Tag: Friends


These are a Few of My Least Favorite Things

15
April

A few days or so ago, there was this thing on Tumblr where followers could do a “quiz” about a person to see if they knew much about them. One of the questions was on the person’s dislikes. Chiara (aka lainwen) was the only person who I received the answers from. (Of course, the only way to receive those was through fan mail on there–she’d sent them 2-3 times on ask, so maybe there’s something bug on Tumblr when it comes to that feature.) Anyway, she pointed out that she didn’t know things I dislike and I realized that on there, I don’t really talk about things I don’t like that much. I don’t really do that in many places. (Except when it comes to politics and personal events.) So, I thought that maybe I could devote a blog entry to things that I just don’t like.

  1. Carrots – According to my mom, I liked them in baby food form. That was the last time I liked them, though.
  2. Celery – Never liked it.
  3. Peanut butter – Never liked it, except for natural peanut butter. Since most people like PB, it’s one of those where people ask me if I’m allergic and I have to say that I’m just strange. (Everyone in my family loves the stuff, so I’m even a freak in the family when it comes to peanut butter.)
  4. Asparagus – I had some in elementary school. I have refused to eat it ever since.
  5. Seaweed – We ate some pieces of dried seaweed (or something like that) one day in third grade, during a friend’s show and tell type thing. It was nasty. I refuse to ever have anymore.
  6. Muggy weather – This has to do with my breathing/asthma.
  7. Tornadoes/severe weather – I was within about a mile of a tornado that hit Huntsville in 1989. (On this map, find where it says Chelsea. Above that, there’s a crooked gray line. That line should extend to the road that is labeled at 53 [at the top]. I lived right off road that was marked by the crooked line, but a little more toward 53.) Anyway, said tornado could be heard at our house and the anxiety from that led to ongoing panic/anxiety related to severe weather.
  8. Wearing shoes and socks. I don’t mind sandals or even other types of shoes. I don’t even mind socks by themselves, but wearing both is uncomfortable. (I feel like I can’t breathe when my feet are completely covered by both, which I think has less to do with my lungs and more to do with the eccentricities of being me.)
  9. Old Spice – My grandfather (Dadada–aka the bad one) wore it in excess. I associate it with him.
  10. Puffs Plus – I’ve always had sinus troubles and the Puffs Plus tissue would cause my nose to hurt and itch more because of the Aloe. (Yes, I itched because of the Aloe. I know, it’s not supposed to work that way.)
  11. The Office – I don’t know if I don’t like the UK version, but I know I sure as hell do not like the US one.
  12. Chihuahuas – Nana’s brother had one when I was about 5. I accidentally stepped on it’s tail and it yipped at me. This scared the crap out of me and I haven’t ever really gotten over it.
  13. Tom Cruise – I was sort of indifferent to him prior to his outburst on The Today Show in 2005. After he basically went on a tirade about how psychiatry is evil, I started a boycott of his films, interviews, etc. This boycott is still going on. Normally, I give up on boycotts after a while, but I refuse to get over what he said and how he behaved. (Obviously, I’m not a big fan of Scientology, either.)
  14. Green – I don’t like the color. Whenever I would get green notebooks or binders for school, I would assign them to subjects I didn’t enjoy, like science or math.
  15. Science, math/engineering programs/space program – I know science and math are important. I know engineering is important. I know the space program is important. I grew up in a school system where priority was placed on science and math and turning its students into engineers that could work on Space and Defense programs in town. I had teachers that thought it was more important to do things like Math Olympiad (which I was apart of in fourth and fifth grade) instead of Art and Music. I hated that the arts were being ignored, because I always liked them more. I hated that we put so much emphasis in school on space and not enough on classes that taught us about history and culture. I hated that it was expected that we like these types of programs. So, I did what any quiet person with a defiant streak in them would do: I learned to hate the thing I was expected to love.
  16. The Lord of the Rings – I think that Peter Jackson is brilliant. I think the cast members are very talented. I do not like the trilogy. I do not plan on even trying out the Hobbit franchise.
  17. Bananas – This relates to Dadada. The smell, the taste, the texture, and the word all make me nauseated. Pictures do, too.
  18. Various forms of transportation – This is another phobia/anxiety thing. I’ve been in 4 car accidents with my mom, 1 with Nana, and the one with Jennifer from YSA.
  19. Whistling – I hate the sound of it.
  20. Justin Bieber – Okay this was pretty much a fairly mild dislike at first. I don’t think he’s very good at singing. He’s very nasal and tends to be off-key. Of course, his remarks in the guestbook for The Secret Annex did not endear him to me.

