTQ might be an interesting topic to cover in a novel, but it needs to be addressed in a better way. Come to think of it: all of the issues that are described within the book need to be addressed properly. In attempting to counter the sex-negativity that people, especially women and girls, encounter in their lives, the book actually pushed an even more sex-negative outlook. The book essentially normalized sexual violence, parental neglect, and shaming young women for being interested in sex. That’s why I don’t think I could ever truly love this book. It almost seemed like a book I could like until it became clear that it was just another in a long line of anti-sex books with ambiguous attitudes toward abuse and sexual assault. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. View all my reviews

Review: Firsts


Well, I’m anemic, but I’m not. It isn’t my iron that’s low.1 It’s my B12. It’s around 300 pg/mL right now, which is low for most of the world,2 but it’s not low according to American standards.34 Fortunately, the hematologist’s office realizes that those standards are messed up and that a person who takes monthly injections of B12 shouldn’t have a level that low. They also realize that the gastric bypass surgery and my family’s predisposition to the B12 deficiency makes me more likely to have issues absorbing it and maintaining high enough levels. So now I get to re-load on B12. That means 1 shot a day for 7 days, then 1 shot a week for 7 weeks, then 1 shot a month like I’ve been doing for years. Fun, right?5 The nurse practitioner also wants me to be checked out by a pulmonologist6 and, possibly, a cardiologist.7 She definitely wants me to undergo a pulmonary function test. She said that it could be that when I fell  at the pool several weeks ago, the water that I breathed in may have caused some issue in my lungs that I’m just not over yet.8 The other possible thing was the day that my dad put Clorox in the toilet. I didn’t think and I peed in a toilet bowl full of Clorox which led to a rather enjoyable release of chloramine gas.9 I coughed for days afterward and felt like something had scorched my lungs and throat.10 Well, technically, there are other possible reasons for my breathing to be so rough. I do have a history of severe asthma and severe allergies. Vitamin B12 deficiency itself can cause shortness of breath, but it’s a rare occurrence when it happens. Of course, rarities are my specialty.11 I need to go shoot up12 with some cyanocobalamin.13 The magic of birth control pills. ↩The low end of normal elsewhere is around 500 pg/mL. That’s where symptoms like fatigue, pale skin, dementia, etc. start occurring. ↩The low end of the American range is 200 pg/mL. ↩Bad standards. Very bad. ↩If you say yes, then there’s something wrong with you. ↩Lung doctor. ↩I guess because I have ongoing issues with tachycardia. Shortness of breath is linked with tachycardia. ↩Face-planting in the water is dangerous, yo! ↩Yeah, science, bitch! ↩A sane person might have gotten checked by a doctor after that experience, but I’ve never been a sane person. ↩As are face-plants, social awkwardness, and gourmet cooking; a lady must have an entire repertoire of mad skillz. ↩My thigh muscle. ↩Don’t call the cops. It’s totally legal. ↩

