Disability


Oddly enough, I was reminded of Rachel of Nottingham last week when I was awaiting a referral to an orthopedist for my five-year-long hip issue and for my year-old dad-inflicted (unintentionally) wrist injury. Dottie is still “working” at UAB, so I’m on week three (technically) of the waiting game. She delayed on a post-respiratory failure referral to a lung specialist for my mom for six weeks. Dottie should retire, but she’s never going to leave. I kinda wonder how many people will die or have permanent ailments (that should have only been temporary issues) because of her laziness.  My hip feels like someone is slamming a hammer into the joint. Occasionally it has a sharp twinge that lasts an hour or two; that can be breath-taking1 and frightening. It can also be nausea-inducing.  My wrist doesn’t hurt much. I just can’t hold things well since the incident; I drop almost everything I hold for more than a couple of minutes. It also pops every time that I move it.  But enough about those issues that everyone knows I’m lying about, what’s new with you?  In a bad way. ↩

Just Whinge-Ing It   Recently updated!


Apparently Nottingham is a boring place at night because my number one stalker felt the need to comment on my blog again. As you can see, one of its residents, who claims to be named Roslin, is so bored that she felt the need to tell me: I will say something. All you do is take, take, take – you want money, you want people to come and do repairs for free. You and your parents do nothing but take and expect and whinge and moan. You are home all day, every day, do some repair work yourself because we all know you are not really sick! Interesting. It’s amazing that someone who lives across the globe from me knows not only my health status, but that of my parents. Apparently she missed a few weeks back when my mom was in the hospital with respiratory failure and kidney failure, or that her kidney failure has gotten worse; something I posted about rather regularly on Instagram. And she must have missed all the posts I’ve made on Twitter about my father having dementia and going through all the fun that that entails. A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 21, 2017 at 4:38pm PST A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 23, 2017 at 10:15am PST A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 25, 2017 at 11:26am PST Almost. A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 27, 2017 at 9:55am PST Signs at the hospital are confusing. A post shared by Janet Morris (@msjanersm) on Jan 27, 2017 at 9:57am PST Apparently dad had a panic attack at the grocery store with mom, when she went to get something w/o tell him, today. #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) August 3, 2016 Now he thinks his phone is trying to keep him from saving appointments on it. #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) October 4, 2016 Dad’s EEG & Doppler are tomorrow/later today. #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) October 20, 2016 Anyone know if this also can involve anger & threats of violence? https://t.co/Aa1xviG2AY #dementia — Janet Morris (@janersm) January 16, 2017 The GP/FP said with his memory & behavioral issues and his family history (at least 4 blood relatives with #dementia) that it was needed. — Janet Morris (@janersm) March 7, 2017 Yeah, parents who have organ failure and parents who are put on dementia medication are so healthy. I really hope that Roslin is never responsible for the healthcare of anyone. Maybe she isn’t a doctor. If she is, then I bet her patients will all die very painful deaths because she’s clearly not good at this kind of thing. I know that Roslin has missed out on my health issues, which have also been discussed on various social media outlets and in private entries on here, but that’s not new. In fact, that’s kind of her shtick. She’s always wrong about my health. I know that Roslin of Nottingham once went by the name of Rachel Cooper. That time she was so wrong that she, in her rush to judgment, didn’t realize that I actually had something wrong with my knee that would require surgery and months of rehabilitation. In fact, bringing up Rachel’s failure at diagnosing me became a bit of an ongoing joke. I tend to laugh at pathetic little trolls like Roslin/Rachel. That’s all you really can do with them. Well, that and pity them. Poor little sociopathic babies. I think that she may also go by “Rachel Clarkson”, the person from the United Kingdom who decided to send me a snarky tweet last week within a day or so of my posting the link to GoFundMe. Who knows what her real name is? I bet that her internet provider does. In fact, I’m hoping that they get back to me on my inquiry into it. I hope Roslin/Rachel realizes that people who are chronically ill and who are caregivers of people who are chronically ill have a tendency to whine and moan about their lives because having health issues sucks. Not only does it make your life painful and stressful, it drains your finances and any little bit of energy that you might have. People like me complain because life is not something anywhere near pleasant, and part of that is because I have to regularly deal with people like her. Roslin/Rachel isn’t the only person who acts like this. People that I know offline do it. Distant cousins have done it, including the ones who submitted my name and video to a comedy show so that I could be mocked. Total strangers, ones who aren’t sick enough to stalk my blog for two years so that they can harass me, do it on Twitter; at least 3 times a week lately, I get an unkind message from someone. Their favorite thing to tell me is that I’m selfish or spoiled or that I suck somehow. Oh, or that I need to get a job or that I deserve to die or that my grandmother deserves to die. There are a lot of little variants of deplorable messages that people send. And you know what? I have a right to complain about that part of my life, too. I don’t have to keep it all bottled up because some random asshole on the internet can’t deal with the things I say. If they’re that chickenshit, then they need to find a hobby or get some therapy because clearly they have too much time on their hands and have something going on that’s ‘causing them to be inhuman assholes. I pity them and their fucked up existences. I may be poor and disabled, and I may end up going to jail and being homeless for having a dilapidated house, but at least I’m not a horrible human being who gets off on trying to make other people as miserable as them.