There are other things I dislike. There are things that I dislike more than the stuff on this list, but I thought that this list is a good (or bad) start.

1 comment » | Personal

Everything Old Is New Again

6
April

Last year, after we moved back into the house, one of our neighbors died. Shortly after his death, his family moved out of their house. And for the last few months, that house, along with those of two of our other immediate neighbors, remained empty. A couple of weeks ago, someone started moving in the house where the person died. It’s actually one of our old neighbors (from a while ago) moving back into their old house. Luckily, it’s a neighbor that we like and not someone like Satan’s Spawn. As far as I know, that guy is still in the Sunshine State. (Sorry about that, Florida.)

Loretta, who has owned the house across from us since I was in middle school, is moving back into her house after at least ten years of renting it out to various families. Loretta is a really sweet person, so I’m glad to have her back in the neighborhood. She’s not going to be living alone this time, because she’s a bit too old to and has had some health problems since the last time she was here. (She’s old enough to be the grandmother of a guy whose class I was in at some point during elementary and middle school, so that probably puts her in the 70+ age range.)

Anyway, since she moved in, she has invited my parents over and (without our knowing) had her landscapers mow, weed-eat, and edge our lawn. (We’d had it mowed a few days before she moved in, but she had it done again.) It was rather nice of her to do that, thought she was scared that my parents would get upset that she did it without asking. (They didn’t.)

So, now that she’s back, we actually have someone nearby to interact with…someone that my mom and I feel comfortable around. (My dad feels comfortable around her, too, but he’s acquainted with a couple of other folks around here.)

Comment » | Personal

In Case of Rash

19
February

You know how I was happy that the rash had been acting up because I thought it would help me explain to the dermatologist what had been going on? Well, when I woke up, it wasn’t acting up. It apparently decided to give me a reprieve. Maybe all of those comments a few years back about this stuff being in my head were right. Either that or my body has a sick/twisted sense of humor.

Since I had waited all those many months to get an appointment, and had only been awake for about an hour prior to the appointment, I went sans rash to said appointment. (Wow. I used the word appointment way too many times there.) I then ended up doing myself the great disservice of playing down the rash. I didn’t tell the dermatologist that this was a rash that I’ve had off-and-on since I was a teenager. I didn’t emphasize properly that this is a rash that I also get inside and at night. He said it was probably the Lisinopril that I’ve taken (literally) 32 tablets of between last summer and today. (I take them as needed. I get the rash whenever it decides to show up.) As I tried to explain this, he was like, “Well, you’d be surprised how little of a medicine it takes to cause this kind of reaction.” I almost told him to go next door (to his wife’s office) and look up my record there. (She’s been my allergist since January/February of 1999, when I was actually allergic to every single allergy test she gave me. This was also around the time that I was allergic to only two medicines.) I know what drug sensitivities are like. I know how they work. I also know that this isn’t one, but I guess my lack-of-assertiveness-when-it-counts decided that I should just stroke his ego.

He wants me to be put on a shorter acting blood pressure pill which, considering the instability of my blood pressure, is probably a good idea. He also said that if when I get a rash, I should call his office right then and they will get me in that day for a biopsy. That’s great, but, like I said, these things can even happen at night. Is he proposing a biopsy at his office if this rash decides to pop up at two or three in the morning? Probably not. And it might be gone by the time his office opens up.

