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Busy Week

Janet — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:21:59 +0000

This is supposed to be a busy week for me. Yesterday was my only off day. Today I had an appointment with the gynecologist. Tomorrow is pdoc. Thursday is the therapist. On Friday, I have two tickets to see Twilight.

My gynecologist was busy today, so I only got to see the nurse and the nurse practitioner. The nurse was lucky that I went in in a relatively good mood because she was extremely rude. She announced twice that I had gained 15 pounds…loudly. She then chastised me for gaining said weight and then pestered me on the cause of my visit. I kept telling her that my hormones were screwed up and THAT was the reason my periods have been gone since the summer. She kept insisting that I must be pregnant. Now, I’m no health care professional, but I do believe I have had enough of a biology lesson to know that if you don’t have sex, you don’t get pregnant. Now, I do believe in the whole exception to that rule thing, but I was not visited by angels, nor do I think that I have been inseminated in my sleep by the Spirit. So basically, I knew I wasn’t pregnant, but she would not let it go. Finally, she said, “Well, maybe he won’t make you take a pregnancy test, but I doubt it.” Grr! Oh, and she gave me a hard time about my blood pressure being so high, after she had thoroughly made me mad. The nurse practitioner spent a good deal of time with me. We talked about how I’ve had reactions to birth control pills in the past when trying to get all regulated. We also talked about how impossible it was for me to get pregnant without sex. She told me that she was fairly certain I had PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), but she was going to run some tests to confirm. So I had to have blood drawn, and the person who did that was actually able to do it in one-stick. That was a God-send.

Tomorrow, I have my five month checkup with the psychiatrist. He’ll tell me how relatively sane I might be, or insane as the case may be. I will have to remember to take my form from UAH to get them to say that I’m a crazy girl and need assistance on tests because of my nuttiness. Fun stuff.

Thursday is my monthly visit with the therapist, though I missed the October one. When I go too long without psychiatric or psychological treatment, I get antsy. Thursday will also be my day to call my family doctor AGAIN to get them to schedule me for a visit with the neurologist to see why I have been having what my mom refers to as “seizures” since I was a little kid.

Friday, of course, is Twilight. All I have to say is that it better not suck.

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Protected: Do I Really Have Friends?

Janet — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 07:27:19 +0000

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2nd Annual To Write Love on Her Arms Day

Janet — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 05:56:04 +0000

TWLOHA 001, originally uploaded by janetdmorris.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

As many of you know, I have had issues with depression and self-injury, as well as some issues with drug abuse and a suicide attempt, so this cause is very important to me. Okay, so I don’t talk about the latter two as much as the first, but when I first heard about TWLOHA, I thought that it would be awesome to support such a great cause.

Of course, it’s difficult to write love on your arms sometimes when you have depression, addiction, etc., but it is important to do so. I just hope that for those of you who participated in today’s writing on the arms that you actually knew why you were doing so and weren’t participating to look cool. I always worry that people think that they’re just supposed to go with the flow with these things and that they are supposed to just write it on their arms to fit in.

This was not a day about fitting in. It was about standing up for a cause. Showing the world that love can help conquer these problems.

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I Can Hear the Bells

Janet — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:30:05 +0000

I need to make this entry as quickly as possible because I have to cook supper. Admittedly, my skills are being used to prepare hot dogs and chips, but still, I’m going to make the best darn hot dogs and chips I can make. I kind of miss the days when I did the gourmet thing most nights, but that got to be a kind of expensive thing to do.

I had fun last night. We took a bunch of pictures, which was cool. I uploaded them to Facebook, where many people de-tagged themselves, which is kind of annoying. I understand asking if you can be de-tagged, but it seems a little wrong to de-tag yourself without asking the person who posted the pictures first. I also deleted one picture from the Facebook album because someone asked me to. She thought the picture was of her butt, when it was really of Anthony, a friend. (She just got in the shot when I was taking the picture.) I don’t think I’m going to do that (deleting one) again. I like being able to post MY pictures on MY account. I don’t think it’s fair when I have to delete a picture because someone doesn’t like it. Of course, she didn’t ask me to delete it from Flickr, and even if she had, I wouldn’t. On Facebook, I’m a bit more free-spirited with my pictures than I like being on Flickr.

