Sexuality


Porn Star by Laurelin Paige My rating: 3 of 5 stars This is another book where the authors have good intentions, but don’t really execute them that well. I think it’s wonderful that Laurelin Paige and Sierra Simone wanted to write a book that includes the very real issues within the adult entertainment industry, including rapes and sexual assaults. I think that if they had done a little more to, no pun intended, flesh things out, then the book would have been excellent. I loved the comparison of Devi/Logan to mythology and astronomy, but I think that sometimes it wasn’t as developed as it could have been. Of course, neither were the characters. Each felt a little flat, which was disappointing because I could tell that they were aiming to build these really strong characters. Instead, Logan becomes the epitome of a NiceGuy stereotype and really isn’t as in touch with respecting women as he thinks he is, while Devi comes off as whiny and immature. Even the villains/antagonists in the story aren’t fully-formed. When I finished reading the story, I felt almost like I had wasted hours of time on reading this book. I hate feeling like reading a book was a waste of time, especially when it is a book that could have been excellent. The sex scenes were okay. They weren’t over-the-top or even all that racy like you might expect with a book on porn stars falling in love. They were just okay. I couldn’t understand how the characters were having mind-blowing sex when the writing wasn’t really all that mind-blowing. Some of it was gross, but a lot of it just seemed blah. I know it was meant to shock and titillate, but it was, like porn, too over-the-top. It didn’t seem like realistic behavior, and all seemed like it was a performance. A lot of it was also grossly coercive, which doesn’t promote the sex-positive message that the writers were intending to share via the story. There were some elements that were a bit racially insensitive and a little bit off on how bisexuality works. The idea that Devi is “exotic” fetishizes her for displaying traits associated with the Persian ancestry on her father’s side. I’m sure that Paige and Simone didn’t mean to say anything racially insensitive, but they did make statements that were cringe-inducing. The descriptions of bisexuality really dumbed down the research. While I appreciate the attempt to address the research that shows women are rarely heterosexual when it comes to arousal, saying all women are bisexual based on arousal is untrue; most are bisexual, followed by homosexual, and then heterosexual, but that doesn’t define their sexuality. Yes, most women can be turned on by other women, but sexual orientation isn’t just about arousal. The same studies that determined that women are rarely heterosexual also say that most men are either heterosexual or homosexual in their arousal, which effectively erases bisexual men. They also show that women can become aroused by watching animals having sex, which could be used to suggest that women are into bestiality, and that’s just interpreting the study in the most literal way possible. It dehumanizes women and bisexuals. It also engaged in bi-erasure by suggesting that if a person is more attracted to one gender than another, that they cannot be bisexual. Devi enjoyed sex with women and fooling around with women, but she preferred men, especially Logan more. In fact, she based her identity as heterosexual solely on the attraction to Logan. Enjoying sex or preferring sex with a particular person or with a particular gender does not make someone not-a-bisexual. Dating one person exclusively or marrying them does not change their sexual orientation. Bisexuality is hard enough for most who identify that way without encountering these stereotypes & common misconceptions. It was mentioned toward the end of the story that the romance developed over the course of two months, but it seemed like it was closer to three weeks. Maybe there was more going on that wasn’t included in the story, but I think I might have found the story more believable or realistic if there was more of a sense that they were doing more than just having sex and talking about astronomy. It was also a little weird that the one who was more wealthy was Logan. Porn is one of the few industries where women out-earn men; top female talent make $2000-2500 per scene, whereas the most well-known male stars make $1500 per scene. To live the lifestyle he lived, he would need to be working more often and investing a good deal of his check. The only reason Devi would be making less is (1) the refusal to work in heterosexual porn and (2) the lack of experience. Otherwise, she would be out-earning him. I think the book had an interesting premise and I might recommend it if you just want to read something a bit smutty, but I wouldn’t tell anyone to have high expectations for it. Maybe it won’t disappoint you if you don’t go in expecting too much. View all my reviews

Review: Porn Star


“I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor. She told me, “There’s no masturbation in the DC Universe.” To which my reaction was, “Well that explains a lot about the DC Universe.”” – Neil Gaiman (via worldwarlove) via Tumblr


