Facebook


This afternoon before I went to my pulmonary function test, I had a notification pop-up on Facebook saying that Tom Steele had responded to the Metro story about the screenshot. I was a little alarmed, but not completely surprised. That seemed to be his style: to pop back into my notifications weeks after we interacted. So I responded, because I’m me and I couldn’t stand that he was still spewing crap about what happened. Then I went to my appointment. When I came back, I saw a notification that the story had appeared on George Takei’s Facebook page,  which made me feel a little less creeped out by Tom. (There’s a first time for everything.) Since I noticed that the article that was linked didn’t mention the Metro story, I backtracked to the Huffington Post Australia story, which did. Like before, I feel a little guilty that Tom is getting flack, but glad that the issue itself is being talked about. I do worry that he’s going to attempt to try to defame me like he had when the first rush of people started sending him a few tweets. (I’m pretty sure that if we stacked up how many tweets & notifications he’s gotten on the issue, he’s gotten significantly fewer than I have.) Of course, I did have polls, so that caused a few notifications. Anyway, I doubt this has truly up-ended his life, or he would just ignore it. Whatever. Speaking of the polls…. #period #periods #livetweetyourperiod #feminism #reprohealth (please RT) During your period do/did you typically go through: — Janet Morris (@janersm) November 30, 2016 By popular demand: “Weapon of choice” when you’re on your #period? — Janet Morris (@janersm) December 1, 2016 Have you ever had to take birth control for your #period? — Janet Morris (@janersm) December 1, 2016 Have you ever had or considered having surgery because of issues related to your #period? — Janet Morris (@janersm) December 1, 2016 Obviously none of the polls are scientific, but it’s pretty obvious that most people who menstruate use more than 11 pads in a cycle. Since more than 11 pads/tampons got 86% of the vote, I feel a bit less freakish than I did when I didn’t think I’d get more than 20 votes in the poll,1  wrote about my wonky periods, and when I first responded to his Medium post. I mean, I know that my period is super-bad, but I wasn’t totally sure how it compared to normal. While you’re here, please consider donating pads and tampons to A Woman’s Worth Inc.’s Prison Project, which sends feminine hygiene products to inmates. Also, please take some time to research the issue of people not having adequate access to these products while in jail or prison, or when they are impoverished and/or homeless. This is a major problem in the United States, and I’ve noticed, from some of the responses, that it’s also a bit of a problem in other countries. That’s something that we as a society need to work on. Got 17,338. ↩

Out of Nowhere, Oh My.


Between the private message she sent him and her very public Facebook posts where she threatened his life, I’m not surprised that she was fired. It wasn’t just that she used slurs or obscene language, she threatened him. She sicced her fans/followers on him. He wasn’t the only one publicizing the disagreement. She was also encouraging people to do harm to him within a day of his post. If she’s not homophobic, which given some of her remarks about Robert Reed’s death, I’m not completely convinced of, she does have serious anger issues that she needs to work on. (from Facebook via IFTTT)


Anti-Defamation League: Trump Ad Invokes Anti-Semitic Tropes After everything, I don’t think it’s right to even suggest that his use of these tropes could be unintentional. When you’ve built your candidacy on racism and have promoted the words & ideas of individuals who are neo-Nazis, Klan members, and involved in other white supremacist movements, dog-whistling those people one last time just can’t be treated as an unintended thing. And when you compare it to his 3-4 decades of using these tropes to define Jewish people, it becomes more clear that this is who he is. And I don’t want someone who clings to that ideology or tries to make it acceptable to be the President of the United States. from Facebook

