A Million Theories

I had my rheumatologist appointment about 12 hours ago. The doctor didn’t know what would cause the toe swelling/redness/itching. He added some extra meds for pain relief, and I guess I can officially acknowledge that I’m on something for pain. Of course, my pain management meds aren’t the kind that get you all dopey and stuff. I guess that’s good, since those are the ones that make me hyperactive.

I had gained 9 pounds since he last saw me. He didn’t fuss. He doesn’t usually fuss. He seems to get that I don’t want to be overweight. I wish other doctors were so understanding.

He looked over my request for student loan discharge, and he said that he’ll fill it out, but first I have to have some kind of physical exertion test. (He wants to be able to tell them exactly what I can and can’t do, and not lie about it.) He also advised me to take a copy to the psychiatrist to get them to fill it out, since he said that that should help my case. The only problem with that is that I’m about to start to a new psychiatrist, and typically when I see a doctor for the first few times, they don’t believe that there is anything wrong with me. I don’t really get that. I guess they have this belief that if you have certain symptomatology then you present in a standard way. Typically, therapists are the first ones to understand that I’m not a standard case kind of girl. Maybe since the new pdoc is one I’ve seen before, who (on her first visit with me) wanted to have me locked up, she’ll actually believe that I’m a loon or something.

There was a report on the news last night, which I found a bit annoying. The investigative reporter keeps bringing up safety issues that she says exist at UAH, which don’t really seem that different from anything I’ve encountered in various educational settings in my life. This time she brought up the bitchy philosophy teacher. Apparently, there was a student who (a week after the shooting) said something about maybe he’d get respect if he brought a pistol to class. She gave all these details about the student, because some was public record (and other stuff had been leaked to her), but she didn’t disclose the professor. She did say that the professor was a female philosophy teacher. Even if I hadn’t (briefly) been in that program, I could have easily found out who the teacher was. That department is relatively small. Of the 8 or 9 professors that might teach in a given semester in the department, only 4 are regulars, and only 1 from the entire group is female. That would be the professor that led to me dropping Modern Philosophy. She called my papers bizarre. She’s also the professor who kicks students out of class for disagreeing with her, and all that fun stuff. Basically, if you write down what she says word for word and don’t question anything, you can pass. Since I’m of the opinion that part of learning (especially in something like Philosophy) requires insight and thought, I knew quickly that we weren’t destined to be super-buds. With her classes being required for the major, I determined that that wasn’t the major. Admittedly, I didn’t vocalize any intent to harm her, but I can’t say that I didn’t idly think about it. Mainly I just wanted to slap her or something like that. I have a feeling that most people who have a tendency to disagree with this particular professor have the same experience. Back to the whole issue, I emailed her and told her that this wasn’t the first time that that professor had had issues with students in her class, and I felt that it was a bit lopsided to present her as a victim. We’ve emailed back and forth a couple of times, and now she wants me to tell her more. It kind of makes me uncomfortable. I know I brought the whole thing up with her, and if I felt that her intentions were more than just getting some kind of journalistic gold star, I might feel more free to discuss it. Besides, what if what I said had some kind of negative impact on someone else’s life? I would actually feel guilty. My conscience can be abnormally restrictive sometimes.

Oh, I still have no clue when I’ll see Eclipse, so I’m basically trying to avoid all social networking until then. I know that this will post on a few places, but I thought I’d explain why I was kind of in absentia. I know that I’ve read the books, but I still have this fear of being spoiled or hearing something that might effect how I feel about the movie. Since it happens to be the one based on my favorite book in the series, then I kind of have this fear of being semi-spoiled.

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Janet Morris

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I've got as many college credits as a doctorate candidate, and the GPA of some of them, too. I have a boss by the name of Amy Pond. She's a dachshund. My parents both grew up in Alabama.