Hello, it’s me. Yes, I’m back on the last day of the Democratic National Convention to give the fifth list of reasons to oppose Donald Trump’s presidency and to oppose him in general. But if this list doesn’t convince you, maybe the previous four (1, 2, 3, 4) will. If that’s not enough, there will be another list of 21 reasons next time, and another the day after that, and the day after that…and so on until there are 2016 reasons to oppose Trump. 85. Trump supported Brexit. Donald Trump viewed Brexit as the British people taking control over their own country and borders, and putting their needs first, or so he suggested. Unfortunately, a man who somehow got a graduate degree from Wharton doesn’t seem to understand much about the economy. Apparently, business degrees don’t require that a person understand economics or global policy. Liam Fox, Trade Secretary for the United Kingdom, explained how woefully inaccurate Trump’s assumption that Brexit is all about focusing on Britain are, “In fact it was the reverse: In my view, it was about Britain becoming a much more outward-looking country.” He also saw Brexit as an opportunity to bilk money out of his supporters. Donald can’t ever miss an opportunity to do a little song and dance for a check from unsuspecting, innocent people. Sad. 86. …But he didn’t know how Scotland had voted in the EU Referendum. How does a man who was raised by a Scottish immigrant not know that one should never confuse the will of the English with the will of the Scottish? Scotland, along with Northern Ireland, voted to remain in the European Union, a decision that could dissolve the United part of the United Kingdom. It would officially change the way that Scotland and England have functioned for over four hundred years. If ever there was proof that total assimilation within a culture was a bad idea, it would be Donald Trump’s inept understanding of how Scotland fits in to the Brexit situation and into the United Kingdom in general. How do people judge this man to be competent enough to vote for? 87. Donald Trump claims that he broke the glass ceiling for women all by himself. I’ll repeat. Donald Trump claims that he broke the glass ceiling for women all by himself. He told Bill O’Reilly, noted White House slavery enthusiast, “Number one, I have great respect for women. I was the one that really broke the glass ceiling on behalf of women, more than anybody in the construction industry.” He also told O’Reilly, “My relationship I think is going to end up being very good with women.” I don’t even know where to begin. Taking credit for breaking the glass ceiling? Even if he’s succeeded in helping women in one industry, it is not his place to say that he broke the glass ceiling. I guess if he was asked who gave women the right to vote, he’d claim he wrote the 19th Amendment and got it ratified on his own. I bet he’d even claim he was up in Seneca Falls. He might as well. He is taking credit for the achievement of women and of the hardwork put into giving full-fledged equal opportunities and rights to people regardless of sex or gender, even though he fails to pay women the same as men on his campaign. He is asserting his privilege to deny women the ability to say that they earned their position and that they fought for it. To quote the great philosopher and ethicist Taylor Swift, “I want to say to all the young women out there, there will be people along the way who will try to undercut your success, or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame. But if you just focus on the work…you will look around and you will know that it was you and the people who love you that put you there. That will be the greatest moment.” 88. Trump called pregnancies of employees an inconvenience for business. Yes, he actually said, “a wonderful thing for the woman, it’s a wonderful thing for the husband, it’s certainly an inconvenience for a business. And whether people want to say that or not, the fact is it is an inconvenience for a person that is running a business” on video. So there’s proof that he feels this way. To summarize: the pro-life party is now being represented by a man who once called pregnancy an inconvience for business; and he said this after he began identifying as pro-life. 89. Trump has called Elizabeth Warren ineffective. To Trump, ineffective means that Elizabeth Warren pisses him off and doesn’t put up with his bullshit. He’s said she is the least productive Senator, that she gets nothing done, that she is weak. Elizabeth Warren should channel Mean Girls character Regina George and ask Donald, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” Because, clearly, he is. 90. Donald Trump insulted Warren by saying she has a big mouth. Apparently, Trump thinks that women who stand up to his childish behavior are worthy of scorn and deserve to be silenced for it. He’s even said that he wants to shut her up. Way to go, GOP! You’ve nominated a man wanting to silence women. Classy stuff, if you’re in the 1950’s. 91. Trump accused Hillary of only being popular because of the “woman card” and not for any other reason. In yet another example of Trump being an misogynist, he decided that Hillary was somehow getting more support because she’s a woman. He said, in a news conference at Trump Tower in April, “Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don’t think she’d get 5 percent of the vote. The only thing she’s got going is the woman’s card. And the beautiful thing is, women don’t like her.” He claims a former United States Senator and Secretary of State is unqualified. You know, unlike a “businessman” who has never […]