1
If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you know that I am currently rather pissed at the Huntsville CBS affiliate, WHNT, for their planned special tonight called the Dark Side of All Hallows’ Eve. In the ads for their story talk about Huntsville’s police department once having a special occult crime division. The ads also feature images of Jeffrey Franklin and comments about the crimes he committed on March 10, 1998. Jeffrey killed his parents before trying to kill three of his four siblings on that night. He also attacked the best friend of his 14-year old sister. I can tell you a lot about the night. More than a lot of people can. His sister was my friend. His sister’s friend was also my friend and on Yearbook staff with me; she talked about that night in class. My mom was the person who carried the medical records of his sister to the hospital. She stayed there until my friend was in the ICU. We went back to the hospital on a regular basis until it was time for them to leave town. From the start, Jeffrey was painted as evil by the media. Even when the evidence came to light that he had 10 times the normal dose of Ritalin in his blood twelve days after the crime.1 Even when people started mentioning that he was mentally ill. Even when the state of Alabama thought he was mentally incompetent from 1999 until 2001, and even though the state of Alabama has had him in the mental healthcare unit of the prison since his sentencing began, instead of in general population, he has been portrayed as this supernatural killer. That kind of stigmatizing attitude is damaging to the whole community and it needs to stop. Personally, I’m tired of reliving that night. It’s been almost twenty years and local news outlets are still pushing it. They keep trying to make a buck off of the suffering of my friend’s family. They keep trying to profit on the suffering of the people I grew up with, of the choir that we were in together, of me, of my mom. This has to stop at some point. I know that the story was shocking and gruesome and that it sticks with people. It’s stuck with me, too. At a certain point, enough is enough. I wish he hadn’t made the choices he did that night. I wish that a lot of things were different about that whole situation. But forcing us to go through it over and over is cruel. He had been in jail since the night it occurred. ↩

And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away!”



“You know how I don’t like to describe people or the things they do as evil? What she wrote was truly evil.” That was how I described Amanda Lauren’s essay describing an ex-friend’s life with schizoaffective disorder and that friend’s death to my mother. I had already ranted to my father and complained on social media. I couldn’t tell my mom that this total stranger was happy her mentally ill friend was dead. I knew that if I told her that that I would break down. Each time I’ve thought about what was written, I’ve had to stop myself from crying or screaming or begging to be taken to the hospital because my mind starts going down the all too familiar path of my-friends-and-family-would-probably-be-happy-if-I-died-too. It was probably a path that “Leah” was familiar with as well. There was always something about her that wasn’t quite right. Lauren’s essay is narcissistic drivel at best. Her friend wasn’t living up to a standard that she expected of her, so she wrote her off. She could justify this lack of understanding by saying her friend failed her.  “Leah” didn’t clean her house, so she was undeserving of respect. “Leah” didn’t have steady relationships, so she was undeserving of respect. “Leah” was a cam girl, so she was undeserving of respect. “Leah” had delusions, so she was undeserving of respect. “Leah” pursued her crush and failed in a job Lauren secured for her, so she was undeserving of respect. “Leah” had body image issues, so she was undeserving of respect.  