Tag: hospital


I Thought Today Would Be Different

11
July

After my mom went to the hospital last night with her blood pressure (which hit 260/160 while she was there) and I sent the message to my aunt telling her to start calling my mom, I thought that today she might call.  I mean, you would think that telling a person that her sister had been sick enough to go to the hospital a week before and was back there at that moment with something as serious as her blood pressure that it might be enough to move them to do something as minor as call and check in.  I know things aren’t going to change overnight.  I know that it would be a miracle for things to dramatically change at all.  A phone call shouldn’t be a dramatic change.

Though they weren’t necessarily the best of friends growing up, as adults they were quite close.  I know that they were close because of how close my cousin was to my mom and how close I was to my aunt.  I know my mom watched him when he was young.  I remember my aunt watching me when I was young.  I know that before my mom was too sick or in too much pain to do much that my aunt would take Nana, mom, and me to the mall for a fun day.  I know that when my mom would have surgery, my aunt would be right there.  I know that my mom had told my aunt that if anything ever happened to my parents, when I was a kid, that she wanted my aunt to be my guardian.  And since I know just how protective and clingy my mom can be towards me, I knew that that fact most of all meant that my mom trusted and loved my aunt so much.

That knowledge as a child didn’t predict that our family would fall apart.  It didn’t predict that Nana and then my mom would get accused at one point or another of being a drug addict.  It didn’t predict that my aunt who always seemed to believe in me would tell my mom that there was no chance I would ever graduate from college.  It didn’t predict that a woman who traded shifts of sitting next to the hospital bed of Granddaddy with Nana and my mom wouldn’t be able to spend a day or night during a weekend with Nana in 2008 when she had a bad bout of pneumonia or that she wouldn’t be able to come check on my mom during either of her hospital stays for kidney failure or that she wouldn’t call or check on her on any of the days that she was having any of her ankle surgeries.

So why did I think it would suddenly be different?  Why did I think sending her a message would get her to call?  Why did I think it would change things?  I guess things make sense when you’re pissed off, but in the light of day you can see that it means expecting the impossible to occur.  So, now I feel like the message was a waste of time.  Now, I feel like I probably should have spent the short while that it took to write and send that message on finding another way to keep me from thinking that my mom was at the hospital dying.

I guess that if the blood pressure and kidney failure continues to get worse, I can’t expect anything from that aunt.  I guess that I should have already known that.  I just hoped for something different.  I hoped that maybe she could channel the old her.

Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt about it.  Maybe I should think about the possibility that she just hasn’t checked her messages.  I mean, I guess that could be the case.  Of course, I used to think that was the case with why her husband didn’t add me on Facebook, until I realized that he was just as addicted to getting on it every day as many of the other 500 million or so people on the site.  I have a feeling she’s just like him in that respect.  Even if she isn’t on there every day it has to be possible that she gets messages sent to her email or to her phone, right?  Possibly.  Who knows?

I want my aunt back.  Not the one that I have written scathingly about in the past.  I don’t want her.  I want the person that she was.  I want the person who my mom trusted.  I want the one who was one of the only people from my real life who I could tell at first about cutting or about how bad my depression was or about how much I missed Stephanie or how afraid I was (at that time) of Elijah.  I miss her.  And part of me wants to believe that there is some way to get her back, but that logical part of me says that there is no way to get her back.  That part tells me that the old version of my aunt is dead and gone, and that the only aunt left is this new and definitely not improved version.

Comment » | 10 Years of Madness, Confessions, Family, Sickness and Health, Who I Was - Past

We All Fall Down

28
June

Saturday afternoon at about 4:30, my mother fell.  She’d been having more trouble walking lately, so it wasn’t really that surprising that she fell.  What was surprising was that no matter what we did, we couldn’t get her up off the ground.  Normally, she’s fairly easy to get back up off the floor.  This time, it seemed like everything that we were trying was failing.  We tried for the better part of about 7 hours on Saturday night and debated calling an ambulance.  At about 11:30, my parents decided that they needed to rest and that we would start again in the morning, which we did.

