28
November

The Worst Month of the Year

I think that in the last 30 days or so, I have been seriously frustrated by some things that have gone on.  I’m not really sure why this month seems to have sucked more than usual.  Oh, wait.  I know exactly why it sucked, but I don’t really get why it all had to happen in one month.

First, there was the whole iTunes account hacked issue, leading to me getting charged for an app that I didn’t purchase.  I did get that taken care of, but I ended up having to delete my PayPal account (since it was the funding source and I felt like it might have also been compromised) and put a fraud alert on my credit report.  I had to change all of my passwords everywhere, but apparently missed a few, as I would find out a few weeks later.

After the iTunes issue, my laptop decided to take a break.  My external hard drive’s enclosure was also on a break.  The new enclosure came first, but I couldn’t see if it still worked until the laptop came back.  When it did come, I had to format the external hard drive’s drive again.  Now I’m working on getting everything back on the drive.

Meanwhile, I go to log-in on likesototally.me’s WordPress and find that it has been hacked.  I figured out what was hacked–the .htaccess.  I decided to download files from it that I knew were safe and not located elsewhere before trashing everything else.  The deletion finally got done last night.  I changed the domain’s username’s password before I decided that I needed to change the username as well.  So, that was fun.

In terms of non-tech related bad things, I had thought the disintegration of my extended family on my mom’s side was the worst possible thing in the world that was going on, until we got a nice little letter from ALFA (our insurance agency) letting us know that we would be dropped from our homeowner’s policy in February.  Apparently, insuring us was “too risky” and wasn’t worth continuing the (at least) 26 years of business with my family.  Well, technically, they’ll still be doing business with us because the life insurance policies for my dad and for me are under them, but my parents are planning on moving the car insurance when they find a new insurer.

I felt like it was my fault that the insurance got dropped.  First of all, ALFA is the employer of certain members of my family that I am not really on speaking terms with and their position in the company is fairly high, so my first thought went to that ongoing crap.  Even though they don’t want to be around us, I figured out that they wouldn’t do something that petty in order to punish me for talking about them on here.

After realizing that they were probably not behind the dropping of coverage, I thought that maybe my dad had decided not to pay the (staunchly conservative) PAC  ”contribution” when he paid the membership dues for the farm bureau.  (You have to belong to the bureau in order to get insurance and it is requested that your membership payment include a “voluntary” contribution to the PAC.)   But they say that you don’t have to pay into the PAC, and I don’t know if the company would really drop people because you choose not to contribute to it.  Somehow, I’m not sure if that decision might keep us from being insured.

The other possibility is that because of the continuing issue with the grass, this house might be considered too unsightly for them to insure.  Their standards are pretty high, and my mom suggested (at one point) that they may have been doing some of the reporting to the city about the grass and the stuff on the porch.  Of course, that makes me even more paranoid.  The idea that you can lose your insurance and get threatened with jail time because of grass and because of other random crap is just something that causes me intense anxiety.

And, as per the norm for me, I have felt worse lately.  I’ve had bouts with dizziness, pain, fever, sinus crap, and (of course) the heavy period that came around for a week and a half, and is currently on hiatus again. And I got a call from my family doctor about wanting to do blood work, which is always torture for me, so that has me kind of apprehensive.  Then, of course, there was the depression, mood swings, and generally nuttiness that I usually deal with and that usually gets worse this time of year.  It’s just been the rotten cherry on top of a melted sundae.

So, yeah, this past month has really, really sucked.  I’m hoping that December will be better.  I’m guessing that it won’t, though.  That’s not me being pessimistic or anything.  I’m being completely realistic.  And realizing that the most joyous time of the year is probably going to be suck-filled is awful.

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27
October

Six Months Ago

Today is technically the six month anniversary of the April 27th tornado outbreak.  I say technically because in some way, shape, or form, the storms get mentioned every single day on local news.  No matter what is happening, someone has to compare it to the storms or say how it has something to do with something that happened that day.  It’s almost like the world before that day didn’t exist and that every day since is just a continuation of that day.