It didn’t stop at her friend’s failures. The friend’s parents also failed her. Because “Leah”‘s parents didn’t magically cure their daughter of an incurable disease, they failed their daughter and failed Lauren because now she had to deal with their daughter’s erratic behavior. Every struggle “Leah” went through was actually harder on Lauren because the world is apparently all about her.1 Lauren’s lack of compassion was horrid, but her choice to use a platform like xoJane during Mental Health Awareness Month to publish a tale highlighting her ignorance was almost worse. This is a month when mental health patients, caregivers, advocates, and healthcare providers try to educate others. It’s a month to become more considerate of the day-to-day struggles for mentally ill people. Lauren and xoJane could have explained what schizoaffective disorder is, how it impacts people who have the issue, and why they behave the way that they do. They could have explored the actual suffering of “Leah” and not focused on the self-involvement of Lauren.  I can’t understand how a parent would let their child go on like this. Clearly, she was suffering and severely ill. If her disease were physical, would they have let her deteriorate to that point? Schizoaffective disorder is a chronic illness. It is sometimes considered a spectrum disorder because it involves overlapping symptoms of schizophrenia and mood disorders like depression and bipolar disorder. It is not as well understood as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or depression because it isn’t studied as often and is less common; it is seen in 0.3% of the population compared to 1.1%, 2.6%, and 6.7% for schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depression, respectively. It isn’t well recognized by doctors or therapists; a lot of patients with it are diagnosed with a mood disorder or with schizophrenia first. It impacts men and women at the same rate, but, like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, men typically develop it earlier than women. It can be treated, in most cases, by self-management, medication, and therapy, but people who have it are at risk for substance use disorders, suicide, attention deficit disorder, and anxiety disorders. Schizoaffective disorder is caused by genetics, brain chemistry, brain structure, stress, and drug use. There are two types of schizoaffective disorder: bipolar and depressive. If the person has mixed or manic episodes, they have the bipolar type; otherwise, it’s the depressive. Unlike other situations, it’s actually better to have the bipolar type. Having it is less likely to result in suicide than having the depressive type. It is considered by some mental health professionals to be more severe than mood disorders, but less severe than schizophrenia.  Because it is classified alongside schizophrenia as a psychotic disorder, it is more difficult to find providers willing to treat it. And treatments may be harmful to patients. Or they may not work.  In my case, I have had many therapists “pass me off” to colleagues. I have tried multiple antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics. I’ve had many that didn’t work. Most have caused weight gain, including two that caused gains of fifty pounds or more. I’ve had seizures as a result of one medication. I’ve had a variety of less severe reactions to others. I even developed a temporary medicine-induced case of hyperthyroidism. Eventually I was switched to a high dose of an antidepressant, somewhat regular therapy, and self-management.  I will always have this disorder. My parents can’t make it go away. Medicine can’t either.  But I can cut people like Amanda Lauren out of my life. She thought “Leah” was toxic because of her issues, but, from my perspective, it was Lauren who was toxic. Yes, there were negative behaviors exhibited by “Leah”, but she was only behaving that way because of her illness. What was Lauren’s excuse? Why was she so petty, so judgmental? And why did she feel the need to cast herself in the role of victim? Why does she feel no shame in her words?  I don’t understand how one person can be so selfish, petty, and cruel. As those are personality traits that can be traced back to parenting, I wonder why her parents let her attitude deteriorate to this point. Shouldn’t they have done something before their child became this remorseless beacon of hate? Photo credit: Cameron Bathory via Visualhunt.com / CC BY Updated: May 21, 2016 at 7:42 pm: Changed link to essay to one from archive.is as the Google cache link has updated to the “apology” by Jane […]

