A Conspiracy of Ants

If you considering seven years a long time, then I’ve been using Twitter for a long time. Even if you don’t, that’s longer than most people have been on the site. It’s probably longer than the user @AdmForrestal has been using it, but he’s brought the weirdness in a major way. I would applaud his weirdness or laugh at it if it wasn’t so ridiculous and, to some degree, frightening. This racist human being1 has decided that I defend the opinions that I have so vehemently because I’m working for someone. That’s right. I have a particular opinion because I’m a shill for some company or government agency. Yes, just what any contrarian would do with their life: conform to a particular idea to make money. Because contrarians are all about the Benjamins and not about the whole thinking-for-themselves thing. Uh-huh.

But really this guy claimed I’m a shill.

And why did he do this?

Because he’s nuts. No, I shouldn’t say that, especially since I would chide anyone else who promoted stigma when they were encountering someone who behaved in a difficult manner. His reason was that he believed that I lied about my experiences in hospital emergency rooms. He said that patients don’t get visitors until they’ve been stabilized. That’s not always true. One of my examples of that not being true was back in July of 2012 when a mound of fire ants decided to make me their bitch. I was at the park with my mom and my dad waiting between doctor appointments. We sat under a shady tree because it was hot as hell outside and we happened to sit next to a fire ant mound. We didn’t know that my predisposed-to-atopy2 body had decided that fire ants were just so out of style and that it wanted nothing more to do with them, so it just had to respond with anaphylaxis. Clearly, no other reaction would have been appropriate for that situation.

My parents, as witnesses to my fall and the first people that I mentioned the ant bites to,3 were essential to my care that day and to keeping me alive. They were the ones who told the doctors about my medical history. And they were the ones who eventually told the doctors about the ant bites. Before that happened, they thought that my fall and my two fainting spells were a result of the heat4.

But the fainting, the hospital visit, and everything associated with that day was all clearly a part of a conspiracy to upset @AdmForrestal.

When I mentioned before I “fainted” that we were hanging out at the Park, I was clearly just setting up this ruse.

geese are scary

The geese in the picture included with that tweet were clearly provided by PETA and were part of a liberal media conspiracy to upset this one random Twitter user over three years later.

geese are still scary--the original caption was More lazy geese

The original caption for that faked picture was “More lazy geese”, which, again, was all part of my clearly faked fall. No one in their right mind would ever insult geese by calling them lazy.5

My first tweet from the ER? Clearly, it was also a big old hoax.

I know absolutely nothing about having anaphylaxis.

Obviously, I’ve never ever talked about being a hard stick over the last almost 15 years of having this website. And I’ve never mentioned that I have tachycardia. Those were all totally new occurrences and haven’t happened since. Except on that one day. That’s how you can totally tell that I’m a shill. Because that isn’t an ongoing issue for me.

If I did know anything about anaphylaxis, I would have vomited instead of just fainting, having my heart rate go up, developing hives, and being extremely dizzy. And my life wouldn’t have been in danger even when my parents were in the room with me.

And when I mentioned that I hadn’t been tweeting during the rest of my visit? Clearly, that was me covering my ass. I must have needed some time to come up with the whole story.

When I talked that night about how hard my father took the trip, I was obviously continuing the hoax. When he had to be hospitalized the next day for stress that included that ER visit, I was also continuing the ruse on this poor Twitter user that I wouldn’t talk to for another three years.

When I talked about the people who helped me after I fainted, I must have been making that up, too.

I mentioned two random schools in Huntsville in my shout-out for shits and giggles. I even lied about how disoriented I was after the falls, which was why I kept getting up. I thought I would be okay if I could just get to the car. I didn’t realize that I was going to fall if I moved or that my heart was going nuts or that my body was not operating properly because it was overreacting6 to the ant bites.

There I go, sounding like this all really happened again. Sorry.

the left knee...can't see where the foot is discolored on the pictureUh-oh, another picture that I must have faked. It had the caption, “the left knee…can’t see where the foot is discolored on the picture” because I needed to emphasize that I had actual injuries from a hoax of a fall. That’s also why I still have horrible scarring on both of my knees–the right one is worse than the left and the new scarring covering a gash from where I fell under a merry-go-round at a different park in the city and had my knee sliced open. Oops. That was probably made up, too. Because I don’t ever scar. Ever. That’s a special perk of being a shill.

Here‘s another faked picture of the damage of my “allergy” with the also faked caption of “my right knee…aka the gross one”:

my right knee

When I mentioned that the paramedic used faceplanted, I was clearly lying.

I definitely never provided picture evidence of a head injury.

my facial contusion

And when I documented my mom and I trying to get me in to see a doctor the next day?7 Lies.

I probably lied about having anemia, too. You know, just to upset some random right-wing guy on the internet. And since I had shingles diagnosed at one of my infusions in 2013 for the anemia, then I obviously never had shingles, which is why I don’t really have that gnarly scar that has shown up in pictures of me since then.

Blood clots were definitely not a worry for me, since I obviously didn’t hit my head on the concrete. No pictures of my head injury have ever been shared, even earlier in this post. And why would I need Doxycycline? Fire ants never present with pustules.8 I probably made up my multiple antibiotic allergies just to upset this one dude.

And, of course, THAT NEVER HAPPENED. It was just a well-timed tweet by my obviously devious mind.

And tweets since then that have mentioned my allergy to ants and newly-established fear of them? All lies to upset this guy who I never talked to until just a few hours ago.

In that one, I obviously wasted money on generic Benadryl because I was faking new ant bites.

It was all fake. My allergy. My health issues. All of it.

Today’s blog entry is brought to you by the concept of….

sarcasm, obviously



This guy also thinks that he can explain away mental illness as being a problem with the soul and evil910 and all kinds of stigmatized bullshit that even most outright religious weirdos have disavowed. Quite frankly, I should be embarrassed at how much time I spent playing with this particular trolling ignoramus, but I did have a little fun, plus I got to write a very sarcastic blog entry, which is always a special treat.

So, @AdmForrestal, I understand that your conspiracies are a result of a need for safety & for human companionship and that they give your explanations for things you don’t understand, but they’re actually making you more upset. Anxiety drives some people to develop or accept conspiracy theories, but the ones you have are unhealthy for you and those around you, so you need to step away from them and into reality.11

Welcome to reality, dude.

This is where the fun12 is at.

Oh, and lose the racism & Holocaust denying. That much hate really doesn’t look good on anyone.

  1. I’m assuming 

  2. Allergies. 

  3. I didn’t mention them before because I thought they were unimportant. 

  4. It was 93.9°F that day and very humid. 

  5. The shirt my dad is wearing in that picture is the same shirt he wore today, which is technically yesterday now. 

  6. That’s what an allergy is. 

  7. Something that the doctors in the ER said I needed to do

  8. They’re typically sterile, but they had to make sure that I didn’t develop some horrible skin infection that killed me. 



  11. And that’s a reality where patients are often accompanied by their families or their friends while in the ER and before they are fully stabilized. 

  12. By fun, I mean sarcasm, because it’s so awesome. 

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

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