Honestly, I feel bad that people died.  I feel bad that people lost their homes, their places of work, their belongings, etc.  I feel bad about all of that, but there is a certain point when I wonder what good it does to treat it like it is still actively taking place.  Is it supposed to make people feel worse if their whole family made it out alive or if they still have a house to live in?  Is it supposed to help survivors feel better because we’re still remembering them?

I think that anyone in this area and a few people who aren’t even in this area will remember that day for a very long time without the reminders.  I don’t understand how people will ever fully be able to handle what happened if we keep acting like it is still going on.  Part of grieving and part of dealing with past traumas is to acknowledge that it is in the past. People can’t put it in the past or start to move on if there is a constant reminder of it.

Maybe it shouldn’t go away all at once.  Maybe a little at a time, but I think that at six months there should be fewer newscasts where we have to be reminded of it than there currently are.  We should be ready to at least let one day per week go without mentioning the storms.

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12
October

I Knew It!

Remember how two weeks ago I said that I knew that the idea that neighbors were turning us in to the Community Development people was completely nuts? I was right. One of our neighbors had to go to court today over their yard, too. Why would a neighbor who wants our yard cut end up having to go to court over their own yard? It really doesn’t make sense.

I guess with that being the city’s case that I could have gone to trial over my yard, but I was really sick of all the crap. I took a plea. The city attorney had the fine and court costs at minimum ($100 fine plus $224 in court costs) in the deal. I now have two weeks to get it done or I’ll get a new citation. I can’t appeal the plea because I said I was guilty and waived that right.

The fine probably would have been higher if the guy who came by yesterday had been our normal inspector. This other inspector actually talked to my dad, which they are supposed to do every time that they inspect a property. My dad told him that we didn’t know what part of the yard was even in the complaint until two weeks ago. He also told him that we’re on a fixed income, and that the guy who is supposed to cut it still hasn’t gotten around to it. (He also told him that the person who cuts it is our next-door neighbor.)

My dad also talked to the inspector about previous citations, including one that we got back during the summer about indoor furniture being on the front porch. (The indoor furniture in question was an old kitchen chair and, according to this inspector, wasn’t a violation of the city code.) The inspector asked why we hadn’t called the Community Development office (we had) or written (we had) or why we hadn’t tried to get everything taken care of before now (we had). I think by talking to my dad, the other inspector got a pretty good idea about the crap that has been going on. That inspector was in court today and helped make the sentence recommendation.

There was another thing that worked in our favor. My dad was using a cane today, because he’s been having some back problems lately. Apparently, that helped illustrate the whole disabled factor.

Oh, and this time I didn’t say anything rude or obscene to the city attorney. Actually, this time, I tried to be very quiet and only say very, very nice and respectful things. That seemed to give him the impression that I am a nice, together, respect-worthy fellow citizen, as opposed to the ignorant shrew that he seemed to think I was last time. So, yay.

Actually, everyone was nicer today. Maybe they’re nicer during the autumn months? Maybe it was me. Maybe it was the weather. Who knows?

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10
October

When You Say Nothing At All

Well, in less than 48 hours, I may get to find out if I am going to go to jail or pay some hefty fine. I really am not looking forward to this. I shouldn’t be too nervous, since this is the third hearing that I’ve been scheduled for with this and, aside from my outburst last time and being made to feel like I was about 2 inches tall the time before, nothing has really happened this time around. I don’t want to quit worrying altogether, though. I have this feeling that if I don’t go in at least slightly anxious, then I will end up feeling completely overwhelmed or unprepared by whatever ends up happening.

Other than my inevitable meeting hearing with fate the judge and the city attorney, I don’t think I have anything else going on this week or anytime soon. Molly is going back to the vet this week, I think, to get her stitches taken out from her surgery. My mom will probably have lots of fun chores for me to do for her.

Oh, my mom is supposed to try pool therapy. I have a feeling her trying it won’t last long. I think that she truly has given up on getting around by herself and that she doesn’t feel that she needs to work toward getting better. If I suggested that to her, as I have tried to do in the past, then she would freak out and act like I’m just not understanding her pain or her weakness. I understand the issues that she has. I understand them quite well. What I don’t understand is how she thinks that that pain or that weakness means that she is excused from ever even trying to do anything at all. (Yeah, I know that sounds weird coming from me.)

