Tag: temper tantrum


Oh. My. God.

7
July

I’m pissed off.  I can’t voice my opinion to someone I respect because somehow having a differing opinion means that I’m telling her that she can’t have an opinion.  Um, how does that make any sense at all?

I never told her that she couldn’t have an opinion.  I didn’t tell her that she was not entitled to have one.  I actually made a post that said that she was definitely allowed to have one.  I shouldn’t have to apologize because she can’t handle people not agreeing with her.  Honestly, her going on and on about it on her Facebook page and basically asking for people to feel sorry for her and to hate the horrible person who was mean to her is ridiculous.  I’ve seen internet drama queens who didn’t act half this bad.

I also don’t see how 1 or 2 people having a different opinion, when there are about 10 people who had the same opinion as her, is somehow telling her that she can’t have an opinion.  I also don’t see how by disagreeing with her I should have to beg for her forgiveness.  Honestly, if anyone has a toxic friendship that needs to be dropped in this situation, I would think it would be me.  I shouldn’t have to look at 16 people trashing me because she can’t handle what I said.  It’s absolutely insane.

I should let it go, I know.  I know that my frustration over this is about the same as her trying to get everyone to kiss her ass over it, but I need to rant and obviously I can’t do it on Facebook because that would just be further proof that I’m a toxic human being.  I just want to tell her to grow a pair or get off the internet.  Honestly, it’s the kind of “don’t share what you think because we don’t want to hear it” and “people with differing opinions are gangrene on the church and need to go away” opinions that helped me decide not to go back to church.  I got sick of this crap happening in person and now it is on the internet.

I should have never joined that stupid church.  I don’t think any good has come from it.

Comment » | Facebook, Friends, Internet

Not Once, But Twice

7
July

I got a summons yesterday that I have to appear before a judge over my grass again.  We had gotten a notice to have it cut by June 21.  We did get it cut by then.  Of course, the inspector for the Community Development office came by almost a week later and determined that we didn’t.  It’s odd that it took him a week after the deadline to determine our grass was overgrown, especially since the week before he sent a notice that we needed to clean off our porch.  There were 2 dining room chairs on the porch (listed as “indoor furniture”), some pieces of wood (listed as “scrap”, I think), and a portable ramp (so when my mom has been in a wheelchair, she can get in the house), which was listed as an automobile ramp.  It seems odd that he decided to wait that extra week to write the criminal complaint, especially when I know he’d come by before then.

My mom went to the hospital on the 26th of June.  The guy came by to check the grass on the 27th.  She said that the day she went to the hospital, the grass wasn’t even over 6 inches.  That would mean that in a 24-hour time period, when I don’t think there was any major rainfall, the grass grew more than 2″, developed “wingy and downy” seeds, and became unsightly.  That seems odd.

It also seems weird that we’ve gotten this message after 1.) having the lawn mowed and 2.) after my father had made a phone call to their office to question why we were being written up for things that had been on the porch for over a year and (with the ramp) were being used to help a disabled person get into her home.  It seems like maybe this was there way of giving us a hard time over him protesting the ramp’s write-up.  It also frustrates me that they do this to  us every year.  I don’t know of anyone else who gets reported for their tall grass, and other people do have tall grass (sometimes taller than ours) in this neighborhood.

When I went to court last year, even knowing that others in the neighborhood had grass that was high, I saw no one from our neighborhood that was in court over their yards. This whole thing is frustrating and pisses me off.  I do not want to have to plea guilty to something I know that I am not guilty of.  I also do not want to have to pay hundreds of dollars to the city, because I know that if I go to trial over it that they will still end up getting the money, because they don’t think our yard looks right.

Last night, Aidan and Stacey recommended that we have some middle school age kids cut the yard.  We’ve tried that before.  It’s too big for them.  Hell, I’ve seen some full grown adults who couldn’t do it.  I don’t think of it as being a big yard, but it is at least twice as big as any other yard in the neighborhood.  It’s a corner lot, at the edge of the subdivision that it is in (next to a different one), and built before any other house in the neighborhood (and way before the other subdivision), so I think all of that factored into the yard being big.  And technically, the yard is supposed to be a little bit bigger because our house was built past “too close to the road” on 2 sides and “too close to the property boundary” on 1.  (It is inches away from the backyard’s boundary, too.)

The person that mows our lawn gets about $30 or $40 to do it. (Some people would charge & have charged more.)  He owns a yard care company and also happens to be our next door neighbor.  He’s really good about it, though I think one or two times he missed part of the grass in the backyard.  And he’s understanding about our situation.

