Bullshit, Party of Two


My mom called the dermatologist to find out what was going on with the insurance.1 They gave her the same line. She told them that it was crap. They called Humana and Humana said that they didn’t know that I have Medicaid, which is crazy because I told them going into getting a plan with them that I had Medicaid. My mom asked Humana what needed to be done so that they could get it changed in their system. They told her that Medicaid had to send them some specific certification letter. Well, when my mom called Medicaid, she was told (after they cleared talking to her with me) that they couldn’t mail the letter to Humana directly. Instead, they will send it to me and I have to  send it to Humana.

Anyway, right as we were getting ready for dinner, there was a knock at the door. It was the Bishop. He had brought some kind of wrench that he thought could be used for the water heater. He also wanted to know if we had gotten our tankless water heater repair yet. Dad told him that we haven’t gotten the money for it together yet because we had still had to buy those two weeks worth of groceries. The Bishop told him that there was a lot of unnecessary stuff on the list, so they only got what they felt was “necessary.” Okay, I can understand that thinking chocolate2 and chips weren’t required for a two week time period, but what did they have against the nectarines? And why did they only get enough chicken and ground beef for 7 meals, when we needed it for 14? And why was nothing Reduced Sodium, except the Minestrone, which we didn’t ask for? Oh, and I would love to know the logic behind buying us spaghetti noodles and fettuccine noodles, but not getting what was needed to top said noodles. I also wish they would explain to me what I am supposed to do with those 10 cans of green beans ’cause all they’re doing is wasting space. And I would love to know how they went about figuring out what we needed? Did they actually plan out the meals we would be eating?

Again, I wish that if they weren’t going to actually help that they had just said no. What they did was entirely fucked up. I want to smack someone. Actually, I want to  smack several someones. It makes me feel better about carrying a copy of bad literary porn (Burn) in my bag when I had to go last Sunday.3 I am tired of people claiming to be charitable who really aren’t. Charity is doing something for someone without thinking of the way that you can benefit or profit from it. It is a selfless act. Offering to do an act of charity and agreeing to do it, but being unwilling to actually go through with it and cheating the recipient out of what they need in the long run is total bullshit. No, shorting a donation intentionally and then expecting it to be enough, even when you know for a fact it won’t be, is total fucking illogical bullshit.

Congratulations on doing the sucky thing, guys. That makes you a real class act.


  1. It goes without saying that I didn’t make the call because of my whole phone phobia thing, but I figured I would say it anyway. 

  2. Obviously, they don’t know what it is like to go through withdrawal for chocolate. 

  3. Not that I actually felt bad about it before. And yeah, I brought it in intentionally. And I took the sacrament while knowing it was in there, so you may now call me evil. 


About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.