I am not your [insert something or someone here] 2

I don’t usually cuss (on Facebook and in real life) and I don’t usually cuss at friends or family, unless I am either really pissed off or am in other heightened state. I try to be nice. I try to keep my temper in check, but I am so sick of some people.

Every time that I complain or say anything that doesn’t support their ideals, I get the same two or three people coming and telling me that I am undeserving of, well, anything. Usually, they are trying to tell me how they know exactly what I can physically and mentally do, and then they use some kind of guilt trip (a comparison to someone is the typical form of guilt that they use) to make me feel bad about things I do. And I understand that they typically think that this is a wake-up call and that they are helping to show me the error of my ways, but usually it just leads to me crying and then writing some long, hateful/bitchy/whiny response to their statement. I end up feeling horrible for being alive and they end up thinking even less of me because I don’t agree with them. Then things go back to normal until I say something else.

It almost feels like some of these friendships or family relationships are based on this abusive pattern. I state my opinion, usually with attitude for emphasis. They tell me how I am ignorant/uninformed/lazy I am. I feel like shit and lash back. I then realize that they only get mad at me because I opened my mouth/mind up to them in the first place, and I start thinking that the whole reason that it starts is that I am some horrible person that should keep her mouth shut so that this kind of thing won’t happen. Basically, I justify what they do by taking the blame on myself completely. That isn’t healthy, and I know that that isn’t healthy. I mean, I’ve been in therapy for 20 years and there is one thing that I have learned: I am only responsible for my own actions and not someone else’s. I have over 900 friends on Facebook, and a majority of them are conservative, church-going people who grew up in middle-class and upper-class families. If every person who disagreed with me was going to do so to this extent (thus making it seem more justified), then I would have hundreds of people telling me off every single time I say anything, but it doesn’t happen that way. It’s generally two or three people. So, that means that the relationships there are unhealthy.

So, I unfriended someone that I’ve known since middle school, but who only brings the drama. I also unfriended someone who is the daughter of Dadada’s least favorite sibling and the mother of one of the cousins who decided to be trolls and post the video of me singing on Tosh.O’s website. I needed to unfriend Alan, the friend, because he won’t let go of the privileged South Huntsville mentality, even though he isn’t privileged anymore. I needed to unfriend Leigh Ann because I am sick of her using her being shot by her ex-husband and coming from an abusive relationship to justify why she’s able to work and how that makes me lazy. As I told her:

You got shot and you still work? Pin a rose on your freaking nose. You aren’t me. I am so sick of having to hear about you getting shot. You were in an abusive relationship. Who in the Morris family hasn’t been in one? Why do you think you were attracted to an abusive personality? Growing up with severely dysfunctional families does that to a person. I got all kinds of abuse from my grandfather (your uncle), but I don’t go around talking about what happened with him on here constantly because I know that there are some things that I don’t want to say with his siblings and his daughter and my cousins and his nieces and nephews. If I went over the abuse every single time I was trying to prove a point, then it would just make me seem even more whiny than I already am.

I need to figure out who I need in my life. I need to let go of those who I don’t. And the one thing that keeps me from doing that is that I’m just afraid that I’m going to end up letting go of people who I do need and keeping the ones that I don’t because I’ll have some sick need to be reminded just how much I (and they) think I suck.

I need to remember what Heather said, in response to their comments:

The fact is no able bodied person, and not every disabled person, can accurately tell a disabled person how to run their life. Each disability is different even if it concerns the exact same health condition or disability, and quite frankly no one who has not got a chronic health condition has any comprehension of just how difficult life is for someone who has – no matter how sympathetic they try to be.

I think that is one of the wisest things that I’ve seen in a long time, especially when it comes to chronic illness.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

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