Unfortunately, the city is not so understanding.  They don’t understand that $40 takes 10% of my disability or that the fine and court costs takes pretty much the whole disability check.  They don’t get how this fining plus the lawn mowing charge end up cutting down on the amount of money that can go to groceries and medicine.  Apparently, it isn’t rocket science (borrowing the judge from last year’s phrase to me) to get the yard mowed, but somehow it is rocket science to understand how a family living below the poverty line is negatively impacted by the amount that has to be paid to mow the lawn and appease the city when we go before the court.  Either that or they just don’t care.  It’s probably the latter.

I’m going to try to contact Legal Aid sometime this week or early next week to see if they can help me out.  I guess I could also call CASA and see if they can add my house to their lawn care list, since they help the elderly and home-bound.  (My mom has told me that she thinks that I would qualify under the home-bound category because I’m unable to leave the house for very long at a time because of my physical health.)

In other news, another person who has known me since I was a kid is getting huffy over a political disagreement.  She posted this:

SICK AND TIRED of being told that I’m wrong ALL the time, whether that be my opinion or what I like or don’t like. This does not JUST include certain family members, its my opinion of things being sent across the “burning bridge”. Its MY opinion, I don’t ream you a new one when you express your’s so back off of mine!!

I didn’t ream her a new one over her opinion or what she likes or doesn’t like.  I disagreed with her over the Casey Anthony trial.  I stated this and about the only negative thing I said to her about it was that I found her opinion regarding it to be alarming.  (She and some of her friends and family were advocating a position that I felt undermined the way the justice system was set up.) I also was accused in the post (about the trial) of telling her she couldn’t have an opinion, which I never said.  Saying that her opinion is alarming and saying she doesn’t have a right to one is not the same thing.

In the post that she made, I was one of two people who had a differing opinion.  That differing opinion earned me the “being brainwashed by Hollywood” and “sick” labels that I complained about last night on this tumblr post.  I don’t see how saying that I thought her opinion was alarming was reaming her a new one.  I don’t see how expressing my opinion infringed on hers.  If anything, I felt like I was the one who was being told to keep quiet, which isn’t altogether shocking since many of the people are from my church. (People from my church have often encouraged me to shut up about any sort of opinion that I have.)

About the only time I said anything to her about her likes and dislikes was when she was going on and on about being an Alabama fan.  I was surprised at the time because, when I was a kid, she was an Auburn fan.  She claimed at the time that she had never really liked Auburn and was only rooting for them for a while because her husband (and his family) liked Auburn.  That seemed odd because she had an Auburn decorative license plate on the front of her van for the longest time.  Why would she have that if she wasn’t the fan?  Anyway, after she told me that she was an Alabama fan and had always been one, which was her response to my question (1 post to her; 1 post back), the issue was dropped.  That was it.  I didn’t push it.  I didn’t give her a hard time over it.  That was all that was said, so this status that she posted is bugging me.

I know that it doesn’t name me specifically as being the person that she is talking about, but from what has gone on over the past few days, I don’t think that it is only my paranoia leading me to think that the post is about me.  I think it is likely that she really is talking about me, which I don’t really understand.  Is she really going to unfriend me because I disagreed about 1 opinion and about 1 like/dislike?  The only opinion that I’ve ever felt the need to unfriend someone over is one where their opinion advocated hate or promoted some kind of ignorance or violent behavior, which I think is reasonable to unfriend someone over.  Other than that, opinions aren’t generally involved in my termination of friendships.  Feelings are generally what leads to them.  And if this has hurt her feelings, then I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that I have said or done anything that would require an apology.  If she thinks differently and is wanting to end a friendship that has been going on for 20 years, since my mom and her were practically best friends at that time, then she can do it.  I just think that it is probably a mistake, and I would hope that at a later time she might regret the haste in which she made the decision.

I told my mother what was going on between the friend and me, and she started laughing.  According to her, this is the kind of thing that happens when the friend gets upset.  She said that when she gets upset, this particular friend begins to act like a spoiled little kid, which is what the whole thing sounds like.  Even if it is normal for her, it is frustrating for me.  I don’t like that she got coddled for being challenged on her opinion, but it was somehow okay for women twice my age to tell me that there was something mentally or morally deficient in me.  I didn’t want the coddling, but I thought it was ridiculous that people have to soothe her ego when someone has a differing opinion.  If a person can’t handle that other people have differing thoughts on an issue, then they shouldn’t post their opinions on the internet or talk about them to anyone.  (I know some people are probably thinking something along the lines of “well, that’s the pot calling the kettle black” because of my history of tantrums on the internet.)