We realized on Sunday that it wasn’t going to be something that we could do on our own this time.  I had to get on my computer and look at the HEMSI website to get the non-emergency line, after my dad called a nurse for the insurance company that handles their Medicare Plus.  (He tried to get through on the insurance company’s line for about an hour, and he kept getting sent around to different people.)  He had tried to call HEMSI before I got the non-emergency line, from a number that was given to him by a local social services agency.  (That number was wrong.)

When HEMSI got here, they asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital or stay here.  My mom made some comments about wanting to stay here.  I told the paramedics that they needed to take her to the hospital.  She had some scrapes and carpet burns on her legs from the various attempts to get her up.  So, they took her to the hospital.  My dad followed behind a little while later.  (The paramedics told him to wait about 30 minutes before he came.)

I stayed home when he went to the ER after her.  Apparently, while he was there, he was treated like he’d viciously beaten and neglected her.  She told me that a social worker counted the bruises that she had on her, especially the ones in the shape of hand prints.  The social worker wanted her to tell her how she’d gotten them.  My mom told her that those were from the attempts to get her off the floor, which is true.  The social worker didn’t believe her.  The doctors and social worker asked my mom if she felt “safe” at home.  I understand why they felt the need to ask this, since my mother was heavily bruised and it had taken us so long to get her medical attention for this fall.  I also understand that they don’t know the full story and are just assuming that my mother is never taken care of or is harmed physically by her family.

The bruises that concerned them ranged from the size of the tips of my fingers to the size of a grapefruit.  They were all very dark purple.  These bruises were on her arms, her legs, her abdomen, and her chest.  (Her back had no bruises.) If the doctors and staff had noticed that my mom continued to bruise every time they assisted her, then I think that they might have been a little less judgmental.  By the time I saw her yesterday, she had additional bruises from where they’d attempted to give her an IV (one huge one at her elbow and one on her thumb, where they’d blown veins and put too much pressure on her) and where they’d put her blood pressure cuff.  Anywhere that she had the slightest bit of pressure applied, she had a new bruise.

The bruises look bad, but they are fairly normal for members of my mom’s side of the family.  Huge purple bruises that pop up for pretty much no reason are something that my great-grandmother (Mama) passed to my grandmother (Nana) and that Nana passed to my mom and that my mom passed to me.  They’re one of the lovely conditions that we all have had to deal with.  (We also have similar psychiatric issues, problems with vertigo/balance/tendency to fall, headaches, heavy periods/early menopause, reactions to most medications, etc.)  Each previous generation has had to explain to doctors that they haven’t been abused.  Hell, I had to deny being abused a few times when I had the old mattress that would cut and/or poke me during the night.

The doctors have run tests on her.  They said that her muscles had atrophied, thus the falling and being unable to get up.  They told her that the breakdown in her muscles had caused certain enzymes to be released that had taken a toll on her kidneys, heart, brain, etc.  (Remember how I was worried because she had gotten so incoherent?  Apparently, there was a reason.)   They’ve started her on physical therapy, which is great.  (I still don’t understand why the orthopedists never suggested physical therapy after she broke her ankles and was forced to stay off her feet for the better part of a year.)  They’re also trying to fix the issues that have occurred because of the breakdown.

I think that the nurses on the floor that she is currently on have figured out that the bruises aren’t from abuse.  I think they’ve also figured out that we do care about my mom very much and never intended to do anything bad/neglectful to her.  My only issue with the nurses on her floor is that they haven’t been taking care of the scrapes and carpet burns.  When my dad and I went yesterday, I wanted to see if they were improving or getting worse.  I was told (and then shown by my mom) that nothing had been done for these marks.  So, my mom had the tech bring her a pan of water with no-rinse soap in it so she could bathe.  (Normally a tech would be the one to help her bathe, but apparently that isn’t one of the tech on that floor’s duties.)  My dad and I helped her, and I helped clean the wounds.  My mom asked the nurse, after we were done, if she could have a bandage placed over any of them.  The nurse said that she might be able to get some Neosporin for them, but she wasn’t sure.  That annoyed me quite a bit.