In the meantime, other than changing up my medicines, he wants me to wear sunscreen, long sleeves, and hats. I told him that I was familiar with sun-avoidance techniques. (Um, hello, I’ve been a ginger my whole life.) I don’t think that those techniques will do me any good indoors, especially since American sunscreens don’t help with visible light and long sleeves only lead to me overheating–even in the winter. So, yeah, his suggestions for that don’t really do me any good.

I really need to figure out how to get doctors to actually listen to me. I don’t think that will happen, though. Authority figures + me either ends with me feeling walked all over (this time) or me nearly going to jail for muttering obscenities at them.

In other news, I saw my best friend from third grade until about ninth or tenth grade at the office. She works in billing there. I said hi, but that was all I could say before my brain stopped functioning well enough to carry on a proper conversation. This is one of those people who has never really made me feel uncomfortable, but I just couldn’t interact with her. It was probably something to do with feeling all jittery after the appointment.  So I felt totally ridiculous trying to start a conversation with her and then having to run away before I ended up having a panic attack.  I don’t know why that makes me feel ridiculous. That’s all I have ever done. I just can’t handle people. At. All. Ever.

Comment » | Personal

Please, Call First

26
January

Yesterday, Tom, the friend who took the gun, brought it back. He had shown it to his friend who told him that it was not a real gun. Leave it to Dadada to still play some kind of practical joke on us after almost 20 years of being dead. So, we now have a non-functional Derringer in the house. Since I know it isn’t functional (and never was), I’m not as nervous about it. I’m a bit annoyed that I had all that anxiety about it, though.

A while after he dropped by, the Elders (missionaries) came by to do a blessing on our house. Now, we did not ask for this blessing (I’m not big on having blessings done for people or objects) or know that they were coming by, so my dad basically asked them to leave. He also told them that it would be wise, in the future, to call first.

It seems that people from church have this habit of dropping by unannounced, which might be okay for them, but is a bit weird for us. Even when they give us some notice that they’re coming, my mom and I get anxiety attacks when people come in the house. It’s kind of like having someone get in your personal space. I think it may have to do with the agoraphobia, but I’m not sure. It also seems rude to just decide that you can come to someone else’s home anytime you please, without making sure that they want to have you over. It’s very presumptuous.

It also seems like it’s always (with people from church, at least) at the worst time. For example:

  • Last night, we were in our pajamas.
  • A few months ago, it was while I was in the middle of reading literary porn (Fifty Shades) and was trying desperately hard to hide the books.
  • A few years ago, I had just woken up, hadn’t brushed my hair, and felt like shit, plus the house was a mess, so I had to go outside in my PJs (sans shoes) in the winter.

I guess I’m just particular when it comes to people showing up.

As for the blessing, I don’t really want our home blessed. I know that it is supposed to protect us from misfortune or something like that, but it doesn’t work. My mom got a blessing on her health at one point and her health still declined. She actually wanted one, so even if the positive results were a placebo effect, I can honestly say that these blessings are pretty much hokum.  I try not to bring up how much I dislike blessings when I’m around other church members, but I have had to defend my ideas on the subject with some before. I had a friend who told me once that if I had a blessing done that I would no longer be depressed or have any health problems. When I told him that having a blessing wouldn’t cure my psychiatric or physical problems, he launched into some long lecture about how I was wrong and he was right. It was not one of the finer moments of our friendship.

Basically, I don’t want one done in my house. And if I did, then I would like for them to do what they are supposed to do, and wait for me to invite them over to do the blessing. Since I know that they believe that I am somehow incapable of making spiritual decisions for my house because I lack a penis, then they should at least ask my father. Of course, they may not trust his feelings on the subject because he’s a non-member. Still, it isn’t for them to decide that they are just supposed to drop by and do a blessing without asking.

I know that they have helped (in the past, mainly) with the house, but that doesn’t entitle them to just show up. They don’t live here. And I don’t like the idea of having to confront them and say that just coming whenever they want is intrusive and doing things without asking is just wrong. Somehow whenever I  (or my mom) try to stand up to them, we end up causing them to drop us from the list of people who need help. (They end up saying that we said “Don’t ever come back” when we’ll say “Not right this minute”.)

It’s just frustrating.