I asked two friends to having Thanksgiving with my family, but so far one has said he can’t come. I figure the other one will decline as well. Kind of sucks, but I guess that’s okay. I mean, as long as their having a good Thanksgiving somewhere, then that’s what matters.

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Look, Ma, one hand!

Janet — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:59:51 +0000

I had another driving lesson this afternoon. It went okay, I guess. I got to travel on some pretty scary curving roads in town. And one of these roads, I got to drive on with one hand in my lap. I would have had both hands on the wheel, but my right arm was cramping really bad and the instructor said I could try to drive with one hand. Then, he became quite interested in how a person who is supposedly right handed (I just told him I write with my right hand) could drive best with her left hand on the wheel. He seemed to think that that was strange. I tried to tell him that I was ambidextrous, but he didn’t seem phased by that.

I have really got to get some help with my auditory processing problem. I can’t understand what is being said to be part of the time, and that is not a good thing to have go on, particularly when you’re driving or learning to drive. I need to be able to use all my senses properly, and it doesn’t seem like I’m going to be able to do that without some intervention by a professional.

I’m going through the holiday_wishes lists and seeing what wishes I can grant.

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Sleep All Day

Janet — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 21:35:17 +0000

I have been asleep most of the day today. After my mom awaking me at 7:00 to cut mats out of Xander’s fur, I stayed up to take him to the vet because he had been chewing at himself. (He needed to be “expressed”, but she thought that it was the mats.) Then, I came home and sat in the recliner and fell asleep. I woke up every hour and was like, “I need to stay awake. I need to stay awake.” Didn’t work until 3:00. So far, I’ve been up 32 minutes. I’m trying to cook right now.

I found quite a few recipes for Thanksgiving already, but I am going to look for some more just to make sure that I have a good enough selection to choose from when I start my recipe selection process. My mom will probably freak when she figures out that I have decided to cook so much stuff. She’ll probably say something about how there are too few of us to cook so much, but I do not want to be cooking for us after Thanksgiving for a few days.

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Never Tell Me That!

Janet — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 02:59:45 +0000

Tonight, my mom talked to my grandmother about Thanksgiving. It had been decided, without asking me, that I would cook the Dressing. I’m fine with that. Tonight, though, I said something about, “Well, what if I want to cook other things?” Apparently, I’m allowed to cook what I want. Score! I love cooking real food. This is going to be awesome, as long as I feel good. I’m going through recipe sites and bookmarking things that look like they’d be good. I know there will only be a few of us for Thanksgiving, but if I make things and they’re good, I might be able to make them for Christmas, too.

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Misdiagnosed?

Janet — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:38:27 +0000

If you’ve been reading this blog anytime during the last 7 years, you would know that I have been classified as some type of bipolar many times in that time period. Every doctor seems to think I have it. I don’t. I have never felt “bipolar”.

Yes, I have rapid-cycling moods, but only once in my life have I ever truly experienced mania. Once. In 7 years of having some form of this disorder, I have had the mood that is most commonly associated with it a grand total of one time.

I have been depressed or “mixed” the rest of the time. And when I experience the mixed symptoms, I only get about 1 or 2 at a time. I never feel indestructible, and though without medication I would pretty much always be awake, I don’t feel “full of energy”. I have a lot of irritability, but that’s relatively common for Borderlines, as are my excessive planning, spending sprees, and other “reckless behavior”. Sure, I’m easily distracted, but when I was 17, I was also diagnosed as ADD, which could easily explain that. My speech never gets quick and my jumping from subject to subject and having certain other speech problems could easily be explained by being Schizoaffective. My self-esteem doesn’t get inflated. And delusions of grandeur don’t happen with me. I have delusions, but I never feel all that superior. I do have racing thoughts. I will admit to that. The hallucinations and paranoia are also things explained by the Schizoaffective disorder.

So basically, my main things are that I get irritable and I have racing thoughts. These are particularly bad during the summer, as I usually do not have enough energy in the winter to survive let alone have symptoms of mania.

When I am mixed, I also have suicidal thoughts. I think that it’s weird for someone who is considered to have Bipolar to get so suicidal so much of the time.

