Review: A Million Dirty Secrets

A Million Dirty Secrets
A Million Dirty Secrets by C.L. Parker
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I received an ARC from the publisher of A Million Dirty Secrets through the LibraryThing Early Reviewers program in exchange for an honest review.

Here’s yet another book that was previously Twilight fanfiction. This is perhaps the worst in that group that I have read so far. The book is marketed as being a cross between Pretty Woman and Fifty Shades of Gray, but it isn’t. If it were, it might be somewhat more tolerable. Instead it just feels like something you should take a shower after even looking at. I don’t understand why any publishing house would want to put their names on something this awful. Parts of it are extremely offensive. The whole story doesn’t even seem good enough to make it a popular piece of fanfiction.

The idea is interesting: a woman in desperate need of money selling herself into sexual slavery and being purchased for $2 million by a man with commitment issues. Unfortunately, it wasn’t interesting enough to help my feelings about this book. In fact, the idea itself kind of bugged me. The auction scene reminded me of a similar scene in Taken. Then there’s a mention of a vampire show that they’re watching, and I’m pretty sure that they’re talking about True Blood because the scene sounds like one from it. With the book already being based on another person’s work, the ripping off of even more entities just became too much for me at certain points.

The characters were extremely immature, especially Lanie. From her actions to the narrative voice of her chapters, she comes across as about 13 years old–at the oldest. The good part is that Noah is slightly more mature. Unfortunately, neither character seems to be adult enough to be in any sort of relationship. I guess that makes sense since technically they aren’t in a true dating relationship, but even if you think of it as a business relationship or a sex slave/master relationship, their attitudes still come off as childish. The interactions between Lanie and Noah seemed forced, as does their growing “love” for one another.

It is hard for me to believe that Lanie is so close to her parents, yet she seems to lack the ability or desire to talk to them. She could at least call them from time to time, especially if her mom is as sick as she is described as being. Maybe it’s just me, but if my mom was that sick, then I would want to stay in contact with her. She wouldn’t have to tell her mom about her being a sex slave, but it seems like if her mom was in such a precarious health situation that maybe she might feel a little like she needed to check up on her.

It is an easy read, if you can get past the offensive nature, the constant slut-shaming, the childish behaviors, and the feeling like so many people are being ripped off, including the readers. I wanted to quit reading it several times, but I just couldn’t. Why? Because the awful nature of the book makes it intriguing. It’s kind of like watching bad science fiction movies just so that you can laugh at how bad they are. And as bad as this book is, I’m actually interested in reading its sequel. I don’t expect it to be better. In fact, I expect it to get worse, but the train wreck that is this novel is just so fascinating. I won’t buy it because I don’t want to waste money on a book that I know will suck.

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About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.