2016 Reasons to Oppose Trump: Reasons #85-105


I opened a FetLife account one night almost two years ago. I won’t link to it here or explain why I joined. I will say I quit using it not long after because of behavior, unrelated to kinks, by some users that I found alarming. Before tonight, I had only signed in to stop receiving regular emails from groups I had at one time thought might interest me. Since that time, I had not signed in, nor had I thought about signing in.1 Tonight, though, tonight I signed in and deactivated my account there.2 On my FetLife account, I do not recall ever linking to this or any other blog I have ever used. I was warned about maintaining anonymity by a user that I once knew from church.  34 I didn’t use images where I could be easily identified. I didn’t use any identifying nicknames. I used my first name once, but no more than that. I’ve also never linked to my FetLife account on any social media or on here.  I’m stating this because I felt, I don’t even know how to describe it, when I got a notification of a private message. The subject line was “Hello Janet” and the body of the message was:  Hi. You have a very interesting net presence. Your blog shows that you think deeply about a lot of things. Let me know if you’d like to chat some time and see if we can have a conversation that interests you.  I’m guessing that whoever wrote this is probably reading this right now. That creeps me out. It has taken me a long time to feel truly comfortable talking about my life here or anywhere. And now it feels like that comfort, that ability to express myself freely has been taken from me. I don’t appreciate that. I shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable talking about myself on here. I shouldn’t have to worry about how a total stranger managed to track my blog down from the one time I slipped up and used my first name. I shouldn’t have to worry about what all that stranger might have been trying to find out about me.  I guess I do have way to describe how I feel.  I’m scared.  I’m disgusted.  I’m absolutely fucking pissed off.  I understand that we as a society Google everyone and everything. I understand that privacy is something that barely exists in today’s world. But I also understand that this was something that should not have happened. This was too much for me. I tried so hard to maintain anonymity because I felt that would keep me safe. This ripped away any safety I might have felt on there, on here.  I’m out of FetLife. For now. Possibly for good.  Photo credit: breathtakingly via VisualHunt / CC BY-NC-ND I hadn’t wanted to sign in. I like who I’m currently involved with and feel happier with them than I ever thought possible. I don’t talk about this person or what we do on here because I want to maintain his privacy. ↩I had to reset the password to do so. ↩Who knew Mormons could be kinky? ↩He is part of why I quit the site. I found him on a dating app, but didn’t know who he was—he didn’t include a picture—but I thought his profile sounded interesting. He knew the whole time who I was. When he finally told me, I pulled away. I didn’t particularly like him before the encounter. I liked him less after, especially considering I met him while I was doing my prospective member lessons before I was baptized. That lesson was done at the apartment he shared with his then-wife and his son. We had a history that I didn’t want to relive.  After I made it clear that I didn’t have an interest in engaging in anything with him, he started popping up on other websites I used saying how surprised he was to run into me on them. He accused me, in jest, of stalking him. ↩

Safe-Wording



2
Remember a few months ago when I was trying to see my gynecologist for an annual exam & a prescription different form of birth control? There were tears and angsty fits and arguments with the Defund Planned Parenthood trolls12 and Humana and UAB. All of this before I decided to have the annual/prescription done by the family doctor. Good times.3 Well, I may get to look for another doctor soon.  For several months, my family has received statements from Humana that our routine appointments to the family practice clinic at UAB have been billed incorrectly. Specifically, they were billed as emergencies.4 We have tried getting them resubmitted, but the billing department’s “solution” was that they would contact a nurse in family medicine and have them submit a referral to the doctor. A referral from the family medicine clinic to a doctor within the clinic.5 The real solution could be a lot easier: fix the billing errors & find out who is making them and either teach them how not to make that mistake or fire them. But they’re sticking to the referral solution, which seems like a lot of unnecessary paperwork.  It’s especially unnecessary since it didn’t stop them from submitting my father’s bill to a collection agency. That was after they spent the year telling him not to pay it. Yeah, after that, my family was like, “We need new doctors.”  That’s easier said than done for me. Medicaid keeps my options limited. There aren’t many clinics or family doctors in Huntsville who will take it—even fewer if you combine it & the Humana. So I’m a bit concerned about shopping for a new doctor. I don’t think my family realizes just how hard it is to find a doctor who takes both.  Anyway, I need to get some rest so that I won’t be too exhausted at physical therapy tomorrow.6 #DefundPP can suck it. ↩Congrats to them on the “Center for Medical Progress” trolls being indicted in Texas over those shitty videos. It’s rather amusing to me that they’re the ones accused of attempting to purchase human organs—and that’s just what they tried to do in their little scheme. It’s also amusing to see conservatives bend over backwards to prove there was a liberal conspiracy in Texas by a District Attorney appointed by Rick Perry. There are pills for this kind of thinking. But I digress. ↩ ↩My UTI appointment. My mom’s blood pressure & post-hospitalization checkups. My dad’s physical. Routine stuff. ↩Actually, to different doctors in the clinic since we each have different doctors in charge of our care. ↩Two sessions to go. ↩

