That Awkward Moment When: I Apparently Owned Slaves


I always thought that in order to be accused of being a slave master that a person had to actually own slaves. If they didn’t do that, they would at least need to do something like be a pimp or help human trafficking in some other way. Apparently not. Apparently, I am a slave master. That’s right. Me.

In what was perhaps the most unusual experience that I have ever had on Twitter, I found out that I am apparently promoting the slave trade. I guess I do that on the same days that the world spins backward. You know, the ones where I support the policies of Hitler, kill as many babies as a mythological troll, have sex with anything that moves because I can’t figure out how to close my legs, and prostitute myself for all those Big Macs that I eat. Yeah, to be the most unusual experience on Twitter, you have to really be saying something truly wackadoodle in nature, and this guy was doing it.

As these incidents seem to always begin, someone brought up welfare and another person brought up abortion. I saw a tweet that I found strange, where a guy (I’m using male as a gender default here) said, “Think of how many millions of minority kids would be alive, if Liberals [sic] didn’t exist!!”1 Aside from the grammar issues2 and the blatantly racist idea that abortions are something that happen only with minorities3, this particular idea seems to suggest that liberals are actively trying to kill minority children or promote a service that is designed to kill minority children. I know that some people like to bring up the whole Margaret Sanger inspired Hitler thing that some RWNJs like to harp on, but that’s just promoting propaganda that has been debunked many, many times. Anyway, to this particular wackadoodle I said, “Liberals support social programs providing food, shelter, & education to underprivileged kids. I’m not sure how that would kill any minority kids.” This led to his first claim of my being a slave master by saying, “No, Liberal policies support voting certain segments of citizens into slavery & forcing them to pay YOU benefits, in name of poor!” Now, aside from the fact that this didn’t make a lick of sense to me, I took a bit of offense to being accused of being a party to slavery. Before his second question was received, I was responding with the question of “Which groups are liberals forcing into slavery?”

His second question came through right as I sent off my first response, “You believe someone owes you free healthcare?” Now, let’s a take a second to remember that I am on disability for physical and mental health problems. I actively seek and receive treatment for these issues. I am trying to improve my life and my situation so that one day I might be able to get off disability, but I understand that this could be something that will keep me on disability permanently. I know that these issues are not going away. My answer to that was, “Yes, I do.” This triggered a secondary “battle” between our accounts.

He felt that the people who are paying for benefits like free healthcare are slaves, which I felt was absurd as these people are not owned and are not being dominated in any way by me. As I was trying to help him understand it is ludicrous to consider oneself a slave when one is also calling himself a member of the 53%, he fired off another tweet: “Then the money that provides it to U, must be earned by another citizen, which enslaves them! U steal f/their families! #Sicko” Now, I almost made a quip about how it was nice that he was actually acknowledging my disability with the term “Sicko” but I didn’t. As I was trying to respond without glibness to his claims that I was stealing4 he sent another tweet, “They do or U wouldn’t be getting benefits they paid 4! U are the slave master stealing their earnings! U noble by leaving them some $?”

I’m a slave master. I guess you can blame all those BDSM books I’ve read. Oh, wait. That’s a different kind of Master/slave dynamic.

Anyway, as I tried to determine whether or not I should just laugh or go into full-on bitch mode, I decided that maybe I should invoke a folk-hero for the Right. No, I didn’t go with Won-Won. I went with Jesus. JC represented what could still be considered an extremely liberal social and fiscal policy. Also, bringing up the big J can lead to a bit of an implosion in the argument of wackadoodles. My full comment to him, cut up by his “slave master” tweet, was, “You know, I’ve heard that before so many time it’s ridiculous. It’s one of the funny reactions that so-called Christians have toward taking care of the sick and the poor, or as Jesus called them: the meek.” This is where the butthurt got even worse on his part because his response was:

Christians?? Jesus said “Don’t Steal”
He did not say, “Don’t steal unless u 1st vote 4 a Senator to steal on your behalf”!!
Jesus was telling YOU to provide for the poor, Derp! Your wealth, not stealing someone else’s wealth for your personal benefit!

