Dearest Marie

Once upon a time, we were friends. We would email each other, talk on Twitter, comment on each other’s blogs, etc. It was nice. You and I were both diagnosed as Bipolar and it was nice to have someone around my age to talk to about that. You weren’t my only friend with that issue, but for a while there you were one of the closest. When you got your lap-band surgery done, I remember worrying because you couldn’t keep down food, but you didn’t want to tell your doctor because you were finally losing weight. I worried you would have nutritional deficiencies before I realized I had them. 

And you told me you worried about my health issues as well. 
 a year ago I told one person she had harassed thisThat’s why you felt the need when you were diagnosed with “Chronic Lyme Disease” to suggest I might have it as well.1 You told me that it fit my symptoms. You told me I might be able to go off my meds, lose weight, and live a life off without chronic pain if I’d just go to a Lyme specialist.2 And for a split second, I considered it.3 But then I researched it, something that you should have known I would do. When I told you that I didn’t think an infection was causing my hereditary condition,4 you huffed off like a toddler for a while before you came roaring back into my life. 

Our friendship never recovered from that, did it?

Or maybe our friendship was nonexistent from the beginning. That’s what I started thinking tonight as your tirade came in. Well, I did after I described your past behaviors, including that close friendship with a certain blogger that used to write fat-shaming posts pretty regularly, and some people started pointing out that friends don’t really act like you’ve acted. I tried to defend you. You’re bipolar and off your meds…you are just on a Lyme disease kick…you’re just having a bad day or week or month or year. 

But that doesn’t explain it. 

Because the reality is that you’ve always had a shady edge to your behavior. 

Like how you harassed one mutual friend over her past drug issues and how that compared to your Lyme disease. Or the time you harassed another person I know and you know of over her exercising routine and her teeth. Or maybe the time you went after another mutual friend calling her a bad parent for having an autistic child and eating gluten. Or maybe how you treated total strangers should have clued me in. You trolled groups for disabled people on Twitter to promote your “everything is Lyme” mindset. You said people who didn’t buy marijuana5 off the street, not from reputable/regulated dealers, for their epileptic children were bad parents. You would even buy marijuana, in a state where it’s illegal, to make homemade CBD oil & you’d brag about it on social media. You didn’t care who you hurt, whether it was a friend, a family member, a stranger, or yourself. 

 So your nonsensical transphobic tirade fits with the rest of your utter disregard and lack of even basic compassion for other people. And I am so happy my eyes are open to your cruelty. I’m glad that I am no longer having to hope that one day you’ll go back on your medicine and into therapy and be all better. Clearly, this is what the real you is like.

I don’t know why you think the transgender community wants to strip you of your rights any more than I know why you fixated on Lyme. I don’t understand why you think I’m brainwashed when you’re the person actually buying into speculation and denying facts. I don’t know why you think that it’s okay to compare the LGBTQ community to Nazis or why you think there’s a vast conspiracy to brainwash children into being trans.

Do you think that I’m going to molest children because of my past? Would you not trust me to be around children if I didn’t identify as 100% heterosexual? I mean before you determined that I was brainwashed by my trans friends.

Was I a threat then?

Am I one now?

Have you always thought of me as a dangerous person?

Did you really think I was threatening you?

These are things I wanted to ask you.

I don’t usually give people who pick fights with me multiple chances to walk away. I don’t warn them like I did you. You’ve seen me argue and you know this.

You have to at least know I would never beat you up. I’ve slapped one person in my whole life and I still feel bad about that. I mean, come on, this is me. I rant online, but I’m practically a pacifist. 

Identifying as transgender is not a result of child molestation. Being a  non-heterosexual is not the result of child molestation. This is a bullshit belief that even total homophobes and transphobes don’t express that much anymore. And being gay or trans doesn’t mean someone will molest children.

Don’t believe what fear- and hate-mongers want you to believe.

Don’t put your faith in people who won’t be honest with you.

Did you even bother to look for a legitimate source on any of those articles? Ooh. Tabloids. So trust-worthy, especially ones with links to UKIP, BNP, & Tories. But I guess that fits with your fear-mongering and with your love of Trump.6 I always knew you were a Republican, but I never realized how much hatred you carry in your heart.7

You want me to be educated on this issue, but you’re forgetting that I actually am educated. Remember early in our friendship when I was being booted from my college major with one semester left? Or that what that major was in? I know a Social Work degree and a GRE score high enough to get my Master’s is not as impressive as being able to make your own CBD oil, but it’s close, right?

I shouldn’t mock you over a lack of education. Plenty of non-bigoted intelligent people don’t go to college. Some don’t even finish high school. Your ignorance has nothing to do with your level of educational attainment or lack thereof. It really all boils down to a lack of something a little closer to the heart. 

I don’t know why I’m even bothering. 

I guess it’s to give myself closure. 

So, I’ll slam the metaphorical door on this oddity we once called friendship. I’ll bid you adieu. I hope one day you find a way to truly enjoy the world and have a good life. I just want you to know that you’re not welcome back in mine. 


  1. Or that’s how I rationalized it. 

  2. Magic beans. 

  3. Magic beans aren’t real. 

  4. Science! 

  5. Quite frankly, your belief that everything is some sinister plot if you would just take your damn medication. You might feel even better if you would stop smoking marijuana. Bipolar disorder and pot do not always mix well. Even activists for decriminalization and legalization understand that some people with some conditions cannot use it. 