Oh the Doctors You’ll See





Four percent of websites are considered pornographic; a much smaller percentage than most expect. Many people like the websites while many others hate them; and some who claim to oppose them enjoy them privately.1 I know that they’re a touchy subject2 for a lot of people, but I want to know what you guys think of them. Do you approve of porn? Have you ever viewed it? Do you think that it objectifies the actors? Are people who view porn complicit in any abuses that may go on in the porn industry? Has the industry done enough to prevent things like sexual assault, unwanted pregnancies, and STDs on set? Does viewing porn contribute to issues like pornography and/or sex addiction? Does viewing porn make it hard3 for people to relate emotionally to others? Does it encourage dangerous behavior in its viewers? Or is controversy related to porn exaggerated? Can porn be empowering? Josh Duggar ↩Pun intended. ↩Another pun. ↩

Daily Debate: Oct. 7, 2015



1
Late last week, I rescheduled my appointment with the UAB OB/GYN clinic to get my Depo Provera shot on Tuesday to Thursday afternoon at 2:30.1 I asked that the nature of the appointment also change, since I had done some reading and found out that Depo Provera increases the chance of bone loss. I was told that since I wasn’t dude for an annual visit until October 15 that I would have to make it into a birth control consultation. I said that was fine. On Thursday afternoon, I was in a pretty good mood. I knew that it was possible, if the doctor took too long or there was some unexpected wait going on, I was going to have to stay at the clinic longer than usual because my mom had a dentist appointment, I still felt relatively optimistic. That should have made me nervous, but it didn’t. I was even joking around. 2:16 pm: Craving coffee on the way to a birth control appt while wearing a short strapless dress. Clearly my LDS conversion didn't take. — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 That changed after I started signing in. 2:33 pm: Well, that's just great. If you're conservative you probably need to unfollow me right now because I am fucking pissed off. — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 The receptionist started by saying that someone should have gotten in touch with me. She asked if I was on Medicare. I told her I had Humana Medicare and Medicaid. She said that the Business Office had told them that Medicare wouldn’t cover my birth control consultation. I thought that there must have been some misunderstanding. Medicare has never denied a birth control consultation that I’ve been to, including the ones that I went to when my gynecologist was trying to come up with a treatment for the Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, but my hormones weren’t taking to the ring or the Seasonale or any of the many hormonal birth control methods that I tried. And I knew that, as a Medicaid patient, there shouldn’t be a rule against birth control access.2 I asked if she could appeal it and she said not today. That might seem like a perfectly reasonable statement for her, but I’m on a clock. Depo shots are only effective for so long. And once the progesterone has gotten out of my system, my dysfunctional uterine bleeding or, more specifically, my menometrorrhagia3 will act up again. I will bleed for days, weeks, or months on end until my iron stores are depleted and my anemia comes back with a vengeance. Birth control is life or death for treatment for me. Even if it weren’t, denying access to it would be wrong. So I started drafting tweet after tweet of how horrifying the situation was. 2:34 pm: I arrived for my #birthcontrol consultation appointment & was told insurance won't cover it. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare (1/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 I get to wait a month until my annual exam. My Depo will wear off in the meantime. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (2/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 I will start bleeding. My anemia will get worse. My overall health will get worse. (3/31) @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 All because there's a magical little rule that says I can't come in before my annual (4/31) @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 exam to switch #birthcontrol methods. A switch I was making because Depo increases risk of bone loss. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare (5/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 As a person with joint issues & a vitamin d def., bone loss isn't something I need. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (6/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 It's ridiculous that I've never run into this rule before. I've taken bc off and on @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (7/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 for 20 years, and half of those have been on #Medicare & #Medicaid. I've had bc consults in that time. @HumanaHelp #birthcontrol (8/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 I asked the receptionist if it could be appealed. She said not today & acted like this @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (9/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 rule was something she'd never heard of, but she also wouldn't get call anyone @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (10/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 from the business office for me to ask. She also claimed they tried to tell me. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (11/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 Kinda funny since they didn't call & didn't email. How hard were they *trying*? @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (12/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 So, when did this rule come along? Why is my health allowed to be put in jeopardy? @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (13/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 Are other women being forced to go w/o meds? Are they on meds that could hurt them? @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (14/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 How many low income patients are being denied basic healthcare? @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (15/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 Believe it or not, not all #birthcontrol is safe or effective for all people who take it. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare (16/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 Patients deserve to be able to find the one that fits their needs. Why deny us that? @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (17/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 They said that to get the prescription, I'd have to pay for a $90 office visit today. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (18/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 IF I HAD $90 TO SPEND ON AN OB/GYN APPOINTMENT, I WOULDN'T BE A PATIENT THERE. @HumanaHelp #medicaid #medicare #birthcontrol (19/31) — Janet Morris (@janersm) September 24, 2015 It's […]