And in completely unrelated news, my legs are doing the same pain to cramping to weakness thing that my mom’s legs did.  My mom told me that I need to eat more protein because my body may be malnourished and my muscles may be wasting away.  She also said I needed to get some kind of physical therapy-related exercise for my legs, which I agree with.  I don’t want what happened with her last week to happen to me.  I don’t want to spend any time in the hospital or in the middle of the living room floor because my muscles have gone to shit. So, I need to get this stopped before it really gets started.

Oh, and oddly, since I made the post threatening to unfriend anyone who supports David Duke running for President, I have lost 6 friends on Facebook and 2 on Twitter, while gaining 3 on Tumblr.  Of course, the loss of friends on Facebook might be related to my opinions on immigration, Casey Anthony, and anything else that I may have ranted about over the past few weeks.  See, the friend should feel lucky that posting her opinions doesn’t continuously cost her actual friendships.

Comment » | 10 Years of Madness, Alabama Weirdness, Confessions, Facebook, Friends, General, Rants, Sickness and Health, So Damn Special, Tumblr, Twitter, Who I Was - Past

Under My Feet

6
September

I haven’t really been online a lot this weekend. That’s mainly due to heightened anxiety/stress. I think that’s due to the beginning of football season. Around the time my father woke up on Saturday morning, I started giving myself my headache medicine. It kept me asleep for around 12-13 hours. I ended up waking up during Auburn’s halftime, which meant I got to experience rants full-on. I had missed the rants about the teams that he didn’t even care about, which was good. I had wished I could make it through the Auburn ones, too, but they would have been harder to miss. Auburn ended up winning, which was good. If they had lost, then I probably would’ve started dosing myself into unconsciousness again. (I’ve often used medicines to induce sleep. It’s how I managed to sleep while I was having major sleep issues during middle and high school.)

I started crying sometime in the early morning hours on Sunday. I just felt like I was ready to scream, throw things, etc. I started composing a very long letter to my parents about how I felt like I needed to be taken more seriously. (This was what I used to do when I was a little kid–if I needed something or if I felt like I needed to apologize, I’d write a letter.) Well, the ink ran out of the pen and I got upset and threw it across the room. It barely made a sound when it hit Willow’s chair, but it was loud enough that my mom woke up. We ended up talking, and I complained about the thing on my stomach, which she checked out a little closer this time. She was surprised because it was burning up, and I told her that that was normal. (It is hot most of the time, but it gets worse in the middle of the night [around 3:30-5:00 AM] and it starts hurting worse.) I have an appointment to get it checked out with my family medicine doctor, but I have honestly lost faith in most doctors lately. Yeah, they send me for the tests, but the longer this whole saga goes on, the more dismissive they get. (Half the time, the results are never relayed to me.) And with the cardiologist refusing to even suggest anything that could help the extra beats and tachycardia, it just seems to be stupid to go through massive amounts of tests.

Speaking of tests and medical records, I think that is unfair that if I want to access my medical records, I have to pay fees. (Where is Files & Records when you need her?) If I want a copy of my blood work, I have to pay per page of the test, which can be 20-or-so pages. The doctors, who have a lot more money, don’t have to pay anything. They can get paper copies or faxes or computer access without paying anything. All that they really need is a signature from me to share the records. (If they’re in the Huntsville Hospital system and the record is on my hospital file, they don’t even need my signature.) All these people can see whatever they want about me, but I don’t get to see my own file. (At the Mental Health Center, I don’t even get the opportunity to pay for the records to see what’s been said. I can have my therapist or doctor or one of the nurses read it to me, though.)

I’m a little frustrated with the Social Security Administration. When I started on SSI and SSDI, I was told that if I started paying $200+ a month in household expenses, then my SSI check would be increased by that much. After I got the first check, I began doing just that. I’ve told the SSA about this twice. I filled out lots of paperwork the first time–nothing happened. I called again in May or June (or possibly early July)–I haven’t even gotten paperwork or anything that says that anything will happen. I get that the government doesn’t really have lots of money right now, but it seems like they could at least hold up their end of the 1/3 reduction rule.

Anyway, right now I’m dealing with an earache and headache that my mom told me was probably just TMJ. I agreed at first, but after a while, my throat began hurting. I would say it was allergies, but I know that’s not likely.

Comment » | Family, General, Mental Health, National Weirdness, Sickness and Health, So Damn Special

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