  6. Even amongst Trumplodytes, your hatred is off the chart. And he’s courting actual neo-Nazis. 

  7. There are a lot of good-hearted, well-meaning Republicans out there. They get lumped in with the trash way too often, even by me. 

Men at Work (In the Women’s Locker Room) 

In the time since HB2 was signed into law, I’ve had several heterosexual cisgender men tell me how terrified they were by the idea “men” being allowed in women’s locker rooms and restrooms. They’re convinced that transgender women are really cisgender men who are trolling for women to gawk at, grope, assault, or rape in a shower or bathroom stall. Because that’s apparently what they think any person born with male genitalia would do. After all, it’s what Mike Huckabee said that he would have done as a young man.1 So, of course, anyone born with a Y chromosome has to be just as creepy. These dudes are also the ones who think that women are even more terrified than them about the issue.2

I bet that they would freak the fuck out over what happened when I went to the Wellness Center Thursday afternoon. On the way over to the pool, I had been talking to my father about how another batch of transphobic folks were saying all women are terrified over trans women coming into women’s bathrooms and locker rooms. That they had talked about women and girls seeing the genitalia of trans folks in the bathrooms, like we play show and tell in them instead of peeing like normal folks. That we would have to shower with and soap up pre-op  cis and trans women because locker rooms in the real world are just like the ones from the porn that they watched last night. That anyone with a dick will use any excuse to rape any and all women using a restroom, locker room, etc.

We were both grumbling over the ignorance as he dropped me off. 

I went in, checked in, and headed to the pool staging area.3 When I got in, the teacher of an infant swimming class told me that there were men working in there. I changed behind a curtain and those pesky maintenance men didn’t bother to assault me. Obviously they didn’t realize that transphobic guys were rambling away on Twitter about the dangers of people people who are male or assigned male at birth being in a place where women pee, disrobe, & shower4 using bathrooms as hunting grounds. That’s why they didn’t attack any of the women who varied in body type, race, and age. Because they didn’t get the rape-y memo. 

Or maybe because most people—whether they are cisgender or transgender—don’t go into the bathroom to assault other people. It doesn’t even cross their minds. Because it’s fucking creepy and a major indicator that a person needs to seek professional help. 

And it shouldn’t be something the rest of us expect either—or suggest that we expect as a way to pass unjust laws. We have to be better than that. 


  1. Mike Huckabee, lover of child molestation enablers and father of an animal abuser and a Trump spokesperson, said: “We are now in city after city watching ordinances say that your 7-year-old daughter, if she goes into the restroom cannot be offended and you can’t be offended if she’s greeted there by a 42-year-old man who feels more like a woman than he does a man…Now I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.’” 

  2. I’ve seen more women—cis & trans—hate this bill than men, to be honest. 

  3. Sometimes a girl gets tired of calling it a locker room. 

  4. Not necessarily in that order. 

Huff and Puff

So, while I wait for my sunscreen to power-up, I thought I’d say that the only real use for a certain stigmatic trending topic, #TheTriggering, is to fill my 100,000+1 strong blocklist .2

I’ve seen a lot of those assholes pretend like it isn’t an attack on people with PTSD. They claim that the people who talk about needing trigger warnings aren’t “really” PTSD patients. Well, in a way, they’re correct; some who need trigger warnings are not PTSD patients. Many psychiatric ailments have environmental/stress-related triggers. Many “physical” ailments do as well.

They claim that people who talk about having PTSD haven’t really been diagnosed; that they just looked it up on the internet and randomly decided that they have it. Randomly claiming to have PTSD is apparently a lot less classy than telling a stranger on Twitter that you know more about their psychological health than they do.3 Maybe some who claim to have PTSD are faking, but I guess the shitlords don’t realize that if a person is faking a mental illness for attention or sympathy or because they genuinely believe they have it, they are still suffering from a mental illness. Guess what that means: They still deserve respect & compassion. 

Most of the posts I’ve seen that don’t bash PTSD patients are bashing non-whites, LGBTQ community members, the disabled, and other marginalized groups. They’ll glorify free speech and free enterprise, while wanting to restrict votes4 to people they don’t like and saying that a private business5 cannot ban people who violate its terms of service–they think that’s censorship.6 They deny that their harassment and bullying campaigns are abuse because, to them, abuse has to involve physical violence, but they’ll use Eron Gjoni’s supposed psychological abuse to promote those campaigns. Many profess a belief in Christianity, while not understanding its tenets. Others claim to be atheists—a belief they promote as one for morally superior individuals—while simultaneously engaging in harassment and bullying of others for fun.7 Many are Trump supporters and/or identify with KKK, neo-Nazi, or other alt-right ideologies. #TheTriggering is nothing more than a bigotpalooza. It’s sick and fucking twisted. 

And all of their hate is over what? Having to give a heads up that their words might upset others? At worst, that’s an inconvenience. They’re basically assholes complaining that they can’t be assholes to other people.8 There are kindergarten graduates who have a better grasp on how to behave around others than they do. 

Photo Credit: Pixabay


  1. Seriously. 

  2. And it’s not even all that useful since I already have most of the assholes using it blocked. 

  3. I speak from experience on this. I was told that I couldn’t have PTSD from childhood emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and bullying. I was told only military service personnel who were atracked in a war zone could have the disorder. 

  4. Voting is a form of free speech. 

  5. Twitter. 

  6. It isn’t. 

  7. If you think terrorizing another person is fun, seek professional help. 

  8. Get some manners, guys.