I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just a Little Unwell



Sorry that I fell behind by a few days. I had some stuff come up in my family that took precedence. I have decided that splitting each list up into 21 items is a bit too anal of me. I’ll get as many done in a day as I can. That may mean huge lists some days and really small ones on other days. I have a feeling that if you’re looking for reasons to oppose Donald Trump, no list can be too big or too small.1 I’m also going to begin posting each reason on my Twitter account under #2016Reasons. I’ve already been posting each of these posts to that hashtag. 106. Trump said that you never see thin people drinking Diet Coke. Despite the fact that he drinks the soda, Trump enjoys fat-shaming people who drink the soda. I guess that it’s a case of do as I say, not as I do, also known as typical Donald Trump. 107. Donald Trump talks about women like they’re his property. You should know by now that I’m not joking when I say things like this, so yes, he really uses possessive language about women. Specifically, he said, “I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.” And if you’re thinking, “well, at least it’s a compliment,” then I’m going to assume that you’re probably going to vote Republican anyway. People cannot be owned. Now, I know that Trump has a history of trying to get around that by “employing” people who are in forced servitude (slavery) to build things for him, but the statement stands. 108. He thinks he can brag about humility. When Lesley Stahl interviewed him for 60 Minutes after he announced that Pence would be his running mate, he said this about himself: “I think I’m much more humble than you would understand.” And it wasn’t the only time he felt the need to brag about how humble he is. He once even compared his humility to that of the Pope. Donald, Donald, Donald. Do you not understand how humility works? It’s not something that you can brag about. Well, obviously, you can brag about anything, but if you’re bragging about being humble, then you are not humble. Know why? It’s what the word means: Humility: a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness. Bragging about humility is a bit like fat-shaming people for drinking Diet Coke while guzzling a tiny little bottle of Diet Coke on board a private plane. Yeah, I said it. 109. “The point is, you can never be too greedy.” I shouldn’t be surprised that Donald subscribes to the Gordon Gekko philosophy of wealth acquisition. Maybe, like many, he doesn’t understand that Gekko wasn’t the hero of those movies. He was the villain. Perhaps, he was inspired by the Ferengi in the Star Trek universe; failing to recognize that they too were meant to be antagonists. Or maybe it’s due to growing up in a wealthy family; he never learned that life isn’t about being the wealthiest person in the room or becoming the wealthiest person in the room. He values his bank balance more than he values lives. Is that the kind of person that you want running the United States? 110. Political events are about ratings for him. Whether talking about the debates or the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump obsessed over how many people were watching. I hate to break it to him, but a lot of people who watched those things aren’t even voting for him. At a certain point, watching Trump speak became more about either laughing at him or trying to determine just how out there the man is. But even if people were watching to root him on in his fight against the establishment–aka himself–believing that ratings are the most important part of the events proves how out of touch he is with the importance of the job he’s campaigning to have. Debates and conventions are not just job interviews, they’re part of national conversations where we all start determining where exactly this country should stand on a variety of important issues. Since Trump doesn’t even bother to share his plans for working on those issues, it’s clear that he doesn’t even get the most basic part about it. When he only speaks in incoherent soundbites, it’s easy to see how shallow the man and the campaign really are. 111. He’s opposed to marriage equality. Donald likes to paint himself as a pro-LGBTQ candidate, but he believes in “traditional” marriage. (Apparently, traditional marriage means a union of one man, three women, and a lot of divorce attorneys.) Electing Donald Trump could jeopardize the rights that so many people have fought so hard to win and could prevent future wins in other ongoing fights for equality in America. He has vowed to overturn the decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. 112. Patronized a woman claiming to be a 9/11 survivor. Trump called Alicia Watkins “sweetie” before giving her a “job interview” and saying he’d hire her because he had a gut feeling about her. Watkins told him that she was a 9/11 survivor and a veteran of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Watkins has since been described as having falsified her record and having violated federal laws against Stolen Valor by wearing a purple heart that she didn’t earn. Not only did he patronize her, he proved that his gut kinda sucks. 113. Threatened to “spill the beans” on Heidi Cruz. During the end of the Republican primaries, things between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump got a bit heated. In a move that Cruz still won’t forgive Trump for, Trump threatened Heidi on Twitter. He followed it up by retweeting an unflattering picture of Heidi–a move he actually regrets. 114. Called 9/11 “7/11”. During a rally, Donald Trump confused a huge national tragedy with the real life inspiration for the Kwik-E-Mart. For any American, that would be a big flub, but for someone who loves to brag about his patriotism […]

