Guy on car commercial: They say good things come to those who wait.
(Commercial Guy points at the car)
Me: Nope, they’re talking about people who are waiters and waitresses, and what they get.
Dad: You mean laid off?
Me: Yep.

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Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.