Oh, the doctor told my mom that she was malnourished.  Apparently, she isn’t getting enough protein.  I think that’s probably true for every member of my family, since we all have various forms of anemia & deficiencies.  We’re going to have to change our diets, which is going to be difficult.  (Higher protein foods always seem to be a lot more expensive, which makes it a lot harder for us to buy them.)

Yesterday, my mom had said that she might get to come home today.  Today, though, the new day for her to come home is tomorrow.  I’m not surprised, since the discharge days always change.

Side note: My back is still hurting from trying to help my mom up this weekend.  (I hurt it about 30-45 minutes into the ordeal.)  I’ve been downing quite a few Tramadol and Flexeril since then.  Hopefully, the pain will lessen soon.  If not, I guess I’ll have to go get it checked out.

Comment » | Confessions, Family, Sickness and Health, So Damn Special

I Promise I Will Be There

24
May

In the past I have had doctors and therapists who don’t do the reminder calls, so I’ve learned not to really expect them.  Sure, I prefer when I get them, since I’ve usually scheduled the appointment weeks (sometimes months) in advance.  But, for the most part, I understand that doctors don’t have to call.

Well, on Friday, The Heart Center called to remind me of my appointment and to do pre-registration.  That’s not really weird, since a call prior to the weekend, is normal for appointments on Mondays and Tuesdays. (Pre-registration is also pretty normal, since the Center is part of the Huntsville Hospital System, so my appointment is sort of like being checked into the hospital for a few hours.)  Well, yesterday morning I got a second call from them.  This time it was their computer system, which required me to confirm the appointment via their automated system.  About four hours later, I got another call from them.  I think that it was a person.  (My dad answered and confirmed vocally, so I’m guessing that it was a person.)  I’ve never had an appointment that required 3 confirmations before.  My mother suggested that it might be that the Center has me scheduled for multiple people or multiple procedures or something.  Who knows?

Of course the idea that I’m going to see more than 1 specialist or that I’m going to be going through procedures is a bit unnerving.  I’m used to the EKG stuff and Holter monitors being a part of my appointment, but they don’t usually do anything other than that when I visit.  There is a chance that this appointment will be different, so I guess I shouldn’t expect it to be just like the others I’ve had there.

I’m no longer certain that it is Serotonin Syndrome, since I’ve continued to have problems with my heart rate going extremely high and my blood pressure getting higher than I’ve ever seen it go before.  The high numbers are especially unexpected when earlier in the day I will have had a fairly low reading or a reading that it close to normal.  A few hours after the high reading, the lower readings will come back.

I’ve also had some massive headaches with and without the increases (and decreases) in pulse and pressure.  Yesterday, I had one of the worst headaches that I’d ever had, which is saying something since I’ve had headaches pretty constantly for 20 years or so.  This headache felt like the front of my skull, mainly in the forehead area, was going to cave in.  It also felt like there was this explosive or maybe implosive feeling in that general area.  It didn’t feel like my standard migraines, tension, and sinus headaches.  It was different, and definitely not good-different.  I know that I probably should have gotten it checked out, but if I had called my family doctor and told them, I knew that they would have suggested that I tell the cardiologist today or that I go to the emergency room.  The ER isn’t really an option.  I know that I can’t rely on them to do anything anymore.  And if I were told to just tell the cardiologist, then I would have basically wasted a phone call.

Sometimes I wish I still had a headache doctor, but I didn’t really appreciate the way that I was treated there and I didn’t like that they kept putting me on medicines that I had already had issues with.  Since there is only one headache specialist in the entire state, I guess I am kind of screwed in terms of looking for others around here.  Insurance might keep me from going to doctors elsewhere, not to mention gas prices and the angst that comes with the idea of really long drives.

