The world will end with the fall of a shoebox

BTW – this is a parody of coreyconstable.com’s post.

So I have determined that I know what’s going to happen to the entire world.  Why?  Well, sometimes I have bad dreams and they come true.  I mean, they did for things like 9/11 and stuff, so you have to pay attention to me.

What’s going to happen?  Well, first there’s going to be some kind of thing where Alexander Skarsgård has sex with all the fan girls.  It was in my dream, so I know it’s true.  And after that Kate Bosworth is going to declare all of the fan girls more beautiful than she could ever imagine being.  That wasn’t in my dream, but I’m sure that it was in someone else’s.  (Anyone?)

And then there will be a bunny rabbit that sets houses on fire, because let’s face it, if a bunny rabbit is in a dream, then bad shit will happen.  It’s just completely logical, amirite?

Oh, and the worst part!  When you go to buy your parents that crappy card that you have to get them because your iPhone bill is too high, the store you’re in will implode because of its level of awesomeness.  I mean, that’s bound to happen, right?

A weird looking horse will begin to talk and it’ll want to have something to do with a guy named Wilbur, and he’ll say his name is Ed, but don’t believe him.  He’s really just an alien that looks like a horse sent from whatever the hell planet Camilla Parker-Bowles comes from.

Oh, and you know that fake ONTD post about the Jo-bros sex scandal?  Well, that won’t be the worst of the shit that’s gonna hit the fan.  We’ll find out that lots of the people in Hollywood have sex with lots of the other people in Hollywood, and none of them really seem to care because according to Fox News, there is some declining level of morality in this country.  I’m sure that Glenn Beck said it some time, and Sarah Palin backed him up.  They were on TV so, they’ve got their shit correct, right?

Oh, and wikipedia will probably have entries that fortell of some kind of oncoming storm.  Don’t worry, because there’s a doctor in the house who can fix that up so that the world doesn’t flood or anything like that.  And if he doesn’t, then remember to ask some guy named Noah to start building a boat.  And if the boat doesn’t look big enough, then remember to tell him that you think we’re gonna need a bigger boat.

So, what am I forgetting?  Oh, Manolo Blahnik will go belly up!  Why?  Well, you see illegal immigration is a big as fuck problem in America, and other places.  And when Americans figure out that Manolo Blahnik has a history of Hispanic ancestry, then shit’s just gonna be flying every which way.  We’ll, of course, bomb Mexico because we won’t realize that it’s a Spanish name and not a Mexican one, then we’ll claim that they all look the same.  (That’s how we roll, after all.)  Of course, that will cause a shitstorm when Bush starts to run from his hidey-hole in Texas because of the fallout cloud.  He’ll head north, and no state will take him because they all know that he’s just a glorified idiot.  Eventually, he’ll get to Canada, and they’ll end up doing some crazy shit to him that we won’t even hear about for a few weeks or months because Canada and American networks don’t always communicate with the bestest of skillz.  Anyway, by the time that we hear about it, the great and magnificent navy of the Canary Islands will come to kill us because that just sounds really logical and smart and stuff.

You better get your passports, your visas, and your tin-foil hats because they’re gonna be rapin’ e’er’body up in here soon, y’all.

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Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.