Tag: Debbie


Stay Alive

2
May

As most of you may know, there were storms in my general area on April 27.  I was not harmed.  As far as I know, the rest of my family is safe as well.  My Nana’s quasi-adopted sister lost her trailer when a tree fell on it and (according to Nana) split it in half.  Another tree fell on my great-great aunt and uncle’s old house.  No one lives in that house, so I guess that it’s okay that it fell on it.  The scary part about that particular tornado was that it went between the houses of my grandmother and her neighbor.
farmhouse trees and well

The top picture shows the neighbor’s house, so somewhere between where I was standing when I took the picture and that house is where the tornado went through.  Then it crossed the street and hit the old house of my great-great aunt and uncle, which is in the middle of those streets in the second picture.  (Obviously, the pictures are old.)

A tornado that was reported to have touched down a few miles away from my house went over my neighborhood without doing any damage.  I’m glad that we were safe, but I hate that I was sitting there during the storms wanting them to hit anywhere but where I was.  It’s one of those survivor guilt things.

We lost power on Wednesday night at around 6 PM.  At first, we thought it was just some normal severe weather power loss thing.  Then we found out that the major power lines that serve the Huntsville area from Browns Ferry Nuclear Power Plant were pretty much wiped out.  Around a half million people in North Alabama were reported to be without power.  The first estimates said we would have power within a couple of days.  Then it became “by the end of the weekend”.  By yesterday morning, we weren’t sure when the power would come back on.  It seemed like as soon as we stopped worrying about it, it came back on.  At around noon or maybe an hour later, we got power.  I hadn’t seen any pictures or video of what had happened.  I had relied on some reports on Twitter and Facebook, as well as a battery-powered radio, to know what was going on. I finally got to see what had happened on Wednesday.  I was kind of glad that I didn’t get to see the initial carnage, because I know that the first two days always look worse than 3-4 days after a storm.

We’re still under a curfew, as far as I kn9w, because even though my neighborhood has power, 70% of the city doesn’t have power.  (My neighborhood was one of the first to get power [we had it when 95% of the city didn't], which I guess meant it was a priority neighborhood–term used by the city/local officials.)  My dad went out last night to pick up some sandwiches for us to eat, since all of our food had spoiled in the 4 days without power.  He went out again today and got some food that was a little more substantial.  Our neighbors had made 3 meals for us during the power outage–spaghetti; bacon, pancakes, and strawberries; and sausage with sauerkraut, macaroni & cheese, and baked beans.  I’m going to have to think of a way to thank them, but I’m not sure what I can say that will show just how appreciative I really was.  They also sent some iced tea (sweetened), but we couldn’t drink it.  (My dad and I both have the caffeine issues, and my mom was afraid to drink anything sweet with her diabetes.)

I want to thank those of you who checked on me, helped me get in touch with relatives, and were just really kind and considerate during this whole thing.  I also want to thank those of you who were still posting silly things during this time.  The silly stuff helped keep me sane.

3 comments » | +internet friends, Alabama Weirdness, Ashley, Facebook, Family, Friends, General, How I Met Your Neighbors (aka An Overactive Imagination), Internet, Kara, Kate, Krystal, Mental Health, Tumblr, Twitter

A Thousand Tears Is Not Enough

12
October

My therapy appointment this morning was not something that I expected to go well. Somehow, I felt like my appointment was more therapeutic than they normally are. Typically, the discussions focus on everything but me. That always seemed to be what went best. Today, I talked about how I’m not feeling good and how that makes my life pretty damn miserable. I even had a period where I completely broke down into tears and asked why I had to be born and end up miserable. Debbie looked like she was about ready to cry, too. She suggested that I think about going into Partial Hospitalization or Crisis Residential care. Partial Hospitalization would be Monday-Friday group therapy from 8 to 12. Crisis Residential would be at least/about 2 weeks in a pseudo-hospital situation, with 2-3 doctor visits a week, group in the morning and 3 hours at night, and supervision by psych nurses for 24 hours a day. She told me that not everyone gets approved for treatment in either program, because they only take 8 people at a time and those people have to fit certain criteria. (Having uncontrolled health issues can keep someone out of the group.)

I think that she misunderstood me when I was having my crying fit. I said that I wanted to be dead and that I wanted the pain to stop. These are, admittedly, something that someone who wants to try suicide might say, but they are also things that someone might say when they are sick and tired. I don’t want to kill myself. I just want to feel better.