Anyway, I hope that the appointment goes well today and that we figure out what the hell is going on.  Otherwise, I worry that I will worry myself to death over it.

2 comments » | Confessions, Sickness and Health

Jesus, Wheelchairs, and Radiology

15
March

On Saturday, I fell. No big deal, right? I wouldn’t have thought so, except that when I fell, my left foot slammed down on the ground. My toes started bruising almost immediately, as did many other places that didn’t even hit. My mom tried to get me to go to the ER, but I didn’t want to. Going to the ER generally leads to a 3-4 hour wait, a possible trip to radiology (isn’t always a guarantee for me), and then a rude dismissal from the staff (about an hour and a half after being taken to the back–if I even get that far) because I’ve ended up wasting their time.

‘My foot would get better’ was my initial thought.  I fall quite a bit, and usually I’m okay within a few days.  Instead, by Sunday, the bruises and swelling were worse, as was the pain.  I was also having some stiffness in the joints that connect my toes to my foot.  Still, I didn’t go to the hospital.

On Monday morning, I called the UAB Clinic folks so that I could see my family doctor (or another family doctor in the clinic).  Well, I just so happened to call on the day that at least 2 of the doctors who were scheduled had decided to take a sick day.  (I’m sure they didn’t just decide to take a sick day, and that they were actually sick.)  So, they were too busy for the staff they had and couldn’t see me.  Instead of saying that they would see me another day, they told me that I needed to be seen ASAP.  Well, before they could say where I could go, they had to know what insurance I had.  I told them it was Medicare & Medicaid.  Apparently, none of the walk-in clinic are into the whole Medicare-Medicaid combo, so the only other place to go was (cue dramatic music) the ER.

The ER on a Monday is not the best place in the world to be.  It isn’t necessarily the worst, but it’s pretty damn close to the worst place you could be in town.  I went in and, after filling out a form where I put the symptom as “left foot & ankle”, was immediately triaged, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing.  From the first nurse in triage, everyone ignored the foot part of the symptoms and just focused on the ankle.  I thought it was weird that they would do that, though I don’t know why it would surprise me.

After being triaged, I sat in the waiting room for another 3 hours.  I got to people watch, which was fairly entertaining, but not exactly what I wanted to be doing.  There were some interesting people there.  A guy was sitting across the room, under one of the HD televisions, laughing and talking to himself.  My dad and I tried to figure out what to call the guy.  (Please don’t tell me that it is rude to talk about people in a waiting room.  This can sometimes be the only source of fun when you’re in a waiting room.)  We debated between Charlie (for Charles Manson), Jesus (for, well, Jesus Christ), and some others that were related to the guy’s main look–long, wavy-ish dark brown hair, a dark beard, and a look of being in touch with something “else”. We ended up calling him Jesus. My dad thought the guy was probably just crazy.  I thought that he was probably high, but might also have some craziness.  I regretted referring to him as Jesus later, because though I thought that Jesus might wear acid wash jeans and a matching jean jacket, I didn’t think he’d wear sneakers.  (Jesus would definitely wear sandals.)  There was a group of people that we (and a lot of other folks) paid attention to as we waited.  It was a group of about 10-15 people, who, among other things, were very loud.  The security guards chastised them at one point for being so disruptive.  They tried to bum-rush the back to see their friend, who had apparently been beaten up.  Of the five or six people that were part of that rushing past the door when it unlocked for one or two to go back, only two were allowed to stay back there.  Apparently, the ER rule of two visitors per person was lost on the group.  Though this group of people had gotten there at the same time as me, they left about an hour ahead of me.  The only employee that we ended up watching was one of the security guys who’d rolled me into the ER.  He was confiscating any wheelchairs that had been abandoned, even if the person was in the bathroom.  I made sure to hold on to my wheelchair.  (I’ve learned that the staff doesn’t take hurt feet very seriously if you’re not in a wheelchair.)

