Daily Archives: September 2, 2011

fatvirginsuicide: fuckyeahiamthedriver: DO NOT LET OTHERS MAKE YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU ARE WORTHLESS. DO NOT LET THEM MAKE YOU UNHAPPY, DO NOT LET THEM BULLY, ABUSE AND PUSH YOU AROUND. DO NOT LET PEOPLE DESTROY YOUR DREAMS, AND RUIN YOUR LIFE Life is short, too short in fact to live it in anger and fear, I know from experience. I was angry for 16 years because I was abused for 13 of those years, and bullied for 15 of them. I’ve been called every word in the book, and been punched, kicked, had my head bashed in…I’ve even had my arm lit on fire. I’ve been through heel in some respects and yet I’m still here, I’m still kicking and living life to the fullest. You want to know my secret? Letting it go.  You can do 2 things in life, you can either live your life unhappily and in anger and fear, insecurity and frustration…or you can live it happily, to the fullest and without a care in the world. I went with Option 2. I have been happy for the past 6 days. First, learn to be happy with who you are. Look past what people hate/dislike about you and find out what you like about yourself, and treasure those things. Sometimes it’s the shit people hate that we love the most about ourselves, and those are called flaws and quirks. They are what makes us who we are. They define us as human beings. We all have them, and those who are willing to admit they have them are far better off then those who choose to deny it. The truth hurts sometimes, but we all have to face the facts that we are not perfect. NOBODY IS PERFECT!!! Second, learn to let go. Honestly if you let this shit bottle up inside of you to the point where you get angry, or self-harm or worse..you’re not scoring yourself any brownie points. You’re just fucking yourself over in the end. All that animosity and anger do is make you feel like shit, and it leads to depression and outburst of violence, insecurities, and behaviour that doesn’t make sense, like sleeping around or doing drugs because the make you feel better. They kill the pain. Or sex is the closest thing to loving someone or feeling important to someone you can get. The drugs fry your mind, and you feel at ease…until it wears off, you crash and fucking burn…and in the end…YOU ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SHIT!!!  LEARN TO LET GO, forgive and forget, because the sooner you can do that the sooner your happiness will come. Learn from your mistakes and realize that those mistakes helped shape you into who you are today. Realize that life is worth living in happiness, to fullest for as long as you can. Life is too fucking short to let it all go to waste. THIS.


I was going to call the doctor on Thursday, but I apparently slept through quite a bit of it. I didn’t call the doctor today either. Somehow, it just slipped my mind. It seemed like I would do okay, but about an hour and half ago, my coughing fits seemed to get worse. I also noticed that I had started wheezing. So, I have to try to make it through the weekend, which is going to be fun since clinics and physicians’ offices will be closed Monday for Labor Day. If I get too wheezy or short of breath, then I will go to the ER. (Of course, the thought of doing that on a holiday weekend is a bit scary.) Another scary thing will be happening this weekend, the beginning of college football. While I am okay with expressing adoration towards the Auburn football team when they aren’t playing, I am terrified during the games. My dad, the Auburn superfan, will possibly get angsty or even extremely angry. If the game doesn’t go well, then he will complain quite a bit. I hope it goes well. Last year’s season was relatively smooth for us, but that makes sense because Auburn ended up winning the National Championship. While it is possible for them to win again this year, I know that it is not something that I should just expect to happen. Oh, in happier news, earlier this week TIME magazine asked their Twitter followers what their favorite non-fiction books were. I, of course, said that Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel was my favorite book. Since she has a Twitter account, I also mentioned her account in the response. Anyway, she thanked me. So, this is one of those moments that I am squeeing like an absolute fangirl. I’ve had celebrities add me on Twitter or respond to things that I say before, but I don’t think that I have ever gotten a response from someone I consider to be one of my absolute favorite writers. I know that she can be a controversial person and that some people think that she is whiny or self-involved or various other unfriendly descriptions, but this was the first woman (outside of my family) that I had seen go through some of the very same mental health issues that I had been going through. It helped me to feel like I wasn’t alone and that such intense bouts of depression and mood swings weren’t something that were just isolated to families in the southeastern United States. Her books inspired me to start talking even more openly about my problems, so I really admire her. In non-health, non-sports, and non-Twitter related “news”, lately Xander (my 11-year old dachshund/golden retriever mix) has been super cuddly. He always liked to be cuddled when he was younger, but after we got Molly (and the other girls) he just kind of started hiding out. Now, he’s decided to get in any laps that he can get in. It is really nice, because I missed having him in my lap during his almost total boycott of lap-lounging. (He would get up in my lap every once in a while, or he would get where he knew I would be sitting and guilt me into picking him up and holding him. The latter was a lot less common, because it took a lot out of me.) Anyway, him being in my lap so much has kind of lowered my stress and anger levels, which is pretty damn cool. Of course, I’m still a frustrated, angry girl sometimes, but I feel a lot calmer than I have in a very long time. And he actually calmed my dad down the other day, which was nice to see.  I just hope that this isn’t some sudden shift in mood that indicates something is wrong with him.  I’m hoping that it just means that he missed being cuddled. Oh, last week, Nana called and said that my aunt (the one that still isn’t communicating with me) had laser eye surgery.  She apparently had a retinal detachment or tear.  Her normal eye doctor didn’t think anything major was wrong, but she started having floaters plus flashers in her vision so she went to a clinic in Birmingham and found out what was going on.  I’m glad that the Birmingham doctor figured it out.  Not treating retinal detachments/tears can cause very serious problems. My mom has also had some (not-so-fun) health issues lately.  She’s always got health problems going on, but the past two days, she has woken up with a blood sugar reading under 65.  Last night, she lowered her nightly insulin dose a little, but her sugar was lower today than it was yesterday.  I really hope that she isn’t going to have another bout of hypoglycemia.  I had hoped that she might consider at least calling a nurse at the UAB Clinic to see if they had any ideas for how she could keep her blood sugar high enough so that she didn’t risk going back into a low blood sugar state.  I guess she wants to give it time.  I shouldn’t critique that decision, since I’ve put off getting help for my own issues so many times. Oh, if you aren’t living in the southeastern part of the United States, then you might not know that there is a Tropical Storm in the Gulf of Mexico.  Tropical Storm Lee is right under Mobile, and it is practically sitting there, not moving much at all.  That might not seem major to those of you who saw how stalling out basically weakened Hurricane Irene, but in the Gulf of Mexico there is a lot warmer water.  The storm can probably sit just off the coast for 72-hours and still get stronger, then come inland and cause major damage.  So, I’m hoping that it isn’t too bad.  On the other hand, it would be nice to have some rain around here.  I just hope […]

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