She told me that my depression and anger and fatigue might just be due to the deficiencies. She wasn’t sure how long being anemic would cause a person to be feeling sick, but she was sure that if it was an ongoing problem and the person was also going through hefty periods, that the person would probably be tired, depressed, and feel angry. She basically said that I’m most likely angry because my body is tired of being sick. Who knows?

The biopsy didn’t happen. Oddly, it not happening had nothing to do with me or my irresponsibility. Instead, it had to do with the clinic’s 1 procedure room being overbooked for the afternoon. I don’t really understand why a health clinic that has so many patients
would think that 1 room for procedures is somehow a good idea. I’ve known of doctors who have their own practice (by themselves) that had 1 procedure room, and that clinic has around 20 or more residents + enough attendings to keep them inline. It seems like at least 2 or 3 would be more acceptable. I guess that that would be too much to ask. So, I have to put it off until tomorrow. (It was apparently something that they determined needed to be done ASAP.) I get to go in tomorrow at around 2 PM and wait until they’ve worked me in for my latest form of torture. (They said it could take a couple of hours, so I should bring something to keep me occupied.)

I always wanted to do music recommends in blog entries, so I thought I’d post my top musicians and songs for the last week.

Top Artists

  1. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
  2. Britney Spears
  3. Avril Lavigne
  4. Mariah Carey
  5. The All-American Rejects
  6. Rihanna
  7. The Beatles
  8. Glee Cast
  9. Linkin Park
  10. Madonna
  11. Kelly Clarkson
  12. Cobra Starship
  13. 3OH!3
  14. Mandy Moore
  15. Carpenters

Top Songs

  1. 3OH!3 – My First Kiss (feat. Ke$ha)
  2. The Beatles – In My Life
  3. Radiohead – Creep
  4. The Dandy Warhols – Bohemian Like You
  5. Michael Jackson – Beat It
  6. Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit
  7. Madonna – Justify My Love
  8. Annie Lennox – A Whiter Shade of Pale
  9. Ace of Base – Everytime It Rains
  10. Boyzone – No Matter What
  11. Natalie Imbruglia – Come September
  12. Melanie – Brand New Key
  13. Andrew Lloyd Webber – All I Ask Of You
  14. The Cranberries – The Rebels
  15. Kanye West – Jesus Walks

3 comments » | General, Mental Health, Music Stuff, Sickness and Health, Top Artists, Top Songs

Application Status

23
February

I just sent an application this morning to another university in town to see if I could pursue a degree in psychology while I’m waiting on the lawsuit. I also sent it because I’m really afraid to go back to my old school because I think that people there will give me a hard time over the suit. I’m not as naive as I seem. I know that people can take it out on you when you try to prove to them that they’re wrong.

I’m going on Tuesday to see my new therapist. She isn’t completely new to my life. She’s Stephanie’s old case worker. (I can only see Licensed Clinical Social Workers because I’m on Medicare.) I think I’ll be comfortable with her, but I’m not completely sure yet. If I’m not comfortable, then after my intake, I can always request a new therapist. This will make for about 10 different therapists that I’ve seen since I was eight.

So why the new therapist? Well, I could no longer afford to see my psychiatrist, so I had to switch back to the Mental Health Center. :( It sucks. I have an intake to go through with the therapist, then a psychiatric evaluation to go through on March 21st. Not cool. They asked what my diagnoses were on the form, and I marked a few because I’ve been diagnosed with a few. Actually the only one listed that I hadn’t been diagnosed with was Schizophrenia, though it was suggested that I have it back about 4 years ago, and Schizoaffective Disorder is in that class of problems.

I had to go to crisis counseling on Tuesday when I went to sign up to go back to the Mental Health Center. Why? Well, apparently, I was deemed to be in crisis. I had marked that I had a lot of symptoms over the past 48 hours, including feeling hopeless, seeing things, and hearing things. The person scheduling me was like, “You’re not on anything for the psychotic symptoms.” I pointed on the form to the Abilify and told her I was. The thing about it is, I barely recognize that I have those symptoms most days, even when I have them. Eventually, I think you can just get used to having them.

5 comments » | Alabama A&M, General, Mental Health, UAH

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