By the time I was finally allowed to go back to a room, everyone who’d been there before me was already either seen and discharged, seen and waiting on a diagnosis, or had given up on the process and had gone home.  Several of the people who’d come after me ended up being seen before me.

When I got to the back, they kept talking about my ankle, even when I showed them where on my foot I hurt.  I found out that x-rays had been ordered about 2 hours earlier, but that there was a very long wait for the whole hospital to get seen in the radiology department.  (I didn’t understand why they couldn’t send people to one of the other connected facilities [via the tram] that has a radiology department, but apparently that wasn’t a possibility.)  The doctor, who I saw for a grand total of ten seconds, just told me that it was taking forever to get the radiology department’s attention.  A few minutes later, a radiology tech (or someone from transportation) took me down to the department.  I, then, waited for about 10 minutes for someone to wheel me into the room for the x-ray.

The x-ray was done on my ankle, which I was really perturbed by, but I couldn’t get across to anyone that the brunt of the fall had been “absorbed” by my foot.  (I had, by this time, learned that you never give too much information on those little sign-in forms.)  So, after the x-ray was done, I was taken back to my room.  There had been a shift change in nurses while I was in radiology, so I met my nurse at about the same time that the nurse practitioner came in to tell me that my ankle was fine.  My father and I gave him a weird look that should’ve given him a big clue that my ankle wasn’t the part that was really hurt.  (This is why physical exams, which had never taken place, are important in diagnosis.)  He asked what was wrong.  I said that my foot was the problem.  He said that he would check the x-ray again, but the ankle x-ray usually shows the foot.

That is what a standard ankle x-ray shows.  That little area of where the foot meets the lower leg.  That probably hasn’t changed since I first started getting ankle x-rays over 10 years ago.  That kind of view doesn’t show the part of the foot where the toes (phalanges) meet the foot (metatarsals).  It barely shows any part of the metatarsals at all.  It shows the tarsals, aka the ankle.  If an ankle x-ray was the same as a foot x-ray, then there would be no need for calling them different things on forms and there would be no need for different views.

Well, the nurse practitioner, who was sure that the x-ray showed the right part of my foot, was proven right–though, this happened while he was out of the room and with no input from any other medical professional.  I could’ve complained and refused to leave, because I’ve done that before, but it generally ends with the doctor or a supervisor coming in and defending the position of the staff member who made the shoddy call.  (Generally, it is a call made by a doctor who hasn’t been attentive or this particular nurse practitioner–I think he may have been part of the team that made the decision with my mom’s first ankle break to send her home over the weekend, even though she couldn’t bear weight.)

Now, I know that nurse practitioners can do a lot.  And I know that they are generally really good at their jobs, but this guy didn’t do an exam and acted like there wasn’t really anything wrong.  And his end diagnosis?  My foot is bruised and I have a sprained toe.  I’m not exactly sure which toe is sprained, since 3 of them have been in a lot of pain and 1 has been in a bit less pain than those 3.  Only one hasn’t had any kind of pain, bruising, etc.   On the discharge orders, I was told to take Tylenol for the pain, because I guess it works better for pain than Tramadol.  (That was sarcasm.)  I was also told to follow up with a family doctor.  The discharge orders were signed by the same doctor who’d spent 10 seconds talking to me, and was also the same doctor who (on the day my mom had to come back in with the first broken ankle) had written me a prescription for Ibuprofen (can’t take NSAIDs) and spent 10 seconds with me and all of the other poor end-of-the-spectrum pain cases in the same room.  Of course, that day I didn’t get an x-ray, which I kind of feel like I didn’t get yesterday–except that I know that I did get one, even if it was the wrong one.

The Huntsville Hospital ER has really gone to shit.

