Life is so much harder than it seems like it should be. The things that should be instinctual aren’t always. For example, dating. It seems like a straightforward thing. Two or more people like each other. They hang out. They kiss. They have sex. Simple stuff. It should all be straightforward for you.
But it isn’t.
You know how you feel about the other person, but you don’t know how they feel about you. And if you’re prone to anxiety1 or shy2 or insecure3 or me4 , trying to figure out what to do can be an emotionally draining experience. And you don’t know how to figure out how to deal with the situation. You can ask friends5 or Google it6, but the only way to find out for sure is to ask the other party. This means you have to make yourself extremely vulnerable and expose what just might drive someone you like as far away from you as possible. This is risky. And only you can determine if it’s worth the risk.7
The willingness to put yourself out there in this way is scary and even more emotionally taxing. But you do it anyway. Then you wait. Or I wait.8 And that’s more stressful, but it’s better than sitting on your hands wondering what the fuck is going on.
Why can’t it be easier?
There isn’t an easy way to say, “Hey, I really like you and I want to know if you like me the same way. I want to know if there’s more to us than just smushing body parts together. I don’t need a ring or a specific number of dates with your or anything. I just want to know that if one of us is having a bad that we can call the other one and cheer that person up. And I want to know that if we’re smushing our parts together and we don’t have a condom or the condom suffers some kind of catastrophic failure that we don’t have to worry about going and getting STD checks because we’re only smushing with each other.”910
Why doesn’t that way exist?
It should exist.
It would make things easier.
Or maybe it would make things harder, because they might not like you enough to do more than the kissing and the sex. And how do you deal with that? Is it okay to keep going in a situation like that? What if you want more? Do you leave it, even if the sex is good and you really like the other person, if they end up saying they will never give you more?
Why can’t there just be an easy way to deal with this kind of stuff?
like me ↩
like me ↩
like me ↩
It’s my blog, so the fact that it’s ABOUT me shouldn’t shock you. ↩
And this is really the best option until you start thinking that maybe you’re too neurotic for even the best of friends. ↩
Don’t Google it. Between the RWNJ and the PUA sites, you end up hating yourself and the world so much if you do this. ↩
When you have impulse control issues, it’s always worth the risk, even when it isn’t. ↩
Because this is about me. ↩
Obviously, referring to a use of backup birth control so that there aren’t any pregnancy scares–though, pregnancy scares can happen on backups or with condoms, which a lot of RWNJ and just regular people don’t even seem to know, but should. ↩
I have totally over-used the word “smushing” for this post, haven’t I? ↩