I haven’t been to the dentist in a few years. That’s one of the things you just don’t do when you’re on a fixed income. Dental appointments always cost too much, so I just don’t go. When I signed up for Humana’s Medicare program, I got some (fairly crappy) dental insurance. So, I have an appointment to see family orthodontics of Flagstaff at the beginning of October, as do both of my parents. Of course, the dentist appointment will cost $80 a piece, which we thought we had covered until the electricity bill for last month ended up being 2 or 3 times what it had been the previous month. My mom called our Bishop tonight and asked if we could get money to cover our dentist appointments. The Bishop said that he thought he could work that out, but we would have to be at church tomorrow morning at 9 AM.
I don’t want to go to church. I don’t really like my church anymore. Between the politics of the church (and most of its members), the being ignored and/or bashed by various members of the church over the past few years, having people attempt to throw out (or, in some cases, actually throw out) family heirlooms, and various other things, I can’t really sit there around everyone with a smile on my face and know that they really wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if I died in some horrific way. I don’t want to be around that kind of energy at a place where you’re supposed to feel love and acceptance. Even if they’re perfectly nice tomorrow, I won’t trust it because I know that they don’t mean it. I know that in the grand scheme of things I’ve been written off by them. I don’t even think I was ever truly accepted by them.
Plus, in order to go to church tomorrow, I have to commit to sitting through 3 hours of different talks and lessons. Three hours when you’re prone to bouts of pain and other health problems is hard as hell. My anxiety and my pain levels will be through the roof. There are a few reasons that I don’t go out much, and most of them have to do with my mental and physical health. But I guess I have to take one for the team.
Can someone please come pretend to be me or at least come hold my hand for this?