2016 Reasons to Oppose Trump: Reasons #106-131


Well, I never mentioned how the rheumatologist appointment went. I guess that’s because it happened almost exactly as I a predicted. It was bad. How bad was it? It was so bad that I wish I could time travel to the past and let Rodney Dangerfield use it as material for some of his “How bad was it?/It was so bad” jokes. Everything was fine until the doctor came in. He half-listened to my complaint, said that anhidrosis isn’t a symptom of anything he treats, and told me that all that he ever saw me for was “loose joints” and pain. I told him that the family doctor said she thought my “loose joints” and lack of sweat were related. He said no. I said she thought he should treat it because he treats connective tissue disease. He went into a long rambling session about how my family doctor meant that he treats autoimmune diseases and that “loose joints” aren’t really a connective tissue disease because they don’t involve the immune system. He said that “loose joints” are a collagen issue and that they only cause problems in the joints themselves. I tried correcting him on his ignorance, but when I did, he repeated his rambling.  My mom asked if it could be from the Sjögren’s/UCTD. He said it was possible, but that those were connective tissue diseases & I didn’t have connective tissue diseases. She mentioned Mamama had Sjögren’s and he said it was possible that I inherited it from her. That “Sjögren’s is genetic” part of his ramblings was almost verbatim from the ramblings he made that time seven years ago when I tested “positive” for the antibodies related to Sjögren’s. He looked in my mouth and said it was dry. He asked about my eyes & I told him that the ophthalmologist had done the paper test years ago. He asked about the results and I practically rolled by sore, dry eyes at him as I told him that they’d been dry. He said he would test me again for Sjögren’s and that if it was positive he might consider putting me on Pilocarpine.  He then said something about Pilocarpine costing $95/month and insurance never covers it. You know, so I wouldn’t expect a prescription for it. The funny thing is that I knew he was bullshitting on that part. You see, I had been given a prescription for a medication called Salagen given to me by the UAB doctors a few months ago. They’d noticed my mouth dried out too much for me to talk. Salagen is the brand name of Pilocarpine. It costs $1.20 for 120 pills; 120 pills is a monthly supply. I left the appointment feeling like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. By the end of the appointment, I didn’t know whether I was pissed at him or myself. The longer he rambled, the more I felt myself retreating into the “doesn’t speak up for herself” zone. I started feeling incompetent. I started feeling like maybe I was the one who was uninformed.  But my family and my therapist wouldn’t stand for that thinking.  I’m not the one who: Doesn’t understand that connective tissue disease is an umbrella term for many kinds of diseases.1 Doesn’t understand that many autoimmune and non-autoimmune diseases can cause sweating to cease.  Doesn’t keep adequate patient records.  Doesn’t listen to the patient or their family.  Failed to prepare or educate myself before the appointment.  I’m not the incompetent one. He is.  My mom said I need a new rheumatologist. When I told Debbie about the appointment & about the phone calls, she said I need a new rheumatologist. Guess what I discovered in my search got rheumatologists who take my insurance?! I’m pretty much stuck with a doctor who doesn’t know what the hell he is doing.  I hate the phrase “fuck my life” but it almost seems appropriate here.  Photo credit: C_Dave via Visual Hunt / CC BY-NC Joint Hypermobility Syndrome & Ehlers-Danlos are connective tissue diseases. ↩

Call Me Janet the Divine. On Second Thought, Don’t. 



I only had the chance to go for one walk today. My family was about an hour late on going to the grocery store, so by the time I recovered from the first walk it was dark outside. Aside from the whole “it’s not safe for women to be out alone at night” thing, the fact my phone is still some place that is else, and the fact that I have to walk past the homes of 2 actual sex offenders to walk, it would be unsafe for me to walk by myself at night because I’m just that clumsy. ((This is not news.)) I won’t be walking tomorrow because it’s my pool exercise day.1  I just hate not getting in all the exercise I can physically handle. Basically it’s the same competitive drive that led to my muscle injury a week and a half ago.  Photo via Visualhunt.com Doing both on the same day worsens my connective tissue issues & might trigger my fibromyalgia, which will limit future exercise. ↩

