Last Night on Twitter 

I posted this last night on Twitter. I think it’s from sixth grade. It may be fourth or fifth. I know it’s not seventh or eighth because of the massive haircut before seventh grade.

Anyway, when I scanned it this weekend, I remembered how much I hated picture day. It wasn’t just my self-esteem issues that made it difficult. I would get stressed out over how to smile properly for a picture. I would obsess all day over getting the smile right, because I thought that if I didn’t, the picture wouldn’t look right and I would be laughed at. Okay, so maybe it was the self-esteem thing.

And I would think they were just trying to placate me, when the pictures would come back and my friends would say, “Oh, you’re so pretty.” Because I knew that there was something wrong with my picture—something wrong with me. And I could pick out every flaw in the picture to prove how wrong the compliments were.

I still struggle with that, but it is getting easier.

Selfies have made it easier. I can still see the blackheads, the messy hair, the bra strap sticking out, the weight, all the freckles, the lower jaw sticking out, the nose that always made me self-conscious, the half wavy/half straight hair, the unplucked eyebrows…but I also see the girl who put so much time and effort into hating herself that she couldn’t appreciate her own beauty, her own life. Selfies taught me to smile and every time I smile, I get a little happier.

But that’s why it irks me when people say people who can’t see their own beauty are “fishing for compliments” or that people who take a lot of selfies are “full of themselves” because there are a lot of people out there who have low self esteem or body image issues. Let people feel good about themselves. Life is hard enough as it is—why not let people feel comfy in their own skin.

via Tumblr

Daily Debate: Sept. 5, 2015

What is your opinion on Fitspo and Thinspo? Is there a difference? Is it a safe way to encourage yourself or others to lead healthy lifestyles? Or does it encourage eating disorders?

My first entry

Wow. This is my first entry in my new diary. I have a diary offline that I’ll keep my juiciest secrets in, but this one is for the not so juicy stuff.

So right now, life sucks. I mean, my friends are great, but I’m not exactly the happiest chickadee in the world. It seems like everytime I get my life under control, I suddenly lose control of it. I guess that’s part of the psych problems I have. I have OCD, Depression, Panic Disorder, Anxiety problems, and I cut myself. I also have binge eating disorder, which really makes me feel like an ugly cow.

So I guess I need to let you know about me. Well, I’m 17 and from Alabama. I love *NSYNC. I have a foster brother “E”. I live with him and my parents. I dropped out of school in January because of my health problems, but I plan on going to college and becoming a psychologist. I want to help teenagers who are going through some of the same problems as I am. So I guess that’s all I can think of for now.