And I’d Be Like, “Why Are You So Obsessed With ...



I’m not sure how many posts this will take, but I thought it was worth documenting. @brettwestny @DonnaVishio “Uneducated dicks with guns” is practically the slogan of the state of Mississippi. Perhaps we should disarm MS. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 23, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio I’m not. Have you ever looked at how Mississippi ranks in education? Plenty of people in “the hood” are educated. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio Being impoverished doesn’t mean you are less intelligent. It just means you’re poor. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @Olivianuzzi I’m disabled, bro. If Trump wants to improve my circumstances he could give SSI recipients more than $750/month. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @Olivianuzzi There isn’t a damn thing wrong with my attitude. Yours needs work. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio Right. Anything that can disprove your claim that people “in the hood” are uneducated isn’t worth sharing. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017 @brettwestny @DonnaVishio It’s not unfair to expect all children receive the same quality education. In fact, that’s the opposite of unfair. — Janet Morris (@janersm) February 24, 2017

Well, I got in the tube thing for my pulmonary function test. I will find out what’s causing my shortness of breath at the beginning of January.1 I watched as the chart filled in and the numbers popped up. I assumed that black numbers were normal and red were abnormal. There were quite a few red ones, which isn’t that weird since I have asthma. What was weird was that my breathing got worse after they gave me a nebulizer treatment. They give patients a bronchodilator to see if it improves the breathing, which is the expected result for anyone who takes a bronchodilator. Hell, even being ineffective but not worsening it is an expected result. Paradoxical responses are, well, paradoxical. They aren’t expected because they’re the opposite of what is supposed to happen. It’s kind of like if a mug of pens fell and the pens floated to the ceiling. Okay, well, not really because that might mean that the universe is broken, but it’s freakish. There is one instance where the reaction makes sense: if the test was done with theophylline. It used to work fine for easing my breathing issues, but, as my caffeine allergy worsened, my tolerance threshold for theophylline got worse and worse. Theophylline and caffeine are both types of xanthines. Theophylline doesn’t always cause the allergic angina, but it does cause a headache, paresthesia/buzzing, and some other unpleasantness. Today’s treatment caused all of the non-angina unpleasantness, so I guess that’s what they used. If it is, that was pretty shitty of them. I mean, seriously. It’s like if I told them that I definitely had a penicillin allergy and they injected me with penicillin without telling me what it was.2 And the results could have been just as severe. It only worsened my breathing, caused a headache, and caused neurological symptoms. It could have killed me. When I say it was pretty shitty, I mean it was fucking dangerous as hell. Eventually, I’ll find out the results or my doctor’s office will kill me. Fingers crossed, right? Unless I find out sooner. ↩I have had doctors prescribe penicillin even after I told them I was allergic, but no secret injections. ↩

Who Needs to Breathe?



I have what feels like a sinus infection, which is quite lovely1 and definitely didn’t happen on a week where I need to be at my best.2 It’s not like I have a pulmonary function test in around twelve hours.3 A month ago, I definitely didn’t schedule my road test for my driver license4 for this coming Thursday.5 So it’s not like this is an inconvenience of the grandest kind.6 Yeah, this definitely isn’t pleasant.7 I would have rescheduled my pulmonary function test, but I’m actually hoping that my inability to breathe through my nose8 will be helped during the test. There’s also the hope that the inability to breathe properly in general will be helped by doing this test.9 If I hadn’t waited until last Thursday to get my driver permit, I wouldn’t worry so much about this impacting the road test.10 It still might be okay, unless I’m unable to practice tomorrow. If that happens, it sort of fucks with any plans that I made for driving myself around after the 15th.11  Keep your fingers crossed for me. I’m determined to do this, even if it is the fucking worst idea I’ve ever had.12 It’s not like I can go to the doctor to get something to treat this.13 So I shall suffer in silence.14 Think happy thoughts for me, and maybe my suffering15 won’t last that long.   Not. ↩Oh, it so totally did. ↩Yep. ↩That thing that I put off getting for almost 17 years. ↩Oh, but I did. ↩If you haven’t noticed, this post is dripping with sarcasm–kind of like how my sinuses are dripping with…Sorry for the imagery. ↩Understatement of the year. ↩Not an understatement. ↩I’ve got high hopes… ↩But I thought that giving myself a week in between would give me plenty of time. ↩Dammit. ↩Surely, it can’t be. ↩Thanks, immune system. ↩I’m going to whine a fuck-ton, so you better get used to it. ↩And yours. ↩