In Case of Darkness 


Tomorrow is the big day. I get to see my cardiologist again. I won’t pretend to be excited about it. I’m not. I’m not dreading it either. I already know what to expect & that I need not expect the doctor to be all that personable.1   I have a feeling he will be a little nicer today than he has been in the past.2 I have discovered that doctors who might ordinarily be dismissive of me because I’m fat3 are super-excited to find out that I’m trying to exercise more & lose the weight.4 Of course, they also tend to go, “How can we let you exercise when your health is so messed up?”56 And I’ll be like, “Yeah, that’s what I tried to get across to you umpteen gazillion times before.”7 I digress.  He should be happy that I’m trying to do the healthy thing. I don’t know if he will actually be happy though. Maybe so.8 And I don’t know if he’ll approve of the exercising. I hope he will. I think he will. But I don’t know he will.9 I hope he won’t send me home in a holter monitor. I hate those things. They’re uncomfortable & they don’t go well with water, so it makes showering a no-go thing, and that causes the itching in my brain10 to go into overdrive. It’s not good when I start thinking I’m dirty.11 I know that UAB wanted a new echocardiogram ordered, but I don’t know if the cardiologist will want to do one. If he does choose to do an echo, it’ll probably be done tomorrow in the office.12 So if I go through one & find out the results before I leave,13 I will try to write an entry about it.  Oh, I went to the pool twice last week and again today. Last Friday, a woman asked me if all I was going to do was walk back and forth in the pool14 and asked how many more times I would do that.15 Anyway, I just shrugged & told her that I had no idea. Today she just smiled & headed to the other end of the pool.16  In other moments of awkwardness, this time online, there is this annoying ass group of people from Louisiana who just won’t go the fuck away on Twitter.17 LSU has let in some truly awful people into their institution as Freshmen for the 2015-2016 school year. Not only are they ignorant assholes, they know jackshit about SEC football. They thought my preference of Tigers18 wearing orange and blue meant I liked Clemson. Ew. When I pointed out that Clemson was orange & purple and not in the conference, they continued to harp on my “liking” Clemson19 and said there was no way for them to know that Auburn was the school I was referring to20 because they have lives.21 Anyway, they’ve kept my block button busy. I don’t understand how “adults” can be so childish. It’s just pathetic. They’re pathetic. I really pity them. Bless their ignorant little hearts, the real world is gonna eat them up.  Photo via Visualhunt.com He’s not. ↩Not that he’s a douche. He’s nice, but he’s not really the soft-eyed, overly compassionate type either. He’s the former head of the cardiology department at Huntsville Hospital, and the hospital is a top cardiac facility in the country, so he’s got medical skills. I’m in good hands. ↩So pretty much all of them. ↩Great self-esteem boost, guys. ↩Not a direct quote. ↩But “so messed up” is a scientific term. It’s gotta be. ↩I put off exercising for a long time for a lot of reasons, but the fact that various doctor<strong><em>s</em></strong> had told me over the years that my lungs or heart or joints or other issues weren’t healthy enough for exercise played a major part. ↩Fingers crossed. ↩That makes sense, right? ↩OCD. ↩OCD may look like a quirky, fun time. It isn’t. ↩They have a room where they do them. ↩Unlikely. ↩Bitch, I might be. ↩Until I’m hungry or tired or thirsty or some combination of these things. ↩Did I just level up on socialization? No? Damn. ↩I’ve blocked so many members of this one girl’s social group. ↩Not the cat kind. ↩Ew. ↩It’s called Google. ↩This is why they felt the need to tweet me on repeated occasions to compare me to Godzilla & various other monsters. Tweets they felt obligated to make because I don’t like Trump. Yeah, what awesome lives they must lead. There are shitlords out there who have more respect for others. ↩

