To Wit

I have an appointment with the hematologist (or as my mom calls him, “the cancer doctor”) tomorrow. I think that tomorrow’s visit will involve some blood work, since it’s been a while since I have had any done. (Also, since it is difficult to keep track of a blood disorder without examining blood, expecting lab work seems logical.) I hope that it’s still in the non-anemic range, but, like last time, I’m worried that it won’t be. This time is different because I’ve had a few pica-ish cravings for soap again. It could just be that the soap actually smells delicious, but delicious-smelling soap is rather rare. I haven’t actually broken down and eaten any, but that’s mainly because we have liquid soap in this house instead of bar soap. (Bar soap tastes better, while liquid is more bitter and burns a bit more.) My fingernails have also had a reappearance of white spots on them, which was one of the signs last time. I hope that I’m just being super-anxious.

In mental health related news, and unrelated to this, my psychiatrist finally called back. Actually a nurse or a receptionist that works at the Mental Health Center called back. My Effexor XR prescription was about to be called in. She was worried that I had run out and that I would have to titrate up. My dose is 300 mg, and people generally go up 37.5 mg at a time, so it would have taken a while. I told her that I ran out of my own pills about a week and a half ago, but my mom happened to have some for me to take. I actually ran out of my “stash” on the 26th, so that was actually a little over two weeks ago. My mom got frustrated when I told her that I revealed that I used hers because she thought the psychiatrist (who happens to treat her as well) would get upset that she was sharing. I think that the psychiatrist will just be glad that we came up with a solution that didn’t end up involving hospitalization or an act of extreme violence.

As for the post that irked me so, I’ve reacted like that person did (overreacting, misinterpreting what was said, inferring things that were nowhere near true) toward other people, so I guess I can understand it happening. At the same time, I am horribly frustrated that what I said was so misunderstood and ended up convincing someone that I was advocating something that I would never ever advocate. I’m also beyond pissed off that said person said that I had no experience with mental illness. Sometimes I wish that were true. I have a feeling my life would be very, very different now if that were true. Actually if I had no experience with mental illness, then I wouldn’t be me, so it wouldn’t really be my life. So maybe I don’t wish that it was true.

What irks me more is that Tumblr has gone from a place where people can express their reasonable frustration towards acts of injustice to a place where there are people who go above and beyond when it comes to social justice blogging. Yes, there are bad things that go on in the world. Yes, you should stand up to the bad people. Yes, you should speak out about the bad stuff. But some of the people seem to be looking for a fight, and I’ve been there, done that, and know where that can lead. Being all rage-y can feel good at the time, but it really isn’t good. It actually can make you feel worse in the long run, and it doesn’t really help the social justice causes that people seem to be getting riled up about.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.