I feel like a little kid with her first headache. I want to whine and whimper about the pain. I feel like I should be acting pitiful, which is crazy since I’ve had headaches for over 2 decades now. I should be able to suck it up and deal with it. Of course, I wasn’t able to do that in 2000, when I had such bad “tension” headaches that I would spend long periods of time in my room with no lights on at all and nothing touching certain parts of my head. That was also when I had them to such a degree that even the school counselor thought I needed to be resting. The “tension” headaches then were one of the only physical issues that contributed to my dropping out of high school. The headaches that I’m having now are just as bad, and sometimes worse.
I think my neurologist appointment is this week. That should help me some. I hope he’ll have some ideas for what causes these awful headaches. I get migraines and even they aren’t this bad. I don’t think they’re tension headaches because, from what I’ve learned about them, tension headaches aren’t crippling. (I also think the tension diagnosis was crap back in 2000.)
The headache probably isn’t helped by the fact that I forgot to finish my (already late) dinner. I had only eaten once yesterday before I started my dinner at almost midnight. Then, I didn’t really like what I was eating (imitation crab salad with crackers), so I put it aside so that I could eat it once I got hungry enough to not care what I was shoving down my throat. Well, I forgot to shove it down my throat until four o’clock, which was about 21 hours since I had actually had a legitimate meal. I had been nauseous the entire time, but by four, I had started shaking, twitching, palpitating (it’s a word), and just feeling like shit. My muscles felt weaker and I was almost in one of those moods where my body was either going to shut down or start making me sound like someone who’d been drinking for about 10 hours straight. It was not pleasant and it was getting less pleasant by the minute. So, I ate the rest of my dinner quickly, shoved some other high-carb crap down, and basically tried to swig anything that had even a slight amount of sugar.
My sugar doesn’t feel so low now. Actually, it feels like I overcompensated. So, instead of having the typical nausea of hunger, I am now having the gagging feeling that I assume children get on Halloween when they toss their twenty pounds of candy in their mouths without thinking. Yeah, it’s that unpleasant feeling that was described in the episode “The Almost People” from Doctor Who:
I expect chocolate for breakfast. If you don’t feel sick by mid-morning you’re not doing it right.
Of course, mine isn’t from jumping on the bed on my birthday or eating chocolate for “breakfast” so it isn’t exactly the same, but it is pretty close to what happened, so it’ll do. And I guess it serves me right because I know better than to completely or almost completely skip eating meals. I’ve had low sugar issues for almost as long as I’ve had headaches, so I should know how how to not abuse my body in such severe ways.