Monday morning I have to be at the hospital for my hip injection. I’m scared and I don’t have many people to talk to about that. The person I wish I could talk to about it doesn’t want to talk to me. That may be making me worry more about this injection than I should.
Actually it has nothing to do with the anxiety related to the shot, but his lack of wanting to talk or do much of anything has been why I’ve cried five days this week. I just associate him with it because I thought he might want to know that I was undergoing general anesthesia for a shot to find out if I’ll need surgery. Finding out that he completely didn’t care just caused a lot of insecurity issues to raise up all of a sudden. Well, and they reminded me that I tend to care more about others than they care about me. I feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me and that’s why no one needs or wants to keep me around. I feel forgettable and ugly and stupid and broken and that no one could ever love me for any reason, and this just amplified all of that.
I don’t think anyone will miss me if anything does happen Monday or any other day.