Defined Parameters


1
Once upon a time, we were friends. We would email each other, talk on Twitter, comment on each other’s blogs, etc. It was nice. You and I were both diagnosed as Bipolar and it was nice to have someone around my age to talk to about that. You weren’t my only friend with that issue, but for a while there you were one of the closest. When you got your lap-band surgery done, I remember worrying because you couldn’t keep down food, but you didn’t want to tell your doctor because you were finally losing weight. I worried you would have nutritional deficiencies before I realized I had them.  And you told me you worried about my health issues as well.   That’s why you felt the need when you were diagnosed with “Chronic Lyme Disease” to suggest I might have it as well.1 You told me that it fit my symptoms. You told me I might be able to go off my meds, lose weight, and live a life off without chronic pain if I’d just go to a Lyme specialist.2 And for a split second, I considered it.3 But then I researched it, something that you should have known I would do. When I told you that I didn’t think an infection was causing my hereditary condition,4 you huffed off like a toddler for a while before you came roaring back into my life.  Our friendship never recovered from that, did it? Or maybe our friendship was nonexistent from the beginning. That’s what I started thinking tonight as your tirade came in. Well, I did after I described your past behaviors, including that close friendship with a certain blogger that used to write fat-shaming posts pretty regularly, and some people started pointing out that friends don’t really act like you’ve acted. I tried to defend you. You’re bipolar and off your meds…you are just on a Lyme disease kick…you’re just having a bad day or week or month or year.  But that doesn’t explain it.  Because the reality is that you’ve always had a shady edge to your behavior.  Like how you harassed one mutual friend over her past drug issues and how that compared to your Lyme disease. Or the time you harassed another person I know and you know of over her exercising routine and her teeth. Or maybe the time you went after another mutual friend calling her a bad parent for having an autistic child and eating gluten. Or maybe how you treated total strangers should have clued me in. You trolled groups for disabled people on Twitter to promote your “everything is Lyme” mindset. You said people who didn’t buy marijuana5 off the street, not from reputable/regulated dealers, for their epileptic children were bad parents. You would even buy marijuana, in a state where it’s illegal, to make homemade CBD oil & you’d brag about it on social media. You didn’t care who you hurt, whether it was a friend, a family member, a stranger, or yourself.   So your nonsensical transphobic tirade fits with the rest of your utter disregard and lack of even basic compassion for other people. And I am so happy my eyes are open to your cruelty. I’m glad that I am no longer having to hope that one day you’ll go back on your medicine and into therapy and be all better. Clearly, this is what the real you is like. I don’t know why you think the transgender community wants to strip you of your rights any more than I know why you fixated on Lyme. I don’t understand why you think I’m brainwashed when you’re the person actually buying into speculation and denying facts. I don’t know why you think that it’s okay to compare the LGBTQ community to Nazis or why you think there’s a vast conspiracy to brainwash children into being trans. Do you think that I’m going to molest children because of my past? Would you not trust me to be around children if I didn’t identify as 100% heterosexual? I mean before you determined that I was brainwashed by my trans friends. Was I a threat then? Am I one now? Have you always thought of me as a dangerous person? Did you really think I was threatening you? These are things I wanted to ask you. I don’t usually give people who pick fights with me multiple chances to walk away. I don’t warn them like I did you. You’ve seen me argue and you know this. You have to at least know I would never beat you up. I’ve slapped one person in my whole life and I still feel bad about that. I mean, come on, this is me. I rant online, but I’m practically a pacifist.  Identifying as transgender is not a result of child molestation. Being a  non-heterosexual is not the result of child molestation. This is a bullshit belief that even total homophobes and transphobes don’t express that much anymore. And being gay or trans doesn’t mean someone will molest children. Don’t believe what fear- and hate-mongers want you to believe. Don’t put your faith in people who won’t be honest with you. Did you even bother to look for a legitimate source on any of those articles? Ooh. Tabloids. So trust-worthy, especially ones with links to UKIP, BNP, & Tories. But I guess that fits with your fear-mongering and with your love of Trump.6 I always knew you were a Republican, but I never realized how much hatred you carry in your heart.7 You want me to be educated on this issue, but you’re forgetting that I actually am educated. Remember early in our friendship when I was being booted from my college major with one semester left? Or that what that major was in? I know a Social Work degree and a GRE score high enough to get my Master’s is not as impressive as being able to make your own CBD oil, but it’s close, right? I […]

Dearest Marie



I get this feeling that people think I’m super angry or rage-y. I argue a lot on social media, but most of the time I’m laughing as it happens. It allows me to talk about issues I care about in a way that’s1 easier for me. It also gives me a chance to refresh my memory on those issues, which is also fun. I used to feel more agitated when I did it & would trigger migraines, blood pressure, and other issues. Now? I try to walk away or center myself long before that. But I probably still come across as Miss Super Bitchy Pants.  Tonight one of my dad’s friends told me I was full of anger and contempt. He said he’d wanted to contribute $50 to the GoFundMe account, but my anger changed his mind. After he blocked me on Facebook, I found out he donated $25, which meant I couldn’t really thank him. So, dude who is friends with my dad, if you see this, thank you so much. I do appreciate it a lot. And I will try to be a shinier, happier version of myself. Sometimes. When it’s appropriate. Maybe.  But right now I can say I’m definitely not angry or feeling contempt toward anyone. socially ↩

Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Likes


I saw the family doctor today about the ongoing knee pain. The family doctor thinks it is a tendon1 or, more likely, a group of tendons in the back of my knee that are inflamed. She wanted to either put me on a round of steroids or send me to the orthopedist for a cortisone shot.  Her attending told her to do a round of NSAIDs first, despite having NSAIDs listed as drugs I cannot take.  ((He told her that if they sent me to the orthopedist now that the orthopedist would do two rounds of NSAIDs before doing a shot. And they didn’t want to do the shot too soon–8 weeks of sharp pain in my knee doesn’t exactly seem like it’s all that short of a time period.)) They felt that the 80mg of Protonix2 could keep the ulcers from forming. So she wrote it for prescription strength Naprosyn two times a day for three weeks. My extra-reflux-y,3 post-gastric-bypass stomach & the brain that controls it decided that prescription would not be getting filled.4 I definitely did not want to risk an ulcer.5 She said they might send me to the orthopedist in 3 weeks6 if the pain was still going on.  Anyway, I came home and was a bit disappointed because I knew that I couldn’t take the espresso-esque dose of Aleve and that that meant the pain would continue for the next 3 weeks. I realized that it could even get worse. And then the realization that I’d have to wait another few weeks for an appointment and that might mean an even longer wait for treatment. I started breaking down and sobbing. I couldn’t see an end in sight and I think my crying worried my mom. We decided I should skip the wait & call the orthopedist.7 I have an appointment for the 14th. Two weeks instead of three somehow leaves me feeling more optimistic.  Once I was back into the less-overwhelmed-by-pain mode, my dad told me about Aunt Phyllis’s response to my GoFundMe page to help with my overdraft/unexpected bill issue. I think she meant to be helpful, but her advice really was, well, unhelpful. Missing one payment of most of the bills would just lead to badness. I saw my parents do the “just one month”/deferral thing. Debt stacked up. Debt collectors harassed us regularly. The reason I own the house we live in is that their bill situation got so bad that they could have lost the house. My debt isn’t that bad. If I skipped a payment, it might get much worse and I don’t want it to get any worse. Besides I have a “don’t take financial, moral, or legal advice from the Morris family” rule. Their solutions can range from bad to sociopathic. I really don’t want to follow in those footsteps. So I may overdraft again this month, but I’ll get caught up soon & figure out a way to pay for what I need and save a little money as I do.  Oh well. I need to start working on the grocery list since tomorrow is Wednesday. She also mentioned that I would need to avoid fluoroquinolones–Cipro, Levaquin–because of the risk of tendon rupture. I told her I couldn’t take those because of the neuropathy issue, so I wasn’t really worried about encountering that issue with them. ↩A dose that requires maximum doses of maximum strength Gaviscon to back it up. ↩Thanks, Dad! ↩Even the pharmacist knew I wouldn’t be taking it. When the scrip got to her, she called my house and said she would not fill a medicine we all know I cannot take without endangering my life. ↩Especially not after reading about everything that Jenn has gone through with her ulcers. And, no, that doesn’t mean I wanted one before. I’ve also seen the pain they’ve caused my dad. I don’t want to experience that, even if it would mean less pain in my knee. ↩My recheck was scheduled for September 21. ↩The family doctor said I didn’t actually need a referral because I’ve seen an orthopedist that specializes in knees on another referral recently. ↩

Aleve-iate Your Pain (Or Maybe Not)



