The Closer I Get To You

The physical therapist said yesterday that my range of motion had increased. She seemed happier about that than I did. Maybe it’s because I already have a larger range of motion than most1 or it’s because I know that range of motion doesn’t automatically mean that my muscles are strong enough to stabilize my joints at those increased degrees.2 My heel actually tucked under my butt, when flat on my back and bending my knee, for the first time yesterday and my leg extended to past 90° in front of me. My knees hyper-extended more during that part of the evaluation and they continued to hyper-extend when I had to walk.

She and I both talked about how I have a long way to go, but the issue that’s causing this needs to be identified before they can do any more physical therapy.3 Her big fear seemed to be a fear that she would make it worse if we kept going with no doctor visit.4 I met 2-3 short-term goals5 this time, which was better than I had done after the pool therapy, but I only met 1 long-term goal.6 I had actually gotten worse on a couple of things–mostly on my right leg.7 And she continued to remark on the crepitus8910 and my teeny-tiny patella. A normal Insall-Salvati ratio11 is around 0.8-1.2. Mine is 2. That’s called patella alta or high-riding patella.12 It’s associated with knee problems and can be congenital or acquired. Considering that my mom has tiny patellas and that I’ve got other “smaller than average” bones.13

After the evaluation, she taped my knee again. It has less pain when it’s taped than when it isn’t. It also has a little more stability. After the hives from the stimulation therapy last week, I chose not to go through stim Monday or Friday.14 Part of me wishes that I had because that would have helped some of the pain.

My appointment to get my knee checked will be on Tuesday morning. I don’t know if the doctor will send me for imaging or to an orthopedist or what will happen.15 I hope that whatever is done will lead to this pain going away and me being able to get through the day without crying over the pain. I am so sick of crying and hurting. I’m tired of this pain stressing me out.16

I need this stuff to get better. Soon.

  1. Thanks, hypermobility. 

  2. Again, hypermobility is just the gift that keeps on giving. 

  3. I’ve also hit a possible insurance limit until a doctor does an examination. 

  4. It’s one of mine, too. 

  5. Balance on my left leg, increased range of motion, and ability to stand for short periods of time. 

  6. Balance. 

  7. The last week or so, I have had some subluxation of my right knee for the first time. Ever. 

  8. Snap. 

  9. Crackle. 

  10. POP! 

  11. Patellar tendon length to patella length. 

  12. That sounds like it could be a song in Evita

  13. Yay, brachydactyly. 

  14. I didn’t really know how to bring up the hives. 

  15. This is another insurance issue. Family doctors aren’t always allowed by insurance to order MRIs, which is the imaging study that the physical therapist thinks I need. 

  16. When it gets over a certain level, I start noticing that my depression gets worse and that, occasionally, I even feel suicidal. 

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Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

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