I Guess My Ass Is Bitter

I am having trouble falling asleep,1 so I went on YouTube.2 I checked my notifications and found out that I am apparently a truly awful human being.3
  
I didn’t like a music video, so I can’t appreciate real music

  
Flower graphics symbolize pure beauty and that sexuality doesn’t have to be raw and raunchy.4 Oh and nude5 women, including ones portrayed in sexualized situations aren’t being objectified.6 But we’re back to my bitterness and that I’m a hater. 

  
  
If you don’t agree with Marina or mandyy, don’t express yourself. And I don’t know who told these folks that the women weren’t being sexualized or objectified, but they were wrong. I love that they needed to tell me it’s my opinion. I bet they don’t realize there are non-One Direction fans that disliked the video. 

  
I stand by all of my remarks—including the MySpace comment. 

I think I may be able to sleep now. Thanks, Zayn stans. 


  1. Because of the overdraft issue. 

  2. The best cure for insomnia. 

  3. It’s not the first time that’s been suggested. 

  4. Unless it’s done right. 

  5. Except for the hearts and flowers strategically placed later. 

  6. I guess it’s like if a tabloid puts a bar across a celeb’s boobs. They’re preserving the pure beauty of the boobs. 

Review: “Pillow Talk”

I like Zayn.1 I hate his “Pillow Talk” video & don’t really like the song. He looks bored and the video is just 100% tacky.2 Who thought it was a good idea to put flowers over her genitals and hearts3 on her nipples?456789 Whoever it was should be fired.10 And the random lesbian scenes, what’s that about? There are people who had LSD trips that weren’t as bizarre as this video.11

This was the music video equivalent of a MySpace profile with glitter graphics and auto-play songs. It’s just…a tacky vomitfest.

   
 It’s obvious that he’s trying to prove he’s not just Zayn Malik of One Direction, but I feel like he’s trying too hard. The video looks like it was supposed to be artistic, but it was just kaleidoscopic, over saturated, exclusion/difference layer12 obsession weirdness. 

Gigi Hadid is gorgeous, though. 

What has been seen cannot be unseen


  1. No judging. 

  2. I’m being nice here. 

  3. These reminded me of some holographic heart stickers my mom used to order from Oriental Trading Company. I would stick them on my Valentines. 

  4. No, really. 

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  9. I. TOLD. YOU. SO. 

  10. A floral pillowcase should cover their bosoms to mark them for this unforgivable sin. 

  11. I am still being kind here. 

  12. Actual Photoshop thing.