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Bad Positives

A few days ago, I decided to give in to my curiosity about the lab results my super-awesome1 rheumatologist ordered when I went in for my sweat hiatus.2 The checkout slip had my login details for that office’s EMR on it, so I went to check it out. 

Aside from finding out how truly abysmal the office’s record keeping skills are—my medicine, surgery, & allergy lists were inaccurate, he claimed he prescribed my Effexor, he was consulting with a doctor I haven’t seen in 6-7 years about my case, he had 4 visits total listed, even though there have been at least 12-16 visits, old lab reports were missing, old prescription data from drugs he’d prescribed was missing—I found out that he had a “plan of care” that revolved around telling me how fat I am3 and how I need to start exercising.4 I also found out that he thinks I’ve been on my Flexeril too long. I’m fairly certain that I pointed that little issue out about two or three years ago when I asked him to try something else because the Flexeril had become ineffective. But hey, it’s just my body, what do I know? 
I would claim that I felt incredulous,5 but I can’t fake my disbelief over his ridiculous & somewhat terrifying antics. Seven years of this same old bullshit just wears a girl out.6
But this isn’t supposed to be about his incompetence. This is supposed to be about lab results. Tell me what your first reaction would be to these results. 


Notice anything odd about them? 

There are no units of measure listed on the ANA test. And the way the “normal range” section is phrased sounds like anything above 120 or below 100 is bad. Think again. 

I had to search for an explanation of these results harder than a Disney prince has to search a magical forest for a barely legal future wife to take home to his dysfunctional family.  

And I found one.

Sort of. 

Apparently, the range should read like this:

  • Negative: Below 100
  • Equivocal: 100-120
  • Positive: Above 120

So I tested positive for the ANA Qualitative Test, the SSA (Ro) antibodies test, and the Scl-70 test. That could indicate: Lupus, Sjögren’s, Scleroderma, MCTD, UCTD, etc. It could also be a fluke because truly healthy people can have positive readings on these tests, and people diagnosed with them can have negative ones. So I’m not worrying too much about that. 

I’m a bit more concerned with my CBC because my platelet volume was almost too low, while my platelet count was close to the upper limit. Combine that with an increase in red blood cells and you’ve got a warning that the anemia isn’t far from striking. I guess that explains why I’ve felt more down & out, and why my body has gone into the “I’m dying” feeling that accompanies the anemia. I’m going to get the rheumatologist to forward that part of the labs to my hematologist, to make sure waiting to the end of the year for my tests + infusions is still safe. I really dread the infusions, but they’re part of my life now. I will just have to deal. 

Anyway, you know how I restarted my Pilocarpine/Salagen after the last rheumatologist appointment. Apparently it’s started helping because I have, drumroll please, started sweating. You never really can appreciate sweating and its purpose until you’ve gone without it. When I noticed how sweaty I was getting, I was ready to do backflips, except that I can’t do them.7 Another thing that I noticed is my mouth hasn’t been as dry, which is really strange because I’ve had dry mouth issues since I was a child. But I’m thankful for the saliva, too. It’s amazing how little things that most people take for granted or get annoye or disgusted by can make me want to do a happy dance. 


  1. at forgetting 

  2. The thing that’s potentially fatal, but that my rheumatologist is all blasé about. Who needs sweaty pits and tits in 90-100°F humid, summertime-in-Alabama weather? Oh, right, everyone. 

  3. 16 points of a 23 point list 

  4. Because telling a doctor that you’re concerned that a 45-minute, 1.8 mile walk in 85°F+ didn’t cause you to sweat and that the overheating was limiting your exercise choices doesn’t get the message across that you’re actually exercising. 

  5. Not a Disney movie title adjective, though it could be. 

  6. A girl has no name. 

  7. I never could, unless I did them accidentally while falling. 

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Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

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