Love


Anatomy of a Boyfriend by Daria Snadowsky My rating: 2 of 5 stars I hadn’t really heard much about this book before I read it, so I definitely didn’t have any preconceived notions about what it would be like. I didn’t even read the reviews by others on here to see how they felt about the book, so there was no bias. And, when I started the book, the first fifty or so pages seemed okay-ish. It was certainly better than two stars at page 50 than it was at the end. For a work of realistic fiction, it was very unreal. The characters didn’t act or talk like teenagers. Even awkward teenagers don’t act like this. Some of the scenes almost came off as clinical and robotic in nature. Actually, a lot of them don’t seem like they would fit in any story for children, teens, or adults. They’re just very boring and weird. For a romance, it had a lack of romance. Wes and Dom love each other, but there’s no rhyme or reason to why. I know that you could argue that that’s true for all romances and for love in general, but this book is especially bad at telling the story of why this guy is even her boyfriend or her first love. It has a very sex-negative vibe. Amy is almost always degraded for being open to different types of sexual activities. The relationship between Dom and Wes portrays sex as being something that is always painful and awkward for girls, where guys will have orgasms and girls will always have to fake it. I know a lot of women do have that sort of experience, but we don’t really need to teach young women that it has to be like this. Sex is something where if you expect it to be painful and bloody and awkward, then you are more likely to have a painful experience. I’m not saying that the book needs to be smutty or anything like that, but give girls some hope that they aren’t going to be injured in sex acts. It’s also really disturbing that any time that Dom is looking forward to or thinking about sex that something bad happens to her or to Wes. That is another sex-negative vibe to have. As for other things that really bugged me: Playing up the trope of a redheaded female character as sex-obsessed was really annoying. That may seem like a little thing, but since it’s an actual recognized trope for works of fiction (and, worse, a stereotype of redheads in the real world), it really isn’t all that little. There was also a bit of fat-shaming. You have a character (Dom) starting her first year of college, so there’s the mentioning of the freshman fifteen, which might be okay. What isn’t okay is that her mother starts telling her that she should order certain foods so that she can me more like her old self. When the character asks if it’s about her weight going up, she finds out that it is. When she turns to her father for support he says (and does) the following: He emerges from behind his menu. “I agree with your mom. Guys can be a little overweight,” he says, pinching his gut with his hand, “but girls can’t.” This is for her gaining enough weight so that her clothes just snug on her. In other words, she might have gone up one size and her parents are giving her a hard time. She’s also just been injured when she was exercising. When it continues and she goes to leave the table her father does the following: “Dom, you’re blowing this way out of proportion,” Dad reprimands. “We’re staying put, and let’s have a nice dinner, for Christ’s sake.” She’s basically been told that she isn’t allowed to be offended by their comments. That’s just wrong. If parents act like this, it is totally fine to get upset with them. This behavior is reprehensible. That she’s eventually treated like she overreacted after their comments have (naturally) hurt her feelings is so disgusting. And she ends up feeling both ashamed of her body and of her feelings being hurt. That’s not okay. And the way it is portrayed is not okay either. And there’s the somewhat minor character Calvin. He might become a friend or a future boyfriend for her. Who knows? But the way that he acted when they first met was a little on the creepy side. This is another thing that probably would be best left out of books meant for the young adult age group. This might teach young people to allow this sort of behavior in their interpersonal relationships, which is a bit twisted and potentially dangerous. It isn’t all bad, but the good parts of the book just aren’t enough to overcome the bad parts. The plot is really flat. The development of characters is flat. There are some insightful paragraphs, but they are truly few and far between. And there’s a quirkiness to certain parts that I enjoyed, but by the end of the book, they had disappeared. The humor, the fun, and everything good about the book was gone before the book ended. That’s not good, so this book is getting two stars because it was not executed very well. View all my reviews

