We still don’t have all of our furniture back from the storage unit of the church member, so every day I spill my 32 oz. Huntsville Hospital “cup” of water at least 4-5 times on the couch because I have no other place to put it. I can either put it on the couch next to me or put it on the floor. If I put it on the floor, I either end up forgetting about it, completely unable to reach it, or I knock it over. If I put it on the couch, it spills almost anytime I get up. And since my water is kept especially cold, it’s rather fun (sarcasm, obviously) to sit in the puddle after it spills. If we had our end tables back, I could put my water there. Or if we had my computer’s power cables back (because they got packed up, too) I could sit at my desk.
Other than the wet shorts, my day has also sucked because when I went to get on my laptop and turned on my external hard drive, it was dead. Well, not dead. More like brain dead. It still works, but it has to be formatted again. I’m considering renaming it from External Thingamabob to Pain In the Ass Twat-faced Loser, but I’m worried that somehow it might end up knowing that I’m belittling it and it will end up causing even more problems. Yes, I try to treat electronics like they have feelings. It isn’t because I’m nuts. It’s because that stupid 2001: A Space Odyssey movie that I was forced to see in 6th grade has caused me to be more respectful to computers on the off-chance that they happen to actually be psychopathic. It also made me afraid of robots. Maybe it is because I’m nuts, after all.
About the only good things that I can say about today is that for at least two days I had no family on my different websites. Of course, that brings us back to the bad day shit when I say that yesterday someone from Guntersville was on here, as was someone from Madison. The Madison person also got on my LiveJournal and my personal Tumblr yesterday. Guess what that means? Yep, they’ve passed the stalking on to other family members. Actually, if the Madison one is Eileen, then it isn’t really passing it on to new family members. After all, she was the one who called me mere hours after a January 2011 blog entry. So, Eileen or Deb or Eric or Barbara or Danny or Billy or whoever else is doing this constant monitoring crap, please get help. Your stalking behavior is seriously disturbing. And, to whoever is doing this, in case you think I’m exaggerating that this is stalking, this is the definition of stalking:
Course of conduct must be such that would cause a reasonable person to suffer substantial emotional distress and must actually cause substantial emotional distress to the individual. Course of conduct must involve a credible threat with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear of death or great bodily injury; OR to place that person in reasonable fear of the death or great bodily injury of his or her immediate family. – Berkeley Gender Equity Resource Center
And cyberstalking is:
Cyberstalking is the use of the Internet, email or other electronic communications to stalk, and generally refers to a pattern of threatening or malicious behaviors. Cyberstalking may be considered the most dangerous of the three types of Internet harassment, based on a posing credible threat of harm. Sanctions range from misdemeanors to felonies. – National Conference of State Legislatures
I have asked you to leave me alone. I’ve told you to not to read my stuff. I’ve explained the reasons why I want you out of my life, and I think I’ve made myself fairly clear that I am sick of this behavior by you guys. If it had just been the reading of my blog once a week, it wouldn’t be unnerving, but when you start checking up on me up to 19 times in one day on 1 website and setting me up to be told off on a public post on Facebook, then you’ve gone over the line. You’ve gone so far past the line that the line has become a dot to you. There are these things called boundaries. Most people have them. I understood some of the monitoring when you were first upset with me, but I have statistics that show that you guys have been doing this on an almost daily basis for at least 3 years. That means that you started this behavior in a period of time when I didn’t say a thing about you that wasn’t positive. In 2009 and 2010, I was more than nice about you guys. Now I realize that you never trusted me and you thought the best way to deal with our situation was just to sit there and watch me. That’s disgusting.
You pretend that I’m just sitting around having fun at your expense, but I’m not. You pretend that I’m not sick or that I don’t have anything wrong with me, other than your delusions that I’m evil. Well, I am sick, I have problems, and I’m not evil. You pretend that I said that I hated Will. (Of every single person in our family, I’m pretty sure that he is one of the few that I have never bashed online or off. He is the only person that whenever I would go into therapy, I would talk about how great he is and how awesome I think he is. I never said I hated him because I never have hated him. I hated being forgotten and feeling unwanted when he was born, but that wasn’t his fault and I don’t blame him for that.) You pretend that I cuss a lot. Well, I do cuss, but other family members cuss and they don’t get ratted out to other family members (i.e. Nana) for it. You pretend a lot of things are true about me that aren’t or that are gross exaggerations. You use those things to justify what you’re doing, but there is no real justification for what you do. None.
So, I will say this one last time. Leave me alone. Don’t read my stuff. Don’t talk about me. Don’t even think about me. Pretend that I never existed. Go away.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night. – Charmed
I want to enjoy my life, but until this stalking stuff ends, I have a feeling that will never happen. And it’s making my health worse. I have felt more physically and emotionally drained since that Facebook incident last week. I just want to close my eyes and pretend that the world doesn’t exist. I’ve forced myself to wake up every day since then. I’ve forced myself to get on the internet because I don’t feel particularly safe right now. I know that no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try to get these people to leave me alone that they will find some way to follow me. And that scares the hell out of me. It’s like being a kid and being convinced the boogeyman is watching. These people are my boogeyman.