Eighty Reasons Why


It’s been so long since I had a post rife with family drama involving those relatives who loathe and detest my very existence that some people may think that they have given up their disgust of me, or that I have, in fact, forgotten about their dastardly ways. Alas, the latter is not true. As for the former, I’m pretty sure that they still dislike me, but I try not to let it weigh so heavily on my mind. I’ve accepted that my family is made mainly of people who share no biological relation to me. I’ve quit the daily checking of Analytics and my stats–sort of. Actually, most of the time, I only check it once a week. Generally, there are no visitors from my aunt’s hometown. There are some from where my cousin and his wife reside, as well as the town where Nana’s “sister” lives, but I choose to think that those might just be locals checking out my blog–or even some of my friends who know about it.

(I still sometimes feel a bit wary about Twitter after the whole printing out my old tweets and dropping the them in Nana’s mailbox thing.)

Anyway, if you remember the last significant mention of the family drama, then you might remember that my mom wanted to celebrate Nana’s 80th birthday (which is this Sunday) with lunch at Nana’s house, and a truce of sorts between my aunt’s side of the family and, well, me. I had refused to participate in said proposed event because I don’t feel that that level of stress would be good for my mental health. As I explained to my mom at the time, I still have panic attacks whenever anyone (especially Nana) calls because I think that something I say via my blog or Twitter is going to be turned against me. I told her that being in the same house as my aunt would only lead to massive amounts of stress and possibly the hospitalization or a potential self-harm related episode involving me. My mom thought, at the time, that I was being childish. I guess that she eventually got over it, especially after my dad and I basically reiterated every bad thing that had happened, since she seemingly forgot some of it.

Well, I didn’t have to worry about a dinner or lunch with both sides of the family or even skipping out on said meal because of my reactions to the family members who hate me because *cue dramatic music* my aunt, uncle, cousin, cousin’s wife, and cousin’s son are going on a cruise to Alaska that starts later this week and ends sometime in early June. (My aunt and uncle have been to Alaska, via cruise, before so I don’t understand why they’re doing that again.) Apparently, my cousin’s wife decided when to plan it and, despite having been married to my cousin for 14 years and knowing very well when Nana’s birthday happens to fall, decided to go ahead and schedule it on the weekend of my grandmother’s birthday. When my aunt called to tell Nana, Nana (in the aunt’s tone of voice) responded with something like, “Oh, sure, a cruise to Alaska on your mother’s 80th birthday is a great idea.” I’m sure that even those of you who don’t normally pick up on sarcastic tones can guess the inflections used within that statement. My aunt apparently apologized quite a bit, but it still pissed my grandmother off. I don’t blame her.

I was worried that my lack of wanting to be around those family members (except my cousin’s son, because I still think he’s extremely awesome) would piss off Nana. Still I’d hoped she would understand, and I think she understood my reasoning. She’s being a lot less understanding about their forgetting her 80th birthday and scheduling a vacation away from her on it. So I’m no longer feeling like the biggest fuck-up in the family. I don’t know if it makes me evil to want to do a happy dance about that, but it is the general reaction I had to finding out that I am not currently the least considerate person in our family. Sometimes a little bit of schadenfreude is good for the soul.

I do feel bad for Nana, though. No one deserves to be forgotten on their birthday, especially on one that is as huge of a milestone as this one. I have a feeling that lots of groveling will be required. Maybe Sarah Palin will hear about their plight and take them in as refugees from the wrath of the forgotten Nana.


About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.