Daily Archives: March 27, 2015


The #cut4zayn “trend” is something I can understand. I don’t mean turning it into a trend. But I understand being upset enough to react in a self-destructive way. I’ve self-injured off-and-on for most of my life.  But the first time I cut myself? It was related to a boyband.  In May of 2000, I had tickets to go to Nashville to see *NSYNC with my dad and Stephanie. I had had a hell of a time getting these tickets. Ticketmaster’s site didn’t work the morning they went on sale. I guess it was overcapacity. I thought I wouldn’t get to go because there were reports that all of the stadiums were sold out. I was disappointed, especially because this was my favorite group and I had missed a chance the previous summer to see their amphitheater tour. I was determined to see them.  I took a chance at Blockbuster a night shortly after the website snafu happened and was able to get the three that way.  The week before the concert, I got in trouble for not cleaning my bedroom. I know. I know. That’s a sort of pathetic thing to get in trouble for, right? Well, I did, and my mom said I wouldn’t be allowed to go to the concert.  In that otherwise forgettable moment, something broke. Like I said, self-injury was not unusual for me, but I’d never done something as serious or dangerous as cutting. Mainly it had been superficial. Even the cutting that night was pretty tame.  But, as superficial as it was, it helped clear my mind.1 I shouldn’t have done it. My mom changed her mind a little while later. I was still allowed to go to the concert. And I had a wound on my leg that I had to take care of and keep hidden because I knew that what I had done would be something that could get negative attention. So I obsessively cleaned it with antiseptic spray, pulled shorts down to cover it or just wore pants, and told no one.  Aside from the cleaning, I did the worst thing you can do after hurting yourself: I hid it. And that led to guilt and stress, which made every little thing in life that much harder to deal with. I didn’t tell anyone until December of that year that I cut. And even after that I kept details quiet. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I shouldn’t have felt that, but I did. Because that’s part of self-injury.  Cutting myself in May 2000 changed a lot about my self-injuring habits. It didn’t change what was really causing the SI, which wasn’t really the concert–just like I suspect Zayn leaving isn’t causing the cutting by the 1D fans. What led to that one bad act for me was a lot more complicated than being kept from a concert. I’m not going to joke about the people who self-harm over Zayn. I’m not going to judge them. I’m going to hope that they get help if they’re serious about wanting to harm themselves. I’m also going to hope anyone who promotes cruelty or mockery over that sort of reaction gets some help.  I’m not saying that as a challenge or as a way to encourage any person to self-harm. ↩