Comment » | General, How I Met Your Neighbors (aka An Overactive Imagination), Rants, Sickness and Health

30 Days of Truths: Day 6

13
March

Today (well, yesterday, but I’m backdating the entry, so it’ll be the right day) is day number 6, which is the day that we discuss:
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

If I said kill a person, would that be too obvious?  Um, how about something else?

I hope that I never have to go back into a psychiatric hospital.  I know that they can be really good places for people who need to be there, and I know that sometimes I probably should be in one.  I don’t want to go back to one ever, though.

The experience when I was 17 was horrible.  I just don’t ever want to relive anything like that ever again.  Even thinking about a possible repeat of that makes my brain start feeling overwhelmed with scary thoughts.

Past Days:
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself
Day 2: Something you love about yourself
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Future Days:
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

 

Comment » | 30 Days of Truth, Confessions, memes, Mental Health

Unintended Consequences

11
November

Today was my D&C with hysteroscopy. I scheduled it for noon, because I didn’t want to deal with my dad ranting about having to get up at 3 or 4 in the morning for a 7 AM appointment. (You have to arrive 2 hours prior to the scheduled time.) My dad still ranted, even though his wake up call was at 8:30. (He is a strictly 10 AM kind of guy.)

Before we left, my mom had me go get her some water so that she could continue to get in her beloved ice water. (She drinks several 32 oz. cups full of water in a day.) I thought that was a little unfair, but I tried not to hold it against her. I knew that she is still a little skiddish on her feet, especially in the house.

When we got to the hospital, I didn’t have to do mountains of paperwork, since I’d had the pre-op appointment. The guy who called me to the back asked me, “Have you had a hysterectomy?” I almost laughed in his face. (How many people get hysteroscopies and D&C’s when their uterus and other female parts are gone?) Since I hadn’t, the guy made me pee in a cup. (I’m fairly certain that I was not at risk for being pregnant–heavy bleeding + my continued virginity = no pregnancy, y/n?) I did as I was told, though I hate to do the peeing in the cup thing. When I got out of the bathroom, he had me change into the pretty purple paperish gowns that keep you warm and put a blanket on my lap. I was supposed to do all of this and open the door to let the nurses know I was ready at the same time. Apparently, I’m supposed to be supergirl or Jesus or something.

When the nurses came in, they were ready to do the vitals, the remaining blood work, and the IV. I told them, fairly quickly, that I was both a hard stick and a person with hard to hear blood pressure, including with machines. They marveled at the thought, until I explained that these were common traits in my mom’s side of the family. That was interesting to them, but I think they thought at first that I was making this up. (Why would I make this shit up?) Well, the blood pressure came back fairly easily. (125 over 63, pulse of 92, O2 saturation of 99.) The blood/IV was another story. The left hand didn’t work. The left arm wasn’t having it either, though they did get enough blood to check my sugar (105) and my calcium (very low), sodium (normal), and potassium (normal) levels. The right hand also wouldn’t allow for threading the IV tube. (Apparently, they were getting the flashbacks on each, but the veins wouldn’t allow the catheter to be inserted.) So, the anesthesiologist was called in. (I suggested a Cardiac nurse if one was in the hospital, but they weren’t at Women’s & Children’s–they were all at main on the heart floor.) He used a different type of needle and went in on the bundle of veins at my wrist. He got it to work fairly easily.

During pre-op, I had to confirm my name so many times, as well as my birthday and social security number. I also had to explain what was going on and tell them who was with me. I also had to make sure that they had all of my allergies down repeatedly. It was really annoying to repeat the same things over and over. I had my 4 arm bands (ID, latex allergy, drug/food allergies, and fall risk) checked every time a new person came in the room. Once my parents came back, they reminded the CRNA that I get hyper with anesthesia and that I have the staple line left from my gastric bypass surgery. The CRNA said that hyperactivity happens a lot with kids because they have opposite reactions to sedatives, but I don’t know what that means for adults. (I do know that I tend to have the opposite of a normal reaction to a lot of drugs, though.) Because of my history of nausea with anesthesia and problems with GERD, I was given a patch of nausea medicine, a shot of some more nausea drugs, and a shot of Pepcid.

