My mother asked me about an hour ago if I hated her. I told her that I didn’t She asked why I act like I resent her. I told her because I’m sick of doing things for her every second of the day. I told her that I’m sick of having to hear about what is wrong with her and how she can’t do things, and how it seems like it doesn’t matter if there is anything wrong with me because her problems are always more important. I told her everything I’ve wanted to tell her, accompanied with everything I’ve said a million times before, but that has been disregarded, as I know what I said today will be. Her response, other than the usual “it sounds like we need family counseling” was “you’re really messed up”. She also told me that I made her feel bad. I laughed and told her that that never flew when I would say that to her because she always said that no one else is responsible for my feelings than me…so if anyone made her feel bad then it was her. She said she would own her emotions if I would own saying something that led to them. I told her that I would own saying something that I should have told her my whole life.
Now, she’s pouting. She talks about me to my father occasionally like I’m not in the room. Apparently, I’m only here when she needs something. How refreshing to know something (that I already suspected).
Of course, I’m sure someone will wonder why I don’t move out.
- This is my house.
- I’ve looked into HUD housing for the disabled…and it is not viable.
- If I don’t live here and take care of my parents, they won’t take care of themselves. My dad won’t cook, even though he can, and he’s liable to treat my mother worse if I’m gone. As for her, she’s liable to cause him to go completely insane with her incessant nagging.
Well, tomorrow, what I’ve said today won’t matter. Actually, within 3 hours, everything will have been forgotten, when she reminds us that we have to go to the grocery store, because she can’t. Actually, I have to go no matter how I feel because if I don’t, then my father has told me that I will be responsible for everything in the house and that he’ll leave. (Tempting.) So, I have no choice.