So Unhappy, But Safe As Could Be

Last week I finally went to the neurologist for the worsening ice-pick-through-the-brain headaches.  I didn’t actually see him, but I did see his nurse practitioner.  She had an appointment for an MRI and another EEG set up for me, and she suggested Botox for the neck pain that comes with the headaches.  I don’t feel very safe with that idea, because though I know the Botox shots are supposed to be safe, I don’t particularly like the thought of having some part of an extremely dangerous poison injected into me.

Anyway, I had the MRI on Saturday and the EEG is scheduled for tomorrow.  I won’t find the results out until December 28, aka three days after “Christmas”—I’m not acknowledging that Christmas is even happening this year.  With the disappointment of last year and the implosion of my extended family, which apparently occurred because of what was said by me on here in 2002 and was wiped off the site and the internet entirely by the epic fail/major scamming of INI Hosting, I am not acknowledging that Christmas will even be happening this year.  I mean, I was miserable last year because we got snowed in and then this whole family-falling-apart-over-the-words-of-a-severely-depressed-eighteen-year-old-version-of-me has me hesitant to acknowledge that my favorite holiday is even going to happen this year.  It’s not like it even matters if I celebrate it or not.

Okay, I’ve gotten distracted on stuff that gets me all teary, and I hadn’t even gotten to the very best part of the medical news.  I’ve apparently lost about 50 pounds this year.  My secret, you ask?  Let’s see, eat at least 7 Cadbury Dairy Milk bars, 2 boxes of Crackerfuls, and 1 bag of bagels with regular whipped cream cheese per week & drink 1-2 Caffeine Free Cokes (2 liter variety, of course) per week, plus the occasional binge of chips, chocolate frosting, and various other unhealthy crap.  Oh, and have dinner that consists every night of the Stouffers, Walmart, and Marie Callender’s varieties of throw-in-the-oven-for-a-quick-meal-for-the-family.  And, last but not least, no exercising.  In fact, spend almost every waking minute of your life on the computer.  Yes, this is the way to lose 50 pounds quickly.  No wonder I always gained weight on diets.  I’m the opposite of normal.

Actually, I know that the junk food binge is not a good thing to do, but I’m still not ready to contact the gastroenterologist over this.  I mean, I’ve told him for years that regular food makes me sick.  But I just don’t think he’d believe that I would lose some mass amount of weight after eating unhealthy food the majority of the time.  I know that if I were a doctor, I would have a hard time believing it.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.