That I Shall Never Breathe Again


I was told tonight that the reason that people don’t donate to my GoFundMe is that I’m a douche. My douchiness is an apparent result of my defense of Twitter friend who was being attacked for his lack of tweets after that friend had challenged this other dude over his hostile attitude over a Teen Vogue article that said Trump was gaslighting America and was endangering American democracy. BREAKING: Dude with 20k tweets thinks he’s hot shit for having 20k tweets, so he lashes out at a teen magazine. Seriously, bro? https://t.co/mWtZ69XfTo — Janet Morris (@janersm) December 11, 2016 In response to my tweet, he decided to call me “Super Girl”12 and to follow that up with mocking of my GoFundMe fundraiser. At first, it didn’t seem like he was making fun of me, but it became obvious rather quickly. BREAKING: Dude with 20k tweets responds to 257 Tweeter because no one @ ed him and Super Girl arrives. https://t.co/W8qRSAdVKd — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 JUST IN: Super Girl needs help with her house. Go fund her? https://t.co/LGVJp7sC41 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 JUST IN: Super Girl is human. And flawed af. But eager to spread the news of her house needing repairs. More at 6. @janersm pic.twitter.com/iKv6Ywubfu — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 He decided that I don’t understand how he feels about Trump, because apparently no one suffers like he does. He decided that I was acting like a child because I was defending my friend. He had nonsensical retorts that only contained insults and attempts at gaslighting. He continued his wrath against the crowdfunding campaign because it upset him that much. Again, attacking people on the Internet while pleasing for their help is counter productive. https://t.co/1kGEm9mKy9 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 Janet, if you want help … this ain’t the way. https://t.co/BBkuXuHRU7 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 What sounds like gas lighting is you interjecting yourself and then liking your gofund me tweets. Tbh. But you do you, boo. https://t.co/Zxco6ba6CB — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 And better fund raising platforms, tbh. @janersm — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 And he just went to 100% bizarro: Blocked. Auto Insurance scam. https://t.co/aFiddzYlB1 — James Brooks (@hannibalsbuffet) December 11, 2016 In my first tweet, I was snarky, just like he had been to my friend.3 In subsequent responses, I was trying to be understanding about why a middle-aged man might be raging out against a teen magazine for running an article. That was what I was doing as he decided to disparage me and my GoFundMe campaign. When I tried to explain why I was doing the campaign, he just kept acting like an asshole. I would but I’m on a fixed income because I’m disabled, which is why I needed help repairing my house. You know that think you mock me over? https://t.co/IHzu3DrEvC — Janet Morris (@janersm) December 11, 2016 Of course in his performance tweeting, he didn’t tweet things that might make me look like a marginalized individual. It was obvious that his tweets were meant to get him attention or sympathy from his followers. It seemed ridiculous to me that he made the insinuation that any person who wants to raise money so that they can have roof over their head that doesn’t leak or a floor that isn’t the actual foundation of their house has to play this Susie Sunshine character. I’m not allowed to express my opinion or defend my friends because I’m poor & need help. That’s a lovely message to share. Maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s why I’ve literally only raised $20 for the repairs.4 I mean, I know he only said it because he was being bitchy and an asshole, but there’s that little part of me that thinks that maybe he’s right. Maybe if I weren’t me, people would actually help out. I followed all of the advice websites gave for making the campaign successful and it still wasn’t, so maybe it is just me. Maybe I deserve this, but it’s still pretty fucked up that someone tells another person that.5 Why do people suck so much? He doesn’t realize that calling a person a superhero’s name isn’t an insult. ↩He also doesn’t realize that Supergirl is one word. ↩A person who had been following him, which he would have known if he looked at my friend’s bio. ↩The biggest chunk of money came from the selling of Nana’s house. ↩Not quite as fucked up as the two death threats in the last 3 days that I’ve gotten from Trump supporters, but close. ↩

In Case of Extreme Bitchiness (of Another Party)