Ugh. I’ve had (what feels like) a migraine brewing for a few hours now. I know that getting off the computer, shunning all electricity, etc. might help it get better, but it also might do nothing and will leave me in pain and bored.

I was going to call my family doctor to find out the results from the tests related to my last appointment, since I haven’t heard back on the ultrasound and the urine culture shouldn’t take too long to do. I didn’t call since it was Columbus Day and I figured that their office would close up shop for a holiday. I just need to remember to call tomorrow.

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28
September

I Blame Lily Allen

I finally understood what causes some people to act out in an irrational and improper way. I know that you would think that I would have learned this after 27 years of having a mother who is prone to acting out on impulse or having a father who has been diagnosed with an explosive anger problem or having relatives who, for all intents and purposes, were sociopaths when they were in their prime. Oh, no. I finally got it today in court, when the city attorney pulled me and my dad into a corridor to tell us that we had two more weeks to get our backyard mowed. My father and I kept trying to express to this man that we’d had the lawn mowed many times over the past few months, and he said that if that were true then we clearly were not getting what we were paying for. (I just love how it is an “if” when we say it or when I show images [on my camera] that were taken this morning and show a cut lawn, but the city just has to have 2 images on regular printer paper with dates scribbled on the paper in ink. That doesn’t prove the pictures were legit. I would like to see the Exif information on them.) So, after much frustration and belittling from him, I uttered two words that I should feel remorse for saying. I muttered, under my breath, “Fuck you.” I didn’t say them to the judge, but since I said them to a “court officer” and was showing him such disrespect, my outburst will be taken into account when they decide how much to fine me and if I get jail time. (This is what he told my father, after I’d walked away.)

First of all, I would like to state that the attorney got very lucky that all I said was, “Fuck you.” I had this urge to shove him into a wall or otherwise inflict physical harm on him. Muttering the “f-bomb” near him was immature and disrespectful, but it was a hell of a lot better than physically accosting him. I think if they’re going to take into account that I said 1 profane word to a court officer, then they should also take into account that my mental illness worsens under stress, which is well-documented throughout my 20 year history of seeing mental health professionals, and that I was also feeling physically unwell after experiencing two absence spells. (There were flickering fluorescent lights in the court, which I didn’t notice until I’d gone through 2 of these spells.) Of course, these things wouldn’t be taken into account because that would mean showing some level of compassion or understanding, which is clearly not a concern for this particular court officer.

Secondly, I think it is weird that the images that were used were of the backyard. The images were from an angle and showed certain things that could only be spotted from a particular spot in our yard. This means that yesterday sometime there was a person from the community development part of the city in my yard. They were trespassing to even get the photos. They claimed that this was what my neighbors see from their backyards, which is utter bullshit. I can truly call bullshit on this one because:

  1. In my lifetime, only two houses have had a good view of my backyard. One of these is the next-door neighbor’s house, which is the house where the person who mows are lawn lives. The other is on a different street. The latter homeowner hasn’t been able to see our yard for more than 10 years. though. The former, though, has only been kept from seeing the yard for 6 or 7 years.
  2. I know that it isn’t visible to either of those houses because on that side of the backyard, there are cypress trees that are about as tall as a two-story house.
  3. There is only one other family that may have, at any time in history, seen our backyard from theirs. Our neighbors directly behind us (though we have the same street in our address) cannot see our yard from their backyard because they’ve had a “popsicle fence” for at least 27 years.
  4. Even if those neighbors didn’t have the fence, we have cedar trees along that property line that are about as tall as the cypress trees. That means that they would have to be in the backyard to see the backyard.
  5. Even though we live on a corner, we have lots of trees between the part in violation and the street. These trees would make it almost impossible to see any of the bad part of the yard from the street. In fact, it is so difficult that I haven’t seen that part of the yard from the street since I was a little kid.