Every Super-Fast Beat of My Heart



I had therapy yesterday. No worries. It was just my monthly visit. Things were kinda wonky there. The computer system went down for one receptionist before it went down for EVERYONE. There were therapists complaining their computers were frozen and secretaries complaining that they couldn’t schedule anyone. Patients were also complaining because there was no way to check everyone in. Debbie ran a little late calling me back, but that had nothing to do with the computer situation. She ALWAYS runs late. I think it’s a Social Worker thing. I was a little more anxious than usual. I still get nervous seeing Debbie, even after knowing her since my freshman year of high school. She’s been my therapist for almost a decade, which is the longest I’ve ever seen a therapist & I worry sometimes that one day she will leave or something. I used to expect therapists to drop me all the time. I actually worry about that sort of thing with anyone—doctors, therapists, friends, family. I feel like I always have to be prepared because people leave me so easily. It makes it a wee bit harder for me to trust people. I guess everyone has their baggage. I went to the pool a few hours ago. I did some walking & other exercises for about thirty minutes. When I got out, I was a little sick/overheated. Standing out in the rain helped some. Then, like a lot of people in Alabama, I voted. Unlike most, I voted Democrat.1 My leg still hurts from exercising on Sunday. It’s gotten a little better since I got out of the pool this afternoon. I think it is just an overuse sort of thing, since it is just achy pain and not injury pain. The muscle just feels tired. Oh, and I’m still smiley about other things from Sunday.2 But I just want to say that even with the injury and even if Leo hadn’t won his first Oscar, Sunday was a good enough day that my mood is still like really good. Happiness for multiple days at a time is weird for me, so I’m celebrating that.  I may go work on organizing clothes & books in my room some. I’m not even dreading it if I do because, like I said, I’m in a good mood.  To paraphrase Sheldon Cooper paraphrasing Spock: Live long and suck it, GOP. ↩I am being deliberately vague here. ↩

Busy Ginger Is Busy


Well, I’ve gone to the Wellness Center twice in the last week. Last Thursday was the first time. Today was the second. I’d hoped that I could go Monday or Tuesday & Thursday or Friday of this week, but Monday wasn’t doable12 and yesterday was supposed to bring storms during the Independent Exercise time.3  Technically, today wasn’t doable in the Indepedent Exercise period either. I went during the 3 Lane Swimming/Independent Exercise slot. During that time, three lanes are devoted to lap swimmers & one to people doing independent exercise. Well, they’re supposed to be. There were lap swimmers in all four lanes. Having to dodge them & getting splashed as they went past was just so fun.4  Of course, I had even less of the lane than any other exercising/swimming folks because I can’t swim. I really need to figure out how that works. You would think I would have figured it out during all of my swimming lessons as a child.5 All I learned was how to float.6 Anyway, I went and I exercised, so now I can look upon people who didn’t with haughty derision.7 I don’t know why. ↩Also, it’s totes cool to use the term “doable” when talking about your schedule. When talking about another human being, it’s definitely not okay.  ↩The storms decided to sleep in or something because they didn’t get to us until pretty late on Tuesday. And most of those storms were in South Alabama & along the Gulf Coast. I’m sure many have seen the trio of waterspouts that hit Louisiana & the building where all that was left was a set of brick steps & a leafless tree. ↩If you can’t tell I was being sarcastic, you need to leave. ↩No, really. I took so many swimming lessons in my childhood. I never caught on when it came to actually swimming. ↩I kick ass when it comes to floating and one teacher said that floating is a better safety technique. 🤘🏻 ↩Isn’t that the only real benefit to exercise? No? Dammit. ↩