If you’re looking for a charity to donate to, I’ve included links to the donation pages of the charities listed under each category. Most of these originally were posted as part of my 2016 holiday wishlist. Abuse and Sexual Assault 1in6 National Coalition Against Domestic Violence RAINN Animal Rights ASPCA Antisemitism ADL Capital Punishment National Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty Civil Liberties ACLU Disability Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund Environment/Science Clinton Foundation EarthJustice GreenPeace NRDC Union of Concerned Scientists Human Rights Human Rights Watch USA for UNHCR Women’s Refugee Commission Islamophobia CAIR Journalism ProPublica RSF LGBTQ Human Rights Campaign Lambda Legal SPLC Trevor Project Poverty Alabama Arise Clinton Foundation Racism Black Lives Matter Mexican American Legal Defense Fund NAACP and its Legal Defense Fund SPLC Reproductive Rights/Feminism Center for Reproductive Rights Clinton Foundation EMILY’s List Guttmacher NARAL National Abortion Federation National Organization for Women Planned Parenthood She Should Run Women’s Refugee Commission If you have any suggestions for this list, please let me know.

Charitable Shortcuts


1
This is a meme that I participate in every year on LiveJournal. Even if you get nothing, it’s still a fun meme because it allows us to be kids again and make Christmas lists. Let’s face it, that kind of dreaming and hope is fun. So here’s my wishlist this year. If you want to make one, leave me a link and I’ll post it here. THE ORIGINAL MEME: STEP ONE Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered… whatever you’re comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related (“I’d love a Snape/Hermione icon that’s just for me”) to medium (“I wish for _____ on DVD”) to really big (“All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV”). The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want. If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) can get in touch with you. Your home address is not required! Make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ so that the holiday joy will spread. STEP TWO Surf around your friends list (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now, here’s the important part… You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to be someone else’s holiday elf – to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not – it’s your call. There are no guarantees with this project, and no strings attached. Just… wish, and it might come true. Give and you might receive. You’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special. THE LIST I have listed more than 10 things. My list this year is a little different from past ones. I have always requested chocolate, but I developed an allergy to peanuts this last year, so I thought it might not be the best idea to request food anymore. I know it’s weird for me to mention this here. 1. Donate to any of these organizations: 1in6 ACLU, ADL, Alabama Arise, ASPCA, Black Lives Matter, CAIR, Center for Reproductive Rights, Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund, EarthJustice, EMILY’s List, GreenPeace, Guttmacher, Human Rights Campaign, Human Rights Watch, Lambda Legal, Mexican American Legal Defense Fund, NAACP and its Legal Defense Fund, NARAL, National Abortion Federation, National Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, National Organization for Women, NRDC, Planned Parenthood, ProPublica, RAINN, RSF, She Should Run, SPLC, Trevor Project, Union of Concerned Scientists, USA for UNHCR, Women’s Refugee Commission I think that, given the current political/social climate, they’re going to need all of the support they can get. If you want to donate in your name, that’s fine. If you want to donate in my name, that’s fine. 2. A plush-style throw/blanket. I don’t really have any specific color or fandom requests on this.1 3. A subscription to a service like OwlCrate, InfinityCrate, or LootCrate. I have friends who subscribe to these services, and I’m always envious of them. 4. A Barkbox or LootCrate Pet subscription for Amy Pond (my dachshund/boss) because she’s my bestie. She’s not a miniature; she’s about 20 pounds. 5. Funko products featuring any of my fandoms. I have some Pop!, mugs, and a plush, and I think all of their stuff is awesome, so I’m not going to be picky about this. 6. Shot glasses. I don’t drink, I just collect them. 7. Tea pots. I also collect these. 8. Coffee Mugs. Yep, these too. I do drink coffee, though. 9. Makeup. Specifically NYX lip gloss. I’ve run out of some and broken the containers of others. I like all sorts of colors, but the browns don’t look very good on me. 10. Accessories. Hats, socks, scarves, headbands, purses, barettes, necklaces, bracelets. I absolutely need a wallet. Belts if they’re made for plus-size women. 11. Crafting and sewing stuff. Knitting, crocheting, embroidery, quilting, sewing, jewelry making stuff, adult coloring books, colored pencils, markers, beads, fabric, safety pins. 12. Obligatory teddy bear/stuffed animal request. 13. Paypal/Square donations (email for that is personal[dot]janet[at]fuzzypinkslippers[dot]com) or donations to my GoFundMe, which will help for repairs needed on my house. There’s also my Patreon, where I’m always looking for patrons. 14. Gift cards from iTunes, Lane Bryant, Starbucks, Target, Torrid, & Zenni. 15. Anything from Amazon.com wishlist. It’s fine if it’s something that’s used or that you find somewhere else. Fandoms 2 Broke Girls, Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Arrowverse, Auburn, The Big Bang Theory, The Blacklist, Charmed, Dakota Johnson, Disney, Doctor Who, Friends, Game of Thrones, Glee, Gilmore Girls, Harry Potter (esp. “my house” Hufflepuff), Hello Kitty, How to Get Away with Murder, Hunger Games, iZombie, Jamie Dornan, Jane the Virgin, Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Marvel, Once Upon a Time, Orphan Black, Outlander, Peanuts, Pretty Little Liars, Project Runway, Scream Queens, Star Trek, Star Wars, Stranger Things, Supernatural, Taylor Swift, True Blood, Twilight, UNC, Westworld Interests Crafts, fashion, reading, listening to music, singing, walking, cooking, hair, makeup, politics (progressive/liberal/left-wing), feminism, green living, cute stuff, photography Favorite colors pink, purple, baby blue, silver, red Contact If you need my address, email me at janet.main@fuzzypinkslippers.com There are two at Walmart that I adore. One is a stock image of London that’s black & white except for a red phone box. The other is a stock picture of Paris. But I would be just as happy with a solid color one. ↩

