Get Back, You Don’t Know Me Like That

My VNG test results and Cortisol results have come back normal. The neurologist is sending me back to my ENT to do an ECOG Test. An ECOG is an electrocochleography, which is a test used to examine electrical potentials in the ear. It’s another test for Meniere’s. So, I’ll have yet another test to do over the next few weeks.

I know that I have a tendency to rant in here about things, and it seems like I place blame on person after person in my life or near my life. Sure, sometimes I’ll blame people for things that aren’t their faults, but my recent post about the Wal-Mart and Target issues were not one of those instances. I certainly didn’t expect that by ranting about those things that someone that I’ve always respected would make the following tweet and comment on the blog:

i cannot stand it when people use excuses. i just cant stand it. take fucking responsibility, stop playing victim, stop using excuses. guys dont need scooters. This is such a peeve of mine, and I am deeply sorry if this offends. Overweight people on scooters. Yeah yeah, youve got this problem and than problem…honestly, though, a good number of those issues could be eliminated if you lost weight. Walking around Walmart to get your items as opposed to using a scooter is probably a good thing.

Now, I’m glad that people can feel so certain about themselves that they can make this kind of assumption about people. I know that people think that I’m lazy, and that people think my mom is lazy because she uses the scooter thing at those stores. I’m not lazy, though. The complaints I made about Wal-Mart and Target had nothing to do with me lacking responsibility or playing victim or making excuses. My refusal to do certain activities has nothing to do with playing victim or using excuses either.

I try to deal with my life with as good of an attitude as possible. I try to take care of myself as best I can. Sure, lately I’ve eaten a lot of stuff that isn’t good for me. Why? Well, if I eat meat, I’m sick; if I eat vegetables or fruit, I’m sick; if I eat certain breads, I’m sick. So, I try to do empty calories so that I can make it through the day. I don’t overdo the calorie count while I’m doing things, and I do just enough so that I know that I’ll get by. When I eat the foods I’m supposed to eat, I end up getting more dehydrated and losing more electrolytes than I normally do.

I know that I don’t exercise. I’m fairly well aware of that. I also know that it isn’t as simple as me going and swimming (I can’t swim, btw) or walking or anything like that. I was talking to the physical therapist about that yesterday, and she had a very good explanation. The reason that I feel too tired to do normal things is that my heart is working too hard. I’ve heard that from doctors before I had the gastric bypass and after I had lost the weight. My heartbeat has always been faster than normal. When I was a kid, this kind of thing would happen whenever I took asthma medicine, and it baffled the doctors then.

Now, I know that it seems like it would be simple for me to go and change the facts by doing things, and I would love to change those damn facts. I don’t want to feel this way. I really don’t. I miss actually having somewhat of a life. I miss being able to go places. I miss being able to do things. I miss feeling like a damn human being.

If people want to make judgments about me or my life, though, then that’s not really my issue. If you want to think that I’m lazy and that I enjoy being some couch potato, then go ahead. If you want to think that I never take responsibility for things that I cause, then go ahead. I’m not going to apologize for my life. I’m not going to apologize for things that are not in my control. I’m also not going to apologize for offending people who don’t even have to pay attention to what I say to begin with. If you think that I’m causing you some kind of issue by “playing victim”, then take some responsibility and don’t read things that are going to piss you off. You have a choice to read what I say. You don’t have to make that choice.

About Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.