Review: Anatomy of a Boyfriend




When I got online this afternoon, I saw that “Lester” left 2 comments on the fuzzypinkslippers.com Facebook page about the Op-Ed by Marc E. Angelucci on the conference in Detroit. My response to his two postings got to be a little wordy, so I thought that I would post it here. Hi. You don’t know me, but you decided to share your link on my Facebook page for my blog. Perhaps you thought that this would enlighten me or sway me to your side of this discussion. It won’t. I don’t like MRAs and I have a very good reason for this. You see, despite what the movement claims, no actions are really taking place within it to improve the lives and rights of men. Most of what goes on is bashing of women, declaring us to be misandrists; telling male feminists that they’re playing for the wrong team or that they are emasculating themselves. Basically, a lot of bullying and very little actual activism, which sucks because there are a lot of issues that impact men that deserve to be advocated for. In the Op-Ed, Angelucci suggested that people who paint MRAs in a negative light were ignorant. I can assure you that this is not true. In a lot of cases the people who criticize the movement are actually very aware of what has been said and what has been done. When MRAs are called misogynists, it’s because they are. When Chris Brown attempted to kill Rihanna and she decided to file charges against him, it was the National Coalition for Men (which Angelucci states he is the Vice President of) that decided that it should criticize Rihanna for speaking up against Brown. It was also the National Coalition Men that declared that their support would go to a GOP backed version of Violence Against Women Act, which would have empowered abusers not victims. H.R. 4970 was not only anti-women, it was also homophobic and would have denied rights to gay males who were victims of domestic and sexual violence. The Senate version of the bill (S. 1925) would have protected all victims of domestic violence. This makes his group hypocritical with regard to concern for the rights of all men. Now, with regard to the actual conference, I refuse to change my opinion on a conference that has speakers who have advocated or been apologists for abuse. Warren Farrell “When I get my most glowing positive cases, 6 out of 200, the incest is part of the family’s open, sensual style of life, wherein sex is an outgrowth of warmth and affection. It is more likely that the father has good sex with his wife, and his wife is likely to know and approve — and in one or two cases to join in.” “First, because millions of people who are now refraining from touching, holding, and genitally caressing their children, when that is really a part of a caring, loving expression, are repressing the sexuality of a lot of children and themselves. Maybe this needs repressing, and maybe it doesn’t. My book should at least begin the exploration, Partial scan of the issue. “Second, I’m finding that thousands of people in therapy for incest are being told, in essence , that their lives have been ruined by incest. In fact, their lives have not generally been affected as much by the incest as by the overall atmosphere. My book should help therapists put incest in perspective.” “The average incest participant can’t evaluate his or her experience for what it was. As soon as society gets into the picture, they have to tell themselves it was bad. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.” “Incest is like a magnifying glass, in some circumstances it magnifies the beauty of a relationship, and it others it magnifies the trauma.” “Most women’s ideal is to not be sexual until nine conditions are met: physical attraction; respect; emotional compatibility; intelligence; singleness; success (or potential ); being asked out; being paid for; and the man risking rejection by initiating the first kiss…. Men want sex as long as only one condition is met—physical attraction.” “In San Diego there is a highly popular course called How to Marry Money. Note that the marriage is to money–not to a person. I inquired about the percentage of men attending… ‘The course is really for women,’ [the instructor replied,] ‘it’s not relevant to men.'” “When men give lines, women learn to not trust men. When women wear makeup, men learn to not trust women. Male lines and female makeup are divorce training.” “When divorces meant marriage no longer provided security for a lifetime, women adjusted by focusing on careers as empowerment. But when the sacrifice of a career met the sacrifices in a career, the fantasy of a career became the reality of trade-offs. Women developed career ambivalence.” “From the male perspective, when commitment is associated with diamonds and mortgages, promises of love can feel like promises of payment.” “When women are at the height of their beauty power and exercise it, we call it marriage. When men are at the height of their success power and exercise it, we call it a mid-life crisis.” “We have forgotten that before we began calling this date rape and date fraud, we called it exciting.” “Women attempt suicide more often because they want to become the priority of those they love rather than always prioritizing them.” “Unemployment to a man is the psychological equivalent of rape to a woman.” “Minimizing the role of sexual attraction in rape denies our responsibility for reinforcing men’s addiction to female sexual beauty and then depriving men of what we’ve helped addict them to.” “Feminism has taught women to sue men for sexual harassment or date rape when men initiate with the wrong person or with the wrong timing; no one has taught men to sue women for sexual trauma for saying “yes,” then “no,” then “yes.” … Men [are] still expected to initiate, but now, […]

