img_4307

Every Super-Fast Beat of My Heart

Tomorrow is the big day. I get to see my cardiologist again. I won’t pretend to be excited about it. I’m not. I’m not dreading it either. I already know what to expect & that I need not expect the doctor to be all that personable.1  

I have a feeling he will be a little nicer today than he has been in the past.2 I have discovered that doctors who might ordinarily be dismissive of me because I’m fat3 are super-excited to find out that I’m trying to exercise more & lose the weight.4 Of course, they also tend to go, “How can we let you exercise when your health is so messed up?”56 And I’ll be like, “Yeah, that’s what I tried to get across to you umpteen gazillion times before.”7 I digress. 

He should be happy that I’m trying to do the healthy thing. I don’t know if he will actually be happy though. Maybe so.8 And I don’t know if he’ll approve of the exercising. I hope he will. I think he will. But I don’t know he will.9

I hope he won’t send me home in a holter monitor. I hate those things. They’re uncomfortable & they don’t go well with water, so it makes showering a no-go thing, and that causes the itching in my brain10 to go into overdrive. It’s not good when I start thinking I’m dirty.11

I know that UAB wanted a new echocardiogram ordered, but I don’t know if the cardiologist will want to do one. If he does choose to do an echo, it’ll probably be done tomorrow in the office.12 So if I go through one & find out the results before I leave,13 I will try to write an entry about it. 

Oh, I went to the pool twice last week and again today. Last Friday, a woman asked me if all I was going to do was walk back and forth in the pool14 and asked how many more times I would do that.15 Anyway, I just shrugged & told her that I had no idea. Today she just smiled & headed to the other end of the pool.16 

In other moments of awkwardness, this time online, there is this annoying ass group of people from Louisiana who just won’t go the fuck away on Twitter.17 LSU has let in some truly awful people into their institution as Freshmen for the 2015-2016 school year. Not only are they ignorant assholes, they know jackshit about SEC football. They thought my preference of Tigers18 wearing orange and blue meant I liked Clemson. Ew. When I pointed out that Clemson was orange & purple and not in the conference, they continued to harp on my “liking” Clemson19 and said there was no way for them to know that Auburn was the school I was referring to20 because they have lives.21 Anyway, they’ve kept my block button busy. I don’t understand how “adults” can be so childish. It’s just pathetic. They’re pathetic. I really pity them. Bless their ignorant little hearts, the real world is gonna eat them up. 

Photo via Visualhunt.com


  1. He’s not. 

  2. Not that he’s a douche. He’s nice, but he’s not really the soft-eyed, overly compassionate type either. He’s the former head of the cardiology department at Huntsville Hospital, and the hospital is a top cardiac facility in the country, so he’s got medical skills. I’m in good hands. 

  3. So pretty much all of them. 

  4. Great self-esteem boost, guys. 

  5. Not a direct quote. 

  6. But “so messed up” is a scientific term. It’s gotta be. 

  7. I put off exercising for a long time for a lot of reasons, but the fact that various doctor<strong><em>s</em></strong> had told me over the years that my lungs or heart or joints or other issues weren’t healthy enough for exercise played a major part. 

  8. Fingers crossed. 

  9. That makes sense, right? 

  10. OCD. 

  11. OCD may look like a quirky, fun time. It isn’t. 

  12. They have a room where they do them. 

  13. Unlikely. 

  14. Bitch, I might be. 

  15. Until I’m hungry or tired or thirsty or some combination of these things. 

  16. Did I just level up on socialization? No? Damn. 

  17. I’ve blocked so many members of this one girl’s social group. 

  18. Not the cat kind. 

  19. Ew. 

  20. It’s called Google

  21. This is why they felt the need to tweet me on repeated occasions to compare me to Godzilla & various other monsters. Tweets they felt obligated to make because I don’t like Trump. Yeah, what awesome lives they must lead. There are shitlords out there who have more respect for others. 

Published by

Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge