I have OCD.
I don’t talk much about it in therapy or on here or, you know, anywhere. I have “routines” and “prayers” I have to do and say because if I don’t, something bad will happen. Intellectually speaking, I know it won’t, but my mind still thinks it will.1
I blame myself for things I have no control over. Debbie said that was a lot of guilt to carry around. She also said that that might make me feel like I’m more powerful than I really am. I quipped that I was like Donald Trump. We both cracked up.2 Debbie replied, “You are definitely more stable than Donald Trump.”3
But I’m supposed to start using better coping methods with my OCD. Rather than eating, arguing, spending, etc., I’m supposed to write, knit, crochet, exercise, drink water,4 chew gum, figure out how to play my mom’s old mandolin,5 and other healthy things.6 Fingers crossed that I start improving & getting my OCD under more control.
A major issue when you have mental health issues is that thinking, feeling, & knowing are not the same thing. I can know that all the bad things in the world aren’t my fault & still think or feel that they are. ↩
People who study social work tend to be liberal. ↩
No really. ↩
It’s now mine. ↩
So no roller derby, which one of Debbie’s old hobbies, since that might not be healthy for me. ↩