Look, “Lester”, I’m Allowed to Support #NoMRA





100 LGBTQ Black Women You Should Know: The Epic Black History Month Megapost (Being Posted Here For LGBT Pride Month): thepoliticalfreakshow: This epic megapost is your glorious opportunity to meet 100 amazing black LGBT women who’ve made their mark over the last 150 years. See the first 20 below, then click the above link to see all 100 who made the list. Black lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and transgender women represent a vibrant and visible portion of the LGBTQ community. In addition to the legends of the Harlem Renaissance and the decades of groundbreaking activism spearheaded by women like Audre Lorde, Barbara Smith and Angela Davis, many of the most prominent coming out stories of the past two years have been black women like Brittney Griner, Raven-Symonè, Diana King and Robin Roberts. Meanwhile, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock have become the most visible transgender women in media.  So, in honor of Black History Month, below you’ll find over 100 lesbian, bisexual, gay, queer and transgender women you should know about. If she was still alive, the oldest person in this list would be 189 years old. The youngest person on this list is a mere 21 years of age. Like all our lists of this sort, this post aims to contain a wide variety of humans of all ages and backgrounds, from reality TV show stars (despite its numerous failings, Reality TV has been a major mainstream source of LGBTQ visibility dating back to the early ’90s) to State Representatives to actresses to game-changing activists.  Keep in mind, there are so many more prominent black LGBT women than are represented below. This list isn’t representative or comprehensive, but I did aim to include the “big names” and beyond that, present a broad and diverse range of visible women. The hardest part of making this list was that it was originally twice as long! So please feel free to share some of your heroes in the comments and we’ll have more lists like this in the future! If any of these pictures have been attributed incorrectly or lack proper attribution or contain misinformation, please email bren [at] autostraddle [dot] com and she will fix (or remove it) for you. Frances E.W. Harper (1825-1911), Abolitionist / Poet / Author Harper published her first book of poetry at age 20 and her first novel at the age of 67. She chaired the Pennsylvania Abolition Society, helped slaves escape through the Underground Railroad, and spoke all over the country with the American Anti-Slavery Society. She helped found the National Association of Colored Women in 1894 and published in so many periodicals that she became known as the “mother of African-American journalism.” She is listed in Lesbian Lists as an “early Black Lesbian and Bisexual Writer.” Edmonia “Wildfire” Lewis (1844-1907), Sculptor This African-Haitian-Ojibwe Native American sculptor was born in New York and began studying art at Oberlin in Ohio, one of the first universities to accept women and non-white people, and later began sculpting in Boston. She showed her work internationally and spent most of her career in Rome. The National Gay History Project notes that “she is considered one of a few African-American artists to develop a fan base that crossed racial, ethnic and national boundaries — and the first to develop a reputation as an acclaimed sculptor, which would later give her access to circles that generally excluded people of color and women.” Alice Dunbar Nelson (1875-1935), Poet / Journalist / Activist Nelson, who allegedly separated from her first husband, poet Paul Dunbar, in 1902 because he was “disturbed” by her lesbian affairs, was an influential writer and journalist active in efforts to promote African-American and women’s rights. She was a prominent figure in the Harlem Renaissance. Angelina Weld Grimké (1880-1958), Journalist / Teacher / Poet / Playwright Harlem Renaissance writer Grimké, who was biracial (her father was the second African-American to graduate from Harvard Law), was one of the first African-American women to have a play performed publicly. Of that play, The NAACP said, “This is the first attempt to use the stage for race propaganda in order to enlighten the American people relating to the lamentable condition of ten millions of Colored citizens in this free republic.” At 16, she wrote a letter to her female friend Mamie Burrile in which she declared, “I know you are too young now to become my wife, but I hope, darling, that in a few years you will come to me and be my love, my wife!” Modern literary critics who have analyzed Grimké’s work have found “strong evidence” that she was lesbian or bisexual. Georgia Douglas Johnson (1880-1966), Poet / Playwright Another prominent figure in the flourishing Harlem Renaissance, Johnson grew up in Atlanta, the daughter of an African and Native American mother and an African-American and English father. In addition to writing poems and plays, she was an anti-lynching activist and hosted weekly Salons with other friends associated with the Harlem Renaissance, like Lanston Hughes and Angelina Weld Grimke. The book Lesbian Lists notes that “although her letters reveal love relationships with women, she is best known in the heterosexual world for her affair with W.E.B. DuBois.” Ma Rainey (1886-1939), Blues Singer The legendary “Mother of the Blues” was one of the first blues singers to record. She toured extensively all over the country for mixed audiences and released over 94 records. Her 1928 song “Prove it On Me Blues” declared They said I do it, ain’t nobody caught me. Sure got to prove it on me. Went out last night with a crowd of my friends. They must’ve been women, cause I don’t like no men. Gladys Bentley (1907-1960), Blues Singer Bentley is a legend known for her piano-playing, raunchy lyrics and her signature top hat and tuxedo, headlning gay speakeasies and Harlem’s Ubangi Club and later in Southern California. Bentley was an out lesbian from the get-go and once, dressed in “men’s clothing,” tried to marry a woman in Atlantic City. But during the McCarthy era Bentley took a turn — she married a man and wrote an article for Ebony magazine entitled “I am woman again,” about how […]



“ The friend zone is very real. We have all had someone we were close to that we realized we were crushing on in a big way – but we hated ourselves for it. As much as we hoped and prayed things would change for the better, many of us acknowledged that our love for the other person was going to be detrimental towards the relationship. The people in this kind of friend zone cry while watching romance movies or go out and get drunk and kiss strangers. We make sure to keep a respectful distance between the person we like and ourselves – we are distinctly afraid of fucking things up because of our shitty heart being a complete dickweed and doing the thumpy thing when it shouldn’t. The Friend Zone is entirely false and is a complete invention made by boys who on one hand get angry if they think you’re soliciting sex by playing video games but on the other hand get angry if you are not soliciting sex just by breathing. The Friend Zone consists rarely of actual friends – instead it’s often people who stare at us in class and make us uncomfortable by constantly trying to talk to us while we’re obviously engaged in something else. These are the people who invade our personal space and aren’t afraid to talk dismissively about the things which we are passionate about – our faith in particular. These are not kind people. Once I was in a hospital’s waiting room and a woman was quietly saying a prayer for her son. After a few minutes, several other people joined in, linking their hands and bowing their heads. The boy next to me began to talk loudly to me about how disgusting and juvenile it was and how amused he happened to be by the behavior of the “sheep.” “I’m Catholic,” I replied, looking into his eyes, “I think what they’re doing is beautiful.” He looked down my shirt. “You seemed more intelligent than that,” he snorted, “I should have known. Are you even reading that book or are you just skimming?” I blinked. I wish I had said something like, “No, I’m just breathing in the words and hoping they stick,” but instead I just gave him a dirty look and tried to tune him out. He kept talking to me for the better part of an hour. Eventually, he got around to asking me out for coffee. I wanted to explain I was waiting for my mother to get out of chemotherapy, that my family was poised on the edge of a terrible end, that I barely knew him and basically already hated him. Instead, I smiled sheepishly and said, “I’d rather not.” “You bitch,” he replied. I watched his face flare hot. “You sluts are all like this. You play hard-to-get faux-intelligent and you lead people on just to hurt them.” “I’m…?” I started. I was scared. He was in my face. His hands were curled into fists. “You’re all like this,” he repeated. At this point, a few of the other people in the room were staring. I was pressed against the side of my chair, trying to get as far from him as I could. He wouldn’t lower his voice. “You fucking friend zone all the nice guys and date shitty asshole men and then come crying to our shoulders when you need someone.” I am not a confrontational person. Panic bubbled in my throat. I felt tears jump into my eyes. I started stuttering again. I was really honestly positive he was going to hurt me – for no other reason than turning down coffee. This is the difference between the friend zone and the Friend Zone: one is hating yourself for liking the other person. The other is hating the other person for not liking you. ” – A nighttime story about why the terrible deep Friend Zone, mostly written because about seventeen boys have asked what I mean when I complain about it. (via inkskinned) holy shit (via infiniteblush) via Tumblr http://ift.tt/1iJwZiZ