1 comment » | Personal

Bleep My Bleep

24
January

This post includes some mentioning of suicide and depression. If you’re wanting to hurt yourself or someone else, or you know someone who may be suicidal, please call 1-800-273-8255 (in the US), any number listed here, or contact someone in your area who can help you.

A few weeks ago, my parents signed up for the program through Christmas Charities Year Round to get appliances. The program wouldn’t let them sign up for a dishwasher or a hot water heater, but they were allowed to sign up for a washing machine and oven. On Tuesday, they called and said that a washer had been donated for the program. We were told that we had to come get it by the end of the day Tuesday, which meant we had to secure transportation and help for getting in the house in a little less than five hours.

My former Sunday School teacher’s husband was at home with pneumonia and saw my plea on Facebook for help from anyone in the area who might have a truck. He said my dad could borrow his truck, but he couldn’t provide any help. Well, my dad thought he could do it on his own, so he got the directions to the guy’s house and headed out for our washer.

Dad got up to the charity at around 4:30, which happened to be after the charity’s 4:00 closing time. Luckily, my mom had called up there to tell them that he was coming so there was still someone there. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get the washer because it was locked up somewhere that the other guy couldn’t get to. So the person from the charity said that he would leave a message and make sure that they saved the washer until today so that my dad could come get it.

Dad was able to secure some help to get it today, and he was able to borrow the truck again. So, late this morning/early afternoon, we got a new washer. So far it seems to work pretty well. My mom made some comments about it being noisy, but I pointed out that it isn’t nearly as noisy as the old one, which had become quite the dancing machine late in its life. (Pushing the washer back into its corner or having to hold it in place while doing laundry had become the norm for us.)

The guy who helped today was also able to take an item that we’d found back when the house was being cleaned while it was condemned. It was a Derringer that belonged to Dadada or Mamama one. It had been hidden after one of Dadada’s threats to hurt/kill my mom that had been made toward the end of his life. It was found a day or two after my dad went into the hospital in July, when he had some intent to hurt himself. It sat in the same spot on the table in our kitchen from July until November, when my dad missed his court appearance. When that happened, I started sensing how depressed my dad was (and how the depression was worsening) and I asked my mom if I should hide the gun somewhere so that he couldn’t use it. She said yeah and suggested that I put it in like the bathroom or something. I decided that I needed to put it somewhere that I knew he wouldn’t look, so I stashed it in a drawer under my bed in my room. I didn’t talk to him about the gun until later, because I didn’t want him to ask where it was or start looking for it. Eventually, he said something about this one person (the one who helped today) expressing an interest in it, so we handed it over to him and explained the whole story. He said that even if he couldn’t find a place for it, he would make sure not to bring it back to our house because he knew that it didn’t need to be here.

Oddly, some of my intense anxiety that I’ve had since we moved back in the house disappeared when that gun left my house. I get that some people feel safer with a gun near them, but I’m not like that. I spent 7 of the first 8 years of my life in a pretty high crime neighborhood (gang fights on the street that went by my bedroom) and I felt safer in that neighborhood than I felt at any point in my life (meaning most of the other 20 that have been spent in an extremely safe neighborhood) when I was aware that there was a gun nearby. So, I am grateful that that gun is no longer under my roof. I just wish it had actually left the house years ago when I thought my mom had originally gotten rid of all of Dadada’s weapons.

I know that the gun being gone won’t keep my dad from hurting himself if he ever decides to do that. I know that people who are intent on hurting themselves will find a way, but I’m glad that it’s created more of an obstacle for him. I’m glad that I have one less thing to worry about tonight, instead of one more.

Actually, counting the new washer, I can strike two things off my worry-about-this list.

1 comment » | Opinions, Personal

Things That Make Me Who I Am

12
January

I wanted to blog, but I really do not feel like writing a proper entry. Instead, I’m going to do a list to give people a better idea of how I tick. Here are some weird things about me.