Jumping Underwater 



 Well, I survived my surgery.  Yay! I got to the hospital on time & got checked in/taken to pre-op almost immediately. Of course I had to do the required pregnancy test.1   Eventually, a nurse2 came in to set-up an IV—she only stuck me once, thus allowing her to join my unofficial Hall of Fame—while my nurse3 reviewed my medical history, medications, allergies, and the results of the unnecessary pregnancy test.4 I praised Candi for her achievement and tried to interact with Danielle. I was more calm and relaxed once the IV56 was set up. Danielle said the change in my demeanor after the IV was very noticeable.7 She wasn’t really thrilled, at first, with my mom saying that she was there to mock me while my IV got set up, but my mom explained why she does that.8 But she didn’t need to.  One big fear down, a couple more to go.  The antibiotic they used was clindamycin. It’s amazing how my old acne medicine is one of the few antibiotics my atopy-prone body has not declared war on. I guess it’s because it’s not really used that often. Danielle said that typically they’ll give Keflex9 and, if the person is allergic, they’ll use penicillin.10 Or the other way around?  Having a Keflex allergy while having a penicillin allergy isn’t exactly normal, despite their being related. It probably happened in me because of genetics11 and because my first antibiotic allergy was Ceclor, which is related to both Keflex & penicillin somehow. Anyway, Danielle made sure I was not allergic to clindamycin before they officially hooked it up.  When the anesthesiologist came in, he insinuated that I wasn’t allergic to the medicines I listed. That changed as I explained the reactions.  Each person who reviewed my list, including him, did not understand why I listed my orange juice allergy12 under the section for food allergies. Hmm. I wonder why a person would list a food allergy as a food allergy.  Maybe because: Oranges and other fruits contain proteins that are chemically similar to pollen; eating these can cause itching and irritation of the mouth in certain people, many of whom also happen to be allergic to pollen… (via Newsweek) That article points out that orange juice allergies can be worse for asthmatics because of our already inflamed airways. There are also some who believe that orange juice allergies can be a result of salicylate (aspirin-relatives) allergies/sensitivities.13 Basically, this orange juice allergy stuff is serious as fuck.  But I digress…again.  Before taking me to the OR, I was given a dose or so of Versed, aka midazolam.14 In some people,15 there is an unexpected reaction16 and medical professionals can go into denial mode over it because it is pretty much the opposite of what the drug is meant for. Eventually, I was rolled off to the OR. Special latex precautions were taken, which was expected, and was the reason my surgery took place at the hospital instead of an outpatient surgery facility. I think I was the last surgery on the schedule and there may have been a good reason. The anesthesiology team consisted of the anesthesiologists ans 2 nurse anesthetists—the 3 were monitoring me for allergic/adverse reactions. Seriously. The patient board in the OR also mentioned I had multiple allergy issues.17 Eventually, the sleepy-time doc gave me the propofol and I zonked out. My parents said the surgery took five minutes and that my orthopedist, who I saw one time today…before the surgery, said my meniscus and fat pad were fine, but that the debris in my patella was made of bone flakes and that I definitely have arthritis. He also said I need to start exercising and trying to lose weight. I got pissed when he said that because this particular doctor always dismisses that I do exercise. I told him with a previous injury that I was injured while exercising. I told him this issue became noticeable while exercising. As for trying to lose weight?    I’ve lost around 27% of the weight I wanted to lose. I’ve lost 32% of what I need to lose to reach a healthy weight. I would have lost more if my knee hadn’t been fucked up since Spring. Being fat doesn’t mean I should be dismissed like this.  Pretending like all of this is due to weight and weight alone is also bullshit.18 I’m having a hard time believing that the meniscus and fat pad1920 are totally okay, given the symptoms. I just think he’s used this to tell me that he thinks poorly of me for my weight. And that’s pathetic and superficial crap. If he’d ever bothered to listen to me, he could have come to that conclusion on his own.  After surgery, I started talking like crazy21 to the nurses in the recovery section, including Danielle, who was literally keeping watch over me afterward. She got so busy talking to me that she almost forgot to give me a dose of Fentanyl.22 And she almost forgot once again with my Demerol dose. At first, I wondered if she wanted to give me the pain relief injections because she thought it would shut me up. It just made me worse. It wasn’t long before I was getting discharged; we did have to wait for a drug-induced23 vertigo spell to pass.  I also had the lovely experience of a different nurse doing a bad job of removing my IV. She was trying to take the tape off without tearing my skin. I would be grateful for that effort except that, while doing that, she ended up removing the catheter24 rather violently. It started bleeding. A lot. As I mentioned earlier on Instagram, removing an IV so violently is not only painful and dangerous to people with conditions like Ehlers-Danlos or any other chronic health issues, it is painful and dangerous for able-bodied, healthy folks, too. And if you factor in the time it takes to stop the bleeding, taking it out […]

Operation: Get My Life Back (& My Knee Fixed)