Because of all of the questioning being repeated, my dad asked the pre-op nurse what would happen if they had someone back there who couldn’t answer the question. The nurse asked if he was referring to people who were in a reduced mental capacity and my dad nodded. She said, “We get their family.” My dad said, “So, if they think they’re God–” and she said, “we defer to the next of kin.” I quietly said, “You ask Jesus?” My parents laughed, but the nurse didn’t seem to get it.

When I went to the OR, I had to go over the information one more time, after being scooted onto the table. I was also given something to “take the edge off” or, in other words, keep me calm and maybe shut me up. I felt my brain fighting the sedatives, which is a fairly normal feeling for me. I was trying to hang on to my waking state, but eventually it became too hard and I fell asleep.

I woke up in recovery with a very sore throat. (I had a similar feeling with the sinus surgery/septoplasty.) The recovery room nurse told me that I should calm down and rest, but that wasn’t going to happen. I begged for ice chips, because I was so thirsty. I couldn’t have them until they were sure I wasn’t nauseous anymore. (I had apparently complained before I realized I had come to.) The nurse got me some a few minutes later and then gave me some 7-up and graham crackers. As I ate and drank, my energy began to boost quickly and I was talking quite a bit–not as much as last time. The nurse ended up giving me some Lortab, which I was still a little too groggy to protest to taking. My stomach was cramping really bad and the nurse asked me what kind of dogs we had. Apparently, before I woken up, I had mentioned that my stomach felt like I had a basset hound on it. So, the nurse wanted to know how I knew what that felt like. We talked about dogs until she was sure I was pretty much ready to go to post-op. Before we left my recovery room, she helped me get dressed. (I don’t think they’ve ever helped me dress before leaving recovery.)

In Post-Op, the next nurse was going to hand my parents a script for Lortab. My mom threw a fit, because Lortab causes me to have chest pain. The nurse claimed that it wasn’t anywhere on my file and I hadn’t told them that anytime before. I thought that was funny since I had mentioned it prior to the surgery at the pre-admission appointment, it was in my hospital file before the appointment (I had gone to the main building of the hospital with the first reaction), and it was on the front of my chart. The nurse went out to the desk complaining, and one of the other nurses said, “Well, it is on the front of her chart.” So, she had to call the gynecologist to get his okay to prescribe something else. So I have a few doses of Ultram now. That I can take. Before the squabbling over the prescription, she had checked my BP and it was 123 over 43. I was a little worried about that, but she said it was “good”. I’m still a little skeptical about that.

I got to leave fairly quickly after that. And I am now at home, trying to get comfortable, which is really quite difficult. I still feel like my throat is dry and raw. I think that they might have used the wrong size breathing tube because I came out of surgery with a really raspy voice. (My voice may be quiet, typically, but it almost always smooth–unless I’m sick or have scratched my throat on food.)

Comment » | General, Sickness and Health

Don’t Call My Name

15
September

My computer came back today, which is a good thing. It came back without Microsoft Office, which was particularly annoying since I don’t think I was sent the discs to reinstall said program. (It had come pre-installed with the laptop, and it was the version that had every single Office program under the sun on it.) It came back without McAfee, which I didn’t like, but still would have liked to had on here since I paid for a long subscription. When the guy said it was going to come back to me like it was new, I figured it would come back to me like it was new from them and not like it was new from some random repair guy. So, of course, I am trying to find all the discs of things that I hadn’t needed since I got it the first time.

