After the hell that was last year, I’ve decided that this year has to be better. Part of that is deciding that I have to be more positive. Being more positive is rather difficult, though, when you find out that crazy relatives are still checking in on your life.
Every few days, I check my stats and Google Analytics to see if certain people are still doing their stalking thing. Some days I can’t figure out if its them or not–especially if it is from Madison. Some days I can figure it out quite easily. This time it was a person visiting on December 31 from the small town that my aunt lives in and they came via a search engine looking for “fuzzypinkslippers”. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my aunt at her home since:
- Her home IP is blocked, so since this visitor was on a desktop or laptop, they would have needed to use that IP.
- The person used Internet Explorer on a Windows computer. (My aunt and uncle use a Mac, and they definitely don’t use IE.)
- Again, it was a desktop or laptop, and the only way that she can access in her town is via her iPhone and/or iPad. Since it didn’t come from a tablet or a phone, it couldn’t be her.
So, I’m assuming it must either be a different family member, a friend of hers, or her on a friend or family member’s computer. What’s funny is that it happened on a day where I mentioned her. Often the visits become more frequent on days when someone is mentioned or even alluded to. Whoever it is, it’s triggered that nervous, edgy feeling. I can’t keep her from watching my tweets or looking at my Tumblr, but I’m really trying to keep her from coming here or visiting my LJ/DW accounts. I don’t want her in my life with her acting the way she’s been acting.
I think that if our relationship is this toxic that she should be willing to walk away. Obviously the only way that I’m going to talk about her on here is if I keep getting word or finding out via stats that she’s doing this stuff. I can’t not express that this stuff is upsetting to me. If I do, then I’ll start suppressing that angst and fear and everything. When I do that, I endanger my mental health and stability. That isn’t a good thing. I can accept that she no longer sees herself as my aunt. I can accept that she no longer behaves in the way that a typical aunt behaves. I can accept all of that. What I can’t accept and can’t deal with is this behavior. I know that if it’s fucking with my head, it must be doing the same to hers.
Obsessing over crappy things and drama are not good things to do. It messes up a person’s mental health and can damage their physical health. If she doesn’t care about my well-being, her sister’s well-being, or her mom’s well-being (the stress touches their lives too) then the least she can do is care about her own. She needs to walk away so she doesn’t stress herself out so much. After all, we come from a family with a history of health problems that get worsened by stress. I may not like the woman anymore, but I don’t want her to get sick or anything.