Lost in Waiting 1


Yesterday was my follow-up appointment for the CT that I ended up having on Monday. As I expected, the CT showed nothing. I didn’t expect anything to have changed on it from the one that I had at the ER earlier in the year. The nurse practitioner suggested that I go back to the gastroenterologist and have him do another upper endoscopy, as well as a colonoscopy. I don’t think she knows just how reticent he is about doing any type of testing. I think that he is still of the opinion that I’m just a whiny person who looks Irish.

While waiting for the nurse practitioner to come in, I got a chance to look at my record. (I also could have looked at the record of someone with breast cancer because it had been left in the exam room that I was stowed in.) More specifically, I got the chance to take a peek at the last blood test results. Because the test result section was a bit sloppy, I didn’t notice many of the results. I did see that my chloride level has continued to rise and is now above normal. I also noticed that my white blood cell count has gotten higher again, and is now back over the the normal level.

I chickened out about giving the nurse practitioner a list of what had been bothering me recently because I thought she might think that I was just attention-seeking. My mom got upset by my not giving the list to Niki. I don’t think she understands how nervous I get about doctors and other medical professionals thinking that I’m a malingerer. I’m worried that if I give them the list that they’re going to decide that I’m a liar and that they don’t actually need to treat whatever is going on. It’s happened before. I’m sure  that it will happen again.

Anyway, I don’t have to go back to the hematologist until March. I have to have my labs done again before that appointment to see if I’m depleting iron as rapidly as I had been before the mega-dose infusion. Keep your fingers crossed that enough of the iron sticks around so that I don’t have to do another infusion.

016 Skull (posterior view) My headaches are worse than they’ve been in a while. They’re also different. There’s this spot at the back of my head, on the top, left side. (On the image, it’s pretty much in the exact same spot as the “parieral bone”, which should say parietal bone.) It doesn’t hurt there as much as it’s just very, very heavy. If I lean forward, I get a sudden rush of  intense/severe pain right above my left eye. The pain gets a bit better when I lay down flat. (If I lay on my side, my vertigo goes nuts.) I also have a very painful spot in the center of the back of my head where it meets my spine. Noises/sounds and lights drive me crazy. They’re louder (for sounds) and brighter (for lights) and it’s just too much to handle. It’s almost like with a migraine, except that it’s more intense in some ways. It reminds me of the ways my head hurt after I had sinus surgery. Except for when I’ve been asleep, it’s been an almost constant problem for about a week now. My mom told me this afternoon that I should call the neurologist, which was a bit laughable because the neurologist closes around noon on Fridays during regular weeks, so I’m assuming he probably wasn’t even there today.  She suggested I call Monday, but I’m not expecting him to be there on Christmas Eve.

Speaking of Christmas, this year will be the 3rd annual day where it’s just like any other day of the year. The first was the day that we got snowed in and my aunt’s family had Christmas without us. The second was last year when we were told that because we “got Thanksgiving” with Nana, my aunt’s family would get Christmas–because I’m such a horrible person that my aunt doesn’t trust herself to be in the same room as me. (Her words, not mine.) This year, we’re still prohibited from being in the same room together because she’s still all rage-y, plus we had Nana all summer and mom still can’t walk enough to get into Nana’s house. Basically, I’m not exactly looking forward to my favorite holiday because my favorite holiday has been wrecked for three years because of health, weather, and my being an incredibly evil human being. At least I’m not feeling as guilty about the Christmas away from family thing as I was last year.

Oh, and as for the family drama, I think that they’ve lessened their stalking of my blog, LiveJournal, and personal Tumblr. I’ve only registered one visit from them on each of those sites during the last month. That’s better than their previous creeptastic tendencies. I’m sure they’re still monitoring my Twitter account, which is part of why I haven’t tweeted as often since I found out about the old tweets being placed in Nana’s mailbox. I’ve been a lot more paranoid since finding that out. It really did a number on my mental health.


About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.


One thought on “Lost in Waiting

  • Manda

    I’m sorry you’re still having trouble with your Aunt and because of it you didn’t have the Christmas with your family that you deserved.

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