Today has pretty much royally sucked. First, I went to my ultrasound appointment only to find out that the referral forms were incomplete. The registration people had to call the doctor to find out what it was for. Of course, it was scheduled for the abdominal ultrasound, but because of the form issue, it was delayed until they had 2 copies of a form that I’m fairly certain gets thrown away after the appointment is over. When we got out of the appointment, my dad and I went to get the car. Actually, we had the valet guys go get it, which took forever. Apparently, one of the valet guys was trying to use a Ford truck’s key to turn on my dad’s Saturn. It didn’t work, obviously. He had left my dad’s keys in the door of the car. Apparently, he was unable to comprehend how to hit a little button called “Unlock”. (He really told my dad that he didn’t know how to use a car remote unlock thing. This made me a little sad for the incompetence of some people.)

When we got home, my mom was asking for things every five minutes. Before we’d left (at 7:30), I had told her that I wasn’t going to feed her until we got back, which I figured wasn’t that big of a deal. (She doesn’t eat until 11 most days anyway.) Well, this made her upset and she said that she always got me everything I needed when she had to fast for tests. This may have been true when I was an infant or even a toddler. It hasn’t been true for a very long time. (Also, when she is fasting, I typically fast or at least don’t eat or drink in front of her. I find that kind of behavior rude.) When we got back, she had an all-out temper tantrum because of her daughter “being a bitch”. (Isn’t that sweet?) We went back & forth and I got to hear both of my parents chastise me for the umpteenth time about everything that has ever bothered them about me, to which I pointed out, that I always hear the same things. I also pointed out that the only attention that I ever get in this family is the negative kind, which they claim isn’t true. They said that last night they had “showered [me] with praise” for the meal I cooked, which is not true. They said it was good once, and just in barely audible tones. That is not showering of praise. That’s more the kind of thing you do when you don’t want to be attacked by a spork. Eventually, all of my frustrations somehow landed on the grave of my dead grandfather. They determined that they hadn’t done anything wrong and that it was moving in with him that had somehow “messed [me] up”, which I pretty much just let them think. They refuse to admit that they might have played a role in my ongoing issues, which I can understand. They both think of themselves as being the best parents in the world, and they refuse to admit that they might not have been cut out to be parents, or at least that they might not have been the right parents for the child they ended up with.

My mom threw another tantrum about an hour ago because we haven’t gone to the grocery store yet this week. (She forgot that we didn’t go at all last week.) She thinks that it is only absolutely necessary for us to go when she runs out of food. I ran out of the one meal that I eat pretty much every day about 3 or 4 days ago. We ran out of things that I felt like cooking around a week ago. We ran out of products that could be used for cooking things that I don’t feel like cooking a week ago. Basically, we’ve needed to go for a week, but she didn’t notice until she couldn’t have a breakfast bowl this morning. Well, that’s nice. I am apparently being restricted from television usage until I agree to go to the grocery store. Since I don’t really feel like watching television and I can go without it longer than any other member of my family, I’m taking my time on this. I don’t feel like going to the grocery store. I’ve been going every week with very few exceptions since I was a little kid. I haven’t felt like going to the grocery store since I was about 4 or 5, and it has gotten increasingly harder for me to go. Given my constant pain and nausea level, I would think that maybe I wouldn’t be expected to go until maybe I felt better. No, that’s crazy. My mom doesn’t have to go because she can’t yet walk more than 5 feet without having to be in an actual wheelchair. As she would say, she “has a broken leg and it hurts.” I have had to go to the grocery store (and walk through it) with a broken foot (3 times), a sprained ankle (a lot more times), post-major surgery (4 times), post-fainting spells, post-seizures, etc. I have even had to walk through the grocery store with a broken foot that had a sprained ankle while the other ankle was also sprained. I was not allowed to stay home. Even if a doctor said I couldn’t go outside because I had some highly contagious illness, I had to go to the grocery store. (Even when I was out of school sick for a month in 8th grade and couldn’t breathe well.) I don’t get weeks off.

2 comments » | Confessions, Family, Rants, Sickness and Health, So Damn Special

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