not what I was talking about

With Sweat and Blood and Tears

Tomorrow, I get to torture a lab tech again.

Is it really fair to say that they’re being tortured since I’m the one who will end up with holes in them? I hope that whoever is lucky enough to pop a needle in me tomorrow doesn’t miss. I really hope they don’t miss twice. And I hope that it’s only the one person who sticks it in. I wonder if I should stop counting sticks that don’t hit a vein as actual sticks. How successful or unsuccessful of a stick should it be before I count it as sticking me?

not what I was talking about guys

Obviously you can’t search for “how far do they have to stick it in” and expect it not to refer to a vagina.12 If they’re sticking needles in my pelvic area looking for blood, then we all know it’ll be a lost cause. Not that blood can’t come out of that particular orifice, because the last nineteen years have proven that it can.

I won’t find out for another week what the results are, though, which sucks.3

Just think. I can make all kinds of weird jokes until then. I’ll try to control myself, though.

Anyway, I hope the results end up showing that I’m not currently considered anemic.4 I always hope for that. Usually that ends up being the result, which is a good thing. I’m not anticipating that result, though. But, I may just be feeling the way that I’ve been feeling because the level is just getting lower, but isn’t too low yet.

  1. Good news for those of you who’ve had anal sex, but don’t know if it’s really anal sex because it didn’t get in very far–whether that’s from a lack of lube or Jesus not answering that weird prayer you made that night. It counts. Congratulations. 

  2. Bad news for people who are looking up how much brain damage might be caused by a tampon going up the nose. 

  3. Oooh. I can think of other “how far” jokes with that one. 

  4. In case you’re new to this blog, I have an ongoing issue with iron deficiency anemia. I will always have anemia, but I’m not always actively in an anemic state. My body doesn’t absorb iron, so every year or so I get to have these lovely things called infusions. It’s basically a process where I go sit and have iron pumped into my veins. It’s painful and it burns. It can also be deadly. I deal with this, as I do with other things, by being funny. Or attempting to be funny. It’s been around 8 months since I had the last round of infusions. The one before that were another 12 months back. The ones before that were 4 months prior to that. I’m getting close to it again. And my veins suck badly, so it’s hard for them to find good veins at all. And for the tests and the infusions, you need good veins. Fun, right? 

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.