Some Days Even My Lucky Rocketship Underpants Don’t Help


3:54 pm: The woman behind us got a call about her friend. The friend’s water broke…at 18-20 weeks. The woman & her entourage1 seem to think babies can magically develop really early if they’re girls. Not surprisingly, they think that this woman will have a healthy little girl twenty-something weeks early. This is embarrassing and sad. Embarrassing because everyone should know enough about science & reproduction to know this kid isn’t going to survive. Sad because it’s going to blindside them when they get the news & this is an already sad situation.2 4:17 pm: An office person is walking through telling patients how many people are ahead of them.3 She couldn’t find my name on the list4 & asked whether I was a work in. I told her no. She finally found me. There were four ahead of me. Two different patients sitting near me are next in line for their doctors. Another is third in line for hers.5 And a post-op patient’s family complained to the woman because they have a two hour wait ahead of them–they just got here. Seriously, I’m shocked at how much they’re complaining about it. Anyone who comes here has a long wait. And long waits have happened with TOC for decades. Their doctor may have had to perform a surgery or deal with emergencies. That happens. Not just at orthopedics clinics. Cardiologists, neurologists, pulmonologists, ob/gyns. About the only place where it’s unacceptable is at a psychiatrist.6 4:52 pm: I was first taken to the cast room. Now I’m in a regular exam room. The nurse decided that the cast room didn’t give enough privacy.7 The nurse called the new room “the Auburn room” because it had an autographed Auburn jersey in it.8 5:03 pm: My knee has arthritis & non-specific damage. I’m going to go back through physical therapy two days a week for four weeks & I may start at-home stim treatments. They’re also fitting me with a brace & prescribing an anti-inflammatory spray that has to be special ordered through a pharmacy in New York. If it doesn’t get better, I get to come back again. He said that they can’t do surgery on it to find out what damage is unless I go through more physical therapy.9 He seems to think physical therapy will make it all better. I’m very doubtful, especially since I’ve already had around two months of it. I think that if physical therapy was going to help that it would have started helping already. I think it’s her mom. ↩Comprehensive sex education & strong science education would not only prevent unwanted pregnancies and help standardized test scores, it would help people like this woman understand that her friend is probably going to suffer a heartbreaking loss. They might stop her labor. She might make it far enough to keep her child. But the odds aren’t in her favor. Like I said, this is sad. ↩My appointment time was 3:45 pm. ↩Eventually, I am going to develop a complex over this. ↩Six doctors were in this afternoon. ↩It can even be unacceptable there. ↩It had a curtain separating it from another–occupied–room. ↩So did the cast room. ↩I didn’t ask about surgery. ↩

Brace Yourself