I Get It


A while back, I was openly complaining on Twitter about my local library’s lack of feminist texts written by actual feminists. I mentioned their account and got this response: @janersm We're sorry you haven't found what you're looking for in our catalog. Visit http://t.co/o1Tf1VtPuN and make a recommendation! — HMCPL (@HMCPL) January 20, 2015 I had actually requested books before this tweet and those purchases were approved.1 I started to wonder what exactly they would actually approve if I started requesting more liberal and more graphic books. The table below has my “findings”. Non-fiction was denied more often than fiction. Higher quality romance and erotic novels were denied more often than lower quality ones. Books with women as submissives and sex slaves were approved, but ones with Dommes and female switches were not. Books dealing with sex work were denied quite often. Books often associated with being liberal and with liberal movements (i.e. Occupy) were usually denied. Several of the books that I requested that were denied were part of various series–ones that the library already has at least one book in.23456 Sometimes the book I would request would be the first book in a series. And it would still get denied. Oh. Remember my original complaint about the lack of feminist books? It extended to the approval/denial process. Of the books on feminism that I requested, 72% of them were denied. Book Title Author Status Fiction/Non-Fiction Age Group Genre/Topic After Summer Abbott, Hailey Declined Fiction Young Adult Romance American Way of Poverty: How the Other Half Still Lives, The Abramsky, Sasha Approved Non-Fiction Adults Politics / Economy Angel, The Reisz, Tiffany Declined Fiction Adults Romance: BDSM/Kink/Non-Traditional Do Muslim Women Need Saving? Abu-Lughod, Lila Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / Religion Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus Abernathy, Christina Declined Non-Fiction Adults BDSM Falling for the Backup Aleo, Toni Declined Fiction Adults Romance: Sports Free Women of Spain: Anarchism and the Struggle for the Emancipation of Women Acklesberg, Martha A. Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism History of Celibacy, A Abbott, Elizabeth Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / History House is Not a Home, A Adler, Polly Declined Non-Fiction Adults Memoir / Sexism I Want It That Way Aguirre, Ann Declined Fiction Adults Romance: New Adult Infatuate Agresti, Aimee Requested Fiction Young Adult Fantasy Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, The de Jour, Belle Declined Non-Fiction Adults Memoir / Sex Work Prince, The Reisz, Tiffany Declined Fiction Adults Romance: BDSM/Kink/Non-Traditional Resisting Citizenship: Feminist Essays on Politics, Community, and Democracy Ackelsberg, Martha A. Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Sex at the Margins: Migration, Labour Markets and the Rescue Industry Agustín, Laura María Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / Sex Work Sex Myth, The Magnanti, Brooke Approved Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / Sex Work Summer Boys Abbott, Hailey Declined Fiction Young Adult Romance Twist Akins, Karen Requested Fiction Young Adult Science Fiction Sometimes Naughty, Sometimes Nice Raye, Kimberly Declined Fiction Adults Romance Sex, Science, and Stem Cells: Inside the Right Wing Assault on Reason DeGette, Diana Declined Non-Fiction Adults Politics / Science Uprising, The: An Unauthorized Tour of the Populist Revolt Scaring Wall Street and Washington Sirota, David Declined Non-Fiction Adults Politics / Economy Passing of Starr Faithfull, The Goodman, Jonathon Declined Non-Fiction Adults True Crime / Sex Work Rules for Radicals Alinsky, Saul Declined Non-Fiction Adults Politics Female Eunuch, The Greer, Germaine Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Sex and Destiny: The Politics of Human Fertility Greer, Germaine Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Obstacle Race, The: The Fortunes of Women Painters and Their Work Greer, Germaine Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Immortal Craving Castle, Kendra Leigh Approved Fiction Adults Fantasy Midnight Reckoning Castle, Kendra Leigh Approved Fiction Adults Fantasy One Week Girlfriend Murphy, Monica Approved Fiction Adults Romance: New Adult Second Chance Boyfriend Murphy, Monica Approved Fiction Adults Romance: New Adult Four Years Later Murphy, Monica Approved Fiction Adults Romance: New Adult Women’s Room, The French, Marilyn Approved Fiction Adults Feminism Woman Warrior, The Hong Kingston, Maxine Approved Non-Fiction Adults Memoir Feminism is for Everybody hooks, bell Approved Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Sexual Politics Millett, Kate Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Gender Relations in Early Modern England Gowing, Laura Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / History Proposal, The Ashley, Katie Declined Fiction Adults Romance Pairing, The Ashley, Katie Declined Fiction Adults Romance The Extraordinary and the Everyday in Early Modern England Walker, Garthine and Angela McShane-Jones Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / History History of Rape, A: Sexual Violence in France from the 16th to the 20th Century Vigarello, Georges Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / History Gender and Change: Agency, Chronology and Periodisation Shepard, Alexandera and Garthine Walker Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / History Women, Crime, and the Courts in Early Modern England Kermode, Jenny and Garthine Walker Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / History Crime, Gender, and Social Order in Early Modern England Walker, Garthine Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism / History Anything He Wants: Castaway Fawkes, Sara Approved Fiction Adults Romance: BDSM/Kink/Non-Traditional Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center hooks, bell Approved Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Fear of Flying Jong, Erica Approved Fiction Adults Feminism Full Frontal Feminism Valenti, Jessica Approved Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches Lorde, Audre Approved Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies and Revolution Penny, Laurie Approved Non-Fiction Adults Feminism The Collected Poems of Lucille Clifton Clifton, Lucille Approved Non-Fiction Adults Poetry Delta of Venus Nin, Anaïs Approved Fiction Adults Erotic / Short Stories Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism hooks, bell Approved Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Baise-Moi Despentes, Virginie Declined Fiction Adults Erotic / Crime Essential Ellen Willis, The Willis, Ellen and Nona Willis Aronowitz Declined Non-Fiction Adults Essays Story of the Eye Bataille, Georges Declined Fiction Adults Erotic Yes Means Yes! Valenti, Jessica Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism Purity Myth, The Valenti, Jessica Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut Valenti, Jessica Declined Non-Fiction Adults Feminism People’s History of Sports in the United States: 250 Years of Politics, Protest, People, and Play Zirin, Dave Declined Non-Fiction Adults Sports / History Delusions of Gender: How Our […]

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