A lovely opinion by someone identifying as Priscila that I encountered while reading the Buzzfeed story on Project Harpoon:1 Fat people will be like “yeah is my thyrode or my genes”. No sweety, is you not doing excersise or eating your veggies So much denial here. EDIT: For starters, when you are fat you are not healty because if you fall your own weight will break a bone that normally wont if you are skinnier. And my response: I’ve always been obese and I’ve fallen a lot in my life. None of those falls resulted in a fracture. That’s even with a pretty severe vitamin D deficiency and with connective tissue diseases (Ehlers-Danlos & UCTD) which cause more fragile bones. God, even PCOS, which I also have and was diagnosed by a specialist, can lead to fragile bones, but, big shocker, no fractures while falling for me.The only breaks I’ve ever had were when I was 13, 14, and 16. That was one stress fracture that just took a long time to heal, which would have been true even if I had grown up at a healthy weight. (People with EDS have a harder time healing from injuries.) And to the people who bring up the high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, etc. stuff: Yes, obese people can develop those things, but not every obese person does. I have low blood pressure. I have normal blood sugar. I have some cholesterol issues, but I’ve been working on that without medication and it’s been improving. If you saw me, you wouldn’t know that I eat an extremely low sodium diet and only take in, at most, 1500 calories. You wouldn’t know that the only things I drink every day are water (64-96 oz./day) and milk (8 oz./day). You wouldn’t know that I really hate fast food. You wouldn’t know that when I can exercise regularly (I have an ongoing EDS-related knee injury that’s got that sidelined for now) that I walk 2 miles a day (split into a mile or less per session per doctor’s orders) or that when I can’t, I’m still getting in more steps in a day than my more able-bodied friends. And you wouldn’t know that because when you look at me, all you see is the fat. You don’t see the person. So your “concern” over my health or over the health of other people who look like I do really seems fake. My mom’s obese2 and breaks bones every year, but it isn’t the obesity that causes the breaks. It’s the combination of connective tissue disease and a vitamin d deficiency. My 82-year old grandmother is obese, falls down quite a bit, and doesn’t break bones.345 Being obese and falling doesn’t mean someone is going to break a bone. Weight problems and falling down aren’t uncommon in my family, but fracturing a bone with every fall is. And guess what?! Even with the obesity and obesity-related issues, a lot of my relatives have lived until they’re in their 80’s and 90’s. Lifespan isn’t determined by weight alone or with the issues related to it. Maybe the non-experts on the internet should lay off the medical advice.6 Under this comment. ↩Yes, she’s also diabetic, has high blood pressure, has had issues with cholesterol, and has kidney failure, so on that she hit the fat person quadfecta. ↩She also doesn’t have issues with her sugar. ↩Her blood pressure being high is a relatively new thing. ↩I’m not sure about her cholesterol. ↩And the experts should know better than to give medical advice without a proper history. ↩

Sticks, Stones, and Unbroken Bones


October 9, 2014: How did you die in your past life? OD’d in Woodstock: Your love for music, dancing and just having fun has a very long history. In your past life, you were a music fanatic who went to all the best concerts and clubs. You listened to some of the truly best artists in the history of music (LIVE!) and partied like a king/queen. Then came Woodstock: the nature, the music and the drugs. At least you know better this time around. Aside from the drugs and the crowds, this totally sounds like me now. October 10, 2014: What are you most inclined to be addicted to? Alcohol: The addiction you’re most inclined to have is alcohol! Don’t Panic! You are an enjoyable person who knows how to have fun! Your friends would say that you’re the life of the party. But there’s a deep side to your personality. You’re empathetic, understanding, and a good listener. Not so bad, eh? The truth is that you’re actually a bit of an introvert that just needs a drink or two to loosen up and be social. But once you loosen up, you’re the best of the best. Which totally makes sense for a non-drinking, non-partying person. Actually, I had a friend in high school that had this same sort of belief about me needing a drink or two. I’ve never had alcohol, so I wouldn’t know. Also, I think more than just a bit of an introvert. I’m a major introvert. October 10, 2014: What is the first body part people notice about you? Bust: Your best and most noticeable feature is your impressive bust! And we all know that it’s one of the most important parts of the body (evolutionary speaking of course). While you certainly have the goods, you manage to show off your body in a classy and sophisticated way. But they’re not really noticeable. A B-cup on an obese person is not noticeable, except by people who are shocked that they aren’t bigger. Basically, the noticeable-ness of my boobs is that they noticeably lacking in size. October 12, 2014: Which 90’s TV girl are you? Clarissa: Down to earth yet exceedingly nerdy. You are most like Nickelodeon’s Clarissa Darling of Clarissa Explains It All! Clarissa’s adventures began way back in 1991, where she taught the world that A.) Boys will totally watch a show about an awesome girl and B.) Girls can be computer nerds, too! Clarissa designed her own video games as a hobby, and would frequently stump dudes with her knowledge of tech and gaming. She also dealt with everyday problems with finesse and wisdom beyond her years – two qualities we’re willing to guess you possess as well. Wonder what she’d think of today’s video games!? Sounds like me. October 18, 2014: Which member of the 27 Club are you? Jean-Michel Basquiat: Your thoughts are never too far away from your art. You are inspired by people on the street, a song on the radio, or a conversation with a friend. Life is complicated but you fall in love with it everyday. You are Jean-Michel Basquiat. Another one that actually sounds like me.

Online Quiz Things (October 2014)