Holiday Wishlist Meme 2016



Today was my last daily injection of Vitamin B-12. Now I’m going to weekly injections. Eight weeks from tonight, I’ll be back on monthly injections. So far I can’t tell that the shots have done anything. I only know that every time I give myself a shot, I feel more exhausted. It’s a paradoxical effect, but it’s one I’ve always had with B-12. My breathing is still crappy. My heart rate is through the roof. My dizziness and tendency toward disorientation has gotten worse. I was dizzy for about 3 hours last night after hearing a cowbell effect on a Mississippi State sports story; I wasn’t dizzy before the effect played. Sounds have often thrown me off a bit, but never quite that bad. I still have a couple of weeks before I’m supposed to go to the pulmonologist. Keep your fingers crossed that it won’t get worse. Speaking of appointments, tomorrow is dad’s appointment for the neurologist. Since his MRI, EEG, Doppler, and standard memory tests all came back normal, he’s convinced that he’s not got dementia. He thinks it is all just regular age-related memory loss. I’m afraid the doctor will feed into that. I don’t think he’s told him how dizzy he gets or about his headaches. I don’t know if he’s told him just how bad his memory loss has been. I don’t know if he’s told him how angry he’s gotten. I know that there is something wrong with him and I don’t know what it is. And I have this horrible feeling that it’s only going to get worse.  

A Bruising Hiatus


1
If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you know that I am currently rather pissed at the Huntsville CBS affiliate, WHNT, for their planned special tonight called the Dark Side of All Hallows’ Eve. In the ads for their story talk about Huntsville’s police department once having a special occult crime division. The ads also feature images of Jeffrey Franklin and comments about the crimes he committed on March 10, 1998. Jeffrey killed his parents before trying to kill three of his four siblings on that night. He also attacked the best friend of his 14-year old sister. I can tell you a lot about the night. More than a lot of people can. His sister was my friend. His sister’s friend was also my friend and on Yearbook staff with me; she talked about that night in class. My mom was the person who carried the medical records of his sister to the hospital. She stayed there until my friend was in the ICU. We went back to the hospital on a regular basis until it was time for them to leave town. From the start, Jeffrey was painted as evil by the media. Even when the evidence came to light that he had 10 times the normal dose of Ritalin in his blood twelve days after the crime.1 Even when people started mentioning that he was mentally ill. Even when the state of Alabama thought he was mentally incompetent from 1999 until 2001, and even though the state of Alabama has had him in the mental healthcare unit of the prison since his sentencing began, instead of in general population, he has been portrayed as this supernatural killer. That kind of stigmatizing attitude is damaging to the whole community and it needs to stop. Personally, I’m tired of reliving that night. It’s been almost twenty years and local news outlets are still pushing it. They keep trying to make a buck off of the suffering of my friend’s family. They keep trying to profit on the suffering of the people I grew up with, of the choir that we were in together, of me, of my mom. This has to stop at some point. I know that the story was shocking and gruesome and that it sticks with people. It’s stuck with me, too. At a certain point, enough is enough. I wish he hadn’t made the choices he did that night. I wish that a lot of things were different about that whole situation. But forcing us to go through it over and over is cruel. He had been in jail since the night it occurred. ↩

And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away!”