I’m Damn Sure It’s More Than You 2

Facebook was one of those things that I hesitated on joining on at first for two reasons:

  1. I hate social interactions.
  2. I hate doing whatever the in thing is.

But sometime in 2007, I joined. Most of the other folks I knew in college had already joined. Hell, most of my friends from earlier in life, including the ones who claimed to be illiterate when it came to computer stuff, were members. Still, I joined. I joined and figured that maybe it wouldn’t be something that would last long. (I kind of figured that about Twitter and Tumblr, too.)

Instead of it collapsing in on itself, it grew. It grew to a point where not only were my friends from all levels of school on it, but so were people who I’d babysat when I was younger. Then, there were the younger members of my family, including the ones who are under the required 13 due to COPPA. Then, to my horror (at first), my aunts, uncles, and eventually even my dad.

The interactions on there have gotten more and more difficult. Yeah, it’s fun to look at pictures from your youth and see how everyone has changed. Yeah, it’s fun to talk to relatives who have never really had that much to do with you. Yeah, it’s fun to be the only one in your family who has specific lists set up so that some people can’t see some things that are posted.

What isn’t fun about Facebook? Let’s see.

It isn’t fun to get on there and see that people that I’ve babysat are married. It’s even worse to see that some of them have kids. People younger than me who are married and have children. This makes me feel kind of like a human failure. When I found out that Stephanie had 3 kids already, and I know that she’s 3 years younger than me, I was quite jealous.

It isn’t fun to watch each crush from my youth go from “In a Relationship” to “Engaged” to “Married” to the fun little statuses when they say, “Guess what, guys?! We’re gonna have a baby.” This is when the anxiety and fear begin to enter my life and I start wondering if I’m going to be some kind of crazy cat lady.

It isn’t fun to realize that the only reason that those once-unknown family members are talking to you is that they want you to be their neighbor on Farmville, Cafe World, Vampire Wars, etc. The only way that you’re even a valid interaction is when you might benefit their gaming needs.

Secondary note: it isn’t fun to realize that gaming addictions come quite naturally in one side of my family. I can now understand why the majority of my interactions with my dad as a child were doing computer games.

Basically, it isn’t fun to get on there and realize that the only people who I actually don’t end up feeling like a failure around are the people that I was already talking to–the internet people. I mean, the people who make me feel best when I get on there are my girls and guys that I’ve met over the years on the internet. These are the people who don’t make me feel like a failure. Even when some of them end up in relationships or having kids, I don’t feel like I’ve suddenly been dropped off in some world I’m not prepared for. I’m okay with people who I didn’t grow up with having kids and getting married. It doesn’t make me upset.

Maybe that means that I’m crazier than I thought. Maybe I’m just really jealous. Maybe I’m annoyed. Maybe I’m pathetic. I know, I sound pathetic.

Eh, I’ll get over it.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.

2 thoughts on “I’m Damn Sure It’s More Than You

  • Jenn
  • Tess

    I don’t think you should feel jealous – you are your own person, and you’ve dealt with life differently than they have, and have been through things different than they have. I think having kids under 25 is too young – that’s so terrible of me! 😛 We’re all growing up still, I think, and this is coming from a person who was an adult at 13-years-old.

    I’ve always felt like a failure to people I know in real life, but it’s not family oriented. I just got into enrolling into college, when I should’ve technically been a junior already; I’ve never had a job due to my chronic anxiety, and I don’t party or drink or do anything that everyone my age is doing. I think online, we give a little of ourselves we deny those offline, because we know in a lot of people, we receive unconditional love, love that wasn’t held to a standard of succeeding past anything that was the “norm”.

    … I don’t even know with that, but I don’t think you’re pathetic, whether you feel these things or not, and you better not feel that way. ♥

Comments are closed.