By Elliot Rodger’s logic, as a thirty year old virgin, I should spend the rest of my life murdering people. Instead of doing that I think I’ll just stick with my going to therapy and working on what it is that keeps me from being able to have relationships. Acting like dating and sex are some game, like the people involved in relationships are just toys that you can destroy when you get mad is just immature and illogical. Life isn’t always going to be fun. Sometimes people are lonely for a long time and that sucks, but that doesn’t mean that they should go out and hurt other people. Their loneliness and their sadness does not give them the right to go out and kill the perceived wrong-doers. At some point, people that think that life should always be good for them are going to have to grow up.  via Tumblr

(via Instagram) The full rant he made is here. That’s the summary from this guy’s rant on an open relationship he had his girlfriend agree to so he could have sex with other girls. His gf ended up being the one who was successful with the openness. He was pissed because he didn’t think she was hot enough. Anyway, when I first started reading this, the horrible way he talked about this girl and how she looked triggered a lot of the negative self-talk and memories of abusive remarks. As I read what happened as a result of his plan, I began to wish that I had read something like this when I was younger. Reading about how his plan backfired on him was something I needed to read & understand a long time ago. You can tell a person a million times that jerks end up “getting theirs” for all their horrible behavior, but until you read it or see it happen, it really doesn’t start kicking in. On an intellectual level, I understand that the earliest abuse lead to the weight issue and the distrust of people, especially men/authority figures. I understand that I kept my weight high to protect myself at first, and I understand that once the emotional abuse and bullying began that I began to believe that I was already doomed to be alone and miserable. I understand that, as an eight year old, that was a horrible thing to conclude. And I understand how it impacted future actions and choices in my life. I understand how it continues to impact my life. And I always could, on some level, understand that if I knew that anyone else in the world was feeling this way, that I would do whatever I could to stop them from feeling the pain. I would see the continuing of that pain and of that degradation of self as unreasonable and as something that the person needed to stop doing. On an emotional level, I couldn’t get it. Now I think I’m starting to, though. Now that I see things like this online and like the guys who continue to call me stupid because of my weight, I get it. I get that their shitty attitude toward someone based on their weight or their appearance is on them. If they dehumanize someone, it’s because something is wrong with them, not with the person that they’re abusing. I am really just now starting to understand that if a person thinks that I’m worthless because I happen to be a certain weight that that means that there is something wrong with them, not me. I can’t continue to use their dehumanization to justify my personal self-hatred. I need to get rid of that self-hatred because it is truly ridiculous and it is only making my life more difficult. It’s not going to be easy to change all of this thinking, but this guy’s ignorant, asshole behavior is inspiring me more than anything I’ve seen or heard in a long time. It’s bad that it took seeing an asshole behaving like an asshole to connect that intellectual level with the emotional level. It should have been enough for me to apply that logic for other people. It should have been enough for me to have friends tell me that those idiots were, just that, idiots or that I was enough. It should have been enough for me to understand that when that guy told me earlier this year that I was hot that I might actually be attractive. And those things did help sometimes. They helped get me through some really difficult times. But somehow this act of douchiness helped a bit more. I don’t know if that makes sense or if it even needs to make sense. I just know that it’s true. Not only did this post show me that guys like him are assholes, it showed me that hot guys can actually like girls who don’t fit the mold. I know that’s totally superficial, but I’ve believed for around two decades now that there was something fundamentally unlovable about me because of my size and that there was something wrong with me as a person because I happened to weigh too much. To start realizing that that’s not true and that my asshole of a grandfather was so fucking wrong about that is just amazing. It helps a lot. To know that what he did and what happened as a result, the things that have basically defined my life for so long, were so untrue and were things I shouldn’t believe about myself anymore…it’s just…there really is no way to explain how good it is to see that he was wrong.

From My Darkness