Any time I bring up that I think I was wrongly diagnosed, my mom is like, “You have that problem and the doctors say it so it must be true.” Well, it’s nice that the doctors think that because they see me for about fifteen minutes every three to six months that they can rule out all the other disorders in the DSM and give me this one disorder that I, a person who has been living with my mind for almost 25 years and knows its inner workings quite well, don’t think that I’ve ever had enough of the symptoms for.

Oh, it’s possible that I am just Schizoaffective, depressive type. That is completely possible, and I would be more willing to accept that.

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The Guide to the Obama Presidency

Janet — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:53:24 +0000

Living in a country where you don’t like the leadership is difficult, I’ll admit. However, it is NOT impossible. This is a quick and simple guide for non-Obama supporters to make it through the next few weeks, months, and years.

First, remember, it isn’t forever. Chances are that in four, eight, or twelve years, you will probably have a leader you respect in office. Typically, party swaps happen every eight or twelve years. Usually by the eighth year, someone in the administration has done something to upset enough people that he gets his party out of office. Now, sometimes, this does not really happen on a popular vote level, and we end up seeing things like Supreme Courts and hanging chads. It is worse for the country when things like that happen than it is for someone to win “fair and square”.

Next, you need to stock up. First, get journals because you’re going to want to document every moment of utter hatred or annoyance towards this person. Eventually, you will write less and less and end up laughing more and more. Then, get some pens, preferably gel pens. They write smoother. And finally chocolate and/or ice cream. Perhaps other comfort foods. It’s called the “Election 20″, much like the “Freshman 15″.

Next, prepare yourself for staying up on Saturday nights for SNL. It may interfere with your sense of morality on some skits, but it will be worth it for the skits on Obama and the commentary that will be done on Weekend Update. If you have church the next morning, then I would recommend that you get a VCR or DVR and record the shows. (For the record, supporters will be laughing, too.)

Another thing, you will need is to stay in the country. Threatening to leave does not help the situation. I’ve threatened twice, and it just made me feel kind of foolish when I didn’t get all my stuff ready for my long trip to Canada. Oh, and if you do decide to leave, then pick a country that has political interests similar to yours. I’m guessing that if you hate Obama, you would probably choose something more conservative, so Canada, Australia, and Britain are all out. Not so sure about Ireland and New Zealand, as I don’t have as many contacts there. Foreign language skills might be healthy. I know, learn Russian, go there, learn what strife is. Or, go to Israel, and learn the realities of terrorism.

Let me think. What else?

Oh, yes, there is something that you shall do. Stay calm. Making threatening remarks about the President Elect will get you nowhere, except maybe jail, depending on if the Secret Service catches on. (And they likely will.) You see, vehemently hating people does not get you anywhere.

Remember, when dealing with the other side, that we have feelings, too. We are human. We are not responsible for everything that happens that you do not like. Yes, we voted for “the wrong person” in your eyes, but that does not mean we are at fault for your issues with the candidate. We, for the most part, did not blame you for the badness we associate with Bush. We do not appreciate the blame for the badness that you associate with Clinton and that you will likely associate with Obama.

Another thing, the Senate is not filibuster-proof. Though Democrats came out in high numbers, we did not capture as many seats as it would have taken to ensure that we had the Senate in our grasps completely. So, you still have a little hope there.

Remember to pray. It helps. And don’t just pray for your safety, your party, and the like. Pray for Obama, too, because, unfortunately, not everyone will take the not making threats thing seriously. And, though I have never lived through an assassination, I hear that that can be a seriously bad thing for a country, regardless of how you voted. Also, pray for him because he is your leader. You would be shocked to know that I have prayed for Bush, his safety, and for guidance for him. I tried to have faith with him. And if I can do that for someone who is so different from me, then you can for someone so different for you.

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Twitterectory

Janet — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:11:59 +0000

Get your twitterectory on at twitterectory.com so that people can know how to follow you. It’s a pretty cool site, and you can find a lot of new people to check out on there. I’m getting listed on there as a Student/Social Networker, so it would be great if my friends who have Twitter accounts got listed on there as well.

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