Daily Archives: July 3, 2014

Note: This was originally written for Thought Catalog shortly after Shailene Woodley’s first anti-feminism quote1 was released, not the second one.2 Thought Catalog decided not to published it there, so I’m posting it here. The world is full of people who use words that they don’t understand. Unfortunately, sometimes those people happen to be individuals who are famous. When their faux pas relates to a social issue, you can rest assured knowing that people will point this out. Sometimes it seems that simply pointing out the mistake doesn’t do any good, so maybe instead of just telling these celebrities that they are wrong, we should start explaining to society as a whole why what they said is construed as being so offensive. One of the most common words that people have issues with is feminism, especially when it is maligned by women who might be described as feminists. For some very strange reason, celebrities like Kelly Clarkson, Shailene Woodley, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and even Madonna have decided to go on record as non-feminists while, at the same time, continuing to push for things like equality and strength. Excuse me, ladies, but if you believe that men and women should be afforded equal rights and the same level of respect, that makes you a feminist. Equality is what feminism is about. It is not about being anti-men. It is not about being perceived as more masculine or about bashing femininity. It is not about asking to be given favors because you’re a woman. It is simply about every person being treated as equals. I honestly do not understand how any person, unless they were really into being a bigot or a zealot, could not be a feminist. Somehow, though, people have gotten it in their heads that feminism is a group of angry white women who just want to bash all the men in the world, have wild body hair, hate the color pink, think porn is always bad, think sex itself is even worse, believe that having kids is the worst thing in the world, and just want to be alone and miserable. Some of these things may apply to some feminists, but, as with other groups, we aren’t all the same. First of all, not all feminists are women. Yes, there are actually men who identify as feminists. Another thing is that we aren’t all white. There have been issues within the movement regarding racism, some more recent than others, but inclusiveness is something that is being addressed. We don’t hate all men. I know that some people find this shocking, but many feminists find men to be really awesome people that they can either call a friend or a family member or a significant other. Yes, I just admitted something that many anti-fems don’t seem to recognize: feminists can actually be attracted to men. I know this may have caused some people to faint or to feel dizzy, so, for them, I would suggest taking some deep breaths and come back to this later. Everyone else is stuck with me for now. Where was I? Oh, yes, we don’t hate men. We advocate against a system that bases a person’s value and dignity on the genitalia that they happen to possess. Many times it is the feminists who you might see when a man is being trashed for doing something that is considered to be a female role, i.e. when Daniel Murphy took paternity leave for three days instead of playing with the Mets after the birth of his child. His masculinity was ridiculed for deciding to spend time with his newborn son. It wasn’t the anti-feminists and “men’s rights activists” who were rallying behind him; it was the feminists. Painting all feminists as being volatile and strange is annoying and unfair. We do not deserve to be continuously stereotyped. We are a movement made of individuals, so each member of the movement is different from the next. Feminism is a lot like ice cream. There are many flavors, like sex positive feminism, ecofeminism, trans feminism, black feminism, postcolonial feminism, radical feminism, etc. Each type takes into account the individual’s actual feelings on not just sexual politics, but other less-gender based issues. Maybe differences in types of feminism make it harder for feminists to get the word out that feminism isn’t something dirty that one should be ashamed of claiming. Being a feminist is something that people should take pride in claiming. It shouldn’t be something that we have to hide. And it shouldn’t be something that we are constantly forced to defend because people come out as being not-a-feminist and participate in some verbal diarrhea trashing the movement. It would be nice if people would look into feminism a little more thoroughly instead of continuing to perpetuate the falsehoods that they have heard about it. It would be a lot easier to have the equality we fight so hard for if the ignorance about the movement would just stop. “No because I love men, and I think the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance. With myself, I’m very in touch with my masculine side. And I’m 50 percent feminine and 50 percent masculine, same as I think a lot of us are. And I think that is important to note. And also I think that if men went down and women rose to power, that wouldn’t work either. We have to have a fine balance. “My biggest thing is really sisterhood more than feminism. I don’t know how we as women expect men to respect us because we don’t even seem to respect each other. There’s so much jealousy, so much comparison and envy. And “This girl did this to me and that girl did that to me.” And it’s just so silly and heartbreaking in a way. “It’s really neat to see: there’s that new Judd […]

The Other F Word

My mom had a blood clot in her broken arm. That’s why I didn’t post on here for a while. She’s okay now, but has to take Coumadin for three months. Today she found out that she can go off of the shots that they had her taking to prevent future clots. The clot wasn’t caused by her pre-existing health issues. Oddly enough, it was caused by the break itself. It freaked us all out and led to her being in the hospital for two nights. It also led to her surgery being bumped from the 25th to the 23rd. She found out about the clot when my dad took her to the ER on the 23rd. She had been complaining for a couple of days that her arm was swelling and that this was causing her splint to not fit properly.1 Dad thought that that meant the swelling had gone down, but mom didn’t. She called the on-call Humana nurse, who said she might want to go to the ER, but it might not be necessary. Mom decided to call her orthopedist and see what he said. He suggested to do something2 and if the situation didn’t change for her to go to the ER to get the splint situation fixed. Well, the situation didn’t change. Actually, that’s not completely true. It did change. It got worse. The splint came off on its own3 after they got to the ER.4 She explained what was going on to the people there and they had her (and dad) go sit in the waiting room. I figured that they would be home by midnight.5 They weren’t. They weren’t home an hour later and they hadn’t called. This was when I started freaking out. I don’t have my father’s cell phone number memorized, so I was checking to see if it was written anywhere or on any paperwork. It wasn’t listed on any of the recent numbers on Caller ID. I finally found it on my dad’s lab work orders that were next to his computer. At 1:41 AM, they were still in the waiting room. They were taken back a little while after that. Mom was assigned to a bed in the hall of the ER. Once they found out that it was a clot issue and not a splint issue, though, she got upgraded to waiting to be admitted to the orthopedic surgery unit. Dad came home before she got admitted.6 She had her surgery on Monday and came home Tuesday. The first few days she couldn’t do much of anything, but she’s doing better. She’s also a lot nicer about everything. I’m guessing that the pain is lessening because that pain can make her (or anyone) really moody. It looked like it had swallowed her forearm and hand completely. ↩can’t remember what it was ↩because the swelling was worsening rather quickly at this point ↩after 7 PM on the 22nd ↩So did they. ↩She told him to. ↩

Rushed to My Fingers Like a Blood Clot