  1. I’m a bit nuts when it comes to grammar. I correct the grammar of strangers on the internet, friends and family I’m actually speaking with, local folks being interviewed on the news, and lyrics and dialogue from various entertainment sources. I also correct my own grammar. If I can’t get a sentence out with some semblance of proper grammar, then I just won’t say it or write it. If the grammar faux pas gets past me, but I realize it when I’m trying to go to sleep or doing something else, I will drop everything and correct it. Otherwise, I won’t be able to get my mind off of the mistake.
  2. When I’m at a doctor’s office and I have to list off allergies, I list them off in the order that they started. If a doctor or nurse has to stop me or slow me down, I have to start over again so that I don’t forget any.
  3. I didn’t like chocolate until sometime during elementary school. I think it may have been second or third grade. The only chocolate that I liked before that were Rolos and Kit Kats, which aren’t really candies known for having a lot of chocolate in them. I did eat Fudgsicle Popsicles until I was 3, but I quit eating them in December of 1987. I ate one the night that my mom and I were in a head-on car accident and that was the last one that I ate for almost ten years. I also quit wearing blue jeans and doing some other things after that night. (I was wearing jeans that night.)
  4. I get overwhelmed by my senses sometimes. I’m easily overwhelmed by things I see, hear, smell, feel, and sometimes taste.  If you touch me, I might scream or want to punch you. Clothes touching me makes me nervous sometimes. I can’t stand to eat certain foods without gagging. I smell things before other people do and the smells overwhelm me. Certain sounds (metal-on-metal, crunching, crackling, popping, voices, beeping, loud things) can set me off into panic attacks, angry outbursts, crying, headaches, or dizzy/falling spells.
  5. I zone out easily. Sometimes I’ll do this while looking in a certain direction, which makes people think that I’m looking at them. Some have said that they think I’m staring because I think they’re attractive. Others have said they think I’m staring at them because they’ve got something physically or otherwise wrong with them. I can’t exactly explain to them that my brain has basically gone into sleep mode.
  6. I don’t like talking. I don’t like chatting. I don’t really like socializing at all. That being said, I don’t like being alone or lonely.
  7. Nail polish makes me feel like I’m suffocating.
  8. I suspect anyone who gives any praise to me of being a liar. I also suspect people easily of saying things behind my back. This usually leads to the whole “don’t be paranoid” lecture that people like to give. If you think it’s annoying that I think you’re talking behind my back or that I think you must be lying about thinking something nice, be grateful that I don’t think that because you’re annoyed with me that you’re going to kill me. Or be grateful that I don’t think you’re going to rape me just because you’ve talked to me. I’ve had those reactions with some people.
  9. I stick my tongue out and/or give the finger to people without them noticing–usually.
  10. I can laugh and whisper without making a sound. Oddly, my parents can sometimes hear me when I do the whispering thing.

1 comment » | Personal

Cashing In My Bad Luck

3
January

My sinuses have been acting up lately. When I woke up earlier, they were even worse than they had been. I may be spending some time tomorrow at the doctor, which will be so much fun. I’m sure there will be quite a few kids there who are actually too sick to go back to school after Christmas break, as well as kids who are trying one last desperate attempt to convince their parents that they are too sick to go back to school.

I also need to go by one of the license places in town, as my permit expires this week. I think it actually expires either today or Saturday. (It’s either the third or the fifth.) I figure that I may have to use it at some point, so letting it expire would not be a good idea. I still don’t have the full-fledged license, but it’s good to have the permit around in case I ever have to get my mom or dad or someone with a license somewhere in an emergency, even if I do get dizzy when I drive.

Let’s see…what else is going on? My dad went to get some of our stuff out of storage yesterday. Dan didn’t show up. Well, when dad talked to him on the phone, he said that he got there at about 11:30. My dad said that he (dad) and Tom (another church person) left right after 11:30, so I guess they just missed each other. Anyway, Dan is going to give Tom the key so that Dad and Tom can start getting the stuff back here on Friday morning.

I need to remember to call (or get my mom to call) Christmas Charities Year-Round tomorrow to try to get on the list for kitchen appliances. We still need an oven, dishwasher, water heater, and (probably) microwave. We may also need a washer, since ours is a bit of an ornery thing.

Oy.

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