Monday was supposed to be my appointment to see the bariatric surgeon to talk about getting the procedure done to shrink the stoma (the part connecting the intestines and the stomach) so that I could get back to the smaller Janet. My mom and I talked last week, and she said that since I’ve been having so many health issues lately that I probably shouldn’t be looking into that procedure right now. She said that since I know that my health issues put me at higher risks for complications that I should basically be trying to limit the whole tempations of fates.
I know that she’s right. I knew when I made the appointment that it’s dangerous to have any medical procedure. I run the risk of reacting badly to the medicines or having some kind of reaction to the equipment. It took me almost a month to get over the headaches related to my sinus surgery. I can’t imagine what having my stomach worked on again could cause, in terms of pain and fatigue. Still, I want to be fixed. Even though I gave up a pursuit of a “normal” life a long time ago, I would still like to be healthier. I don’t see that happening with my body as fucked up as it seems to be lately.
If you’re thinking of recommending for me to exercise, don’t. I was going to walk the dogs yesterday. Gretchen’s walk was fine, but when I was bringing her inside, Alice was at the door and ran out. My dad had gotten up in the mean time, and I just handed the leash for Gretchen to my dad and took off after Alice. About 7 houses down, at the other end of our block, I finally caught up with her. Luckily, she’s the lightest, so I just had to corner her and scoop her up. I kind of regretted picking her up within a few minutes. My back and hip were already hurting, because anytime I walk down our street, I end up in pain. Either my hip/back area will hurt, or I will feel like someone is stabbing me in the ribs. I can’t do certain other forms of exercise due to the wear and tear that has already been done on my body, and then some are just physically impossible in other manners. I feel like I’m stuck in some kind of rut. It’s like I’m being forced to take a backseat to my own life.
My dad ended up having to walk Molly, Xander, and Willow, after he brought me a leash for Alice. I felt bad that he was having to do it, since I knew he was in some pretty heavy duty pain. (He had gone to the hospital on Monday for abdominal pain, which ended up being a 4mm kidney stone. He’s still in pain, so I’m trying to lighten his load as much as possible.) My mom isn’t really able to help with the walking duty because she just got cleared to walk sans boot for the first time in months. (Her doctor told her at the end of the week last week that she had finally healed from the break in October and the two surgeries.)
I’m still waiting on the lab results to come back from the massive blood draw. I called the neurologist on Friday and left a message with the nurse. It said that on Fridays to expect it to take until Mondays. Well, since Sunday was the fourth, and due to the whole “we’re American so we have to drink ourselves silly for any holiday” tradition, most professional offices were closed on Monday. She didn’t call yesterday either. I could take no call to mean that there’s nothing to tell. I could assume that maybe there is something to tell. I could assume that maybe the results aren’t in. I could just assume that she’s busy. No matter which path my mind takes, I find myself worrying. I’m such a worrywort sometimes that I just about drive myself completely insane.
I’m in the process of changing up passwords and email addresses after the whole gmail hacking thing. I still don’t get how my account ended up getting compromised. I don’t click links in emails. Hell, I don’t usually click links from people I trust in other places either. I don’t give out passwords freely. I don’t give out personal details that easily, and I know that the hacker couldn’t have known the answer to my security question since no one has the answer except me. It’s all very baffling. Any way, whoever did it, sent 2 emails with links in them to every person that I had contacted. (Oddly, it didn’t send them to anyone listed in my address book, just other contacts.) Don’t click them.
I haven’t had to do a massive identity change thing since the time my boards were hacked back in 2002. At that time, I began to loathe and despise XMB because I got targeted as a part of someone’s vendetta against them. I have no idea what led to this, but I don’t see it as being any more personal.