Okay, so basically, this whole premise is ludicrous because, in order for someone to be offended by the height of the grass, the someone would have to be standing in our yard. Also, the idea that neighbors are complaining about it is crazy. The only neighbors that we would continuously bicker with moved to Florida a while ago. (And they were such upstanding people that we used to get anonymous hate [snail] mail and threats from them…yes, you can tell who anonymous hate mail is from.) The rest of the neighbors get along with us now. And those that we don’t know wouldn’t want to complain to the city about our yard because they generally have bad yards or some other city violations that they wouldn’t want to be discovered. So, this whole convoluted idea that the neighbors are complaining is just a bit disturbing.

So, now we have two weeks to fix this problem and then I apparently will be sentenced in some way, shape, or form. It seems ridiculous that I will be the one who gets convicted of a “crime”, even though they have trespassed, lied, withheld evidence (by not specifying who complained, they are denying me the right to confront my accuser), and violated who knows what other laws and amendments that are supposed to protect people from being treated unjustly by their government. I think this whole thing sucks, and I don’t see how any of this does the city any good. Putting a person on trial because their backyard, which you can only see from the backyard, isn’t in tip-top shape is just petty. I mean, it is outright petty. If the city is so hard up for money, then maybe they should come up with a better system of punishing actual criminals. I see people who go into the court who have been cruel to animals or who have violated various laws created to keep people safe and they get no more than a slap on the wrist, but months of court dates, accusations, etc. are going on with me over overgrown grass. This whole this is just ridiculous and infuriating and causes all kinds of stress and anxiety that I really don’t enjoy going through.

Honestly, at this point, I would almost want to be in jail. Being in jail might actually give the city a good idea of what it is like to deal with me, my psychological crap, my physical crap, and my tendency to be a whiny, spoiled brat. I think that they might really appreciate my effort about the lawn if they learned what it was like to deal with an even more stressed out version of me on daily basis. A simple “fuck you” would seem almost like a compliment to them after that. If they don’t think so, then they should check out what was probably written down about me while I was in Decatur General West when I was 17. If a psych hospital found me tiresome, annoying, and rude, then I don’t think a city jail would really like having me around for any length of time.

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28
September

Be Sure To Visit Me in the Pokey

My court date is finally upon us. In about 6 hours, I will have to be in court. Of course, my “trial” won’t be until after they go through all of the other municipal court business. I never did get a lawyer or any legal help of of any type, so I could be screwed. I kinda felt that it wouldn’t do any good. I could be wrong, and if I am, then I guess I’m even more screwed than I should be.

I don’t want to be pessimistic about what will happen, but let’s face it, there’s just one way this will all end up. I’ll be guilty, even if I’m not. The municipal court is set up to make money for the city, so it won’t matter that my yard has been mowed multiple times since the letter that said I was in violation. It won’t matter that there are pictures to prove this. In fact, any pictures that I show will probably be challenged by the city because the employees of the city must be more honest than a citizen who repeatedly violates the grass ordinance.

So, I guess the only hope that I can have is for the fine (plus court costs) not to be too hefty and to not get a jail sentence, which I could technically get. Ugh. I hate this whole situation.

I have a feeling that I am probably the most pessimistic member of my family when it comes to this case, but I don’t see any reason to be really optimistic about it. The way that the last few appearances have gone down has proven to me that my fate has already been set in stone. So, I guess I just have to take my lumps.

On the off chance that I do actually get jailed, I thought I’d mention that Molly has to go in on Thursday for surgery to remove the tumor on her hip. I hope that she’ll be okay. I’m probably more worried about her than I am about myself, which is good. As long as I can focus my anxiety and tears on her, then I won’t feel so self-centered or entrenched in this whole situation. Send some positive thoughts her way, please.

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7
September

Warm Weather, Stay Away!

When Tropical Storm Lee came through and dumped rain on us for about 2 or 3 days straight, it managed to do something really, really nice. It lowered the temperature outside. We went from highs of 90°F weather to highs that don’t even get to 70°. Unfortunately, it will be getting warmer soon, and I don’t really look forward to that. Highs next week are only supposed to get up to about 80° or so, but 80° will suck compared to what the temperature is right now, 66°.

I knew that I shouldn’t get used to the cool weather. Cool weather + September in Alabama just don’t go together, at least not during early September. I guess it will cool back off soon, but not soon enough for my liking.

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