Accidental Porn Consumption


We have HBO and other premium channels for the next few months because I am a True Blood enthusiast. (We’ll probably have HBO for a bit longer because my father and I are becoming Game of Thrones enthusiasts as well.) As you may know, if you have any experience with premium channels, after about ten or eleven at night, there are many channels where the clothes come off and the plot becomes a lot less enlightening. (Not that True Blood always has an enlightening story-line or much in the way of clothing.) Generally, if you look through a channel guide, it’s pretty easy to spot the porn…unless you’re my mother.

For some reason that I have never quite understood, my mother, who can crack dirty jokes with the best of them, is unable to distinguish pornography from “regular” movies on these channels. Many times she won’t even believe me when I’ll say, “Um, mom, that’s porn.” It seems like it would be easy to figure out with the sexual puns in the titles and with the word “erotic” in the description or the word “adult” in the category field. My mom just doesn’t notice these things. Either that or she’s a secret porn consumer, which I really don’t think she is and don’t want to know about if she actually is.

Anyway, we had one of these porn consumption issues come up this past week, and right after it happened, I was like, “Oh, I so have to blog about this.” Actually, I was saying that in my head. My mom doesn’t know that I’m discussing this on my blog and, unlike some other relatives, doesn’t care.

Speaking of other relatives, they’re apparently pissed. Not at me. They’re upset with Nana because of the medication that her doctor switched her to because of her pain. These, of course, are the relatives that view anyone using pain medications long-term (or short-term) as being addicts. So they’re being their usual irrational selves. (That shouldn’t be insulting, since it’s true, right?) I understand that some people misuse pain medicine, but they’re going to have to come to terms with the reality of Nana’s physical condition sooner or later.

Of course, denial is a common issue in this family. I think that until recently, Nana was actually in denial over her own sister-in-law’s health. The wife of the brother of my Granddaddy (the good grandfather) was admitted to hospice recently. She’s had Alzheimer’s Disease for a long time, along with other problems. The hospice told the family that she (the sister-in-law) had less than 21 days to live, but would probably die much sooner than that. I think Nana thought that her sister-in-law would get better eventually. Of course, Nana used to think that Granddaddy would get better, too. I think that denial is key to her day-to-day living and that she would actually be a lot more anxious and depressed if she allowed herself to realize how bad things are sometimes.

I don’t know if, when my great-aunt dies, I’ll be going to the funeral or not. I don’t know if I’m wanted. I know that several members of that side of the family probably aren’t pro-Janet or even neutral about me. I also know that my mom’s best friend from childhood is her cousin Grady, the son of that aunt, and she would want to be with him at the funeral if she felt up to it. It would be respectful of that bond to go, but I don’t know if that’s even enough reason for me to consider it.


About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.