Joint Problems? Nah.

Once upon a time, in order to pre-register for a surgery, you actually had to go and fill out the paperwork. At some point, they started doing these things over the phone. While both things are still available, you are now encouraged (or I was) to fill it out online.

Oooh. Fun.

Actually, it was really boring. Dozens of pages of paperwork is still boring when its done on a computer from the comfort of your home. Of course, doing it this way was probably the best way. This means I don’t have to worry about doing it the day of the surgery, which is probably a good idea because that would have led to forgetfulness and that’s not good before a surgery.

I know that surgery registration forms are pretty much generic, so I should have expected the forms to ask for things like joint problems and pain. It’s just a little weird, though, to be asked if there are any joint issues. I almost wanted to say, “Nah. I’m just having a tendon release surgery because I didn’t have anything to do next Tuesday and I needed to kill a few hours. I could’ve gone sky-diving, but that’s just so passe.” Unfortunately, they probably would have taken me seriously and carted me off to Bryce for saying that sort of thing. Or they would have rolled their eyes and ignored my comments. It was just odd to see it, but not as odd as when I had the D&C a few years ago and had to take a pregnancy test before they’d let me go into the pre-op room. That experience was really strange.

I ended up not giving a snarky remark, but I did explain that I have hypermobility and that it impacts most of my joints. Hopefully, they will know what to do with that information since this is an orthopedic surgery. If they don’t, I may be screwed. Fingers crossed? Wait. With my issues, fingers being cross might not be a good thing.

I also had the joy of explaining how I do the paradoxical reaction to anesthetics. While they may be intending to keep me awake for the surgery, they may still need to know that some benzodiazepines make me manic and sometimes pain meds don’t kick in quickly for me. It’s always a good idea for doctors to know about my body’s “fuck being common, I want to be a special snowflake or a friggin’ unicorn” attitude about drug reactions. It’s difficult (as most things are) when you have trouble explaining things to doctors. I want to use certain words for issues, but they only understand words that I think of as meaning something completely different.

Anyway, the paperwork has been submitted. Now all I think is left is showing up on Tuesday morning. Oh, and not eating after eleven PM on Monday. How fun.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.