Suggesting that my Senator ever does anything on my behalf was laughable. I pointed this out. His response, “Doesn’t matter, U low life! It’s your intent to steal benefits for yourself, at other citizens expense! #Fact” Now, here is where I had to get snarky. You see there’s this book called a dictionary and there are words in this book that are followed by what they mean. When you purposefully use a word wrong, don’t expect me to take it lightly. When the word you choose is fact, then you might actually want to use it to refer to something that can be proven. I told him this, in less than 140 characters. (Yay, me, for being all succinct.) He tried to argue the idea that I had already admitted that I wanted to steal someone’s money. It was all quite lovely. It left me feeling all warm and fuzzy like all those sermons I’ve heard growing up about embracing God’s love while shaming anyone who that particular preacher finds unworthy of God’s love.

Anyway, I gave him some facts about welfare and other social programs, ones that he probably should have paid attention to as there is a test5 in November. He claimed that starvation and food insecurity wasn’t a problem prior to the invention of welfare. Apparently someone was asleep when these things were covered in history class. Colonists regularly faced starvation crises in the early days. Part of the way poor people would feed themselves prior to the American Revolution, oddly enough, was to put themselves into indentured servitude, which is basically where a white person sells themselves or their family members into slavery until a debt is paid off. After the war, things got better for a while (if you were white), but eventually things got hard again for the poor. Much like during the “Great Recession” of 2008, charities ended up getting maxed out with demand and didn’t have enough in the way of supply. Children were dying. People were losing their jobs left and right. Things were bad and hunger was still an issue long before programs like food stamps existed. It has continued to be an issue because people don’t want to admit that sometimes really bad things like starvation actually do happen in America.

As the argument continued, the dude kept calling me a slave master. I went back to trying to be more civilized, but he just kept at it; continuing to claim that I was justifying the “theft of fellow citizens money! As if it’s owed you!” and stating that I had “been justifying your existence through slavery of your fellow man!” I almost would want to award him with a cookie or a gold star for his persistence if I didn’t despise him so much for calling me a slave master or dense or thief or anything like that. When I requested he refrain from the criminal accusations, he really earned my ire by stating: “I will speak truth whether it makes you uncomfortable or not. You have ZERO conscience about violating other people’s freedom!”

Here’s the deal. There are red lines with me in arguments. If you call me stupid, I will attempt to argue with you until you beg for mercy. And if you accuse me of lacking a conscience, then I tend to get über-pissed because of the whole many-of-my-family-members-have-been-sociopaths-and-I’m-not-really-anything-like-them thing that has been a big issue in my life. I tried to explain to him that slavery and tyranny and theft were not words that we just throw around, but, of course, that only strengthened his belief that I’m a repugnant slave master. At this point, I told him that if he continued his comments, I would block him. He did, so I did.

I know that not everyone likes the current government. I didn’t like the last one, so I understand what that is like. I know that people sometimes like to claim that they are being oppressed by their taxes. I know that they like to claim that paying these taxes are akin to living under a tyrannical rule. I also know that when they make these claims that they are being the very definition of histrionic.

There are people in this world who live under tyranny. There are people now who are slaves. If you’re able to complain about your government or your “slave master” without fear of reprisal, then there’s a pretty good chance that you are not living in a tyrannical society nor are you an actual slave. I know the world isn’t perfect. I know that America isn’t perfect. I also know that when people make claims like that that they are misusing these terms. They are, essentially, watering down some very serious issues so that they can use them for their own good. They are dismissing the terms and the fact that, even in 2014, people still live in these kinds of conditions. Using these terms so lightly is not a good thing.

Gallery of Tweets between us under the cut. [50+ images]


  1. Doesn’t this sound like he is advocating killing off all liberals by saying that if we didn’t exist then the world would be better? Or is that just me? 

  2. Liberal isn’t a proper noun, dude. 

  3. Yes, a majority of women polled were non-Hispanic black and Hispanic women, but for a single racial group, white women actually make up the largest chunk. 

  4. I’ve heard that accusation by many RWNJs before. 

  5. election 


About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.