Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
This answer really depends on the day. Some days I’ll hate my quick temper. Others I’ll hate how I have let so many people walk all over me. I think that I probably always hate my weight, so can I say that for today? My weight has been something that has pretty much always been an issue.
That picture is from Easter of 1986, when I was 2 years old. My weight wasn’t really bad then. It started getting worse as the next year or so went by. My mom has always said that my weight sped up around the time I started opening the fridge. She said that I used to eat cheese like crazy as a kid, which I believe since it’s been something I’ve always felt compelled to do.
That’s me at around 3. I know it’s from when I was 3, but I’m not sure at what point it was taken. And the next is when I was nearing 4.
Those years were kind of hard ones for my family. At three, my mom and I were in a fairly serious car accident. I had a concussion, but my mom had what was basically a severely dislocated shoulder. She had to have surgery to rebuild her shoulder, and she couldn’t really do much in that time. A few months later, I had to go to the hospital for my asthma, and after that my weight started going higher and higher quite rapidly.
By the time I was 7, I weighed way too much, but the doctors weren’t acting really concerned at this point. There was more concern over the control of my asthma and no medical professional suggested that I try to lose weight until around the time I was 10. My grandfather, of course, made the suggestions through his cruel comments.
At 10, I started to a special weight loss program through Huntsville Hospital that was for tweens & teens (along with their parents). Once a week, we had to go to classes with other overweight & obese kids. We’d get weighed. I think that at that point, I was almost five feet tall and 175 pounds. While I was in the class, which lasted about 3 months, I lost less than 10 pounds and I was following the diets really well.
My weight kept going up as the years passed. By the time I was 13, it was at about 225, with my height being about 5’3″. I was on my third or fourth type of diet through a registered dietitian by this time. My weight would go down 1 pound a week, then go up 2 the next.
At sixteen, I was about to head into the hardest emotional time period I had ever gone through. I was already feeling severely limited by my weight. I had never dated, kissed anyone, etc. I thought I was horribly ugly and undeserving of any kind of positive attention. I was also at about 275 pounds and 5’5″ here. I would gain 50 pounds over the next 9 months, most of it within weeks of starting on a constantly increasing amount of psychiatric medicines (started with Paxil, then added Xanax and Zyprexa, and finally added Celexa). I was also a high school student when that picture was taken, and within about 6 months of the picture, I was a high school dropout.
At nineteen, I hit my highest weight (to that point), which was 341.3 pounds. I had gastric bypass surgery that year. I began to lose the weight. And by 22, I was at around 195-205 pounds.
But a year later, I had already regained much of that weight back. And at 27, I hover between 330 and 345 pounds. (It’s different at every appointment.)
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself